Disclaimers: I don't own Farscape in any shape or form, unless you count my
set of action figures and posters and such :o) Everything is controlled by
Henson, Kemper, Rockne, ect. Big thanks to everyone who makes this
spectacular show!
A/N: Well here I am writing again lol. Not a lot of people seem to be reading fanfiction mostly because of all the agnsty in the fics there are nowadays. I'll admit, there is stuff like that in here. You don't have to read it if you don't want to :o) Many thanks to Aeryn and Violets for their constant support on my writing.
A Rose That Won't Open, part one.
The crew of Moya was unusually quiet nowadays. But then again, what was there to talk about? Jool and Chiana kept bickering with each other on things no one else wanted to even try to listen to, Dargo was almost always to be found in his new luxan ship, Crais had gone back to stay on Talyn since no one appreciated his company much, and Rygel really didn't visit anyone except Pilot, who found Rygel's behavior somewhat peculiar.
And then, of course, we had Officer Aeryn Sun, trying to shield herself from the entire universe. Everyone felt that she was entitled to it, seeing as she had lost so much during this past cycle. She did everything she could to go back to peacekeeper ways, but it wasn't really working. At least she could pull out the old I-have-absolutely-no-emotions- face. It saved her a lot of trouble, but it caused a lot of pain for Commander John Crichton.
"Why me?" he groaned, falling back onto his bed. Unfortunately, he hit his head on his tape recorder when he fell back. John cursed silently under his breath.
Damn, my head hurts. Ah. The recorder- my only connection with Earth I have left. The one thing I can talk to that won't talk back.
John chuckled slightly, but it was forced more then anything else.
"Maybe it's time to make another diary page in the life of Mr. John Crichton" he said thoughtful but in a depressed tone.
John pressed the record button. He shut his eyes in agony.
"Hey, dad. It's me again, lost and still alone in a dark place that I can't get out of. And, yeah, the last message I left was about Aeryn. She was gone for so long dad, and I missed her like hell. I couldn't kiss her, see her, run my hands through her hair again. Oh, dad, it smelt so good, and it was so soft. That oil she borrowed from Zhann…"
John bit his lip and closed his eyes. He felt so terrible and bitter. Even when he thought about the good times, not having them made him feel worse. What could he do about it anymore?
"And then she came back having frelled the other me. Oh, well, I guess I didn't tell you. I was doubled, and the other guy got lucky. And then he died, saving so many lives. But I'm the same person. I don't know if she even understands that anymore. But I love her, dad. I know she still loves me, too. But she can't stand the thought of possibly losing me again. But look whose talking? I went to her funeral! I was just about ready to give up on life all together. I saw her dead body lying there; I had given up all hope. When she was dead, there was no point for me to live. And she died because of the chip in my head. I got that chip because I went down to that peacekeeper base to save her life, and no one else on Moya would've tried. But what can I do? I've been told to give her time. I am, and it's killing me. I can't stand this much longer. She does everything she can to avoid me, and if she ever is forced to talk to me, it's only 'Crichton.' Not John, like she used to. She can't even talk to me as a shipmate. If only I could talk to her. If only."
John clicked the stop button a bit in anger. He picked up his squashy pillow and held it close to himself, as though he were a child with his teddy bear.
Aeryn, meanwhile, was in her quarters, mulling over what she'd just learned. Moya had kept her quarters warm to calm Aeryn a little. It wasn't helping much, though. It just made her more aggravated. At least Moya hadn't told Pilot what she'd found out.
"Pregnant" she muttered, closing her eyes. "And what's worse, he wasn't the one-exactly-who helped make me that way. Yes, he's the same person, but it wasn't him."
Aeryn banged her fist helplessly on her pillow with a sickening thud.
What can I do? I'm afraid of even having a child. And what's worse, I'm afraid to tell him. How would he react? 'Oh, John, while I was frelling the other you, I got pregnant. You don't have a problem with that, do you?' Oh, this is pure torture. I feel so helpless and alone. And I'm so scared. So terribly afraid. I don't know what I should do. I can't hide it forever.
Aeryn sighed and walked out, walking all over the corridors of Moya in endless thought. The floor was warm on her bare feet.
Aeryn found herself stopping in front of John's quarters. The door was open.
