I don't own Harry Potter.
A/N: seriously though, what if this was the real sorting?
Harry Potter stood with all the rest of the first years, waiting in the Great Hall for Professor McGonagall to sort them.
"Now I will call out your names and you will be sorted. I will call one at a time so wait in line, single file, over there." She gestured toward a wall that obscured most of the great Hall. The first years complied, clearly scared.
Suddenly they all heard chains dragging on the floor, and a muffled roar. Harry looked frantically at the students sitting in the great hall. They all had eager looks on their faces.
"What was that?" Ron whispered to Harry in a very frightened voice. All Harry could do was shake his head, his throat too dry to speak.
"T-this wasn't in Hogwarts: a History…" Harry heard Hermione say behind him.
"Abbott, Hannah" they all heard Professor McGonagall call out. A pink faced girl with blond pigtails screamed silently and walked forward and into the view of the Great hall. She immediately screamed and tried to run back but an invisible force blocked her escape. Eyes wide, she backed up into the invisible wall, tears falling down her face.
"Come on! Fight it!" someone shouted from the crowd of students. Hannah looked over at them and quickly looked back at the obscured creature that caused her so much terror.
"You have a wand! Use it!" someone else shouted. Hannah shook her head, spilling tears. Then she screamed again and was suddenly thrown out of view of the first years.
Harry stood there, shocked. "Did someone get a good look at what grabbed her?" someone in front of Harry asked.
"It looked like a troll hand." Ron answered in a high pitched voice.
"Or a giant." Someone else said.
"Who cares? No matter what it is, this has to be illegal!" Draco Malfoy yelled. "If my father..."
"No one wants to hear about your father Draco." A black boy said quietly. Draco glowered at him. A scream from Hannah stopped their bickering.
"HUFFLEPUFF!" they heard McGonagall say and then silence.
"Bones, Susan." A girl directly in front of Harry walked forward slowly. She approached the invisible wall and entered it. Then she, like Hannah, screamed in terror.
"HUFFLEPUFF!" Professor McGonagall declared after a moment of pure horror for Susan.
"Boot, Terry" Professor McGonagall called and a boy with curly hair and a terrified expression on his face walked toward his doom.
But Terry didn't scream like Hannah or Susan. He whipped out his wand and shot sparks out of it, walking forward slowly. An enormous hand burst into view and Terry dodged, carrying the battle out of Harry's vision.
A huge explosion was heard then, "RAVENCLAW!" from McGonagall.
"Broklehurst, Mandy." A girl with long black hair strode forward, her wand already in her hand.
"Expelliarmus!" she shouted once she walked past the unseen wall. The spell must have hit, because a horrible scream broke the sky. Mandy cursed, eyes widening. She then jumped backward, onto the invisible wall and boosted toward the sorting beast.
All the first years could see and hear were sparks and screams until "RAVENCLAW!" and "Brown, Lavender." broke the monotony.
A pretty girl with shoulder length blonde hair strode into Harry's vision and beyond the wall. She looked at her threat with narrowed eyes and took out her wand. A laser looking light erupted from it and Lavender ran toward the sorting beast.
"GRYFFINDOR!" Professor McGonagall announced after Lavender's battle was over.
"Bulstrode, Millicent." A heavy set girl with broad shoulders walked confidently forward. A battle took place. Then,
"SLYTHERIN!" was shouted along with "Finch-Fletchley, Justin."
A boy walked forward and did no better than Hannah Abbot.
"HUFFLEPUFF!"
"Granger, Hermione." Hermione was reciting spells under her breath, walking forward with a determined expression. She exhaled and took off at a run, whipping out her wand.
"Reducto!" she shouted. Her spell made quite an impact, and shook the walls. Hermione shot spell after spell at the unseen beast and it seemed like they were working until a hand swept toward her and knocked her into the invisible wall. She blinked a few times and shook the cobwebs out of her head before dodging quickly as another hand flew at her. She threw out another spell and a hand shot out, blocking it and throwing her into the crowd.
"GRYFFINDOR!" McGonagall called out. A first year in back of Harry promptly lost his lunch.
More names were called and more battles ensued. Neville Longbottom was sorted to Gryffindor after he was pushed into the corner and retaliated, blasting huge beams of pure magic from his wand. Draco Malfoy was sorted to Slytherin after summoning poisonous gas from his wand, poisoning the beast that sorts him. Parvati Patil was knocked back from the invisible wall after seeing her sister Padma get felled by the enormous hand that will now haunt her dreams. When her name was called she burst through the wall and pointed her wand. A huge blast of magic blasted forward as she was knocked back. That earned her a place in Gryffindor.
Finally, it was Harry's turn. "Potter, Harry" was called by McGonagall, but it seemed everyone in the crowd already knew Harry was next, because they were screaming his name.
Harry walked forward, his wand out, vaguely wondering what his father and mother did to get past this mystery beast. As he rounded the corner and saw creature sorted him, he would've laughed if he wasn't so scared. Ron was right, it was a troll.
"Expelliarmus!" he shouted the spell that he just learned at the troll who swiftly dodged; showing more agility than thought possible. Harry rolled out of the way as the troll pounded forward, charging. Harry threw more disarming spells at the beast, but they slipped off its skin, flying harmlessly into the walls. Harry dodged a few more blows from the beast and jumped back.
"Reducto!" he shouted. A red beam burst forth and blasted one of the troll's arms off. It screamed a horribly loud and high-pitched sound. Then the troll charged into Harry, knocking him over and causing black spots to obscure his vision. Harry swayed then swiftly dodged as the troll threw out its hand in a backward strike. Harry tried out a new spell he saw. He tried to focus magic into his hand, and into his wand. It worked, and Harry then edged his hand over his wand and out, making a blindingly white sword of pure magic. He grinned and looked up. A troll hand came directly at him and he had no time to dodge. He attempted to block with his wand/sword and was met with a huge fist colliding with magic. Blood covered his robes and sparks flew everywhere. Another horrible scream erupted into the night.
Harry backed up and shook himself, denying himself unconsciousness. He then charged at the troll who was now nursing its wounded hand and slashed his wand. All the magic making his sword flew forward and blasted the sorting beast. Harry closed his eyes and fell to a sitting position. The troll was split in two, covering the walls in blood and gore.
"GRYFFINDOR." Professor McGonagall announced and looked toward one of the wizards standing unnoticed in the background. "Get him to the hospital wing." She ordered coldly. As they put Harry on a stretcher, McGonagall spared a glance at Harry. "You did well." She said and Harry knew no more.
A/N: wow right? Yeah I know first years shouldn't know all that. But if they were as inexperienced as they are in canon, then everyone would have ended up like Hannah and Justin. Plus, you know you liked that action!!