All he could do was stare.
Stare at the ceiling hopelessly, count the dirty tiles, and pray to gog it would end soon.
When it did end, he prayed it would be fast and painless.
There was no way he and his friends could escape Jack, he would find them, hunt them down, kill them relentlessly. It really was hopeless.
And Tavros was staring at ceiling tiles.
Spending his last days, possibly last minutes, staring at ceiling tiles.
This is stupid.
Tavros sat up.
Why by gog, is he doing this?
He stood up, his new legs a bit wobbly.
After everything he went though, to end up like this.
He pushed his chair away from him.
He fought his way through his game, he helped his friends survive.
He scanned the room with a quick glance.
They had a prize to claim, they were so close.
A smile touched his lips.
Then that damned Jack, he messed it all up.
His target was in sites, aim locked and loaded.
Now, to add insult to injury, he was chasing them.
He started to walk, his confidence building exponentially.
Jack was going to hunt them down and kill them.
His heart beat fast, adrenaline rushing.
After everything they had worked so hard for, he was going to kill them.
Tavros stood behind his victim's chair.
And he would be damned if he would get killed staring at ceiling tiles.
"Need something motherfucker?" Gamzee turned in his chair, his eyes glazed and half dazed.
His hair all amiss, matted and ratty, thin horns reached toward the ceiling out of the bird's nest.
White make-up caked on his face into a permanent smile, reminiscent of a clown, only more like a serial killer.
Holding onto the back of his chair to stare at Tavros, his hands were visibly cracked, covered in dry skin. His nails were long and sharp, one or two cracked and broken. It must have been hard to type like that.
Tavros noticed a few stains on his friend's shirt, he had no idea what they were stains of, and he was somehow glad he had no idea.
What was wrong with him?
Tavros's heart fluttered, his face flushed orange, his new legs felt weak and wrong.
Trying to choke out a word, all he could come up with was, "D-d-d-down….down st-st-stairs…"
The gutterblood rushed away before he could get an answer, trying to hold down his breakfast while simultaneously trying to remember how to walk.
Leaning against a cool wall, he wondered for a moment what had happened to his confidence.
He was so sure this would be it; he would finally stand up and be somebody.
Breaking out of his shell, the whole team would say, "Wow, look at him".
Maybe even their fearless leader would respect him.
Maybe even someone would respect him, anyone at all.
But no, he let out a long sigh, he had messed it up again. He was sure Gamzee wasn't even coming.
He had messed this up, again, and to top it all off, they were about to die, so he would never have another chance.
Smacking the back of his head up against the wall, he silently wished he had been culled at a young age.
That would have saved his friends from having to know such a pathetic loser, saved his lusus such a terrible death, and maybe even saved them all from Jack. Who knows, maybe he if weren't around they would have met another troll, more capable and less of a plain old fuck up. Maybe he would have been strong and confident, like Tavros wanted to be, and maybe he would have stopped Jack somehow.
"Whatever your motherfucking thinking, its wrong." Gamzee was standing over Tavros.
Somehow during his brooding, he had gone back to counting dirty tiles. Hopeless.
Now that Gamzee was here-
Wait, Gamzee was here!
Tavros jerked his head up, his eyes big and heart pounding so hard it was threatening to break his ribs.
Gamzee snickered, "Your motherfucking orange motherfucker."
Oh gog, he was doing it again.
He hoped slamming his head into his knees and covering his face would make the clown go away, make him realize his terrible mistake of talking to such a low-blood.
Maybe he would even be so kind as to kill him, just chop off his head with gog knows what and make all this end already.
Tavros' skin positively crawled when Gamzee placed a hand on his shoulder.
It was like a million new wrigglers, no smaller than that, walked all over his back.
Down his spine, crawled into his skin, and walked back up. Perhaps playing tag.
What's worse, he sat next to him. Slid down the wall and just sat next to him, like it was nothing.
As if the poor Taurus' body weren't already about to rebel from nerves or embarrassment, Gamzee slid his hand down his back slowly.
What was he doing? Was he going to? No, he wouldn't, there was no way. Well maybe, maybe Tavros was right, and Gamzee did have red-
Wait it was going back up.
Tavros turned his head ever so slightly, peaked out from behind a metal knee, Gamzee had a content smile on. A real one, made from his lips, not make-up.