Should I tell him? I can stand in the shadows forever, just watching him. But I can't talk. I can't breathe a word to him, because I'm afraid of losing everything again. Not just the love of my life, the one who keeps me going, but my bearings as well. I can't break down. I have to shield myself from everything like I used to a couple of cycles ago, when I was a peacekeeper. Things were so simple then. And now I'm going to help him on yet another insane mission of his, and I cannot give into him. I'm afraid. I'm scared. But I won't cry. I can't. I won't. Do I tell him that I bear- genetically-his child?
He sat so quietly there, deep in thought. Why couldn't I be there, next to him, holding me, like before? I can't. Because of everything that happens to us. Everything gets in the way. I have to be strong. I can. I will. I won't let loose of my grip again.
Maybe this is my imagination. A crazy, twisted dream, an awful nightmare. There were good times, but the bad has scarred me for life. My mother, wanting to kill me because of her loss the day I was born, then, when I finally have bonded with her, I have to let her drop off of a very high building so she can die. And that was partially because of Crais. Actually, if he hadn't shot her, she'd be alive, and maybe I could have someone to talk to about how I feel. I can talk to Pilot, but he doesn't truly understand. No one does, except for him. And now here I am, just watching him again. I know he knows I'm here. He doesn't want to hurt me. Like everything else did. My fake father, the seer, my visions, the terror, the pain, the tears...
"Aeryn, are you packed up and ready to go when we find the command carrier?" John said softly, trying not to take Aeryn off guard. Maybe she'll talk to me just a little bit. She can't get out of this.
Aeryn stopped and blinked, a bit startled. She got a bit hot in the face. It was lucky that John wasn't looking at her, although, in a way, she wished he would. Frell. How did he know I was here in the first place? But he always knows, he has even memorized the sound of my footsteps coming from behind on Moya. Every single detail of my face. The scent of my hair. As I know everything about him. Frell, seeing him sitting there is killing me. But I'm scared. I can't.
"Yes, I think the others are nearly finished packing as well. It's good that the others are going to help."
I can't look at her, but God, I want to so bad John thought to himself. The want…it's so bad. I'm falling apart.
"Any particular reason why you are here?" he asked, a bit bitterly.
Aeryn heard the tone in his voice. She bit her lip, and her eyes were watery. A salty tear fell from on of her eyes. She just couldn't tell him. She felt cold and afraid. Moya shivered a bit. None of the crewmembers ever thought about it much, but Moya heard everything that goes on inside of her...every word. Moya wanted to help Aeryn in some way, but how could she?
"N-no. I was-just passing by" Aeryn's voice said shakily.
John cocked an eyebrow slightly. Obviously something was on her mind, but what it was he had no clue.
"It's very late, Aeryn. Five hours into the sleep cycle. Did you-need to talk about something?"
Aeryn, baby, please tell me. I want to help. I want you back so badly. I want the old days back…well, not that far back, but a little before you left for Talyn, before my life got screwed up.
Aeryn's voice seemed to crack. "Couldn't sleep. I just-wanted to move around and do something. Ask Pilot if he needed anything done."
"Aeryn," John said, a little amused, "Pilot's den is in a completely opposite direction."
Frell! Aeryn thought angrily to herself. I guess it's too late at night for me to be thinking properly. Aha! That's a good excuse…yes, I'll use that.
"Oh! Right, I guess it's a little too late for me to be thinking properly."
That can also mean something completely different that applies to me. How ironic.
John twiddled his thumbs. He was wide-awake, although he wasn't exactly about to say that. No need in troubling her with his problems. It wasn't like she really cared anymore.
John couldn't think of anything to say really. "Hmm. Well, see ya."
Aeryn felt rooted at the spot. She didn't want to leave really. What she wanted to do was something she couldn't bring herself to do. She stood there for a few momens, listening to Moya's humming, as though trying to console her. Unfortunately, it wasn't helping much. Aeryn sighed heavily.
"Goodnight-Crichton" Aeryn hastily said, making sure not to say 'John.' She slowly walked away.
John closed his eyes in pain-again. Harvey popped out of nowhere.
"Tough love, John" he said, pulling out a beer and drinking deeply from it.
"It's not fair, Harv" John said, finding a bottle of fellip nectar by his bed. He had found on some nights that it was his best friend. "Worst part is, I can't do anything about it."
"Things will change. You are star-crossed lovers. Defined as 'meant to be together in the stars.'" Harvey took another gulp and seemed to be thinking hard. "You'll be together, one way or another."
John groaned. He was a bit sweaty from exhaustion. "Hopefully I won't die in the process."
