AN: I used too much garlic while cooking lunch and somehow spawned a Vampire AU in my mind.

I. Mr. Peppermint & Mr. Pomeranian

"Doc, there are another two bodies in the hallway." The young police officer announced, gesturing towards the door behind him. "Should I bring 'em in for you?"

Momo paused her movements to look up at him and offered a polite smile. "Ah, yes, that would be very kind of you."

"You got it, Doc." He waved and disappeared through the double door.

Momo went back to her previous task, skilfully folding away a patch of skin to observe the damaged tissue beneath it.

While reaching for a spatula, the sound of the door opening, accompanied by wheels screeching, filled the background.

The young police officer let out a sigh and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Patrol found 'em in the park. Unfortunately, none of them had any IDs on them, so they're both John Does for now. Let forensics know if you find anything, 'kay?" He even added a wink which was probably meant to be helpful.

Momo furrowed her brows and glanced at him. "Not to be rude, but I've been doing this job longer than you have. I think I know what I have to do." The words slipped from her tongue before she could stop herself, and she could only slap herself mentally.

So much for good first impressions.

"Ah, eh, sorry Doc, um, I mean, Dr. Yaoyorozu." The young man stiffened suddenly, growing a shade paler, but not pale enough to match the sheets covering the bodies surrounding them.

"It's alright. Don't you have some paperwork or something to do?" She waved him away with a blood-covered hand.

"Ah, yes, sorry." He scrambled away, the doors falling back into place with a silent click.

Once it was just her, she let out a long sigh.

When people asked her why she decided to become a coroner of all things, she always hesitated when answering. They already thought she was weird enough, so how was she supposed to explain that she did it because she liked the peace and quiet that came with being surrounded by nothing but dead bodies?

She pulled her gloves off and dried her sweaty hands, allowing herself a short break to massage her temples. A quick glance at the wall told her she'd probably be working overtime again, but that was okay.

It wasn't as if anybody was waiting for her at home.

In fact, if she was busy working, she wouldn't have to think about her disastrous lack of a social life.

Pushing those thoughts aside, she picked up her clipboard and began taking notes of her observations.

There wasn't anything abnormal about the stab wound besides the fact that it was surprisingly clean. Somebody with a steady hand, perhaps? She'd bring that thought up when Detective Tsukauchi came by to pick up her report.

Her eyes trailed towards the two newest additions to the morgue. The two unknown men.

She walked over and lifted the sheet covering the first one. It was a young man, maybe around her age, with spiky blonde hair and pale skin, dressed in worn casual clothes that were covered in dirt.

Momo lifted his hands, inspecting his arms and wrists. There were no signs of needle marks, but his knuckles were slightly bruised, suggesting he had been in a fist fight recently.

She turned to check the other John Doe but halted after lifting the sheet. That hair… could that really be natural? Split down the middle in a perfect line, one side snow white and the other a deep crimson. She ran her fingers across his scalp, looking for any traces of growing roots or any other indications that it was just a really good dye job, but finding none.

After brushing the man's bangs aside, she noticed that his eyebrows shared the same colour scheme.

Oh well, all sorts of things existed nowadays, so why not a completely natural split-dye? Moving on, she also inspected his hands and lower arms, coming to the same conclusion as the blonde.

No traces of injection marks, so she was tentatively excluding drug abuse until the blood test results came in, but the two of them had definitely been caught up in a physical encounter some time ago.

Both of them, however, were abnormally pale, even for dead bodies.

She lifted the blonde's eyelids, inspecting his pupils' reactions to her small light, denoting his eye colour as red on her chart.

The other man, in addition to his obscure hair, seemed to have heterochromia. One eye brown, the other turquoise, surrounded by what seemed to be a burn scar.

"What a shame," she muttered under her breath as she put aside the sheets covering them. "the two of you must've been popular with the ladies."

Talking to dead bodies was a bad habit of hers, but she made sure only to do so when she was sure she was alone.

"I wonder what happened to you two…" She mumbled as she unzipped the blonde's hoodie, reaching for a pair of scissors to remove the rest of his clothing. After cutting open his t-shirt, she furrowed her brows.

"Geez, where'd all these scars come from?" She traced a finger over a particularly nasty one that stretched across his abdomen. It had healed jaggedly, as if the skin had been ripped open to begin with, and then given poor medical attention.

