Michelle, sometimes i sit back and think,
WHY SISTER, WHY?
Why did you do it? Why did you leave this family in so much pain?
I try not to get angry at you, I really do.
Did you think life would be easier, if you were up in heaven looking down on us?,
Well you were wrong, because all you see is you're family hurting so much because of you,
you see me crying myself to sleep every night just thinking of the life we could have had together, all those special sister moments we could have shared.
Today, the 8th December 2009, today marks eleven years since you left us.
And it couldn't hurt anymore than it already does.
I woke up this moring to hear mum crying, she's trying to act like everything is all ok, holding herself together for me and Jamie, but she doesn't know i'm doing the exact same, hoping that seeing me ok will make her feel better.
Next year I turn seventeen, but unlike you I won't stay forever seventeen.
I'm not going to be celebrating, how can I when your birthday is a day after mine?
WHY SISTER, WHY?
I recently learned that you were carrying either a little niece or nephew when you killed yourself.
I can't help but imagine how he/she would have turned out.
I know i was always the closest to you, and not our other sister Theresa, haha, I remeber you bought me my very first school skirt.
I still remember the day you took me into town and took me to the noddy machine that took pictures, I wanted one so bad, haha.
WHY BILLY, WHY?
Billy, I haven't forgotton you, if you ever happen to see this, just know that I will NEVER forgive you.
Did you think it would be fun to off yourself together?
Are you sad that her suicide worked and yours didn't?
If you loved her and her family, why didn't you see sense and stop her, she was carrying your child.
I don't know how you can walk about with my sisters death on you conscience.
If I ever meet you again, you will wish you were never born, you wll wish that you were safe inside your mothers womb.
WHY SISTER, WHY?
Even though I do get mad at you, I still love you with every inch of my being, never forget that.
I still remember the special moments that we shared.
But I also remember the day mum sat Jamie and myself down on the sofa, underneath our family portrait and told us that we would never see you again. I was only five years old but I understood perfectly.
I know that you must be happy up in heaven, because if you weren't I would know about it, you do have quite a tepmer on you,unfortunatly, I am much like you in that way. haha.
I really do miss you, even though there is a big whole in my heart, I have our family, and we all support each other.
I love you, and I can't wait untill the day we are reunited in heaven together again.
colleen xx