A/N: This is the silliest crossover I've ever written, I'll tell you that much. If you like it, be sure to leave a review!
Disclaimer: I don't own Fairly Odd Parents or Phoenix Wright.
"Alright, smart guy, what are your three wishes this time?" Norm asked indignantly, his arms crossed. With a vaguely frustrated glare down at Timmy, the genie added, "And seriously, you probably want to do the teeth thing." He quickly put on a sly grin, sure that Timmy wouldn't be able to trick him. After all, he was the trickiest, most devious being around! (Or, at least, so he thought.)
Timmy stared blankly up at Norm. He wracked his brain for an answer, throwing an aside glance at his trapped fairy godparents every so often. "Come on now, kid! Try to outwit me. You can do it!" Norm continued, still grinning. "And by that, I mean, you cannot do it!"
"He's right," Timmy said to himself, "I can't, not by myself! If I'm going to get Cosmo and Wanda back and undo all of Norm's tricks, I'm going to need someone as dishonest and devious as a fifty-thousand year old magical jerk!" For a brief moment he was sure the situation was hopeless. But Timmy Turner still had one last trick up his short pink sleeve...
"I WISH I HAD A LAWYER!"
Norm froze for a moment. A lawyer? That could be the one wish that would finally bring him down! But no...Norm had a trick of his own. His confident grin returned, he gave a casual shrug, and he snapped his fingers.
GONG!
The single bang of the gavel rang out the courtroom. All of the onlookers fell silent.
"The court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Timmy Turner," the judge said, casting his gaze around the room.
"The prosecution is ready, Your Honor." Miles snarled rather distastefully at his rival. Defending a ten-year-old child was unthinkable in his mind. This boy would crumble quickly and easily; victory was assured. Had Wright really sunken so low?
"The defense is, er, ready, Your Honor." Phoenix returned Miles's glare with a shaky grin. He could already feel his nerves frying under that icy stare of Edgeworth's, but he truly believed from the bottom of his heart that his client was innocent. Why would such a young boy commit such a heinous crime? The notion was ridiculous.
"Mr. Wright, you seem nervous!" the judge said with a bewildered glance toward the defense's bench. "Is everything alright?"
"Uh, yes, Your Honor," Phoenix said. He raked a hand through his spikes of hair and took a deep breath to collect himself. "I'm fine."
The judge nodded, satisfied with the response, and looked over to the other side of the courtroom. "Mr. Edgeworth, your opening statement."
"Yes, Your Honor," Miles said, a clear, confident tone lacing his voice. "The defendant has a long-standing rivalry with the victim. The evidence is doubtless, the motive is clear, and-"
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?" Timmy shouted, causing Miles to flinch backwards at being interrupted so rudely. The prosecutor bit back a slew of insults and just barely maintained his composure. He was thankful that no one was close enough to hear his teeth grinding.
"Timmy, shhh!" Wanda whispered from her hiding place on a sheet of paper on the bench. "You're in a court of law!"
Phoenix looked over at his client, his nerves tighter than ever. More and more, the attorney was starting to think Timmy was clinically insane. As if wearing such an unprofessional pink ensemble wasn't enough, he had a tendency to talk to inanimate objects in hushed tones wherever he went. They even seemed to argue fiercely sometimes! Not to mention that when Phoenix had asked him where he was from, his shaky tone just reeked of lies. But no! Phoenix couldn't doubt his client, that could only lead to a guilty verdict.
"But what's going on?" Timmy whispered down to his godparents, temporarily transformed into doodles on the corner of a very important-looking legal document that, of course, was entirely fake.
"Isn't it obvious?" Wanda asked. "Norm gave you a lawyer, sure, but he tricked you again. I told you, genies are devious!" The pink-haired fairy sighed to herself, eliciting an annoyed roll of the eyes from her husband.
"Nag nag nag nag nag," Cosmo jeered playfully. "Bring on the witnesses! Don't forget to shout 'OBJECTION' whenever they say something." He grinned widely. Wanda bonked him on the head with her wand. "Ow! What was that for?" Cosmo asked, staring at Wanda like a lost puppy.
Phoenix cleared his throat rather loudly, attempting to get Timmy's attention. There he went again, talking to a piece of paper. And whatever it was saying was apparently somewhat annoying.
Timmy looked up, startled, and reflexively slammed his hands over the sheet, leading to shouts of pain from both his godparents. Timmy chuckled nervously. He suddenly realized that everyone was staring at him.
"What is it, Mr. Turner?" the judge asked. "That's one interesting paper you've got there."
"Oh, uh, it's nothing!" Timmy stammered. He put on his best innocent grin.
Miles shrugged and shook his head, a rather famous gesture. "The defendant is clearly unstable, Your Honor." The prosecutor slammed one hand on the bench, making Timmy jump and nearly fall off the stack of phone books he was standing on. "The murderer in this case could not be more obvious!"
The onlookers in the gallery started their chatter, many of them murmuring their agreement. The judge slammed his gavel down to quiet the courtroom once again. He took a moment of quiet contemplation before nodding. "Yes, Mr. Edgeworth, you're quite right."
