Summary: Anger, frustration, unease and loss. Our first year southpaw runs into a towering brick wall as reality hits him. Realisation of the tremendous gap in skills and a new found loneliness, how will Eijun overcome this struggle... (Warning: shonen-ai...between who, you'll have to find out :P )
NOTE: This is a sequel to "Last Chance" (probably won't need to read it to start off on this one).
NOTE2: It came to my attention that this story line closely resembles rineren's story, my apologies to rineren (and any other stories out there). To the readers, please bear with Chapter 1, hopefully Chapter 2 shows plot deviation.
Chapter 1: Always There
It had been a couple weeks after the dream, but it lingered as vivid as day within Sawamura's mind, it plagued him non-stop. Every waking moment, his thoughts would conjure his impure dream, distracting him from his studies, although he did none, and baseball practice. It started to take a toll on him mentally and physically.
"Ball four!" the umpire shouted as Sawamura walked another batter. A tirade of boo's could be heard from the spectators. In the last five practice games, he had multiple walks, hits, steals and home runs. Luckily for him, the other three pitchers were able to regain control of the game flow once he was switched out.
"Time out" Miyuki requested as he ran up to the pitcher. "Sawamura, what are you doing? This is the third walk in this inning." his stern voice pierced Sawamura. "Calm down and pitch like how you did before, otherwise, you're going to get switched out by the coach."
Sawamura looked towards the dugout to see a stoic sunglass wearing man looking directly at him. His downfall thus far started not long after his dream. Sawamura stood on the mound, panting heavily, eyes shrouded in dark circles marking tiredness.
*Flashback*
It was the 7th inning of a practice game when the coach called Sawamura up to pitch. Seidou was leading by five points and the momentum was on Seidou's side.
"Yes Boss!" Sawamura shouted as he energetically ran towards the pitcher's mound.
"Balls are gonna come flying, so I'm counting on you guys." Sawamura shouted with his left hand in the air.
His start was great, immediately getting three consecutive strikeouts. "YOSH YOSH YOSH YOSH..." Sawamura ran back to the dugout shouting at the top of his lungs, until Isashiki kicked him from behind.
As Sawamura went to grab his water bottle, he felt a hand rest on his shoulders. Turning his head, he saw a smiling Miyuki congratulating him on the strikeouts.
*Thump Thump Thump* his heart started to race as his memories of the dream came flooding back. His face started to get red. He quickly found a seat in the darkest corner of the dugout in hopes that no one would realise.
"Sawamura, make sure you get enough to drink." Chris shouted as the sight of Sawamura's face getting flushed did not elude him; however, he only attributed it to the effects of the sunny hot day. Once Chris saw Sawamura nodding his head vehemently in acknowledgement, he smirked and returned his attention to the game at hand.
"Strike out, switch!" the umpire shouted. Sawamura snapped out of his daze as he realised he had to go back out to pitch. He ran up to the mound and upon looking towards home plate, he saw Miyuki. Again, impure thoughts flooded to his mind causing him to lose track of his surroundings and task at hand. 'Stop thinking of it, focus Eijun, focus!' he inwardly yelled at himself, all the while, his breath and heartbeat heightened.
'Lets get an inside corner for this one' Miyuki signaled towards Sawamura.
With a nod of understanding, Sawamura threw his pitch.
Miyuki stared in shock as he saw the ball flying towards him at a different course, it headed towards the centre and to his dismay, the ball met the core of the batter's bat.
*PING* the echo rang throughout the field. Sawamura's eyes grew as he turned towards his right to see the ball fly out of the field. He stared at the area where the ball landed, eyes plastered on that one spot for a good minute. Shaking his head and turning around, he saw Miyuki throwing a ball at him. Catching it in his mitt, he then gripped the ball with his left hand. Staring at the ball, still in disbelief, his mind, soul and heart went into a state of disarray.
"Sawamura, you ok?" Miyuki yelled at him.
Sawamura snapped back into reality, looked at the worried catcher and nodded. 'Focus on the game Eijun, stop thinking about the dream, stop thinking about Miyuki and pitch better!' he reprimanded himself as he knew his undivided attention was being redirected to other useless thoughts; thus, causing the home run hit just now.
After three consecutive pitches were thrown, the umpire called "ball three". The batter smirked and Sawamura saw it. 'I have to strike the batter out, forget about that home run...' he told was scared, the home run hit him hard.
At the home plate, a worried look was engraved onto Miyuki's expression. 'Did that home run really effect him that much...how about an outside corner this time, make it low.' Miyuki positioned his mitt to the location he wanted it. But all went downhill from that moment thereafter.
