TITLE: The Curious Ailments of Sam Swarek
AUTHOR: mahtra
CHAPTER: 1
RATING: T for adult themes and language
UNIVERSE: AU, post 4x01 'Surprises'
SPOILERS: Through 3x13 'I Never', some relationship spoilers for S4.
PAIRING: McSwarek
SUMMARY: Sam's happy with Marlo. It looks like Andy is finally moving on. Everything would be perfect, if it wasn't for this feeling that he can't breath.
DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. No copyright infringement is intended. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
AN: Another one of my annoying ideas... Tell me what you think about it. It might just be, that I am going to extend it into a multi-chaptered thing, if you guys give me some good prompts. I didn't want to put too much effort into it (I try to keep 'What the Heart Wants' a priority) so it is not beta'd and I am not a native speaker. If you find any mistakes please let me know. Also be warned, eventually this will be a McSwarek fic. That doesn't mean though, that they are going to forget all the hurt they did to eachother.
As usual feedback is very much appreciated.
Most of the time he really enjoys being a detective.
For example when the heat outside is making the good citizens of Toronto all kind of crazy. He can't help but smile while his colleagues outside are sweating their behinds off. He enjoys the pleasant temperature of the office. What does it matter, that he doesn't get as much sunshine in here? At least he is comfortable.
In the last few months he has worked hard to get to this point. All he wants now for all his hard work getting here is convenience, comfort and ease.
He left the exhilaration of running after suspects behind. He doesn't want to chase anymore. If he wants to run now, he is doing it for himself, at his own speed. Not to chase after someone else anymore. He lets someone else do the chasing. He is done with this part of the job. He has moved up the ranks and the work he has to do now is with his head. He likes that feeling, the pure rational. No messy situations anymore. Straight forward, because he goes with the evidence. Doesn't need to read between the lines. He is at an advantage with the suspects. If he is in an interrogation, he has superior knowledge. At first it was unfamiliar to use his head and not to go with his gut. But he has adapted. And he is getting quite good now at examining the evidence objectively.
Also he is a little bit freer now when it comes to time management. While the white shirts are still expecting every detective to work at least forty hours a week, he can choose his breaks and hours more freely now. He can work however long he wants to until he calls it a day. Some days he is quick, some days he needs just a little bit more time. The pressure of regular shifts is gone. It gives him a freedom he didn't even know he missed.
Being in uniform has been a straightjacket for him in many ways. Now he feels liberated. Tries to push the thought out of mind that he just exchanged one uniform against another. One that he used to hate even more. With his new uniform he is less restricted at least. Shoes, pants, shirts. He creates the uniform in a way he likes. Maybe there are some expectations and conventions. But when it comes down to it, he's still the one, who gets the shirt he wants out in the morning.
Today is one of these easy days where everything is going so smoothly that he can't even imagine what kind of chaos he has to work through on other days. All his cases have been rather straightforward. No need for constant guessing and filing complicated paperwork.
So he is already done with the day's work, has already visited the break room to clean up his tea mug. The thing is: Tea leaves behind some unattractive residue. He always has to put in an extra minute to wipe the cup clean, before he can put it in the dishwasher. But he learned to like the sustaining effect of theine. Not as powerful as downing a coffee maybe, but definitely more healthy. He is back at his desk to collect his things for maybe a minute when he sees McNally's head appear in the doorway.
It's rare that he sees her these days. With her out on the streets and him in the office, they don't have much professional contact anymore. And it's a while now that she ceased to seek him out anymore. At first he can't explain why he's irritated about it. After all he decided months ago that he's better off without her. So why does it still penetrate his peace of mind that she's quitting their contact? He should be happy that she is not making it difficult for him. For not making him to choose between her and Marlo. For not making him to confront his theory with the reality. So he is not just annoyed with her. He is also grateful, that she doesn't put up a fight. It's the last thing he needs. For once he wants something simply. And he is pretty sure that she would be the end of this ignorant bliss he is living in. And he is appreciative that she seems to understand that.
He looks from McNally to his partner. Nash is just stroking the keys for the last time when she hears her name. He is not in the mood for girl talk right now, so he gets up as soon he hears her asking for help. He knows what kind trouble she is in, when she is desperate enough to ask for help and he doesn't want to be sucked into vortex of McNally's problems. Therefore he makes his way out of there. Nods his head in their direction as a greeting and goodby at the same time. Marlo should have finished her shift now too. He checks to see if the keys to her squat car are back on their hook in the briefing room, when he sees his girlfriend come into the room.
