Rachel's Cute Autograph
It all happens because Rachel is late.
Of course Rachel is late. God forbid her ever being on time for lunch with her best friend. Of course Kurt appreciates the fact that she's in rehearsal for her Broadway debut role as chorus girl #3, and that is, obviously important. However, it's not fair that he should be standing outside, waiting in the scorching summer sun, while the "future-star" is in there schmoozing with the cast and crew (yes, schmoozing and not practicing – Kurt knows for a fact that practice has ended half an hour ago, because about eighty per cent of the cast has already left). Just this once, she could forego socializing and networking and just meet him at the set time and place.
Instead, Kurt is standing outside her theatre, shooting her texts he knows are being utterly ignored and trying not to lose his mind. He pockets his iPhone and takes to people watching, noting, to his horror, that suddenly the street has been invaded by people in yellow t-shirts and clipboards. Nearly all of them are either sporting a nasty case of the dreadlocks or annoyingly flowing hippy (and not at all hippy-chic) garments that look dangerously close to dirty, or both.
Kurt knows, he just knows he's going to be approached any moment now and asked for money, and not be able to say no because… well, because you can't ever say no to people asking money for old people, or sick babies, or whatever.
He pulls his iPhone back up and pretends to text, as he discreetly makes sure none of the yellow-t-shirt people are coming near him. The one closest to him is currently engaged in conversation with some passer-by in a business suit who's very clearly trying to brush him off – there's a lot be said about the persistence of these people. The boy, practically jogging after the man in the business suit, doesn't have dreadlocks or hippy, dirty clothes. His dark wash jeans are cut perfectly (like, really perfectly) for him, and there's an adorable hint of ankle between the denim and his quirky but very cute shoes. His yellow T-shirt fits him, unlike most of everybody else's oversized ones, stretching just the right amount over broad shoulders and tapering down to a ridiculously tiny waits, while tucked neatly into his jeans, secured with a fabulous leather belt. And finally, from what Kurt can see of his back, his hair is actually style back, with just a little bit too much product controlling it in smooth waves. Kurt chuckles to himself, as he realizes this is the clearest case of rich boy trying to be a good person and look for life outside of the country club.
Figuring he might as well enjoy Rachel's tardiness, Kurt lets his eyes trail back down to the boy's ass – which, mind the bad pun, is fant-ass-tic – and stay there for a moment more than socially acceptable. He's all but forgotten his pretend texting, and continued to watch as the boy finally gives up on chasing the businessman, everything about his posture indicating that he's actually making faces at the back of the man's head, when the boy turns around mid eye-roll and Kurt is caught staring.
Which is disastrous on two accounts – one) you must never make eye contact with these people, because the moment you do they will latch on and not let you go until you have emptied your wallet; two) the boy is unfairly gorgeous and Kurt could never, ever make any plausible excuses as to why he doesn't really want to by a keychain with a blue teddy bear.
The reaction is immediate, though. The boy's back straightens and a professional, but approachable smile is there in less than a second, as the boy jogs over. God, he's even more attractive up close. Never mind the country club – this boy screams class and charm. He's like Montgomery Clift before the accident – and that's while wearing a yellow T-shirt.
"Hi!" the boy greets with a bright smile, "Could I maybe take a minute of your time?"
You can take all the minutes of my time.
The boy's eyes widen and there's a sound of some kind of suppressed cough, the bright grin shifting slightly as his eyebrows knot together.
"I said that out loud?" Kurt blanches, stomach all but disappearing and leaving a hole he wishes he could disappear into.
"Yes." The boy nods, but his features translate into polite amusement instead of the disgust and horror that Kurt knows he's deserving of right now.
"Do you get that a lot?" Kurt can't help asking, because the boy looks strangely calm for someone who's just received the worst line of all times.
"What? People not realizing that they're speaking to me, or really bad pickup lines?" He answers, still smiling, still too charming for his own good.
"Both…?" Kurt cringes, and then shakes his head, "No, don't say. I don't even want to know." He waves his hands in front of him, in a gesture that's meant to signify clearing the air and changing the subject, but probably makes him look deranged, and then takes a deep breath and adopts what he hopes is an expression of polite interest, "So now that we've established you can take a minute of my time…"
The boy chuckles and nods, picking up on Kurt's cue, "Right, my name is Blaine, and I'm here on behalf of Amnesty International. We're part of the LGBT+ group, and we are marking the international pride day with a marathon of letters related to cases concerning LGBT+ rights. I don't know if you're familiar with the way Amnesty operates?" the boy asks, clearly hoping for an answer, which Kurt will totally provide once his brain catches up with all the puzzle pieces.
