We all Fall Down
By Jessa Wood
Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings, sadly. L
Jessa: Hi! I'm Jessa Wood, and this is my muse, Yoda. He's my pet cat.
Yoda: yep
Jessa: ::pokes Yoda:: It's my birthday tomorrow. I'll be 14. Did you get me a gift yet?
Yoda: yeah, it's under the couch.
Jessa: goody! ::dives under the couch and finds a dead rat:: eeewwww!
Yoda: ::smack:: Let's just get on with the fic!
~*~
Suicide. The word is always there, lurking in the recesses of my mind. However hard I try, I can't stop thinking about it.
I feel like I could have done something to stop it, but I didn't. I feel like it's my fault, for if it weren't for me, he wouldn't be dead. If it weren't for me, none of this would have happened.
Once in a while I'd go out on to the balcony adjoining my room. But never once since then did I leave the confines of my room to wander the fair halls and gardens of Imladris. Meals were brought up to me, but I didn't eat much, and slept even less than that.
I know what he would say were he here. "You have to go on with your life. It's no use crying over something you have no power to change. Always remember: you can't change the past, but you can change the future."
I can almost hear his voice, and see his face, smiling sadly. I do wish I could obey him, but it's just too hard. Every time I try to get over it, every time I try to leave my room, the grief overcomes me, choking off my air supply like a noose, forcing me to go back into the room, forcing me to stay there. I can't master my grief.
I went over to the window and opened it. A soft breeze was blowing, playing with my hair. Several Elf-children were playing a game, skipping around in a circle and singing a song. The wind brought the song to me, faint but melodious even in their small voices.
"Ring around the rosie!
A pocket full of posies!
Ashes, ashes,
We all fall down!"
They fell into a giggling heap after singing the last line, but I paid them no heed. The last line of the verse had caught my attention and stayed stuck in my mind.
"We all fall down"
There was truth in that. And it had taken me until now to realize it. Other people had problems, worse ones. I could finally overcome my grief.
The wind brushed my face, which was wet with tears that I didn't even know I'd been crying. I looked out on the waterfalls, trees, rocks, and bushes and realize that he was always there, watching over me.
"I love you," I whispered, hoping that he would hear, "I love you. You'll always be in my heart."
~*~
Please be kind as that was my first ever fanfiction. J I don't know how I managed to write and angst fic when I'm hyped up on candy. I've got to eat it all before I move back to the US in 8 days! J Remember, the review button is your friend!
~Jessa Wood