********
That's it for now. Next time, Aeryn goes to talk to Pilot. Let me know if you like how this is going! I like constructive criticism. Feedback is good :0) Luv ya!
*Fire Star*
A/N: Well here I am writing again lol. Not a lot of people seem to be reading fanfiction mostly because of all the agnsty in the fics there are nowadays. I'll admit, there is stuff like that in here. You don't have to read it if you don't want to :o) Many thanks to Aeryn and Violets for their constant support on my writing.
A Rose That Won't Open, part one.
The crew of Moya was unusually quiet nowadays. But then again, what was there to talk about? Jool and Chiana kept bickering with each other on things no one else wanted to even try to listen to, Dargo was almost always to be found in his new luxan ship, Crais had gone back to stay on Talyn since no one appreciated his company much, and Rygel really didn't visit anyone except Pilot, who found Rygel's behavior somewhat peculiar.
And then, of course, we had Officer Aeryn Sun, trying to shield herself from the entire universe. Everyone felt that she was entitled to it, seeing as she had lost so much during this past cycle. She did everything she could to go back to peacekeeper ways, but it wasn't really working. At least she could pull out the old I-have-absolutely-no-emotions- face. It saved her a lot of trouble, but it caused a lot of pain for Commander John Crichton.
"Why me?" he groaned, falling back onto his bed. Unfortunately, he hit his head on his tape recorder when he fell back. John cursed silently under his breath.
Damn, my head hurts. Ah. The recorder- my only connection with Earth I have left. The one thing I can talk to that won't talk back.
John chuckled slightly, but it was forced more then anything else.
"Maybe it's time to make another diary page in the life of Mr. John Crichton" he said thoughtful but in a depressed tone.
John pressed the record button. He shut his eyes in agony.
"Hey, dad. It's me again, lost and still alone in a dark place that I can't get out of. And, yeah, the last message I left was about Aeryn. She was gone for so long dad, and I missed her like hell. I couldn't kiss her, see her, run my hands through her hair again. Oh, dad, it smelt so good, and it was so soft. That oil she borrowed from Zhann…"
John bit his lip and closed his eyes. He felt so terrible and bitter. Even when he thought about the good times, not having them made him feel worse. What could he do about it anymore?
"And then she came back having frelled the other me. Oh, well, I guess I didn't tell you. I was doubled, and the other guy got lucky. And then he died, saving so many lives. But I'm the same person. I don't know if she even understands that anymore. But I love her, dad. I know she still loves me, too. But she can't stand the thought of possibly losing me again. But look whose talking? I went to her funeral! I was just about ready to give up on life all together. I saw her dead body lying there; I had given up all hope. When she was dead, there was no point for me to live. And she died because of the chip in my head. I got that chip because I went down to that peacekeeper base to save her life, and no one else on Moya would've tried. But what can I do? I've been told to give her time. I am, and it's killing me. I can't stand this much longer. She does everything she can to avoid me, and if she ever is forced to talk to me, it's only 'Crichton.' Not John, like she used to. She can't even talk to me as a shipmate. If only I could talk to her. If only."
John clicked the stop button a bit in anger. He picked up his squashy pillow and held it close to himself, as though he were a child with his teddy bear.
Aeryn, meanwhile, was in her quarters, mulling over what she'd just learned. Moya had kept her quarters warm to calm Aeryn a little. It wasn't helping much, though. It just made her more aggravated. At least Moya hadn't told Pilot what she'd found out.
"Pregnant" she muttered, closing her eyes. "And what's worse, he wasn't the one-exactly-who helped make me that way. Yes, he's the same person, but it wasn't him."
Aeryn banged her fist helplessly on her pillow with a sickening thud.
What can I do? I'm afraid of even having a child. And what's worse, I'm afraid to tell him. How would he react? 'Oh, John, while I was frelling the other you, I got pregnant. You don't have a problem with that, do you?' Oh, this is pure torture. I feel so helpless and alone. And I'm so scared. So terribly afraid. I don't know what I should do. I can't hide it forever.
Aeryn sighed and walked out, walking all over the corridors of Moya in endless thought. The floor was warm on her bare feet.
Aeryn found herself stopping in front of John's quarters. The door was open.
Should I tell him? I can stand in the shadows forever, just watching him. But I can't talk. I can't breathe a word to him, because I'm afraid of losing everything again. Not just the love of my life, the one who keeps me going, but my bearings as well. I can't break down. I have to shield myself from everything like I used to a couple of cycles ago, when I was a peacekeeper. Things were so simple then. And now I'm going to help him on yet another insane mission of his, and I cannot give into him. I'm afraid. I'm scared. But I won't cry. I can't. I won't. Do I tell him that I bear- genetically-his child?