The other scars weren't much better, so she assumed he had to be living under poor conditions until now. Glancing back at his hoodie, she couldn't help but wonder whether he perhaps shoplifted it.

She shook her head, that wasn't her job here, that was up to forensics to find out, if it was even necessary.

Once she removed the rest of his clothing and packaged it neatly for the evidence department, she took the shower head and began scrubbing away the dirt that had crusted over his cheeks and palms.

Cleaning the dead bodies was always the most tedious part of her job, but it was also oddly calming. Well, as long as it didn't involve scrubbing tons of blood away, that really did get annoying at some point.

There were no external wounds, so it probably wasn't homicide. It was also still September, so freezing to death also seemed unlikely.

Of course, drugs or other kinds of poison were still an option, but so was disease. It was just odd to have two bodies come in in such a similar state.

With a steady hand and her trusty scalpel, she created a Y-section across the man's chest. "Now… let's see what's inside you…"

"Oh dear, that doesn't look good." She muttered as she looked at the man's organs. "Multiple organ failure? This is something I'd expect from an old man, not somebody my age. Even if you smoked and drank every day, your lungs and liver should not look like this… Not to mention your spleen…"

Maybe it was some kind of rare sickness? Hereditary? One of those really rare cases? But what about the other one then?

As she began cutting through the other man's jumper, she glanced at his hair again. "I think I'll call you Mr. Peppermint. Yeah, Mr. Peppermint and…" She looked over her shoulder, her eyes catching the blonde's poufy, spiky hair. It looked like a…

"Mr. Peppermint and Mr. Pomeranian. Let's go with that." She decided before continuing to strip Mr. Peppermint down. Much like the blonde man, he also seemed to be covered in scars. "What were you two a part of, some kind of underground fight ring?"

Mr. Peppermint didn't answer, just lying there motionlessly.

"Oh, whatever. It's none of my business in the end."

She went through the process of washing him and cutting him open as well, only to find out that his organs looked as abysmally bad as Mr. Pomeranian's.

Was this some kind of new drug on the market? One that deteriorated the human body from the inside at astounding speed?

Scary.

Looking at the two of them side by side, she'd have to say that Mr. Peppermint's organs looked slightly worse than Mr. Pomeranian's.

Her spark of curiosity was lit, and she was almost tempted to storm into the forensics division and demand her blood results.

But no, she couldn't do that. She shook her head fervently. "That'd only end in disaster." She sighed, running her fingers through her ponytail.

Maybe… she should try being nicer to them?

Her lips pulled into a thin line at that thought. No, that was a bad idea. Being nice to other people never ended well, at least not for her.

It may have worked out for her in high school, but in retrospect, everyone only took advantage of her and whispered about brownie points behind her back.

It wasn't her fault her social skills only included etiquette rules of higher society and being able to put on a fake smile.

It wasn't her fault that…

She groaned in frustration. She should just stop thinking about it.

"Now, what do I do about you two?" She turned her attention back to Mr. Peppermint and Mr. Pomeranian.

"I'd love to find out more about you," she mumbled as she straightened out Mr. Peppermint's bangs, "but I still have to wait for Detective Tsukauchi before I can do anything else."

She looked around the morgue. "Maybe I should clean some of the equipment? But I already did that yesterday…"

The door opened with a soft creak, followed by Detective Tsukauchi sticking his head through the door. "Dr. Yaoyorozu? Are you done yet?"

"Detective, please come in. I just finished." She greeted him.

He stepped in, coming to her side. "Our two John Does from the park?"

"Yes, no external wounds, slight abrasions on their knuckles, signs of previous physical conflict. Probable COD: multiple organ failure." She counted off.

"Multiple organ failure? Both of them?" Tsukauchi raised a brow in surprise.

She nodded. "Have a look for yourself." She lifted the sheets off their bodies, giving him the side-by-side view.

"I'm no doctor, but that doesn't look good." Tsukauchi sighed. "It doesn't help that their DNA came back without results. One of the technicians managed to track down some distant relatives, but the difference is too great for it to be considered a lead."

"I see… what about their blood? Any weird substances? Medicine?"

"Nothing." He shrugged. "The iron content seemed higher than normal, but that's about it. No drugs, no alcohol, no nothing."

