Title: Wakey, Wakey, Mr. Sunshine!
Status: One-shot Parody
Author: silrayn silverwolf
Disclaimer: Weiß is not mine.
Spoilers: end of anime series, Drama CD
Pairing: Crawford x Aya
Arc: Fringe Benefits
Teaser: Aya wakes up from his faint to find out he's not alone… A certain somebody comes to visit Crawford to add to the chaos.

Wakey, Wakey, Mr. Sunshine!
WEIß KREUZ FANFICTION

Inside Aya's bedroom…

"Hn?"

Linen sheets rustled.

"Aieeeeeegh! How…come you're here without a stitch on?" Aya said in a very unsteady voice.

The sheets rustled a bit more.

Bumpity-bump, somebody scampers hastily to the far side of the bed.

"Aya, is that the way to greet your new lover?"

"Hn!" It was an extremely indignant grunt.

"You don't remember, koi?"

"Hnnnnnn…"

Boogsh! Thump!

"Prude!" Crawford sighs.

***

Meanwhile, out in the hallway…

"I am going to see Crawford…"

"Miss, this place is out of bounds except for flower shop personnel, please wait in the shop."

"What's a pretty girl like you want with a pervert like him?"

Whack!

"And don't touch the hair!"

"Why not? You've got the prettiest black hair I've ever seen. Your eyes are pretty when they glare at me like that, dangerously brown, like sweet almonds… Why don't we go out of this cramped hallway and into a bar so I can tell you about how gorgeous you are…"

"Youji-kun!"

"Omi, don't ruin my lines…"

Ken snorted.

The rattle of doors then…

Bang!

Heavy silence descends on everyone.

***

"Aya, you old devil!" Ken exclaimed. Blood gushed out a nose. A soft thump as he slides to the floor.

"Crawford-san, Aya-kun, sorry for the interruption. We're going now."

"Brad, how could you? Though he is lovely, isn't he?"

"Sylvia, you're going to die for that! Youji stand away from her!"

There were lots of thumps.

"Ouch, I was just trying to help…Sylvia-chan."

A shot rang in the air. Then the whoosh of a bullet rent the empty air and the thump as it hit the wall.

"Yeah, right, hotshot stop trying so hard to help me, maybe I'll get somewhere."

"Hey, no killing inside the Koneko! Crawford-san!"

"Sorry."

"We should really leave them to their privacy."

"Well, he's got a boyfriend. He's surely not interested in a hot chick like you, how about a date?"

"Youji-kun!"

Bang.

Tha-da-dump-da-dump-da-dump. Something heavy was being dragged away.

***

Inside the flower shop on a deserted afternoon, Youji, Ken and Aya on duty…

The door chimes open.

"Nice little shop you have here."

"Welcome to the Koneko, may I help…Ack! It's you!" Ken said.

"Well, I'm here to see the redhead guy."

"Hn."

"Sooooo, you are Brad's new boy toy."

"Hn?"

"I don't know how you got Brad into your bed, boy, but I intend to have him back. Count on it!"

"Huh?"

"Don't play innocent with me!"

"Hn, I am not. If you want him, you can have him."

"There you are. Are you saying that you are not interested with Brad Crawford?"

"Dense."

"Sooo, you're not dating him…"

A contemptuous grunt greeted that.

"What were you doing in bed with him the other day?"

Silence.

"Smug fellow, aren't you? We'll see about that."

"Gaijin no baka."

A huff and the door chimes jangled away.

Creak.

A whistle sounded from the back room door.

"That female's going to be bad news for you and Crawford. Ever heard of the one that goes: Heaven hath no wrath like a woman scorned? Want to take her off your back?" Youji leered.

"Hn. It's "heaven hath no wrath like love to hatred turn'd, and hell hath no fury like a woman scorn'd"*. Besides, she's welcome to him. I don't have a claim to Crawford, no matter what you think!"

"Ah, somebody's snippy today, soooooo you're not official yet. Hey, Kenken, you still have a chance."

Whack!

"Oh, shut up Youji."

Rustle. Rustle. Snip. Snip.

"Red as beet." Youji crowed.

"Hn." A death glare at Youji.