Gay rights – pride day – LGBT+ group – his name is Blaine – he's probably gay.
"Huh…. No." Kurt mutters, because that seems like the safest answer to a question he didn't really properly decipher, "I don't think so."
"Well, our work is on the basis of political lobby, and one of the ways we do that is, once we become aware of certain infringements of Human Rights, we draw up a letter or petition to whoever is in charge and has the power to change that situation, and collect as many signatures as possible and send in to pressure sais person to take action."
"Right…"
"Now, I know many people think that's, well, silly. But the truth is that sometimes all it takes is showing these people that the world is looking at them and judging them and they will do the right thing. It's happened before many, many times, and I'm hopeful that it'll continue happening," he pauses with a smile, clearly giving Kurt an opportunity for some other question, but Kurt's not feeling particularly verbose so he just nods and hums, "So, what we're doing today is collecting signatures for a series of petitions concerning LGBT+ issues."
"Right, right. So let me see if I got this straight." Kurt swallows and tries not to cringe at how breathy his voice becomes, or how hot his cheeks get when their eyes meet. Blaine's are such a lovely golden color in the warm summer sun, "What you're doing right now is just asking for signatures…?"
"On petitions concerning clear violations of Human Rights, with emphasis on sexual orientation and gender identity." Blaine supplies with one of his dazzlingly charming smiles.
"Right."
"I have three, right here with me, I could explain them if you'd prefer, or you could read the briefing, and decide for yourself if you'd be willing to sign."
"Right, right." Kurt hesitates before reaching for the briefing – he could listen to Blaine and look at him talk for the rest of the day, but if he does that, he won't have a clue what he's signing, "I'll just read."
Blaine nods with a smile, and hands him the clipboard, while pulling a bottle of water from his bag, and downing half of it in one go (Kurt knows this because when he should have been reading, he was actually watching the way Blaine's lips wrapped around the plastic top, or the way his throat moved as he swallowed, the way his dark and impossibly long eyelashes fanned his cheeks as he closed his eyes, the really light and barely discernable sheen of sweat making everything just that bit more delicious looki-)
"Kurt?!" Rachel's voice yanks him out of his ogling and saves him from complete humiliation once Blaine opened his eyes and caught him staring, again.
Both boys startle, Kurt triply more so than Blaine, as Rachel jogs over, with her long brown hair trailing after her.
"Sorry I'm late, Kurt, are you ready?" she asks as she reaches him, glancing between Kurt and Blaine, and the clipboard.
"Oh… right, I was just… listening to Blaine, here, talk me into signing petitions about gay rights."
"Oh!" Rachel gasps turning to Blaine at once, "Oh, I want to sign! I have two gay dads," she informs Blaine at once, in that slightly condescending but somehow eager tone of voice only Rachel can use, "I'm very active in the struggle for LGBT rights. Let me see!" She yanks the clipboard out of Kurt's hands and starts reading over the briefings at once.
Kurt looks back to find Blaine completely shell-shocked and staring at Rachel with wide eyes, and has to bite his lip to keep from laughing.
Blaine glances at him, and immediately relaxes into his previous smile, bringing up a hand to scratch lightly at his temple.
"I'll just… read over her shoulder." Kurt chuckles, and Blaine grins and nods, holding his hands behind his back, and looking strangely young and awkward for just a moment.
Kurt understands quickly enough that he has to adopt the technique of diagonal reading if he hopes to catch up to Rachel, and in no time she's flipping towards the sheets with the lines of signature and identification, and asking for a pen.
Blaine yanks one out of his belt loop at once, handing it over with a cheerful, "Here you go!"
"Thank you, Blaine…? Was it?"
He nods, and she signs the three different petitions before thrusting the clipboard and the pen towards Kurt, and saying "Tell me, Blaine, has Amnesty International ever considering venturing into Animal Rights?"
"Huh…" Kurt looks up to find Blaine frowning and floundering a little bit for words, before he says, "Hm, no, I don't think so. You know, because Human Rights is kind of the whole basis of the operation. However, we do have campaigns concerning the well-being of the environment in certain highly polluted areas, and I'm sure that benefits the animals, too."
"Right, right. But I was thinking more on the lines of direct action." Kurt bites his tongue to keep from laughing and goes back to signing his name with a tad more care for his handwriting that strictly necessary.