"Iron content? So, they took supplements?" Momo concluded. "That still doesn't explain this, though."

"No, it doesn't." Tsukauchi rubbed the back of his neck, then glanced at the clock. "Your shift ended two hours ago, and I know you love working, but why don't you call it a day? Send some samples of their organs to forensics tomorrow. Even if you gave it to them now, they still have their hands full with the Takahashi homicide case right now."

"Ah right, he's right over here." Momo led him to the third body. "No visible defensive wounds, clean stab wound, probably somebody with a steady hand. There was some kind of strange powder on his face, though. COD: sharp force trauma which led to him bleeding out."

"So, nothing unexpected."

"No." Momo confirmed. "Even though it's weird not to put up a fight when you get stabbed in the front. I already checked for visual impairments, but the man seems perfectly healthy."

"I see, I'll pass your report on to the others. Don't stay too long, Doc."

"Um, sure." She waved as he left the morgue with the handful of evidence bags.

Momo's hand tightened into a fist once he was gone. Being nice worked out for Tsukauchi, to the point that she was a bit envious. He was generally well-regarded by their co-workers, as well as highly respected. Everybody knew that a promotion was imminent.

He was what her high school self had aspired to become. What she ultimately failed to accomplish. A helpful, kind person who got along well with those around her but also got things done.

Instead, she fell into bitterness and cynicism, giving up. If she had persisted… If she had put on that smile one more time… Would she have also made it as far as him?

She let out a dry laugh. Probably not.

After covering Mr. Peppermint, Mr. Pomeranian and Takahashi and putting them into the cold chambers, she stretched her arms over her head, giving the morgue a one-over.

Everything was clean and tidy, just as she liked it.

She switched off the lights, the sound of her heels echoing in the empty hallway as she headed home for the day.

Maybe they were right when they said she was crazy.

Momo blinked once, twice, then slowly closed to door to the cold chamber. There was no way, right? It was impossible.

Definitely. It defied all logic.

She probably didn't sleep enough.

She took a deep breath, then opened the door again.

Mr. Peppermint was looking at his hand as he flexed it. Angling his head up, he looked past his toes at her. "Where am I? He asked her with a raspy, deep voice.

"… Musutafu morgue." She answered blankly.

"The morgue?" His voice peaked with surprise.

She frowned, pulling out the tray on which his body rested. He squinted when his eyes met the brightness of the overhead lights.

"Am I hallucinating?" She mumbled. "Did I overwork myself?"

Mr. Peppermint shielded his eyes, looking up at her. "How did I get here?"

"Shhh, shhh." She shushed him. "Dead people don't talk. This is all my imagination, so do me a favour and shut up."

"Oh." He responded, wrinkling his brows. "You think I'm dead." After that it looked like he was trying to sit up.

"Woah woah woah, don't move, are you stupid?" She forced him back down against the cold metal surface. "Do you want all your organs to spill out? I haven't closed up the Y-section yet!"

Realizing what she had done, she let go and slapped a hand against her forehead. "What am I doing?" She groaned. "Maybe I should take a few days off."

As she peeked at Mr. Peppermint through her fingers, she found him lifting the sheet covering him, looking at his abdomen and chest.

His heterochromatic eyes met hers. "What happened?"

"I performed an autopsy on you, Mr. Peppermint." She sighed. "I'm not done yet, so please don't move or talk. It's bad for my sanity."

"Mr. Peppermint? I do have a name, you know." He grumbled.

"Not according to our database. If you prefer, I can always call you Mr. John Doe." Momo went on as she washed her hands, dried them and pulled on a pair of gloves. "Just be glad you got to be 'Mr. Peppermint'. I named your buddy 'Mr. Pomeranian'."

He seemed to go quiet for a moment, brows knitted in thought. "You mean a blonde guy with spiky hair? He's here too?"

"Mhm." She answered, picking up her scalpel and folding the sheet covering Mr. Peppermint away, enough so that she could access his organs. "Okay… where do I start?"

"What are you doing?"

"Taking samples of your organs for forensics. You sure ask many questions for a hallucination."

"I'm not a hallucination." He responded urgently.

"That's what a hallucination would say." Momo shrugged. "Let's start with your liver."

