This is a oneshot inspired by an IM conversation with Potions for Foxes. She's a crazy girl, that Potions, almost as bad as yours truly.

Clubs

Contrary to popular belief, Envy did not like clubs. They were noisy, crowded, and the only place where vibrant green dreadlocks and a guy wearing an almost-skirt didn't earn so much as a second glance. In fact, Envy had such little regard for clubs that whenever it was judged that he was getting too smug, he would be dragged to a club. A club was a harsh slap and shout of, "You are not a fucking insanely weird unique snowflake. This place is full of a million people more fucking insanely weird than you'll ever get to be."

Of course, it wasn't a million people, but since Envy always felt ant-sized in clubs, every person seemed like a thousand people.

Roy said that Envy was a drama queen — where could he possibly have come up with that idea? Probably Envy's starring role in last year's production of Hamlet. He'd worn green hair through that, too, but in here there was some guy with a rainbow afro serving drinks. How could he possibly compete with that?

So Envy was sitting sulking by the bar, fruity colourful cocktail in one hand, the other holding up his face, while Roy was leading a conga line of what looked like the Village People.

"Hey," a voice behind him said, "This seat taken?"

"If no one's sitting there, no," Envy sighed without looking up. He was, after all, the size of an ant in here, and maybe that guy would crush him with a step, even if he sounded kind of whiny.

"Cool."

As he sat, the man came into Envy's view. If he was the size of an ant, this guy was the size of an atom. A gorgeous atom, Envy observed as he glanced over. He was very tan, with golden hair hanging down to his shoulders, and very topless, which was very easy to appreciate.

"…come here often?" Envy asked, before deciding he wished he could die for saying something so painfully common. It was the club's influence, draining away all his awesome. Because he was awesome. Completely. Just not when he was in clubs.

The golden atom glanced over, and his eyes were just as golden as his hair. And for some reason, sympathetic. "Sorry, honey, I'm gay. That's why I'm here."

Envy's jaw dropped.

"Well, see ya." He took his drink and joined Roy's conga line.

Envy despised clubs.