"Oooh, look, Kenken, you have a defender. Maybe Aya prefers brown-haired short virgin boys."

Bang!

"Aya prefers what!" Crawford demanded with a truly evil glare trained at poor KenKen.

"Kowaii!" Youji said under his breath.

Whack!

"But koi, I was just making sure that the hentai didn't try anything to you."

Several choked sounds ensue.

"Hn." Aya sighed.

***

Inside the flower shop, another deserted afternoon. Aya, Crawford and Youji were on duty on the tail end of a shift when Sylvia storms in again.

"So you think you're so clever?" Sylvia fumed.

"Hn?" Aya said, giving Crawford a glare.

"Darling, let's go out. I'll even forgive you for ignoring my calls." The Chinese woman pouted.

"Aya-koi, don't think that there's something between me and that bimbo."

"Hey, beautiful, Crawford's a waste of time. He's got a boyfriend already. Why don't you go out with me?" Youji asked.

"Crawford, stop giving them all the wrong impressions about us." Aya ordered.

"Koi, don't like having our relationship in public?"

"Hn!" A death glare at the American.

"Come on, don't be that way."

"Seems like you won't be getting any tonight, Crawford." Youji crowed.

"Hn. Shut up, Youji!" Aya huffed exasperatedly.

"Would you like to be docked for insubordination?" Crawford asked silkily.

A silent death glare from Aya.

"How vehemently he defends you, Aya. He must be your boyfriend, don't deny it."

"You're really asking for it, Kudoh…"

"I see that you haven't gotten over that one-note song. Don't take him seriously, he's always like that." Schuldig mocked as he leaned on the doorway to the backroom.

"Schuldig--"

"--Do you want to share his punishment? Yada, yada."

"Schuldig!"

"Why hello, pretty one. How about going out with me tonight? I've heard from the other kittens that you were here last Tuesday. Sorry, I wasn't there to greet you." Schuldig fairly purred.

"Schuldig, yes, do be a gentleman and take me out." Sylvia said, glowering in triumph at Crawford.

A jangle of door chimes then silence.

"Aw, I'm better looking than he is." Youji said in disgust.

Whack!

A death glare at the groping guy.

"Can we take a break, too?" Crawford asked innocently.

"Hn!" Aya sighed again, stalking up into the private quarters.

"Hey, whose going to take over Schuldig's shift!" Youji almost screamed when Crawford started to follow Aya in the wake of Omi and Nagi entering the shop.

"You are, Kudoh." It drifted down from the stairs into the shop over some banging sounds.

Youji groaned.

***










In the flower shop, yet again. Aya, Farfarello and Schuldig were on duty.

"Sooooo, kitten, how's Crawford treating you?" Schuldig asked, voice dripping with innuendo.

Silence.

"Don't you think that your teammates need to know a bit more about our co-leaders' love lives."

Silence.

"Sodomy hurts God."

Creak.

"Schuldig, Farfarello, don't tease my Aya." Crawford said, suddenly appearing beside the Weiß redhead.

Whoosh!

"Getting good there. You avoided being slapped on the wrist. Whoohoo! Alle-woop!"

WHOOSH!

"Put me down, I've still the rest of the shift to do." Aya yelled, wildly struggling in Crawford's grasp.

"Three cheers for the 'Caveman' Crawford. But what are we going to do while you and Abyssinian go off and have an 'afternoon special'."

"Cover for us, Schuldig."

"But we don't know how to make any flower arrangements…"

"Improvise."

Schuldig groaned.

"Afternoon delights hurts God."

"Oh, shut up."

***

In Aya's bedroom…

"Put me down."

Thump.

"Thank you, I think. What on earth possessed you to carry me up here in such a cavalier manner?"

"We need to talk about our relationship, koi."

"What relationship? And stop calling me that."

"Our loving relationship…"

"We don't have one."

"You slept with me."

"Unless you've taken advantage of me while I was unconscious, we haven't slept together either in the true sense of the word."

"Okay, we haven't yet but that doesn't mean we aren't going to."

"We are!" Purple eyes bulging out.

"Hai."

Boogsh!

"I'm getting tired of this." Crawford said.

