Learn to Fly
By PhanGrrrl
Chapter 1: Choices
She stared at her reflection, hating what she saw more than she believed herself capable of. She wished she had the strength or the will to shatter the glass in front of her, vile thing. How did she get here, here where she would sit for hours lost in her reflection, wondering what he had seen. How could he have loved this? How could he have cared to see this face smile. Maybe there had been something there, but It was lost now. Everything she saw in herself was hard and cold, and each day it got worse. It got worse because she was a coward and a fool. She tore her eyes away at last, shaking her head in disgust at herself. She must have left something down there in that darkness, whatever he had loved. She gave the glass one last fleeting look, and then covered it with the sheet in her hands. She stared at the deserted room. She didn't belong here any more, not in Paris, not in Europe, no where near anything that knew or remembered that girl who had gone into the catacombs, and never came back. And the one person who knew where that girl went was lost. Or perhaps she was lost, either way it didn't matter, because he hadn't come for her. He didn't want her any more, did he?
"Christine? Are you quite ready?" A male voice demanded from behind the door. She arose and walked to let him in. She was glad she hadn't been able to cry since she had returned home, or else she would be wiping tears from her eyes now, like a fool.
"I'm ready, Raoul" She stated somberly as she opened the door. "Let's go." She barely looked at him as she passed though the door. Lately it seemed she felt sick when she looked at him, guilty, like a criminal. She kept telling herself that it didn't matter, He wanted her to be with Raoul, he had let her go. But there was still a coldness in Raoul's eyes that she had seen for the first time that night. She knew the look well, the cold and calculating stare of some one who would never give up what was theirs, someone ready to kill for what they thought was love. Whenever she thought of Raoul's eyes she could not help but think of His eyes as she had left him. Again Christine shook her head free of those useless and painful thoughts. She bit her lip. Forget him. That was what she ordered herself to do. It was time for on last journey to the Opera house. It was time to say good bye.
She didn't speak in the carriage and didn't look at her companion, as was becoming her habit. She hated this.
"You know, you could at least try to look happy. You are free now." Raoul tried to explain encouragingly.
"Why are you letting me do this?" She asked coldly, finally turning to him.
"Because…it will help you to heal from the horrors you've had to endure" he said hastily. She gave him a look that let him know she saw his lie. "I have one piece of business left, as well."
"I have felt for months as if I was being torn apart, by both of you. It hasn't changed, it hasn't stopped. Every time you speak of him…I feel as if I will scream. The battle is over, but your words keep it going and it won't stop in my heart either" She whispered in one of the first flashes of honesty she had shown him in days.
"That is why it has to end, truly end." He said, trying to smile. But she heard ice under his tone of comfort. What did he really mean? She had little time to consider it, as they rolled up to the Palais Garnier.
Raoul let her go with few words. She knew he didn't like this. She didn't care. She entered her old dressing room silently and simply stood in the half-lit stillness, waiting for something. She drew a breath, knowing that at last the moment was right.
"We never said goodbye. You just told me to go, and I left. And I don't know why. I guess I…just couldn't fight anymore. And now I feel like a coward, like I betrayed you. And I know I have done that far too many times already. But, I've come to apologize…for not being strong enough to stay or fight or be what you needed. I'm sorry that I was a foolish little girl in the first place. I'm sorry that I was too afraid of myself and hate myself too much to let anything happen, or let anyone I touch or myself be happy…"She stopped, slamming her eyes against tears. "I…"
"Still have one more chance," a sad and beautiful voice interrupted, Christine clenched her fists and after a moment of pure panic, opened her eyes.
He stood before her, as dark and forbidding as ever, with they same look of love and supplication in his eyes. She didn't breathe and felt her heart stopping.
"Erik…" She rasped. She'd run through her mind what she would say to him if he were to appear, rehearsed it in her dreams and wished he'd been there to here it. Now it was all gone. What had he said? That she still had a chance. "A chance?"
"Yes." He said steadily. "He came today to finalize some arrangements with the management. Tonight he is going to kill me. He will bait me with a letter, challenging me to come for you. Then the gendarmes will surround and arrest me. I will fight because I will never let myself be locked away again. He wants you too see this, that's why he's luring me out." He explained calmly and simply, his gaze never leaving her. Christine closed her eyes and swallowed, feeling sick. Raoul had said he wanted it to truly end, and he had meant it. "I know you don't..."
"I believe you," She whispered, cutting him off. "So what is my choice if you plan to die tonight? How can I live with that blood on my hands? How can it end that way?" She demanded, her voice becoming more and more feverish as she raised her eyes to him again.
"Because it does not have to end," he almost whispered, as if he was praying. "You gave me something to live for, and for a moment, when you kissed me I knew what love really was," He shrugged and continued. "Life doesn't really mean much without you anymore. You mean to fly tonight, I know." Christine held back her tears as he continued "I will still love you, even then. There are still two ways you can fly, but it is still your choice now. It does not matter that he wants me dead. Without you nothing matters, you've known that." Christine starred at him, had she heard amusement in his voice.