He sat so quietly there, deep in thought. Why couldn't I be there, next to him, holding me, like before? I can't. Because of everything that happens to us. Everything gets in the way. I have to be strong. I can. I will. I won't let loose of my grip again.
Maybe this is my imagination. A crazy, twisted dream, an awful nightmare. There were good times, but the bad has scarred me for life. My mother, wanting to kill me because of her loss the day I was born, then, when I finally have bonded with her, I have to let her drop off of a very high building so she can die. And that was partially because of Crais. Actually, if he hadn't shot her, she'd be alive, and maybe I could have someone to talk to about how I feel. I can talk to Pilot, but he doesn't truly understand. No one does, except for him. And now here I am, just watching him again. I know he knows I'm here. He doesn't want to hurt me. Like everything else did. My fake father, the seer, my visions, the terror, the pain, the tears...
"Aeryn, are you packed up and ready to go when we find the command carrier?" John said softly, trying not to take Aeryn off guard. Maybe she'll talk to me just a little bit. She can't get out of this.
Aeryn stopped and blinked, a bit startled. She got a bit hot in the face. It was lucky that John wasn't looking at her, although, in a way, she wished he would. Frell. How did he know I was here in the first place? But he always knows, he has even memorized the sound of my footsteps coming from behind on Moya. Every single detail of my face. The scent of my hair. As I know everything about him. Frell, seeing him sitting there is killing me. But I'm scared. I can't.
"Yes, I think the others are nearly finished packing as well. It's good that the others are going to help."
I can't look at her, but God, I want to so bad John thought to himself. The want…it's so bad. I'm falling apart.
"Any particular reason why you are here?" he asked, a bit bitterly.
Aeryn heard the tone in his voice. She bit her lip, and her eyes were watery. A salty tear fell from on of her eyes. She just couldn't tell him. She felt cold and afraid. Moya shivered a bit. None of the crewmembers ever thought about it much, but Moya heard everything that goes on inside of her...every word. Moya wanted to help Aeryn in some way, but how could she?
"N-no. I was-just passing by" Aeryn's voice said shakily.
John cocked an eyebrow slightly. Obviously something was on her mind, but what it was he had no clue.
"It's very late, Aeryn. Five hours into the sleep cycle. Did you-need to talk about something?"
Aeryn, baby, please tell me. I want to help. I want you back so badly. I want the old days back…well, not that far back, but a little before you left for Talyn, before my life got screwed up.
Aeryn's voice seemed to crack. "Couldn't sleep. I just-wanted to move around and do something. Ask Pilot if he needed anything done."
"Aeryn," John said, a little amused, "Pilot's den is in a completely opposite direction."
Frell! Aeryn thought angrily to herself. I guess it's too late at night for me to be thinking properly. Aha! That's a good excuse…yes, I'll use that.
"Oh! Right, I guess it's a little too late for me to be thinking properly."
That can also mean something completely different that applies to me. How ironic.
John twiddled his thumbs. He was wide-awake, although he wasn't exactly about to say that. No need in troubling her with his problems. It wasn't like she really cared anymore.
John couldn't think of anything to say really. "Hmm. Well, see ya."
Aeryn felt rooted at the spot. She didn't want to leave really. What she wanted to do was something she couldn't bring herself to do. She stood there for a few momens, listening to Moya's humming, as though trying to console her. Unfortunately, it wasn't helping much. Aeryn sighed heavily.
"Goodnight-Crichton" Aeryn hastily said, making sure not to say 'John.' She slowly walked away.
John closed his eyes in pain-again. Harvey popped out of nowhere.
"Tough love, John" he said, pulling out a beer and drinking deeply from it.
"It's not fair, Harv" John said, finding a bottle of fellip nectar by his bed. He had found on some nights that it was his best friend. "Worst part is, I can't do anything about it."
"Things will change. You are star-crossed lovers. Defined as 'meant to be together in the stars.'" Harvey took another gulp and seemed to be thinking hard. "You'll be together, one way or another."
John groaned. He was a bit sweaty from exhaustion. "Hopefully I won't die in the process."
********
That's it for now. Next time, Aeryn goes to talk to Pilot. Let me know if you like how this is going! I like constructive criticism. Feedback is good :0) Luv ya!
*Fire Star*