*End flashback*
The subsequent pitches from Sawamura all ended up as balls, home runs or hits. Time was ticking slowly for him; he sunk deeper and deeper, like quick sand pulling someone down. He was lost for what to do and it all started a week ago, shortly after the game where he gave out a home run. In addition, recent rumours of him getting kicked off of the regulars did not help his situation and stress level at all.
"Pitcher change." The coach yelled. Sawamura turned his attention towards the coach shocked. His eyes became dull as his gaze fell onto the ground, arms limply swaying at the side of his body as if all strength dissipated. He dropped the baseball subconsciously as he headed back into the dugout. 'It's expected, who wants a pitcher who can't strike out...'
For the rest of the game, he was lifeless. During clean up and dinner, not a word came out of him. When spoken to, he just nodded and nothing more. Everyone around him was worried and constantly told him to not worry about that game or games in general, but none of those words reached him.
"Miyuki-senpai, can you catch a couple of my pitches?" Furuya spoke up as everyone made their way out of the cafeteria.
"Sure." Miyuki replied as they headed out the door towards the field.
Sawamura watched the two leave. 'That could be me doing pitching practice with Miyuki.' but even though the thought crossed his mind, he was too depressed after his failure. To top things off, a new rumour about him not pitching in the next few games started to float around.
He slowly trudged to the dorm room, only to be met by darkness. 'They're all probably practicing batting.' It was a blessing, no one was there, he could have some alone time. Sluggishly crawling onto his bed, he pulled the covers over his head and attempt to sleep, to escape away from the torment of the real world.
*Tick...tock...tick...tock...* the clock echoed throughout the silent room.
"Argghhhh!" Sawamura groaned as he shot up into a sitting position. Looking at the clock, he noted that 15 minutes had passed. 'Curse these thoughts! I can't get to sleep...' he berated himself. His mind ran rampant with thoughts on his bad pitching and fantasies between him and Miyuki. But, as the fantasies slowly took over his undivided attention, his heart beat became faster and a rush of adrenaline coursed through his veins. Sleep had now become the last item on his list.
'I guess I'll go for a jog to calm myself down...' he got out of bed and headed out the door.
The sun had set, the evening twilight disappeared, all of which signaled the end of the day.
"Furuya, lets call it a night, go get some rest." Miyuki shouted.
A reluctant Furuya shot Miyuki a look of wanting to pitch more, but Miyuki ignored it. Furuya walked towards the locker room, while Miyuki ran up alongside him. Both were tired from the day's practice coupled with the late evening pitching session. Noting the pitcher's displeasure, Miyuki wrapped an arm around the pitcher's shoulders in attempt to cheer him up.
Sawamura's jog took him around the streets so he could avoid contact with the others. He was out running for a good 15 minutes before deciding to head back to the school. He was able to collect his thoughts and came upon a decision. 'I'm going to confront him...I'll tell him tonight...' Sawamura thought as he decided to confess to Miyuki. 'I have nothing more to lose at this point...' and with that, reality hit him. If his impure thoughts of his infatuation with Miyuki was going to drive his life down the drain, causing his pitching to degrade even more, he had to do something about it. What comes at the end of the tunnel, he'll face it as it unfolds.
Sawamura's heart beat increased at the thought of his confession. 'What if...' was all he could think at this point. As he approached the baseball diamond, he slowed down his pace. 'They must still be practicing' Sawamura thought as he saw the lights on, referring to Miyuki and Furuya. 'Great, I'll wait for a chance when Mi..yu...ki's...' Looking around the field, his eyes landed on two individuals atop each other. The person on top had his arms pressed against the chest of the other person.
'Miyuki...' Sawamura thought flabbergasted as he recognised the person on the bottom of the two. '...FU...FURUYA?!...' the name crossed his mind as he got a better view. Furuya was on top of Miyuki, both in an inseparable kiss. 'What's...happening...' he questioned himself as his once bright orbs glistened with a thin layer of tears. "Wha..." the half formulated word escaped from his lips in a slight whisper. His heart was hurting, his mind in disarray. The thought of not only losing against Furuya in pitching, but also in embracing, kissing and claiming the catcher, came crashing into his mind. "Ha...haha..." a light chuckle came out of his lips followed suit by a sniff. 'There's nothing left for me...nothing...I'm nothing...what am I doing here...' Subconsciously, he pressed his hand against his heart as if to stop the broken heart from bleeding. His breathing heightened as he gasped for air in attempt to overcome the squeezing sensation felt within his chest, and all the while, a single tear escaped the corner of his eyes.