"Erik, I…" She sighed, at a loss for words.
"You don't need to say anything. You must forgive me if I wait to give you my goodbye until tonight…or perhaps until I mean it." At that he turned, satisfied that he had told her all and told her the truth. Leaving her looking down at her clenched hands, he left. Once again, she stood in the stillness, more lost than before. She wasn't sure how she reached the foyer and made it to the carriage. She was finally jolted from her thoughts when Raoul asked, at last, if she was satisfied.
"No." She whispered more to herself than him. She studied her hands, locked in black gloves. She was ready to travel but she looked as if she was ready for a funeral; all black. Her long cloak enveloped her like night. The drove slowly and time seemed to be dragging even slower than had been usual for her in the past days. She wondered if Erik was already waiting somewhere; waiting for an end.
"Do you have the tickets to Calais?" She asked absently.
"Yes, and our spending money." He replied enthusiastically, cheered by her seeming interest in their voyage. Her eyes focused on him.
"May I take care of them? This trip is important to me, I'd feel safer having them," she asked looking at him innocently, sweet venom in her voice. If he meant to kill or arrest Erik, there would be no true intent to leave, and he would trust her with the useless money and tickets. This would be her proof.
"Of course, my love," he smiled, handing her everything. She felt suddenly as if a freezing wind had hit her. "And I have something else to make you feel safe." He pulled back his coat and revealed a pistol tucked gallantly in his belt.
"What will you possibly use that for?" She asked as she felt herself go pale.
"Just in case" he grinned. "Ah! Here we are." Raoul looked out the carriage window and smiled. Christine looked out and say not the grand train station but an empty street.
"What do you mean? The station is farther down." She muttered as she leapt out and opened the door.
"I though a walk would do us well before that long train ride" Christine stared at him, appalled by the obviousness of his lies. She gazed around her, wondering where the gendarmes where hiding and barely wondering anymore if what Erik had said would come true.
"I'd rather take the carriage all the way," she demanded coldly, turning to get back in.
"No…I think we'll see some very nice sights along the way," Raoul leered grabbing for her hand.
"Really, you would call me a nice sight?" A familiar voice intoned from the shadows, sounding much more defiant and caustic than it had earlier.
"So you did decide to come, wonderful!" Raoul addressed the darkness, far too amused for his own good.
"I really had nothing better to do," Erik sighed as he walked out of the shadows, seeming to materialize out of the dark.
"Raoul, what is this? Why are you doing this?" Christine demanded, looking back and forth between the two of them.
"I told you, Christine, I'm going to end this. Messieurs!" Raoul called to the darkness. Erik didn't even flinch as the gendarmes emerged form the doors around them. All with pistols aimed at him.
"So you knew you couldn't win on your own, very smart, a nice change," Erik hissed sarcastically. The gendarmes continued to advance.
"Raoul!" Christine yelled, throwing her arms around him suddenly, shocking all the men there. "Please don't do this, please! This is insane! Please, don't hurt him." She begged. Raoul looked at her in disgust, pushing her away. Her hands retreated into her cloak, having found their prey.
"This is for you!" He snarled in repugnance. "Why do you insist on pleading for the life of a monster? You'll be free. Stay out of this!" Raoul pushed Christine out of his way as he advanced on Erik, but within a moment she was between them, standing firm.
"I will chose how this ends," Christine spoke clearly.
"Christine! Enough people have been hurt by your foolishness already! Get out of my way!" Raoul yelled, his face twisting with rising anger. Christine looked down for a moment, dejected, and then looked to Erik. He looked at her, waiting.
"You're right, I have hurt a lot of people," She murmured, and turned back to face the viscount. "I guess one more won't matter then?"
"I…" Raoul couldn't finish forming words as he registered the sound of a gun cocking and pistol aimed a foot from his head, in Christine's hand. Her face showed a steely resolve and strength he had never seen. He fumbled in his belt for his own pistol and realized that it was the one Christine was holding. "What are you doing?"
"Choosing," she said calmly and assuredly. "Now get back." Raoul stumbled back, still too confused to do anything other than what she ordered. "All of you, get back in those houses, or I shoot." The gendarmes looked at each other in utter bewilderment. They slowly began to back away, dropping their aim as they did. After what seemed to Christine like an eternity, they were gone and hidden again. "Raoul, I would tell you I'm sorry for this," Christine explained, almost sadly. "But…I'm not."
"Christine!" Erik's voice rang out at the same instant as her shoot. Raoul crumpled to the ground clutching his wounded leg. Christine turned to Erik for a moment, her face still resolved.
"Now we run," he gasped and took her waiting hand.