Phoenix began to sweat profusely. Things were already looking dire, and there hadn't even been a single witness called to the stand! Who let this air-headed judge run a courtroom, anyway?
"Erm, shall we begin, then?" the judge asked, albeit a bit nervously. Every case Phoenix worked with seemed to take a turn for the strange within the first ten minutes of the first day of the trial; this time was no different. He had to admit, though, it was rather entertaining.
Miles tapped his finger impatiently on his arm. "It's about time," he muttered under his breath.
"You may call your first witness, Mr. Edgeworth." The judge was finally back in serious mode. Phoenix crossed his fingers behind the bench and prayed that he would stay that way.
"The prosecution calls Detective Gumshoe to the stand." Miles's tone was calm and professional, but the daggers he was glaring at Timmy said otherwise.
Flanked by bailiffs, the scruffy detective made his way into the courtroom and onto the stand. He cast a nervous glance around the room, unsure of what to expect. The situation had been so vague, so...well, without any helpful clues, that he didn't know what he would do under Phoenix's famously brutal cross-examination.
"Witness," Miles said with a clear of his throat, "please state your name and occupation to the court."
"My name's Dick Gumshoe, sir," the detective said, ensuring that he met Miles's eyes. He knew by now not to show any fear in front of the ruthless prosecutor, lest his paycheck be sliced in half for the third time that week. "I'm the detective in charge of homicides at the precinct, sir."
"He's lying!" Cosmo shouted suddenly; thankfully his mouth was still covered firmly by Timmy's hand, but he still got another good bonk on the head from Wanda.
"Cosmo, hush!" Wanda snapped. "If you step out of order, we could be exposed!"
"I'm not out of order, YOU'RE out of order!" Cosmo retorted. By that point, it was fairly obvious to anyone with ears that there was something unusual going on under Timmy's hand. Even Gumshoe was staring.
"Mr. Wright!" the judge shouted.
Phoenix flinched and looked sheepishly up. "Yes, Your Honor?"
"Quiet down over there! Am I going to have to penalize you?" The judge twirled his gavel threateningly between his fingers. Wright sure was one eccentric lawyer, always speaking out of turn but pulling off victory after victory no matter what the situation...
"S-Sorry Your Honor!" Phoenix stammered. Once the judge's watchful eye was back on the witness, Phoenix shot a look over at Timmy. "Can't you keep quiet for ten minutes?"
"It wasn't me!" Timmy shouted defensively. He still wasn't sure what was going on. Without any memory of the apparent murder Norm had set up with his magic, Timmy really had no idea what he was supposed to be doing or saying. But one thing was for sure, he wasn't about to be blamed for something he didn't do.
"Then who was it?" Miles cut in, again impatiently tapping his finger. Was it too much to ask to get a trial without a dozen interruptions?
"It was...uh..." Timmy's eyes automatically fell to the sheet of paper he was covering rather suspiciously. Miles followed his gaze, and raised a questioning eyebrow. "Uhhh," Timmy continued, "it was my stomach!"
"Your stomach?" the judge repeated. Miles raised an accusing finger and started to bring the court's attention to the paper Timmy was hiding, when the judge interrupted. "Very well. Mr. Edgeworth, you may continue."
Miles sighed, and decided to turn his attention back to Gumshoe. No sense in wasting a perfectly good piece of possibly incriminating evidence so soon. "Very well," he said, a bit reluctantly. "Detective Gumshoe, please explain the details of this murder."
"Alright, sir!" the detective said with obviously false enthusiasm. He really hoped that Edgeworth would be satisfied with what little information he had.
Phoenix steeled himself for what was to come. Regardless of whether his client was certifiable or not, he had to uncover the truth!
"The body was found on the front steps of the Wright and Co. offices. There weren't any signs of a struggle...but the victim had definitely been dead for hours, sir!"
"And the cause of death?" Miles asked, still cool as a cucumber. Once he got through the opening routine, the real action would begin. For now, though, it was business of usual, and he knew exactly what Gumshoe would say.
"We, uh," Gumshoe stammered, his eyes quickly falling, "we...don't know, sir."
"Wh-What?" Miles shouted suddenly. "I wasn't told this!"
The gallery immediately started talking amongst themselves. Gumshoe stared down at his feet as he heard rumors of his incompetence in previous cases. The judge slammed his gavel down twice to quiet the spectators down. "Order! I will have order!" he snapped. "Detective! Explain yourself!"
"Well, you see," Gumshoe said sheepishly, "there weren't any markings on the body at all, Your Honor, and the autopsy didn't turn up anything either. Our best guess is that Mr. Crocker had a heart attack, but-"
"Hang on just a second!" Timmy quickly shouted, cutting the detective off. "What did you say?"
"The victim had a heart attack?" Gumshoe asked.
"No, before that!" Timmy said.
"The autopsy didn't turn up anything?" Phoenix tried.
"No, IN THE MIDDLE!"
"Are you getting at the victim's name, Turner?" Miles asked, a typically impatient air about him. "Denziel Crocker was murdered in this case, yes, can we move on?"