Fine
Disclaimer: I don't own The Road to Eldorado nor any of the characters.
Warnings: Mild slash (mentioned).
---
Fine, I'll stay here, you leave, and we'll both get what we want!
Except that isn't true. I've begun to question myself since I spoke those fatal words. What is it that I want? When we arrived here I couldn't think of anything but the adventure, I wanted a big shining adventure more than anything in the world. And the gold could make us into anything we'd want to be. We could return to Spain and never worry about futile things as food or gambling for our money. We could buy all we want and everything would be great. Him and me. Tulio and Miguel, great rich men! And the people of El Dorado would just give the gold to us. They think we're gods!
Gods. I wanted to be a god, people praised us, worshipped the ground we walked on and gave us everything our hearts desired. The gold sparkled, but it wasn't as great as being loved. It could never match the feeling of power and the thought that we were finally worth something! In Spain we had never been worth anything. We were stealing, lying, cheating conmen who were worth just as much silver pieces as the wanted posters said we were. In El Dorado we could have a life of luxury, we could do anything we pleased and together we would grow old as gods.
But than I saw the people, really saw them, these wondrous people who are so generous and kind-hearted. They live in a city of gold and yet they want nothing more than to live, just live. And I realised they didn't worship us. They worshipped their gods, those who they wanted us to be. They praised us out of fear and not out of love. We weren't loved, we weren't back in Barcelona and we weren't here. I tried to look beyond the façade we'd pulled up and into the city. What I saw there was better than anything I could've imagined. Their world is carefree and full of light. I walked trough the city and finally felt at peace, finally felt home. At that point I wanted nothing more than to stay there forever, as a man, not a god. I didn't care we were supposed to leave for I fell in love with the city and it's people. I forgot everything.
I was rudely awakened from my dreams when I overheard a conversation between Tulio and Chel. He asked her to come back with us to Spain. With him. Only him. Forget Miguel. He asked her to forget about me. It was only then that I realised that he didn't want what I wanted. He was stuck in the first phase, he wanted the gold. And Chel. Suddenly she had become the whole world to him. Needless to say I was mad. I was supposed to be the world to him! I was supposed to be in his arms! I was supposed to love him! But I didn't realise I loved him, not back than. I only thought of how he would leave me and we wouldn't grow old together in the city of gold. I'd be all on my own and he'd be with her.
Don't leave me Tulio! Can't you see that all I ever wanted was you. There is nothing in the world that can make me as happy as you can. When you're around I don't need to smile a compulsory smile, I can be myself with you. When you leave there will be nothing left of me in time, I will whither away here without you. I need you to stay with me like always. Don't go, please don't go! Without you I am just a joker without a smile, a musician without an audience. A man without his best friend. If I stay here and you leave I will slowly die, I know I will. I'll just be another statue in the city.
But you want to leave. You don't care about me anymore, not like you used to. You won't feel bad about leaving for Spain without me by your side. You won't care that I don't sleep next to you at night. You won't save a single thought for me once you've crossed the Atlantic. I'll just be a memory in the back of your mind and in time you will forget my name. You might remember my hair, the hair you once admired because a blonde in Barcelona is very uncommon.
And maybe – maybe one day I will see you again. We will lay eyes on each other in a normal street and smile. We will shake hands as if only days have passed, instead of years. We will talk about ordinary things, the weather, the people we see, our memories. And finally I will be able to say: "I don't love you anymore."
But not now. Now I only want to declare how much I need you to stay. How I don't want to be alone – and how I love you. How I have always loved you!