This fic is set after Thor 1 and Avengers, and begins at the part in Thor – The Dark World, where Loki has been told of his mother's death, and he sits, broken and bloodied, after screaming his despair (as in the deleted scene). This also starts just before his brother visits his cell to ask for his help regarding the Aether/Dark Elf Malekith.
Consumed with despair Loki finds a secret letter from his mother in one of the books she gave him.
Redemption
Chapter One
Loki's hands shook as he began to read the letter, his heart pounding against his ribs like a fist as he instantly recognised his mother's writing. The familiarity of her elegant hand made the back of his throat burn and his chest tighten painfully. To find this letter now...so suddenly after her death...the death which he, himself, felt responsible for...
My dear Loki
As you are no doubt aware, your father has forbidden any contact between us, something which pains me greatly. I will not lie, my son. What happened down on Midgard all but broke my heart. Your shenanigans and mischief making is part of your nature and cannot be altered, but so much death of so many innocents? I grasp at the hope that you were being steered. That the evil seed was planted by another. I cannot comprehend my Loki with so much blood on his hands.
But your imprisonment also breaks my heart. That you must spend the rest of your days in that terrible cell. I find myself conflicted, my mind tormented, my heart grieving, for the beloved son I seem to have lost.
I also feel guilt. That it is partly my fault, keeping the truth from you, that was the reason your soul became so vulnerable to the darkness.
The book, Loki. The book I have hidden this letter within. It is my small amends. My peace offering. Turn quickly to page 153. Though it frightens me to indulge you with such power, you are competent enough in the Magic Arts to acknowledge the implications. Both good and bad.
Because there will be risks. There is a chance you may not survive the intensity of such an incantation. Few have. The choice is yours. If you do decide to make the casting, it will give you freedom either way. But whether Valhalla, or Midgard, I do not know. I pray it will be the latter.
I ask only one request of you for my part in this. Should the incantation prove successful, I beg of you, a single Midgardian year. Spend a year with those you have wronged. Those that you feel are so beneath you. They live and breathe no different from us, Loki. They do not deserve your contempt, your cruel disdain. Try to make your amends. Try to do some good.
A year is all I ask, Loki. A short duration for us Asgardians, and then your path is your own. Please, my son, make your mother proud. And yes, I am your mother. I have always loved you with a mother's love: deep and raw and binding. From the moment I first laid eyes upon your sweet face. I hope that one day I will look upon your face again and see the conflicts that ravage your handsome features replaced with some semblance of peace.
I am, and always will be, your doting mother.
Frigga
Seeing her name sent the grief flooding through him again and the letter began to crumple between his trembling fingers. Realising what he was doing, he calmed himself with a start, shaken by his actions, quickly smoothing out the parchment, folding it carefully, tenderly, before slipping it into his pocket.
Oh, mother...
Her beautiful face filled his senses. Her smile, so warm, so loving...
Too exhausted, in both body and mind, to scream out his rage a second time, he choked back his pain, its fire lodging like a flaming ember in his throat. His head stooped, weighted with despair, his long dank hair hanging down, hiding his face.
Hiding his shame.
Then am I not your mother?
You're not.
Words he could never take back...
His eyes blurred and he angrily blinked away his emotions, disgusted by such weakness. He was a God. He didn't submit to such sentiment. Instead, he suppressed his anguish and inhaled deeply, his chest heaving beneath his tunic as he wrestled the conflicts swirling around his head.
A year? His mother expected him to spend a year on Midgard? Amongst petty mortals? What good could he possibly do down on Midgard? Willingly?
But how could he refuse her? He owed her. In a cruel twist of irony, the contents of the letter had become her dying wish.
No, he could not deny her.
After what seemed like an eternity, he summoned the energy to glance back up, passed his bloodied feet, across the scattered and broken contents of his cell, towards the small book. It lay open but was upturned, its pages crushed beneath the weight of its thick red leather cover.
He lifted his arm, stretching it taut, contorting his fingers elegantly, and the book rose from the ground, crumpled pages closing awkwardly. Hovering a moment in the tense air, it began to drift fluidly across to his outstretched hand.
Its title, lavishly scribed in gold, flashed in the harsh light of his cell as it settled upon his palm.
Seidr
He took a sharp intake of breath as he stared down at the title in shock, the book suddenly becoming all the more weightier in his hand. It was one of the oldest books of magic in his mother's possession, the most sacred, the most valuable, but also the most dangerous. Which was why she had always kept it hidden from him.
Until now.
How could he have missed it amongst the small pile of books she had sent to him? Had she used her own magic to disguise it until he found the letter?
Granting him a moment of respite, his sorrow was dulled as excitement sparked through his veins instead. He felt more like himself again, instantly reviving, drawing back his shoulders, sitting taller, purposefully, as his fingers quickly sought out the page.
Author's note -
I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this story. I have some vague ideas/scenes in my head but will kinda be making it up as I go along. I only saw Thor, Avengers and Thor 2 for the first time at Easter (yeah, I've entered the fandom a bit late!), so this is my first Loki fic. But I've just been dying to get into his head!
Thor/Jane and the Malekith storyline will feature at some stage, but I don't know when. Probably much later in the story. My main focus will be Loki's return to Earth and his interactions with a woman who is battling her own grief and turmoil. If that sounds like your cup of tea then read on!
Feedback sooooo appreciated, thanks!:)