A/N: If you haven't read The Parasitic Infestation Hypothesis, do so! Once I had finished that, I decided I wanted to write a counter-piece: Amy was about to declare her feelings for Sheldon in the Prom episode but he bet her to it. How did she come to the definite conclusion that she wanted him, and him only? Here's my take on it!
- YlvaB
The Mommy Interrogation
By YlvaBorealis
It had seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not just that: it had seemed like a great idea. Not only would she get to spend more time with her boyfriend, she'd get to punish him for running away from her for 45 days. Also, the thought of him being contractually obligated to make up for all the dates they'd missed out on during his hiatus was kind of hot.
As Amy Farrah Fowler - renowned neurobiologist and your general 'sweet girl whose beckoning hips would look even better sans three layers of clothing' - was balancing two grocery bags on aforementioned beckoning hips while simultaneously trying to fish her keys out of her purse, she found herself thinking that maybe she should have just let him have his way and bailed him out of their contract.
"Oh come on, I know you're in there somewhere" she pressed out through gritted teeth, her long, dark hair sticking to her lip gloss, adding to her frustration. Tonight she could care less if her neurotic significant other detested the sight of her wearing lip gloss: she would wash it off because she detested it, and that was final. Her body, her choice.
"Ah, I knew it!" she exclaimed triumphantly as she finally found what she was looking for, putting the key in the lock to her apartment door.
"Trying to hide from me were you? You little sucker…" she mumbled as she turned the key, not noticing the terrified look on her neighbor's face who had also just arrived from the store. 'I knew there was something strange about that girl' Mrs. Lee thought, quietly regarding the short, conservatively dressed woman as she slipped into her apartment, shutting the door with her foot. The neighbor let out the breath she'd been holding, beginning the search for her own key. Quirky girl indeed.
Amy dumped the bags on the kitchen table, pulling her hair back into a pony tail as she went to turn on the oven. She'd invited her boyfriend over for a home cooked meal, something they'd added to their routine the last few months. There had been a time when she'd thought dates had to include a visit to a restaurant and nail polish and neck ties and fancy shoes. Nowadays she enjoyed spending time with Sheldon in the comfort of her own home, especially since they'd slowly begun to explore the possibilities of a physical relationship. Sheldon wasn't comfortable with public displays of affection.
Sheldon. Sheldon Lee Cooper. Tall, lanky, blue-eyed, compulsive, manic… brilliant. He was one of the world's leading theoretical physicists, at least in his age group. Amy's heart fluttered just thinking of that awkward bean pole she called her boyfriend.
She smiled as she began unpacking the grocery bags. White wine, thyme, parmesan, spaghetti, tomatoes, sour dough bread, olive oil… Sheldon liked Italian food. Especially her Italian food. Yes, she loved it when he took her out to dinner, and she loved dressing up and showing him off to all those other gals out there who weren't lucky enough to call Sheldon Cooper their own, but there was something so domestic about her cooking for her man. She hoped there would be a day when they would prepare meals together every night. And breakfast…
Forgetting she'd been annoyed with Sheldon just ten minutes prior, Amy began cutting up tomatoes and onions, preparing a green salad. She poured herself a glass of white wine, swirling it around before taking a sip. 'Always cook while drinking' she thought as she put the glass down, returning to her knife and cutting board.
She had just begun humming happily to herself when the phone rang.
Thinking it might be Sheldon she put the utensils down, quickly washing her hands and drying them off, going over to the kitchen table to pick up her cell phone. She groaned out loud when she saw the caller ID.
Debating with herself whether to ignore the call or not, she decided she'd just get it over with. Sliding her thumb across the screen, she took a deep breath, hoping – but not really believing – that the person at the other end of the line would make it short.
"This is Amy Farrah Fowler" she said, looking around for her glass of wine.
"Oh, don't give me that nonsense Amy, I know these modern things display the caller ID on the screen" the familiar, high-pitched voice huffed.
"Hi mother" Amy sighed, taking another sip of wine. Great. One of those calls.
"Hi darling" her mother drawled lovingly, and Amy could just picture her fondling the pearls she knew hung around the older woman's neck.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Amy asked, taking off her glasses to rub the skin above her left eye. 'Poised, lady-like, polite. Don't swallow the bait, don't swallow the bait' she thought to herself, glancing at the clock on the wall next to the fridge. 5.30. Sheldon would be here in half an hour.
"Does a mother need a reason to call her daughter to ask her what's going on in her life?" the other woman asked innocently. "But to be fair… it's not like you volunteer any information" she added sarcastically, eliciting an eye roll from Amy who just barely managed to stifle a groan.
Determined not to fall down the rabbit hole, Amy took yet another sip of wine (the glass was already half-empty), clearing her throat as the alcohol stung her at the back of her throat.
"Of course not. It's just that I'm having Sheldon over for dinner tonight and he will be here soon. I didn't mean to sound dismissive" she explained, hoping her mother wouldn't ask her to elaborate on the matter. Damnit, she never should have asked Sheldon to Skype with her mother all those years ago. She'd had never let Amy forget about that.
"Oh dear, don't tell me you're still going out with that awful boy?" her mother groaned, managing to sound disgusted and disappointed at the same time.