Closing his eyes to prevent more tears from creeping out, Sawamura quickly turned around and jogged away in the opposite direction. He ran with all his might, aimlessly, in hopes of not meeting anyone. Eventually, tears streamed down his face as sobs erupted in odd intervals. 'Why does it hurt so much...what was I expecting...it was only one sided anyways...' the thoughts and questions raced through his mind as his left hand clenched his chest in hopes of lessening the pain of his aching heart.
Chris had completed a meeting with the coach. He had a worried look on his face as one of the main topics of discussion was Sawamura. He could see great potential in Sawamura, but there was a lot of room for improvement. He started to formulate a training schedule within his mind on his way back, but a shadow caught the corner of his eyes. As he turned to look at said shadow, he saw Sawamura running while rubbing his eyes with his hands. Chris stared at the running pitcher, but snapped out of his stupor once the pitcher was out of his vision. Not a second later, he ran after Sawamura.
Sawamura ran aimlessly and eventually came to an empty alleyway behind the school. The school's flood lights dimly illuminated the alleyway, but darkness still engulfed Sawamura in the shadows. Once out of sight from any possible onlookers, Sawamura dropped on all fours, face looking towards the ground. Whimpers and choked bawls broke out, tears pouring down like a waterfall. The soil below him started to saturate as his tears plummeted downwards. His fists grasped the grass in attempt to lessen the pain, but the agony rooted deep within his heart grew with every ticking second.
Chris finally caught up, only to see a broken pitcher kneeling over the ground. The cries of pain from the younger teen tormented him. "Sawamura..." Chris called out as he approached the pitcher.
Sawamura heard his name and froze. His hand went to clasp over his mouth as he tried to hold in the sobs. His chest was heaving and breathing heightened as he fought to keep quiet. 'Please leave me alone...please...' Sawamura didn't want anyone talking to him, let alone see him in this state. He didn't know who it was and was scared to make eye contact.
Chris approached the pitcher and once he was in front of Sawamura, he saw the pitcher twitch. He crouched down so that he was kneeling. The atmosphere was tense, he could feel the pitcher wanting him to leave, but he couldn't, he wouldn't. Chris placed his hand at Sawamura's chin and slowly lifted the pitcher's head up. What he saw crushed his heart.
Sawamura's eyes were puffy, face stained in tears and stifled sobs escaping the parsed lips occasionally. The one thing that hurt Chris the most were Sawamura's eyes. The once bright, fiery and lively eyes were now glazed in dullness, sorrow, depression and lifelessness.
As Sawamura's head was lifted, his eyes landed on the intruder, but to his surprise, he was glad that it was Chris. He wasn't afraid, he didn't need to hide. He was unsure of the feeling coursing through his body, but all he knew was, he didn't mind Chris being here with him.
"Sawamura..." Chris called out to the pitcher. It was evident that Sawamura tried to keep his composure, which was heartbreaking to see. The pitcher was struggling hard to stop the sobs, but his attempts failed miserably. The saddest eyes came looking up from the beaten pitcher.
"It's ok...It's ok Eijun..." Chris' arms wrapped around Sawamura, his hand delicately pushed the back of the pitcher's head so that the pitcher's face can be buried into his chest. "Let it out, let it all out..." Chris said calm and solemnly.
As Sawamura heard those words, it was as if a trigger was pressed, allowing him to cry his feelings out to the one person he trusted. Wrapping his arms under Chris' and gripping the catcher's shoulders, he dug his face deeper into the catcher's chest and started to pour his heart out. All the while, Chris patted Sawamura's back, whispering soothing words.
Chris was the one person Sawamura respected full heatedly and as he cried his feelings out to the catcher, Sawamura realised that Chris had always been there for him, had always looking after him, and had always reached out towards him. To him, Chris was a person he could trust, a person he wasn't afraid to show his feelings in front of.
Sawamura had cried himself to sleep in Chris' chest. As the pitcher's body went limp, Chris carefully moved the teen away from his chest. 'Get a good rest Eijun...' Chris attempted to carry Sawamura, but the movement caused Sawamura to stir in his sleep. Not wanting to wake the sleeping teen who had finally escaped from reality into a peaceful slumber, he positioned Sawamura so that the pitcher could rest properly with his head on the cather's lap. There, the two slept in the warm summer's night under the glow of the moonlight.
A/N: I hope it hasn't been confusing so far. Anyways, I'm estimating chapter 2 to come in around 1-3 wks (hopefully within the month of August). Thanks!