She prepared to sink her scalpel into his innards, only to be stopped. Her eyes trailed past the blade of her scalpel, past her hand to the pale fingers gripping her wrist.

"Don't. I don't know what will happen if you do that." Mr. Peppermint spoke in a serious tone. "Now tell me, how did we get here?"

Momo's eyes were fixated in his hand around her wrist. "Uh, some patrol officers found you in the park and brought you in."

Hesitantly, she tried prying off his fingers from her hand, only to nearly have a heart attack when she realized that his hand was fully tangible, cold to the touch.

"This isn't possible…" She whispered in disbelief.

A distant sound tore her out of her thoughts. "Not now." She groaned, having recognized that sound as the outside door falling closed.

"Look, Mr. Peppermint, I have no idea what's going on, but If you move or talk while the detective is here I will not hesitate to stab this scalpel in places you really don't want me to. Just lie still and we can talk this out later." That said, she threw the sheet over him again, hastily opening the cold chamber next to his and pulling Takahashi out, just in time for Tsukauchi to open the door.

"Good morning, detective." She greeted him, a quivering smile on her face.

Immediately, he frowned. "Is something wrong, Dr. Yaoyorozu? Are you not feeling well?"

"Oh no, it's nothing. I think the exhaustion is just catching up to me." She played it off. "Maybe I should take a few days off."

"If anybody deserves it, it's surely you, Doc. You're one of the most diligent workers I know." Tsukauchi smiled at her kindly.

"Haha, what kind words you speak." She laughed awkwardly. "But that's not what you're here for. I'll send the organ samples to forensics in a moment."

"Oh, I was actually planning to bring them up for you. It's going to be a busy day for you again. Double homicide on the other side of town." Tsukauchi sighed. "And we still don't have any clues about Takahashi's murderer. The powder you found seemed to be some kind of pollen mixture, the team is narrowing the species down now to find out whether it has some kind of effect on the human body."

"I see." Momo nodded solemnly. "Then I'm afraid your trip down here was for nothing, detective."

"I can wait for you to take the samples." He offered.

"No, no, that won't be necessary. I wouldn't want to hold you up." She insisted. "I'm sure you have more important things to do."

"If you say so." Tsukauchi turned around and headed towards the door. In the corner of her eye, Momo say Mr. Peppermint's sheet moving.

What was he doing?!

"Oh, Doc." The detective spun around one more time.

"Y-Yes?" Her voice may have been a few tones higher than usual. May have been.

"Just let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"Of course, I appreciate it. See you later." She rattled down, waving hastily as he finally left the morgue.

Once he was gone, she let her shoulders slump and sighed in relief. "That was close."

"My bad." Mr. Peppermint pushed the sheet aside. "I thought he was gone."

Momo glowered at him, then walked over to his side. "Give me your hand."

Frowning, Mr. Peppermint held up his hand for her.

"Do you feel this?" She pinched his fingertips.

He nodded. "Why do you ask?"

"I'm just making sure your basic motoric and sensory skills are alright. Curl your fingers."

He obeyed.

"Okay, this seems to be alright. Your blood circulation, however…" She trailed off, wondering how to tell the guy she had already halfway dissected that he had no blood flow.

"Ah, my blood doesn't really circulate anymore." Mr. Peppermint said as if it was the most normal thing ever.

"Eh, right."

"Oh, I didn't tell you yet. My name's Todoroki. I'm a vampire."

"… right. If you try lying to me, there's a patch of nerves in your armpit that can simulate labour pains."

"I'm not lying. How else do you explain this situation?" He seemed to be growing impatient.

Momo narrowed her eyes. "Very strong hallucinogens."

"Just stitch me back up. Bakugou, too, while you're at it." He sighed in defeat.

She shook her head. "I still have to take organ samples. And if you're a vampire, shouldn't you just be able to regenerate your organs?" She asked sceptically.

"I'm too old for that." He deadpanned.

"I don't want to hear that from someone who looks like he's in his late twenties. It makes me feel old. Besides, who's Bakugou?"

"The other guy. Y'know, the blonde. I'm surprised he hasn't woken up yet." Mr. Peppermint aka Todoroki explained.

"Oh right, him. He's right here." She went to the other side of his gurney and opened the cold chamber labelled 'John Doe #34'. She pulled the tray out, lifting the sheet to uncover the man's face.