He was smiling, rubbing Tavros' back, trying to comfort him.
That's it; Jack had killed them while Tavros was daydreaming staring at the ceiling. There was no way this was happening in real life. He must be in troll heaven, though he thought it would be more…
Full of happy things. Not so depressing. Maybe Tinkerbull would be there even.
How could this be heaven without Tinkerbull?
Maybe Gamzee would turn on him, and this would turn to hell. For sure, hell would have to start out nice to make the bad seem bader.
That was stupid, first off, bader is not a word.
And second, Tavros would have remembered being killed.
Wouldn't he?
"Hey, motherfucker, you okay?" Gamzee tilted his head, trying to peer into Tavros' barely exposed eye.
At that moment, Tavros decided to be confident again. He was going to die soon anyway, what could he lose?
"N-no Gamzee, I'm n-not" Okay this was a start. Had to start somewhere.
As words flooded his mind, while trying to pick out which ones sounded good and which ones sounded stupid and which ones he would push out of his mind forever, he noticed Gamzee slowly lean forward and lay on the floor.
His hand lay on Tavros' new foot, and with a gentle tug, he pulled his leg down flat. Doing the same to his other leg, Gamzee smiled at his work.
Tavros was stupefied, not sure what to say or do or think or feel.
Sensory overload, feeling overload, thinking overload, everything overload, this was a terrible idea what was he thinking?
Yawning, exposing his sharp teeth and pointed tongue, Gamzee rolled onto his back.
His hands crossed over his stomach, his shirt crumpled near his waste.
Grey skin was making an appearance between where his shirt lay and his pants started.
Tavros had something new to stare at.
Swallowing hard, he knew this was it. Gamzee got bored easy, he would leave soon and then they would all get killed and Tavros would never have another chance and-
He really needed to stop over thinking and just do things.
Summoning all his courage, and perhaps some that wasn't really there, he lay down next to the clown.
"You finally came around motherfucker." The highblood lolled his head to stare at Tavros, smiled and closed his eyes.
Tavros watched him; he noticed the smallest things about that face. That face he had imagined a million times. That face that shocked him, and caused a few bad dreams when they first met. That face that he grew to love quickly. That face that he wanted closer than anything to his own.
That face was covered in white clown make-up, and he wanted to know what it looked like when it wasn't. That face had small lips, slightly parted because he breathed out of his mouth. That face had a strong nose, small cheekbones, and the cutest little scar where the chin met the neck.
That face would forever be imprinted on Tavros' heart, no matter how long it continued to beat.
Tavros leaned over him, smiled and watch him sleep.
…Sleep? When did he fall asleep? Was Tavros watching him so long he got bored and fell asleep?
Oh gog, he messed it up bad this time.
What would he do? He'd never be able to see him again. Tavros was so boring to be around Gamzee had seriously passed out.
Arms wrapped around Tavros' torso before he could think, and Gamzee's lips were pressing up against his own. He had somehow ended up lying on Gamzee's chest, and was kissing him.
Yeah, he was dead alright. Maybe kissing Gamzee was even better than seeing Tinkerbull again.
No, that wasn't true; after this he was sure he would look up and see Tinkerbull cheering him on.
The clowns lips were soft, such a parallel to his dry hands, and he tasted a bit like chalk. Must have been the make-up.
After a few moments of realization, Tavros kissed back. Or, he tried was more like it. He had never kissed before; he hoped he was doing this right.
Gamzee's hands were holding him strong, and for the first time since before Jack and messed up everything, Tavros felt safe. He was overcome with the feeling that no one could hurt him in this grasp, that the world could end around them and they would remain fine and happy.
Gamzee broke the kiss, "Your so motherfucking cute."
He placed a peck on Tavros' nose, which was lite up a bright orange like his cheeks.
"I think you're c-c-cute too…" He finally managed to say, his throat was dry and speech was harder than normal, but he knew if he didn't respond he risked insulting his friend. Wait, friend? Matespirt? What were they now? Oh gog, Tavros was over thinking things again.
The highblood, his possible matesprit, his best friend, whatever he was, he smiled and kissed Tavros again.
Okay, maybe he could stop thinking about things for a while and just enjoy this.
It was a better way to pass the time than counting tiles on the ceiling after all.