A flurry of steps, banging around then…

Sploooosh!

"Crawford, shi-ne!" Aya sputtered.

"Well, what do you expect? Every time I say something you escape by fainting."

"You could be less shocking."

"Aa."

An expectant silence.

"But it's more fun this way." Crawford said, softly smirking.

"Hn. So what now?" Aya huffed.

"I don't really know. Maybe we should start by getting acquainted, ne?"

"Watch the hands! What will it take to shut you up?"

"Oi, just a little kiss. I'll stop if you don't like it."

"Okay, but still easy on the hands."

"What's the fun without the hands?"

"Besides we have to get this sheet off or the mattress would get soaked, and then where will I sleep tonight?"

"In my bed of course."

Whack!

"What did you do that for?" Crawford rubbed his head.

"Hhhhnnnnn."

"It was just a suggestion."

"Just help me with this sheet before I let you kiss me."

"Are you really sure you're going to sleep here tonight?" Crawford said in his best bedroom voice.

Hnnnnnboogsh!

"I must remember not to make innuendoes at Aya-koi like that." In sotto voce then: "Oi, wake up, you promised me a little kiss…"

***

In the flower shop…

"Where's Aya?" Ken asked as he was going to relieve Schuldig and Farfarello.

"Up with 'Lover-boy' Crawford."

"How long?"

"About an hour ago?"

"Has anyone asked for flower arrangements, Schuldig-kun?" Omi asked, concerned.

"No one since early in the shift and Fujimiya took care of those."

"Have you guys noticed that Crawford and Aya has been taking too much time away from the shop lately?" Youji asked.

"Aa, my point, exactly." Schuldig added.

The chorus of 'no's' made both playboys roll their eyes.

"Hey, speaking of the Devil… Crawford, you bastard, how did the afternoon go?"

"Fine, and how did yours go?"

"Quite well, no thanks to you."

"Schuldig-kun, that's no way to talk to your superior."

"You could learn a little respect from Tsukyono. Besides, I knew there weren't going to be any customers."

"Well, you could have said something, you bastard."

"It wasn't exactly an emergency, was it?"

"Sadistic as always. So where's Aya?"

"Hn."

"You guys, have something about dramatic entrances? Never mind. We were talking about how your relationship is affecting the shifts in the shop." Youji said.

"We. Have. No. Relationship." Aya grated out, stalking back up the stairs.

"Look at what you did." Crawford gave everybody a dirty look and went back up.

"Hey, Your shift's up next, Crawford-kun."

"Let Kudoh handle it."

"Don't look at me, Youji-kun. I've done my share for the day." Schuldig mocked getting out of his apron.

Youji groaned.

"Kenken?"

"It was your big mouth after all. Suffer the consequences like a man, Kudoh."

"What did I say?" Youji wailed.

***

In Aya's room…

"They will have to know, you know. Sooner or later, if we ever become a couple."

"But not before."

"Ummm, didn't you like the little kiss?"

"Uhhh, it was all right but…it was just a kiss."

"I can wait then."

"Meanwhile, keep your hands to yourself."

"Awww."

***

In the flower shop, Nagi, Schuldig and Aya were on duty. Miraculously, the shop is still deserted. Sylvia's Attack IV or is V…

"Yes, there…a little to the right there..."

Thud.

"You're as obsessive compulsive as Crawford…"

"That's what makes them a perfect couple."

"Hey, no clever hn's for once?"

The door chimed.

"Sylvia-chan, want another go round? I'm sure it makes Crawford-san very jealous."

"No, Schuldig, I'm not interested."

"Your loss, sweetie."

"I never did catch your name."

"Hn."

"That's Fujimiya Aya."

"Aya, I can see what Crawford sees you. Your really lovely."

Silence.

"Would you like to try dating with me? After all, you should try it with a woman once."

Silence.

"I don't think, he's receptive to that sort of thing."

"Besides, Crawford's going to pin both of our hides to the wall, if we let him out of the shop with you."

"You won't let Brad order you around won't you? After all you're a man." Sylvia said, one hand draped on Aya's shoulder.

"What is going on here?" Crawford bellowed from across the threshold of the shop.

