Imitating Life
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Hasbro. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis. Red Witch owns the Misfits! L1701E owns Ace Starr.
One Shot
"Guys, this is ridiculous."
Leon Maxwell, the red-eyed teen Avenger Crisis, was sitting in a military style plane. In the bay, there was a tank with numerous parachutes attached to it.
Sam Wilson, the avian Avenger Falcon, said,
"We all went and saw the A-team movie, and you were the one that said you could a fly a tank."
Leon sighed,
"In theory, Sam. I said, theory you could fly a tank."
Hercules, the teen god of Strength, laughed,
"The only time a tank flies is when I throw it!"
Falcon looked at the controls,
"We're all set. Now, we have to wait for your girlfriend to show up."
Leon shook his head,
"And, what makes you think she will?"
Farrah Willows, the white-haired teen feline Persiana, popped out of one of the parachute bags,
"I'm right here!"
Leon blinked,
"How did you fit into something like that?"
Farrah emerged and grinned,
"I have the flexibility of a real cat. You'd be pleasantly surprised what I can slip into and out of."
She purred, getting even closer,
"Come back to the mansion with me later, love. I'll do things you never thought a girl like me can do."
She kissed Leon on the lips hard, nearly causing the swordsman to fall on the floor of the plane.
Sam shouted,
"Take off!"
Meanwhile…
Crystal, the Inhuman Elementalle princess, was being restrained in General Hawk's office by Carol Danvers, the teen Avenger Miss Marvel. Carol was sent to go after the blonde princess, and was now meeting with General Hawk and Jim Rhodes, the armored Avenger War Machine. Rhodes explained,
"General, I am so sorry for what happened."
Hawk shook his head,
"I've gotten used to antics like this, Colonel. Believe me, this is nothing unusual, sad to say."
Suddenly, there was a loud explosion. Beach Head came running in,
"General Hawk, someone stole a plane out of the hanger!"
Hawke shook his head,
"I swear to God, if it's Shipwreck again…"
He and the others marched out of the room.
When they got outside, Shipwreck and the Misfits were looking up at the plane. The sailor Joe shook his head,
"For once, they can't blame this on me."
General Hawk barked,
"What's going on here?"
Toad said,
"We've got a bet going with some of the West Coast Avengers. Someone said they can make a tank fly."
Althea added,
"I think Leon said, in theory, you could."
Blob shook his head,
"I only make tanks fly after I throw them."
Lina asked,
"Isn't Trinity working on a flying tank?"
Beach Head screamed,
"Why didn't you morons try and stop this?"
Avalanche said,
"Blind Master and Spirit have a bet going. Blind Master bet a thousand bucks and three months of KP against Spirit that the tank will fly."
Wanda pulled out a top hat,
"We've got a pool going. Wanna add to it?"
Beach Head stormed off,
"I'll get them down. Just you watch!"
He ran into a building and, in moments, an unmanned aerial drone took off after the plane. The Army Ranger was at the controls.
Carol blinked,
"Is that the new aerial drone you guys just got?"
General Hawk groaned,
"Unfortunately."
Around this time, the plane carrying the teens had reached about twenty thousand feet. Falcon smirked,
"So far, so good."
Just then, the radar went off. Crisis looked and groaned,
"Great, a drone is after us."
Hercules grinned,
"Just like in the movie!"
Persiana asked,
"Shouldn't we all be getting into the tank now?"
The drone fired a machine gun, perforating the plane. Though the bullets missed, the Avengers thought it was best to ditch the plane before anything else happened. Opening the bay doors, the four climbed in and were whisked out. The parachutes were deployed and the tank was now sailing in the sky.
Blob had a pair of binoculars and was watching it,
"Now, this is getting interesting."
The aerial drone circled around and went at the tank again. Falcon, at the tank controls, ordered,
"FIRE!"
The turret on the tank fired, forcing the tank to go left slightly, just enough to avoid shots being fired. Beach Head was furious and shouted,
"I'll get you for this!"
He swung the drone around again and was prepared to open fire. Again, the drone missed as the turret from the tank fired again, this time angling a little to the left. Hercules looked at the controls,
" 'Tis true; you mortals can fly tanks!"