By PhanGrrrl
Chapter 1: Choices
She stared at her reflection, hating what she saw more than she believed herself capable of. She wished she had the strength or the will to shatter the glass in front of her, vile thing. How did she get here, here where she would sit for hours lost in her reflection, wondering what he had seen. How could he have loved this? How could he have cared to see this face smile. Maybe there had been something there, but It was lost now. Everything she saw in herself was hard and cold, and each day it got worse. It got worse because she was a coward and a fool. She tore her eyes away at last, shaking her head in disgust at herself. She must have left something down there in that darkness, whatever he had loved. She gave the glass one last fleeting look, and then covered it with the sheet in her hands. She stared at the deserted room. She didn't belong here any more, not in Paris, not in Europe, no where near anything that knew or remembered that girl who had gone into the catacombs, and never came back. And the one person who knew where that girl went was lost. Or perhaps she was lost, either way it didn't matter, because he hadn't come for her. He didn't want her any more, did he?
"Christine? Are you quite ready?" A male voice demanded from behind the door. She arose and walked to let him in. She was glad she hadn't been able to cry since she had returned home, or else she would be wiping tears from her eyes now, like a fool.
"I'm ready, Raoul" She stated somberly as she opened the door. "Let's go." She barely looked at him as she passed though the door. Lately it seemed she felt sick when she looked at him, guilty, like a criminal. She kept telling herself that it didn't matter, He wanted her to be with Raoul, he had let her go. But there was still a coldness in Raoul's eyes that she had seen for the first time that night. She knew the look well, the cold and calculating stare of some one who would never give up what was theirs, someone ready to kill for what they thought was love. Whenever she thought of Raoul's eyes she could not help but think of His eyes as she had left him. Again Christine shook her head free of those useless and painful thoughts. She bit her lip. Forget him. That was what she ordered herself to do. It was time for on last journey to the Opera house. It was time to say good bye.
She didn't speak in the carriage and didn't look at her companion, as was becoming her habit. She hated this.
"You know, you could at least try to look happy. You are free now." Raoul tried to explain encouragingly.
"Why are you letting me do this?" She asked coldly, finally turning to him.
"Because…it will help you to heal from the horrors you've had to endure" he said hastily. She gave him a look that let him know she saw his lie. "I have one piece of business left, as well."
"I have felt for months as if I was being torn apart, by both of you. It hasn't changed, it hasn't stopped. Every time you speak of him…I feel as if I will scream. The battle is over, but your words keep it going and it won't stop in my heart either" She whispered in one of the first flashes of honesty she had shown him in days.
"That is why it has to end, truly end." He said, trying to smile. But she heard ice under his tone of comfort. What did he really mean? She had little time to consider it, as they rolled up to the Palais Garnier.
Raoul let her go with few words. She knew he didn't like this. She didn't care. She entered her old dressing room silently and simply stood in the half-lit stillness, waiting for something. She drew a breath, knowing that at last the moment was right.
"We never said goodbye. You just told me to go, and I left. And I don't know why. I guess I…just couldn't fight anymore. And now I feel like a coward, like I betrayed you. And I know I have done that far too many times already. But, I've come to apologize…for not being strong enough to stay or fight or be what you needed. I'm sorry that I was a foolish little girl in the first place. I'm sorry that I was too afraid of myself and hate myself too much to let anything happen, or let anyone I touch or myself be happy…"She stopped, slamming her eyes against tears. "I…"
"Still have one more chance," a sad and beautiful voice interrupted, Christine clenched her fists and after a moment of pure panic, opened her eyes.
He stood before her, as dark and forbidding as ever, with they same look of love and supplication in his eyes. She didn't breathe and felt her heart stopping.
"Erik…" She rasped. She'd run through her mind what she would say to him if he were to appear, rehearsed it in her dreams and wished he'd been there to here it. Now it was all gone. What had he said? That she still had a chance. "A chance?"
"Yes." He said steadily. "He came today to finalize some arrangements with the management. Tonight he is going to kill me. He will bait me with a letter, challenging me to come for you. Then the gendarmes will surround and arrest me. I will fight because I will never let myself be locked away again. He wants you too see this, that's why he's luring me out." He explained calmly and simply, his gaze never leaving her. Christine closed her eyes and swallowed, feeling sick. Raoul had said he wanted it to truly end, and he had meant it. "I know you don't..."
"I believe you," She whispered, cutting him off. "So what is my choice if you plan to die tonight? How can I live with that blood on my hands? How can it end that way?" She demanded, her voice becoming more and more feverish as she raised her eyes to him again.
"Because it does not have to end," he almost whispered, as if he was praying. "You gave me something to live for, and for a moment, when you kissed me I knew what love really was," He shrugged and continued. "Life doesn't really mean much without you anymore. You mean to fly tonight, I know." Christine held back her tears as he continued "I will still love you, even then. There are still two ways you can fly, but it is still your choice now. It does not matter that he wants me dead. Without you nothing matters, you've known that." Christine starred at him, had she heard amusement in his voice.
