As a warning, this story does deal with the issue of rape. If this offends you or will trigger something, please do not read this.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Prologue

Ahsoka's POV

How could I have let this happen?

After that ... experience a couple of months ago, I'd been gradually recovering. I had thought that I was just about back to normal; even going back out to fight as a Jedi padawan alongside my master. He was still worried about me – I could tell by the way he now refused to let me out of his sight – but he did seem to have accepted that the only way I was ever going to get over what had happened to me was if I carried on as I had always done.

He was right, of course, about that. I did want to carry on. I wasn't about to quit my position and throw away all of my Jedi training just because of one traumatic experience! Alright, it was about as bad as things could have got – short of turning to the Dark Side – but I was on the mend, and now that the physical scars had healed, I was ready to get on with my life, with my training, and allow time to heal all the emotional scars. The Jedi training and meditation helped.

But now, around two months after the incident on that deserted planet, my life had once again been turned upside down, perhaps permanently this time.

I paced around my quarters on the ship, wishing already that I had waited to take the test until the mission was completely over. We had already rescued the captive senator and were on route to meet with the Jedi Council to discuss our encounter with General Grievous – the droid had escaped again, much to our mutual irritation – but we had yet to reach the planet. Now, I wished that I'd waited – it had seemed so farfetched an idea that I hadn't really thought about it when I'd decided to take the test. I only took it at all because R2 was insistent that I should; I love that little guy, so I did it to placate him after he'd seen me feeling ill that morning.

He'd given me the test, obtaining it from I-don't-even-want-to-know-where, and I'd humoured him by taking in. I had not expected it to be positive. The weirdest thing was that, once I saw that it was positive, I'd not even really believed it; I had laughed and told him to get me another one, this one was clearly faulty. But no – the next one he gave me yielded the same results, and here I began to panic. I asked for another, and another, and another. By the fifth, I was pretty much convinced, and trembling with fear, rage and despair.

Fear that I was in a condition strictly forbidden by the Jedi code; furious that I was not in this condition through any fault of my own; despairing because I truly didn't know what to do.

I paced around the tiny quarters, doing laps of the small area at a quick pace, internally screaming and outwardly shaking. My fingers wrung themselves together, my breathing came too quickly, my heart pounded. I was immensely grateful that I was in my private quarters and not out in the open; nobody should ever see me like this. I was a Jedi and liked to hold myself strong and proud like one, the last thing I needed was Rex or one of the other Clones to see me halfway to a breakdown, not to mention my master.

I had no idea what to do. How could I go on with this thing inside of me?

There was no instant connection, no inexplicable joy, no delight – only hopelessness and shame. I was carrying a monstrosity and I wanted it out of my body. It had no right to be there; I had not willingly taken part in the act, so why should I bear this burden? This was not my choice, not my fault.

You don't believe me? You don't understand? Well, let me fill you in: about two months ago, we were sent on a mission to the Outer Rim in search of Count Dooku, me and my master, along with the usual clones assigned to him. But on the way there was a problem with one of the engines that couldn't be repaired quickly enough and we had to make an emergency landing on an uncharted planet – its name I can't recall. Anyway, we thought it was harmless and simply uninhabited; we were wrong.

As it turned out, the Sith were using the planet as a base for small meetings. By sheer chance, Dooku was there. As was he.

He was another Sith, likely an apprentice of some description - a human male of about twenty five, skilled with a lightsabre, physically strong and manipulating. Whilst exploring, I came across him, without my master and accompanied by only a couple of Clones. At first I wasn't especially worried; I was sure that I could handle him, even when he slaughtered the two Clones – that only made me attack him with more passion. He was relatively skilled but so was I; if things had been a fight and nothing more, I may well have won.

But I had not counted on the new weapon of the Sith – something that could be used only in specific locations, in places where the force was weakest. It was a device capable of stopping the force from being used by a Jedi, and it stopped me. He managed to knock my sabres out of my hands, and without the force, I couldn't get them back to me.

Then he pinned me down, and with the strength he had, I was unable to fight. He hit my head against a rock so that I was only semi-conscious, and then he ... did the deed. I was aware what was happened but unable to fight, without the force and not completely conscious.

Anakin walked in after he had ... finished ... twice already, looking for me after I had not returned from my scouting. What Anakin saw sickened him and shamed me, no matter what way you look at it. He killed that Sith and I have never seen him more angry than the moment when he realised that the Sith had raped me – I hope that I never see him that angry again.

Anakin got me back to the ship and a medical droid healed my physical injuries. I was mostly frozen by the experience, unable to speak and motionless save for some trembling, and I know that Anakin was terrified when I wouldn't answer him; all I could do was lean against him. It wasn't the first time he'd hugged me, but it was the first time he'd held me to him so tightly, like he was afraid I was going to disappear. I know that he was doing it because he was reassuring himself and me that the ordeal was over.

We managed to get a Republic ship to come and collect us, and I learned that Dooku had fled after a battle with Anakin that had come to a grudging draw in the end. We returned to the council, who heard from Anakin what had happened to me, and after that, life returned to normal.

I was only in the actual hospital for three days before I was allowed out, hence why I thought it could all go back to normal.

That was what happened. Now you know what I do, and I can't tell you anything more because I genuinely don't know anything else.

I didn't know what the Sith are planning, or if that weapon they had was destroyed, or if they had more of them somewhere on other planets.

Most of all, I didn't know why I had to have conceived from a disgusting act such as what happened to me.

Now, I collapsed onto my bed, clenching my eyes closed to stop myself from crying, wishing that it hadn't happened, wishing that this wasn't happening. I would have given anything – everything – to be able to take another test that came back one hundred per cent negative.

But I'd taken five already and I knew that another was not going to change the results of those two. There was no denying it – I was carrying that Sith's child inside me.

And I wanted it out. How could I have a baby this way? I was a Jedi, how could I have a baby at all?

A few bleeps from the droid – faithful R2-D2 had been there the whole time – brought me out of my emotional stupor and back to my senses, and I was able to take a deep breath, focus and think logically; thank the force for Jedi meditation, I will never treat it as a chore again.

The Jedi council knew what happened to me. If I told them right away, they would understand. They'd help me to get rid of it and they would not blame me, as they already know why this wasn't my fault.

I didn't have to do this. I could just get help from the council and then I could truly go back to living my life, training to be a Jedi.

I made this decision as the communicator on my wrist bleeped and my master's voice fed through, altering me that he wanted me on up on the bridge – I guessed that we must be getting close to our arrival and thus our meeting with the council.

Perfect. I would use this opportunity to talk to them.

And so, with that in mind, I stood and began to make my way up to the bridge, trying to ignore the constricting of my heart and wondering why my whole body was screaming at me in protest at what I was going to do...

Please R&R