Carry On

Summary: Percy sometimes wonders what he has to live for and days like this give him the strength to move forth. Nicercy. Valentine's Day – Human AU.

Warning: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts

Author's Note: This is not your usual Valentine's Day fic, honestly. It deals with some dark themes. Written for Takara Phoenix's Valentine's Day Contest. This will be a two-shot, with this being the set-up chapter and the next one going into the Valentine's Day aspect and conclusion.

Part One

Percy tugged his knees to his chest, tears streaming down his face. He wished he didn't feel this way. Why did he feel this way? No matter how hard he tried, he could never shake off the cloud of depression that hung around him.

Why am I still alive? Percy thought. What was the point of life, honestly? Percy could no longer tell.

No point, no point, no point. The words kept ringing in his mind, causing the tears to fall faster.

It was weird, really. How could he even feel this way? He had a great life—a loving mother and stepfather, loyal friends and a considerate boyfriend/fiancé. What was even weirder was that in the past, where he spent his childhood physically and verbally abused by his previous stepfather, while struggling in school with his ADHD and dyslexia, he had been cheerful. Rarely seen without a wide smile on his face. And, to a certain extent, he had been happy with life, had relished every single day he lived, no matter how hard it was. A jovial, albeit self-depreciating, boy.

But now—by god, what had happened to him? His life was without a doubt better now. He had a wonderful job teaching students physical education and as mentioned before, many people who cared about him. But still he felt empty inside and no matter how much he and his loved ones tried, it never seemed to go away.

He had gone for counselling, took the prescribed medicine and his friends and family were so supportive yet this disease, this horrible plague, persisted to follow him around. Why wouldn't it just go away? Why couldn't it leave him alone?

What was wrong with him?

Sometimes, he just wanted to end it all. Put an end to his pointless existence. Stop burdening his family and friends with his horrid problem, let Nico find someone else who deserved him. After all, every so often, he forgot how to love them.

Yes, he felt so ashamed of himself. How could he? How could he look at his loved ones and not muster up the emotion he considered the most important of all?

Worthless, worthless. Not only that, this illness was slowly interfering with his ability to work. He had been warned that he might have to be sent for long unpaid leave (fired, was the word that came to Percy's mind) if this persisted onwards. He was already considered unfit for work but since the Principal was a close friend of his who understood that teaching the children was one of the things keeping him going, she was letting him work for one more week.

Even waking up was a struggle.

He just wanted everything to stop.

Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!

Percy pulled his knees tighter against his chest as he continued to drown in his hopelessness.

"Percy!" Nico called, feeling a bit excited. This Valentine's Day, he had planned out perfectly, in absolutely precise detail, how it would go. He was going to make Percy feel like the most special person on the planet—not that he didn't try everyday. However, now more than ever did he need this day to make Percy smile.

Nico's smile dropped at the thought. For the past few years, Percy has been struggling with depression. On and off, up and down, the sea of depression just pushing Percy along, the waves of hopelessness uncaring of the effect it had on his life. Now, even with the anti-depressant pills that used to work before, Percy rarely smiled.

Nico hated the fact that Percy was so sad, that his lover had to suffer through it. And he missed Percy's beautiful smile, which was so alluring that it could illuminate an entire room. He wanted Percy to be happy again.

He knew, however, that it was not going to happen immediately, nor quickly. This one day, no matter how perfectly it went, would not just get rid of the depression. It was going to be a slow progression and Nico wanted to be by Percy's side throughout the entire thing and help him heal.

After all, Percy never gave up on him when his whole world was shattered the day his sister died, and they hadn't even been romantically involved then. Nico wanted to do the same for Percy, make him realise that he was important and was loved dearly by so many people. There was a point to life, even if it was not to be seen at the moment.

"Percy?" Nico called once again, getting a bit worried that he received no reply.

"Percy!" Nico cried out, as he entered their shared bedroom. The sight he saw broke his heart. Percy was curled up in a ball on their bed, sobbing into his pyjama pants, soaking the fabric.

Nico couldn't help it. He rushed to Percy's side and embraced him into a comforting hug. Nico couldn't hold back his own tears and he started crying along with Percy. He hated this illness, he hated it. Why couldn't it leave Percy alone, let him live happily?

Why?

"Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop," Nico heard Percy mutter again and again and again. Nico's grip around Percy tightened and he started rocking him slowly, whispering soothing words into his ear.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. I'm here for you. Always. I love you. Your mother loves you, Paul loves you, Annabeth loves you—"

And that was how it was for awhile, Nico holding Percy, trying to calm him down, as he let Percy cry his pain out.

How Nico hoped that his plans for later would bring Percy's spirits up, even if it was for a bit and just for a short while.