"Erik, I…" She sighed, at a loss for words.
"You don't need to say anything. You must forgive me if I wait to give you my goodbye until tonight…or perhaps until I mean it." At that he turned, satisfied that he had told her all and told her the truth. Leaving her looking down at her clenched hands, he left. Once again, she stood in the stillness, more lost than before. She wasn't sure how she reached the foyer and made it to the carriage. She was finally jolted from her thoughts when Raoul asked, at last, if she was satisfied.
"No." She whispered more to herself than him. She studied her hands, locked in black gloves. She was ready to travel but she looked as if she was ready for a funeral; all black. Her long cloak enveloped her like night. The drove slowly and time seemed to be dragging even slower than had been usual for her in the past days. She wondered if Erik was already waiting somewhere; waiting for an end.
"Do you have the tickets to Calais?" She asked absently.
"Yes, and our spending money." He replied enthusiastically, cheered by her seeming interest in their voyage. Her eyes focused on him.
"May I take care of them? This trip is important to me, I'd feel safer having them," she asked looking at him innocently, sweet venom in her voice. If he meant to kill or arrest Erik, there would be no true intent to leave, and he would trust her with the useless money and tickets. This would be her proof.
"Of course, my love," he smiled, handing her everything. She felt suddenly as if a freezing wind had hit her. "And I have something else to make you feel safe." He pulled back his coat and revealed a pistol tucked gallantly in his belt.
"What will you possibly use that for?" She asked as she felt herself go pale.
"Just in case" he grinned. "Ah! Here we are." Raoul looked out the carriage window and smiled. Christine looked out and say not the grand train station but an empty street.
"What do you mean? The station is farther down." She muttered as she leapt out and opened the door.
"I though a walk would do us well before that long train ride" Christine stared at him, appalled by the obviousness of his lies. She gazed around her, wondering where the gendarmes where hiding and barely wondering anymore if what Erik had said would come true.
"I'd rather take the carriage all the way," she demanded coldly, turning to get back in.
"No…I think we'll see some very nice sights along the way," Raoul leered grabbing for her hand.
"Really, you would call me a nice sight?" A familiar voice intoned from the shadows, sounding much more defiant and caustic than it had earlier.
"So you did decide to come, wonderful!" Raoul addressed the darkness, far too amused for his own good.
"I really had nothing better to do," Erik sighed as he walked out of the shadows, seeming to materialize out of the dark.
"Raoul, what is this? Why are you doing this?" Christine demanded, looking back and forth between the two of them.
"I told you, Christine, I'm going to end this. Messieurs!" Raoul called to the darkness. Erik didn't even flinch as the gendarmes emerged form the doors around them. All with pistols aimed at him.
"So you knew you couldn't win on your own, very smart, a nice change," Erik hissed sarcastically. The gendarmes continued to advance.
"Raoul!" Christine yelled, throwing her arms around him suddenly, shocking all the men there. "Please don't do this, please! This is insane! Please, don't hurt him." She begged. Raoul looked at her in disgust, pushing her away. Her hands retreated into her cloak, having found their prey.
"This is for you!" He snarled in repugnance. "Why do you insist on pleading for the life of a monster? You'll be free. Stay out of this!" Raoul pushed Christine out of his way as he advanced on Erik, but within a moment she was between them, standing firm.
"I will chose how this ends," Christine spoke clearly.
"Christine! Enough people have been hurt by your foolishness already! Get out of my way!" Raoul yelled, his face twisting with rising anger. Christine looked down for a moment, dejected, and then looked to Erik. He looked at her, waiting.
"You're right, I have hurt a lot of people," She murmured, and turned back to face the viscount. "I guess one more won't matter then?"
"I…" Raoul couldn't finish forming words as he registered the sound of a gun cocking and pistol aimed a foot from his head, in Christine's hand. Her face showed a steely resolve and strength he had never seen. He fumbled in his belt for his own pistol and realized that it was the one Christine was holding. "What are you doing?"
"Choosing," she said calmly and assuredly. "Now get back." Raoul stumbled back, still too confused to do anything other than what she ordered. "All of you, get back in those houses, or I shoot." The gendarmes looked at each other in utter bewilderment. They slowly began to back away, dropping their aim as they did. After what seemed to Christine like an eternity, they were gone and hidden again. "Raoul, I would tell you I'm sorry for this," Christine explained, almost sadly. "But…I'm not."
"Christine!" Erik's voice rang out at the same instant as her shoot. Raoul crumpled to the ground clutching his wounded leg. Christine turned to Erik for a moment, her face still resolved.
"Now we run," he gasped and took her waiting hand.