This is an incredibly short take on what I believe were the complexities in Twelfth Night - the romance between Viola/Cesario and Olivia. Even in the film (with Helena Bonham-Carter), the attraction between the two characters is undeniable. Let me know what you think!
What You Will Indeed
She doesn't know how it happened, time went too fast – her, married away to Sebastian, Cesario's twin brother, and her beautiful, beautiful Cesario forever lost – forever Viola. How was she unable to tell? Was she so blinded by love that she could not feel his coarse hand in hers? It was wrong, all wrong, but it was better than losing everything. How did she fall in love so completely, consumed entirely?
After all, he never was, oh, but she can't believe that – no, he was, he was – he was the only man she'd ever loved and would ever love. He, who doesn't exist. He, who never could exist. A woman in a man's body, a man in a woman's body – soft, delicate, gentle hands with a deep voice and constant rejection, rejection, evasion, denial.
And yes, she may have lied and convinced herself – convinced them that Sebastian was better than Cesario ever could have been, what with his stronger figure, his experience. After all, Cesario had obvious flaws – why, he was no he at all. But secretly, if she'd let herself admit it, she never thought Cesario's womanhood was a flaw – nothing of the sort. If anything, it was his saving grace, his entire appeal – his charm, his mystique, his romanticism. He was a she, and with all the passions of a woman.
Now, when Sebastian touches her, she dreams of feminine shapes and warm and soft caresses, she dreams of a beautiful woman in a man's clothing. When she hears Viola laugh her merry laugh beside the Duke, she wishes they could laugh as intimately together – away from everyone, away from it all. But Viola is forever Orsino's, and Olivia is left with a mere shadow of her ideal lover.
Thank you for reading!