"No." Blaine says, "There are organizations that deal with that, and I'm sure Amnesty has had partnerships with some of those at given times, but direct action no."
"Oh, well…" she shrugs, "You guys do a god job anyway."
"Thanks…?" Blaine cocks his head a little, but he's smiling, so Kurt hopes he's not entirely freaked out about Rachel.
"Of course," she waves her hand dismissively, and turns to look for something in her monster of a bag.
Kurt takes the moment to give the clipboard and the pen back to Blaine, who beams and thanks him again, and their fingers brush and it's a magic experience.
Rachel resurfaces from her scavenger's hunt with a pair of too-big sunglasses in one hand and a small notebook, "In fact," she says, as if she'd been saying anything at all before, "I'm going to give you an autograph, so that one day you can think back to the time you got a Broadway star to sign your petitions."
Kurt tries not to groan to loud, but he definitely brings a hand up to his face, only barely managing not to face palm and instead moving to pinch the bridge of his nose and hide the movement of his rolling eyes.
"You know, since you can't actually keep any of those tree!" she winks, before she pushes the sunglasses onto her face, and flips the notebook open.
Meanwhile Blaine is staring at her with a frown and a gaping mouth, which should not be as attractive as it is.
"She's not really a Broadway star." Kurt supplies, "She hopes to be – she certainly thinks she's going to be, but she's not."
"Yet!" Rachel singsongs without averting her eyes from the paper.
"Oh…" Blaine sighs, smiling, "Because I was really panicking over here, thinking I should know who," he glances down to the clipboard, "Rachel Berry is." He laughs, taking a hand to his chest and pretending to heave with relief, "Thank god, I can still trust my Broadway knowledge."
So gay.
"No, definitely, you're not falling behind, she's just walking a couple steps ahead of all of us." Kurt smiles, feeling in control of his speech, voice and face for the first time since Blaine started talking to him, "Rachel, honey, no need to give him five autographs." He says, when he notices that she's still writing.
She glances up, grins and says, "Almost done!" and goes back for one final scribble before she rips out the page and offers it to Blaine, "Trust me, you'll thank me for it, one day." She says with one of her too-sweet-I-have-an-angle smile.
Blaine is definitely better than most at masking his hesitance, but Kurt can still see its hint as he gingerly accepts the autograph, with an overly polite smile, "If you say so, I'll look forward to seeing you on a stage one day."
She grins back, "Yes, I do like you." She nods, "You're handsome, but you're also charming and polite." She declares as Kurt watches from the corner of his eyes Blaine's hands fidgeting slightly by his sides, "Isn't he, Kurt?" she adds in a sickly sweet voice that Kurt recognizes at once.
And he wants to say Oh no! Don't you even start! Let's go eat and leave this poor soul alone!, but instead, as his cheeks burn with the heat of a thousand suns, he says, "Rachel, the poor guy's just doing his job, we're keeping him, now."
"I'm sure he doesn't mind."
"We'll be late for lunch." He says, voice coming out as more of a threatening whisper then he meant.
"We're having lunch just the two of us. There's nothing to be late for."
"I'm sure Blaine knows how handsome and charming he is, without us reminding him, and I'm sure he has more signatures to collect… right?" He turns to Blaine, whose face is also a shade or two pinker than it was before.
"Actually, he's right, Rachel, thank you, though. For your time and for your generosity." He folds her little note and pockets it, "I'll be sure to keep an eye open for your name." he adds with a wink. "Kurt." He nods, smiling, as way of goodbye, "Thank you both, again."
Blaine steps backwards, still smiling, for a couple of feet before he turns his back on them and goes in search of his next victim. All the while Kurt really wants him to come back and drink the rest of that water in front of him.
Shaking his head, he turns back to Rachel, "Alright! Lunch!" he only allows himself one glance back at Blaine, as he puts his arm through Rachel and starts towards their favorite dinner. He definitely does not blush when he finds Blaine looking back at him, and shooting a wave and grin.
"He was dreamy…" Rachel says as way of greeting, now that they're alone.
"Oh no…!" Kurt gasps, "I mean, he was… but, you know, he was an activist… Those people are so self-righteous."
"Says the pot to the kettle…" Rachel teases, "Besides, he's just a volunteer, not necessarily a hardcore activist. It just means he cares."
"And he's clearly just some rich boy trying to up his karma, too…"
"I'm sure you'll enjoy that when you're sunbathing in his family's yacht, then." Rachel grins.