"Mother!" Amy exclaimed, instantly realizing she'd taken the bait after all. Hook, line, sinker. Damnit to Hades and back again for another slice of double-damn.
"Amy, really. Four years and the man hasn't even asked you to move in with him, let alone marry him, although I can't say I'm sorry for that. You're wasting your time with this man. You're 35 years old, do you know what the odds are that you will find a man who is willing to date you? Nobody likes to buy a used car…" the older woman muttered, pouring just enough pity and guilt into the mix to make Amy's knees shake with anger and shame.
"Mother, we haven't… I mean… I'm sorry but I really don't think it's any of your business whom I choose to date. I have no interest in other men. Sheldon and I are very happy together" Amy pressed out, trying to control her breathing, holding on to that wine glass for dear life.
"I'm just saying, Amy… You could do better. One of my girl friends' sons recently divorced his wife… Very embarrassing story really, she left him for a high school drop-out ten years her junior, we were all shocked to the core…"
"Mom…"
"Ta-ta-ta, now you just listen. We shouldn't hold that against him. It wasn't his fault. He's a very nice man, polite, well-educated..."
"So is Sheldon".
"Well, we all have things that work for us. Anyway, I was thinking maybe I could call Virginia and ask her to organize a dinner, semi-formal of course. It would give you and her son time to get to know each other better".
"Mother… listen. Please. I have been in a relationship for the past four years. I am not interested in a date with whoever this man is. I'm good. I would appreciate it if you stopped trying to set me up with other men" Amy rumbled, her voice so low she could feel her vocal cords vibrating.
"Darling, please. You have to think of the future. I don't believe for a second that this Sheldon-boy has any interest in making an honest woman out of you. I never understood what you see in him, let alone what you get out of this relationship. Wait, I take that back, I know exactly what you get…" her mother muttered under her breath, the words hitting Amy like a punch to the stomach.
Don't go there, please just let it be, don't give her what she wants….
"That's not what I get out of this relationship! Sheldon and I haven't even had sex" Amy blurted out, curtseying as she scrunched her face together, the way she always did when she realized she'd committed a blunder. Ah, this would come back to bite her in the ass, she just knew it…
Her mother gasped at the other end of the line, and Amy bit her lip, preparing for the remark that was sure to follow.
"You've been dating for four years and you still live alone… he hasn't proposed… and you're not even…. Intimate" her mother stuttered, her voice ever so high-pitched, ever so accusing.
"I thought that's what you wanted" Amy let out quietly, unable to resist the words from coming out.
"I wanted to have grandchildren, that's what I wanted! Now I can't even look forward to accidental babies, as much as I'd hate for that to happen. I can't believe this. No children, no house, no…. intimacy, no ring. And you're angry with me for trying to set you up with other men! Better men! Tell me Amy, because I really don't understand – why are you with this man?"
"Because I LOVE HIM!" Amy yelled, causing her mother to jump at the other end of the line. She clasped her hand over her mouth, realizing what she had said. Love. She loved him? Did she? Yes she did!
Her mother was still quiet, and Amy took the opportunity to cut her off before she began yelling at her again.
"Mom… Mom I love you very much. And I love Sheldon. He's not perfect, I know. He has problems… And things aren't moving forward as quickly as I want them to, I'll be honest with you. But he is the only person I want to be with, and I'm prepared to wait for him if I have to. We are in this for the long run. I can get a house, a ring, a kid, and a husband tomorrow if I want to. I'm young and attractive and these hips speak for themselves. Really, they are yours after all, you should now. But not in a million years will I find someone who will still stimulate me intellectually when we are 80 and know everything there is to know about each other. I won't be able to marry my best friend because Sheldon is my best friend in the whole wide world. How can I give that up? Please… please just let it go. I'm not going to break up with him, I'm sorry mother but that's just not going to happen" she said, her voice growing steadier and steadier by the end of her speech.
Amy heard three distinctive knocks in the background, realizing it must be 6 am. Sheldon had arrived for dinner.
"Mother? Mom. I have to go now. Let's have dinner soon, alright?" she told the older woman, walking up to the door to let her boyfriend in.
"Yes… Alright sweetheart. We'll have dinner soon" her mother exhaled, her tone ambiguous.
"Okay… bye" Amy said, smiling as Sheldon's blue gaze met hers. He was wearing his red Flash t-shirt today. Her favorite.
"Bye darling" her mother replied, and Amy hung up, putting her arms around her boyfriend's neck, pressing her lips against his. He was slightly surprised but quickly regained his equilibrium, putting his hands on her hips more out of reflex than anything.
"Dear Lord, can't a man stop by his girlfriend's for a quiet dinner without having her paw at him as if she were some sort of wild animal" Sheldon muttered as he broke away, softly stroking the small of her back with his right hand.
"It's not my fault you're cute" Amy quipped, smiling as he let his hand slide to her hip, holding her as they made their way over to the table.
"No… I guess you're not to blame for that" Sheldon agreed as they sat down to dinner.
THE END
A/N2: If you recognise the line Damnit to Hades and back again yada ya, it's because I stole it from a brilliant sketch by Stephen Fry and Hugh 'Dr. House' Laurie. If you're into that sort of thing, I suggest you Youtube 'John and Peter - Damn!'. Comedy gold!