Hey guys! This is my very first Glee Fanfiction. I know I'm pretty late to the game, but having been sick all this week I was able to watch all six seasons. As per usual, I was not satisfied and I just wanted more. I am not a writer, but my imagination is full so I had to get it out and on paper. Hopefully this will help. I know hardly anyone will read this, but I was super excited.
Having left Dad's garage I was super excited for school tomorrow. I had to get my outfit ready. I Kurt Hummel was now part of something. I had taken my father's advice I joined the Glee club. I might not make many friends, but even one would be more than I already had. Singing on that stage, had brought so much peace to me. In those moments, I knew what it meant to be happy. I haven't been happy in a long time. I had given up even pretending to anyone in school, to dad. I think back on better times. Mom always called me a happy child, if she saw me now, I know she wouldn't recognise me.
As I arrived home, I headed straight down for my bedroom and towards my closet. Dad always said that my clothes had taken over, but I knew he didn't understand. He wanted me to blend in with the other students, but that wasn't me. I wasn't meant to blend in. I was born different. I was born to be alone. Alone with my clothes.
Staring at my clothes, I tried to find happiness. In the beginning it gave me great joy. Now. They all just looked grey in my mind. Nothing stood out. Quickly grabbing the nearest shirt, and getting the matching cardigan a pair of tan skinny chinos. Setting them out for school the next day. Staring at it, I thought back on my addition. All Mr Schue could say about my audition was 'nice.' Was he being nice to the bullied kid? Had he just taken me on because there was no one else? Was I even any good? Mom always said I was born to a performer. She was the one who encouraged me to get involved in the singing and the dancing. Dad wanted me to be a man, sports, cars, fast food, burping...girls. I didn't fit in to any of those categories. I didn't fit in anywhere. I had tried to tell Dad today that I was gay, but I just didn't seem like the right time. How could he love me this way? Dad would disown me.
Dad finally returned home in time for dinner. Around the table it was quiet, just like every night. Tonight he just stared at me, watching my every move. Ever since the guidance counsellor had called him into school, he was always watching me. I never could hold eye contact with him. He asked about Glee Club, the other members, he was glad to hear that there was another boy in the club. I didn;t have the heart to say that Artie was in a wheelchair. I didn't want him to think any worse of this club, that wasn't really a sport, but there was competitions. As soon as he ate his dinner, he excused himself to watch the sports game in the other room. We didn't speak again until I had finished loading the dishes into the dishwasher, saying goodnight before heading back downstairs to bed.
As the evening turned into night, the doubts continued. Laying in bed after dinner, looking up at the ceiling knowing that I couldn't take much more of this just being. I wasn't living I was just existing. No one needed me, no one wanted me. After my audition, I went back to guidance counsellor. Her office door was locked, but the table still sat outside her room. Checking both directions of the hallway I quickly grabbed the pamphlet, stuffing it into my bag. Glancing again to make sure that no one had seen me, before heading towards the exit.
Flicking through it of course the cons where at the top of the 're giving up. Who knows what might have been? A loner gay who had nothing or anyone in his life.Many of those around you will be affected more than you think. Dad might be upset, but he wouldn't have to worry about me. He could continue living his life, maybe find someone to be with. The situations/people affecting you win. You lose your life. They will always win, I'm not big enough or strong enough to fight anymore.
Flicking through to the final page, there was no pros. Of course there wouldn't be, they wouldn't have put it in a high school if they were telling young people to give up on life. I thought about the pros. I would cease to exist. It would all be over. No one could hurt me anymore. It sounds scary, not seeing the people I loved ever again. But then I thought about my mother, how she faced death. She was fearless. I was a disgrace.
That night as the tears rolled down my face, I knew that life couldn't get any worse than this. But would life really get any better?
...
My father had tried everything to turn me around. He went to lectures, he tried to bond with me, even took me to therapy. Nothing had worked in his mind. I knew that nothing would change me. This was the way I was born. Mother had tried to reason with him, but he would not change his mind. I was a disgrace to the family. After the Sadie Hawkins dance, and people found out about my sexuality he had to get me out of town. His friends had started talking about me, people had come into his office to take their business else where. He had two choices: to accept me or to get me out of the picture. He choose to remove me. A week after the dance I was sent to Dalton Academy. It was on the other side of the state. Dad had refused to join Mom as she dropped me off. She was there just long enough to sign me in and get all of my stuff out of the car.
Standing at the entrance in my new uniform, as I watched my mother leave without even turning around to wave me good bye. I would not be welcome during any of the breaks, I would need to find someone else to spend summer. I would not be welcome home. Turning around and grabbing the last of my bags, I headed back up to my new room. With joining well after the sign up date, I didn't have the option of roommates. I was in the room at the very end of the hall on my own. As the door closed behind me I had never felt so alone.
I always knew that I was gay, and I was confident about it. I had told my parents from as soon as I knew. They originally had thought it was a joke, or just a phase. But as weeks turned into months, and finally a year had passed. I had been sent to everything that my parents heard of, that could possibly help me. After they realised that none of it was going to help, they decided to send me away. I was told not to contact anyone in the family, any of my friends. Most of them had turned their backs on me anyway so there was no point trying to reach out to anyone from my old school.
As I looked around my new room, boxes and suitcases everywhere. Everything that I owned was in this room. My brother would be dropping of my car when he was heading through this way. That would be my last tie to my parents. They would continue to send me money, but after college they didn't want to ever talk or see me again. I was all alone. Alone because I was different.
What was the point in life anymore? The memories of my childhood was now tarnished by the actions of my parents. I had no friends anymore since they found out I was gay. No one who would love or accept me. I had been signed over to the care of the school. I would never again feel part of my family. Mom had tried to fight to get me to stay closer to home. She tried to understand. But even my dad had worn her out. She told me I could try and talk to him again, but I knew that I would never be returning home again.
A bell sounded signalling a meal. I opened the door, and followed the other boarding students to the food hall. Grabbing the spaghetti that they had to offer and quickly turning around to find someone where to sit. It was a slightly smaller area, reserved only for meals that would be for boarding students only. It was a long line of table filled with chairs for the students to feel like they were involved in a group, a community. A took a seat beside another student, but he was turned talking to the person on his other side. I sat in silence and ate my dinner. I have never felt so alone.
First Chapter, hoped you liked it. If someone has read it, let me know what you think it would mean a lot to me to know that there are people out there on the internet spending their Thursday crushing over Glee as well.