"There's also the fact that I completely humiliated myself in front of him before you got there." He shrugs, keeping his posture nonchalant and his tone unaffected, before he proceeds to tell her the whole thing over a Mediterranean salad, now significantly more comfortable with it, given the fact that he'll probably never see Blaine again.
They spend the rest of their lunch date gushing over the boy's dreaminess and coming up with worse pickup lines than the one Kurt was unfortunate enough to let slip. It's not until he's back at the loft watching a rerun of America's Next Top Model, alone because Rachel had afternoon rehearsals for another off-Broadway play where she's the understudy to the leading role, that he hears his cell phone pinging with a new text.
He's ready to tell Rachel to pick up some carrots on her way home when he notices it's not Rachel with an estimate time of arrival.
From Unknown Number: Hello. So, I have an autograph of an upcoming Broadway star that reads as follows "You are very cute. Kurt is very cute. You should be cute together. His number is *the number I'm texting*. Xoxo, Rachel Berry" and then the drawing of a star. I was wondering, any advice on how to proceed? -Blaine Anderson – 18:24
Kurt can feel his jaw hit the floor, his heart stop, and his body catch fire all at once. He should've known, really, but somehow Rachel always manages to supersede his expectations. Still, he saves the contact before replying with nervous fingers.
From Kurt: Wait ten years and see if she becomes famous. If so, sell it on E-bay for a substantial amount of money. If not, you can use my number to track her down and shove it in her face that she's not actually god's gift to mankind. (I'm being mean because she's insane. I'm so sorry she did that. I swear I had no part in it. this is so embarrassing). -Kurt Hummel – 18:34
Not nearly as embarrassing as saying I could have every minute of your time, though. – 18:41
In case it wasn't clear, I'm just teasing you. I actually thought it was endearing. – 18:42
What? My complete lack of filter between mind and mouth or her complete disregard for boundaries? – 18:44
Both. :) - 18:44
Endearing in a way that it's a funny story to tell your friends tomorrow over drinks, so you can all politely, and politically correctly laugh at us, or endearing in way that maybe you were actually happy to have my number? – 18:46
I did use it, didn't I? – 18:46
Now, that being said, I mean, I can't promise my friends won't be amused when I tell them how I met the cutest guy, and how I scored his number. In their defense, it *is* funny. – 18:47
Oh. – 18:47
You can't see me, but you should know that I'm smiling. (I guess, they can laugh, it's ok. I understand) – 18:48
You do have a nice smile, but texting doesn't do it justice. :( – 18:49
Oh, you are too good at this! – 18:49
Drinks sometime this week? Saturday? You know, since you did say I could have all the minutes. Might as well start cashing in a few ;) – 18:50
I keep my word. Saturday sounds perfect, since apparently I won't be busy killing Rachel and dumping her body in the Hudson for now. – 18:52
For now? – 18:52
Giving you my number isn't even remotely the craziest thing she's ever done. I live with her. You think the urge doesn't come often? Now, I know killing is against human rights, but surely you'd understand my situation. The woman is insane. - 18:54
You two are fascinating. I think killing Rachel wouldn't just be a breach of human rights, but also a crime against science. Keep the knives in the drawer, Kurt, and come have drinks with me and fascinate me some more. – 18:56
I already said I would! – 18:56
I mean right now. – 18:56
If you're not busy. – 18:56
We just finished putting everything away at the headquarter, and I could use something fresh to decompress after a day of dealing with some very rude people, and one very adorable guy. (feel free to say no, though) – 18:58
Oh. – 18:58
Yes! – 18:58
I mean "Yes, that might be nice." Text me a time and an address and I'll be there. – 18:58
So endearing! I'll get back to you in five with that time and place. – 18:59
Later that evening, when Rachel does get home she finds a note that reads:
"Blaine and I are being cute together having drinks. Your forgiveness depends on how well it goes. (thought, let's be honest, I'll end up thanking you, won't I? ugh.) xoxo Kurt"
And three years later, Rachel cashes in her victory by demanding that she be the one writing the wedding invitations, as it was her written word, after all, that truly brought them together. They realize it was a mistake, of course, when they see themselves forced to send out invitation that read as follows:
"Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson are planning to spend the rest of their lives being cute together. They invite you to join them, June 4th, as they celebrate their love and union, and let everyone bask in how cute they are. They seem to think you would add immensely to said cuteness.
They would also like to thank miss Rachel Berry for making such cuteness possible and being so cute herself.
RSVP"