He can see the fine hairs contouring her face sticking to her skin. He knows Marlo is in a very good shape. For her to have sweated like this, it must really be a sweltering heat outside. Before he can lean down to greet her with a kiss, she has taken his hand and pulls him towards her locker room. He is amused how she refuses to let him come closer that an arms length until she has showered. He can recall an istant or two, where they were both very sweaty and she didn't mind it one bit. But right now there is nothing he can do. So he sits on the bench in the corner next to her locker and waits.
The higher ups would probably throw a fit if they knew about the blantant disregard Fifteen has for their rules. But still women's locker rooms are not his favorite hangout. While he appreciates the slightly better smell than in the men's, he still feels awkward there. Not wanting to appear like a peeping tom, he closes his eyes and lets his head fall back until it hits the wall.
He doesn't know how long he has sat there, when a noise penetrates his mind. Even though he has heard the sound a thousand times, he never connected a special memory with it. After all, who can recall a special moment, when they heard flip-flops clapping against the soles of wet feet? But his mind makes his own connection. A connection to a memory about a mental picture. He tries to lock that memory way. Far away. He built a whole safe around it and drowned it in an oceanic trench. But this memory is an escape artist.
At one point he almost bit Marlo's head of, just because she painted her toe nails. He knows, it's not fair and unreasonable. But he was not in the mood to deal with it. And he is not now nor will he ever be.
A moment later he hears McNally's voice and he cringes. He most definitely doesn't want to listen in on her discussion with Nash. So he thinks of something to distract himself with. He honestly doesn't want to eavesdrop. Tries to think of something to distract himself with. His mind draws blank.
Something in her voice lures him back to the conversation though. He can't tell exactly what it is. He has become too much estranged from her voice in these last few months. And even before that, he is pretty sure it is a long time that he heard this undertone in it. Because it almost sounds like she is exited and in a positive way.
"I need your help, Trace. I have no idea what I should wear!"
While he sits there, he almost snorts. Not knowing what to wear? Yeah, McNally sounds like she has an enormous problem. Briefly he wonders if she has always been this shallow. If he had guessed, he would have expected his partner to answer with sarcasm not empathy. So he is quite surprised at the motherly tone in Nash's voice as she answers.
"Andy, calm down. We're gonna figure it out. What are your options?"
Sam behind his eyes he can almost see her standing there pouting. Probably surround by five pair of jeans, which look all the same to him.
"First I thought of this one. But I am not sure. I dunno. I think, it might be a little bit too sexy. I mean I don't want to make a wrong impression. That's why I thought of this one. But the brown one I have worn too often, I think. I don't feel like it is something special anymore. I don't want to go there with my everyday clothes."
Sam felt his throat itch. Someone must have emptied half a canister of hairspray next him because his airways feel extremely irritated all of the sudden. He wished he could clear his throat to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling on his vocal cords. But it is definitely the wrong moment to make his presence in the locker room known. So he tries to swallow down the bitter taste of what must be the most vile spray ever.
"Well, what did he say you two are gonna do then?"
"He suggested a movie first and then drinks. But I have no idea where he's gonna take me."
"And he knows, that you are meeting him right after work?"
"Yeah, he knows. He even offered to pick me up. But I don't know. It feels awkward. I don't want the whole station gawking and making comparisons to Swarek. I want him for myself. At least for a little while."
Sam takes his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. When is Marlo getting back here? The situation is getting more and more awkward. And his throat is still irritated. He wants to get out of here and drink some water to get this horrible taste out of his mouth. The dryness of his mouth following his surname from McNally's lips has only increased the irritation. He used to be Sam, always Sam. Even when he was just her TO.
"Ok, Andy, I say, go with the first one. It was your first choice. And you look incredibly hot in it. He knows that you come straight from work, so it makes tonight slightly more casual. And it doesn't hurt, if he thinks you look this hot after work every day."
Sam can hear the playfulness in Traci's voice, when she adds "Oh, and Andy, don't do anything I wouldn't do."
Even though he is very well aware of the sexual innuendo, he doesn't feel his heart break as he overhears the two girlfriends. There is no sudden pain his chest, jut because he discovered that McNally is moving on. He is a little surprised how little this affects him. While his male pride is somewhat bruised because she dared to even think about another man ever again, he is quite all right with it. He has channeled all his emotions and thoughts towards his inner Zen center. He has moved on after all. He and Marlo are quite solid. And he wishes her wholeheartedly that she finds someone who will make her happy, too.
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