Leon groaned,
"I feel so much better knowing that this theory of mine worked. Can we please land this thing before that drone decides to mince us to pieces?"
Farrah giggled,
"Scared? I can protect you!"
Sam grinned,
"Hey, Leon! It's a little stuffy in here! Pop a window!" (1)
The red-eyed hero blinked at that and shook his head,
"Pulsar is going to kill us when we get back."
He then added,
"Still, it's going to be worth it if I do it."
He opened the latch and manned the machine gun attached to it. As soon as the drone got within range, Crisis fired the gun. The shower of bullets caused the drone to explode, sending shrapnel all over the place. The force of the explosion knocked Leon back down onto the tank floor. Though he was invulnerable and did not feel any pain, Persiana perching on him was not helping,
"Farrah, what the hell?"
The lioness purred,
"My baby's hurt and I want to take care of him!"
The tank continued plummeting to the Earth below. Leon shook his head,
"That's it, I'm ending this now."
Crisis exited the tank and, using his super-strength, slowly guided the tank down its descent. It landed front first. It then was tilted right side up, the turret pointing at Shipwreck. The parachutes covered the tank, until Crisis sliced through it with his sword. He and the other Avengers got out and looked at everyone. Spirit was in shock, as Blind Master smiled,
"I would like my money sent to me in cash as soon as possible, please. Thank you."
He walked off, smiling widely.
War Machine screamed,
"What were you four thinking?"
Carol scoffed,
"All right, furball. Why'd you get Leon in trouble?"
Farrah looked at her rival,
"Excuse me? This is all Falcon's idea. Blame him and Jerkules over there."
Hercules shook his head,
"Nay, fairest feline! It was Leon's idea!"
Leon shouted,
"Lies! You idiots were the ones that wanted to do this!"
Falcon shot back,
"Only because you said it could be done!"
The red-eyed hero said,
"Do you two have any idea what 'in theory' means? I said it's possible in theory! I wasn't the one who came up with the idea to steal the plane with a tank on it!"
Rhodes shouted,
"Enough!"
He looked at the four,
"It's obvious I know what happened."
Carol nodded,
"Me too. Persiana did this."
The feral heroine screamed,
"Liar! You're just trying to get between us!"
Carol scoffed,
"At least I'd be a sane girlfriend!"
The next thing the blonde Air Force brat knew, she was speared by a white blur and engaged in a cat-fight with her arch-nemesis. Toad said,
"I wonder what happened to the shots that were fired."
At the Xavier Institute…
Scott Summers, the X-men leader Cyclops, was just on his way out in his car. He smiled,
"This is great. I'm going to get Jean a present today."
Just as he cleared the gate, the first tank shell blew up his car, sending the laser blasting mutant into a telephone pole. He screamed in agony,
"MY CAR!"
He then got shocked by the pole,
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! PAIN! AAAAAAHHHHH!"
At the Hellion House…
Monet St. Croix, the Hellion powerhouse M, was getting ready for another date. She smiled,
"This is going to be fun."
There was a knock at the front door. Excited, M opened it and
BBBOOOOOOMMMM!
It was the second explosion. M looked at herself in the hall mirror. Everything she had worked hard to do was ruined, from her make-up, to her dress, to her hair. She began tearing up and wailed,
"Now I can't go out!"
At this, Catseye, Roulette, and Tarot all rushed out the door, arguing,
"Ace is going to be dating me!"
Monet glared,
"It was Crisis. I know it. He's ruining me!"
She screamed,
"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, CRISIS! I SWEAR IT!"
Jetstream looked at the distressed Monet,
"I have not seen so much anger since the Celtics lost the Finals."
Emma's voice could be heard,
"DIE, LAKERS! DIE!"
A loud crash was heard, with the sounds of a mad woman cackling maniacally and smoke coming from the room,
"Burn the cheerleaders! Burn the L.A. Cheerleaders! HAHAHHAHHAHHA!"
End of One Shot
(1) In case you didn't get this joke, during the A-team movie, one scene depicted the team in the tank parachuting out of a plane. The four members of the A-team were indeed in the tank, firing the turret in an attempt to keep it off the ground several thousand feet up in the air. All of this happening while an aerial drone was trying to kill them. The line I marked is what Face says when he opens the turret and fires the machine gun at the drone.