"Never pronounce his name, sweets, he has an all-hearing antennae for picking up conversations about himself. He's the Devil himself, he is."

"I was just getting to know Aya-kun."

"Stay away from him, I know your little tricks, you man-trap."

"Why Brad?"

"I. Don't. Care. Stay. Away. From. Him." Crawford grated out.

"Buy something or get out." Aya yelled.

Very smugly: "You heard the man."

"Aya-kun, I'm disappointed in you! Are you soooo under Bradi-poo that you do everything he tells you?"

Door jangles, yet again.

"Hnnnn, Bradi-poo?" It was accusatory.

"I can explain…see it was when we were in Rosenkreuz together, we were on the same training expedition when we got separated from the rest…"

***

"We seem to be lost." Sylvia said looking at his map. She had lost her pack long before in the avalanche that separated us from our instructor and fellow trainees.

Quite a brilliant observation, oh great! Of all the people to get lost with, I had to pick one of the Schuldig's brainless groupies.

I checked a compass.

"There was a cave with a hot spring that way. We can spend the night here and they'll find us in the morning."

"You're brilliant, Bradi-poo, and rather handsome, too. Funny, I've never seen that before."

She then glomped me so hard that she knocked the wind out of me.

From then on, she became my permanent groupie and followed me everywhere, making a pest of herself. She makes a big deal of the fact that we slept together in the cave when nothing really happened.

***

"Hey, I object to that! 'Brainless groupies', indeed. I do recall a certain brainy brunette with flashy glasses and precog gift, not to mention having a king-sized attitude, in my bed once or twice."

"Schuldig!"

"Hn!" Aya huffed.

"It was when we were training…"

"Right at that time when I was preoccupied with that 'bimbo', if I remember correctly. That's why he never liked Sylvia, you know."

"Having old lovers drop by does have a fascinating effect of digging up these little revelations…"

"Sylvia isn't my lover! Schuldig, help me here or…"

"He's right there, Fujimiya. He never did like females… Oi, Nagi, have you been struck senseless? You're way too quiet."

Whoosh!

"Have you heard of discretion? That little thing which you have none of?"

"I'm hurt." Schuldig put his hand over his heart as he ducked.

"It didn't hit you."

"My feelings…"

"Hah!"

"Sooooo, explain." Aya asked with a hard voice.

"What about?"

"Him." A waggle of the head at the German's direction.

"This is so not your day, is it, Crawford?"

Whoosh!

"What's that about?"

"Discretion?"

"If you say so, chibi."

"Argh!"

Whoosh! Swish! Whoosh!

"I think we should go somewhere else." Crawford hedged, ducking several unnaturally flying pots.

"Good idea." Aya agreed.

"If you break anything, it'll come out of your respective salaries." Crawford ordered.

"Hey, wait! You're not leaving us here to mind the shop alone aren't you? What if someone asks for an arrangement?"

Whoosh!

"Hey!"

Swish! Whoosh!

***

In Aya's bedroom, awfully familiar by now to Crawford…

"Schuldig was an experimental fling. You know him..."

"Aa. And when will i be just an 'experimental fling'? " It was a grudging acknowledgement.

"Never, I think what we'll have will be more lasting. No, I know what we have will last a long time to come. Maybe a lifetime. So how about it? "

Silence.

"Besides...you're jealous of me, does this mean you're seriously considering my offer?"

A thoughtful silence and a speculative glance exchanged.

"Hn. I suppose so."

"Great!"

"But…we'll take it slow." Aya said, glaring at Crawford.

"Are you going to sleep in my room now?"

"No!"

"That's better, you didn't faint."

"Hn."

~ Owari ~

Author's Notes:

*qoute by Colgreve

* About the fainting Aya thing -- remember it's Crawford who's making the statements and his reputation as being an 'infallible' precog. How would you react if someone like that told you that you'd be sleeping with Freddy Kreuger of Nightmare on Elm Street fame? Yeah, I know it's not the same and it's Crawford but still, Aya's not very enthusiastic isn't he? *wolfy grins*

* Thanks for the reviewers of the first story in the Fringe Benefits arc, especially to my friends, mami-chan and Crem. I hope you like this one...^^;