Love's Journey

Originally by The Muse of Apollo, now carried forward from Chapter 8 by Castlefan6 with permission from author

Authors Note This is set before the end of season 2, but after Tick Tick/Boom. Chapters 1-7 are the work of the original author The Muse of Apollo, following chapters are work of Castlefan6

I don't own Castle, I only use the characters for amusement purposes only

Chapter 1

She knew that this was going to be hard to do. If she were being honest with herself, she regretted the whole situation and wished that she had never fallen into his bed. But she had, and now she had to go through this.

Kate Beckett walked down the hallway to apartment 504, her nerves causing weird sensations to flow through her stomach. She didn't want to do this, but she knew it had to be done.

She knocked on the door. She'd always found this door to be intimidating, which was ridiculous. But even during their first year together when she really hated him, approaching this door was a daunting task. Behind the door was her favorite author and also her shadow. In recent months after she'd taken him back after looking into her mother's case, it had become the door she came to in order to see her friend and (as much as it amused her to say) partner. For the last three months, the door meant even more to her.

Because behind the door for those last three months was the man who she had been sleeping with. Her lover. But she didn't really like that term, especially now. Because she didn't love him. That's how she got into this damn mess to begin with.

"Kate! I didn't know you were coming over tonight! Come in!" He said when he opened the door. Kate forced herself not to focus on his lips or the outline of his broad chest. She forced herself not to remember what the fingers that were now on the small of her back as he ushered her into his home could do to make her scream.

"Castle, we need to talk."

Richard Castle was not a dumb man by any means. He knew the meaning of those words and knew that almost universally they meant bad news.

"Okay. Kitchen or Living room?"

"Uh, kitchen," Kate replied, knowing that in the living room it'd be harder to put distance between them.

The two took seats in the kitchen. Castle had offered her coffee, which she declined.

"So, what's up?" Rick asked.

"We can't do this anymore," Kate said in a rush.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean this…us… this whole friends with benefits thing we started. We have to stop."

Castle scowled. "But why? I thought we were doing good."

"It was only sex, Castle, I told you that when we started. That's all I ever wanted with you, and all I would ever want. As for why? I've met someone, and I want to put my focus on a relationship with him."

Castle was silent for a long while. In all honesty, he knew he was in love with her. Had been for months now. It was why he accepted being in a Friends with Benefits type relationship in the first place. He had hoped that it would lead to something more.

Apparently, those hopes were in vain. She felt nothing. It was just sex to her. Heartbreak wasn't an unfamiliar feeling for Richard Castle. He'd been heartbroken when Kyra left, when Meredith cheated, and when Gina decided that they weren't meant to be. Now it looked like it was Kate Beckett's turn at breaking his heart.

"Look, Castle, it was a mistake to begin this at all, and now it's time to end it. It's best for the both of us, I think."

"I…Okay," Castle agreed, his head down. A mistake. The ache in his heart intensified as he dwelled on that word. From her words, it sounded like she regretted it, everything. Wasn't it bad enough she was ending it?

"Okay?" Kate repeated questioningly. She hadn't expected this to be that easy. She'd expected him to fight her or get angry or something. Not acceptance. She felt cheated. Maybe he thought it was all a mistake too. Kate didn't know why that made he feel angry, but it did.

"Okay. What did you expect, Beckett," Castle asked, his voice colder than normal, "Did you expect me to get down on my knees and beg you to stay? To beg you to have feelings for me when it's obvious you don't? I admit that it hurts, but I've known for a while that you didn't care for me as I care for you. I don't really know what else to say. So yes, it's okay. I hope whoever you've met treats you well."

"Rick…I…"

"No. Beckett, it's fine. Really. I should have seen it coming, and maybe I did. So, it'll be okay."

Kate nodded, not really knowing what to say. She didn't know why she felt so guilty. She should be happy that Castle had taken the end of their arrangement so easily. But she wasn't happy at all. She felt cold, like she was making a huge mistake.

Not knowing what to make of those feelings, Kate stood, deciding that she needed to get out quickly before she did something stupid like change her mind. She looked at Castle and said, "You'll still come into the precinct?"

Rick nodded, not looking happy. "I guess. Do you want me to?"

"I do. I…I should go. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah."

Rick walked her to the door, this time not putting his hand on the small of her back like he normally did. Kate missed the contact.

"Good night, Castle," she said as she stepped out into the hallway.

"Good night, Detective."

Kate walked to the elevator, trying to shake off the feeling that her life was about to change forever.

Castle stood watching the door as it closed behind her, wondering what would happen next. Richard Castle had always been very confident in his abilities when it came to women. At first, when Kate Beckett had turned him down after that first case, he'd taken it as a challenge to get her into his bed. He really didn't want any more than that, a single night between the sheets and he would probably have moved on. His research for Nikki Heat could have come from elsewhere, and he hadn't been that attached to the character beyond a single book in any case.

But then it changed. Specifically, it changed when she told him about how her mother died and how she had changed her entire life in order to catch the killer who had seemingly ruined not only her life but her father's as well. Her perseverance, her bravery and sheer determination to get justice for those who had suffered the same fate as her mother had changed how he looked at the beautiful detective. No longer was she a conquest. No longer was he there only for the challenge of breaking through her resistance and bedding her. No. It then became more about Kate Beckett the person. It was why he talked Esposito into getting him the case file for her mom's murder. He wanted to help.

The truth was that his association with Kate Beckett changed him. He'd always had to live life with a mask on. He portrayed the lovable man-child, the playboy, the jackass to the public. He liked that, and until he met Kate Beckett, he hadn't had a reason to look for something more. But Beckett had made him want something more. After she had told him about her mother's case, he had started to truly learn about her, and that knowledge and the time they spent together led to his deepening feelings for her.

By the time her apartment blew up in the Dunn case, he knew he was head over heels. When she had fallen into his bed, he had thought that maybe they had a chance. But the morning after she had told him that she didn't want to be associated with him romantically. All she wanted sex. She had told him that she could never be Richard Castle's girlfriend. She didn't want to be a conquest, or a bimbo in the eyes of the press. She said she would never want to be seen in public with him outside of the professional aspect of her job.

Like everything else, he had accepted it and saw it as a challenge.

Now it was all over and he didn't know what to do next. He liked going to the precinct and helping to solve murders. It made him feel useful for the first time in his life.

But was it a good idea to keep going if he had to see and work with her each day? Could he bury his feelings for her now that he knew about her feelings or lack thereof? It didn't sound like a good idea, really. In fact, it seemed like a really bad idea.

Castle knew that he would have to think long and hard on whether he could stand being Kate Beckett's partner now that he knew she didn't love him. Could he stand by while she fell in love with another man? Could he turn off his feelings and make it all about the job? Whatever he decided, he knew that in the end, he was done chasing her.

It was time for him to move on.