Somehow, she wasn't surprised when she found a pair of fierce ruby eyes glaring at her. "Bakugou, I take it?" She greeted him lacklustre.

"Bitch, you have ten seconds to explain exactly what is going on here and why my stomach is fucking open." He seethed.

"I performed an autopsy on you. Am performing an autopsy on you." She answered. "Ask your friend here." She gestured towards Todoroki.

"He's not my friend." Todoroki was quick to respond.

"Your acquaintance." She rolled her eyes.

"… the fuck?"

"Honestly, I don't care about you right now. I have a headache and a job to do. So please refrain from moving while I take samples of your organs, then I can stitch you back up." Momo rose her voice, holding up her scalpel.

"Right now, if either of you move, you might lose an organ or two."

Of course, it wasn't as if their organs would actually drop out so easily, and maybe it was a good thing she hadn't cut out their intestines or anything.

That is, if this was real. Her mind still hadn't quite decided on that yet.

Mr. Pomeranian glared at her with furious eyes but complied for the most part as she chipped off bits of organ tissue and placed them in petri dishes.

"See, you're still alive. Well, not really. Uh, you're still conscious." She mumbled as she threaded her needle. "This might hurt a bit. I've hardly worked with living patients before, so I don't really know what to say."

"Then don't fucking say anything." He growled out.

"Sorry, Mr. Pomeranian."

Silence fell over them.

"What did you just call me?"

Momo jabbed the needle through his skin with a bit more force than intended. "Has anybody ever told you that your hair looks like a Pomeranian?"

He winced at her action, still upholding his glare. "Are you fucking mental, woman?"

"I chose a profession that involves being surrounded by dead bodies all day long, and now I'm talking to two of them. I think the answer should be obvious." She sighed. "Now I understand why everyone thinks I'm crazy."

Bakugou winced once more as she tightened the last stitch.

"So, vampires, huh?" She put out there while picking up a clean scalpel to get Todoroki's organs. "Can you heal superfast and whatnot? Sunlight? Garlic? Do you drink blood?"

Todoroki flinched as the scalpel dug into his liver. "We do drink blood. Garlic's not an issue. Well, Bakugou's bad breath is."

"I heard that, fuckin' half-and-half!"

"Not so loud!" Momo chastised him. "If you get discovered I might get fired. I'm very happy with my job, thank you very much."

Todoroki ignored him and went on. "Limited sunlight is also okay. Both of us are a bit old for the healing fast schtick."

"I see." She grumbled, reaching for a clean needle and thread. "I'm assuming you don't want to stay here forever, do you?"

Todoroki glanced at her. "You're taking this a lot better than I expected you to."

"What am I supposed to do, scream hysterically? Run out of here in fear? If you wanted to attack me, you would have already. Besides, I'm the one holding a sharp object here." She reasoned while sealing up the Y-section.

"True." Todoroki winced slightly. "As for your question, I would have suggested we leave here as soon as possible."

"While that sounds logical, I have to point some things out." Momo groaned mentally. Was she really going to do this? Apparently.

"Number one, I can't let you out with just the stitches, if you want to walk around again your skin will actually need to heal to a point that the wound won't open again. Number two, I can't have two dead bodies suddenly disappearing on me, I'll definitely get fired and tried for that. Number three, how am I supposed to smuggle two people out of this building without anybody realizing it? Number four, all of your clothes and belongings are in the evidence vault."

Todoroki averted his gaze. "Your points are valid. Regarding the first one, we can speed up our recovery abilities by consuming fresh blood. As for the other three, I will need some time to think. Bakugou, try using your brain, too."

"Quit telling me what to do, bastard."

"I would, if you could think for yourself."

"What did you say?!"

Momo pinched the bridge of her nose. "Wait here a moment, I need to get some painkillers."

She exited the morgue, heading to the adjacent bathroom that pretty much only she used, with the exception of the coroner that came by when she was off duty.

She opened the mirror cupboard and fished out an aspirin, swallowing it with a handful of tab water.

There were two vampires throwing petty insults at each other in the morgue. Everything was fine, everything was okay.

But.

There were two vampires throwing petty insults at each other in the morgue.

Two vampires that she wanted to get rid off as soon as possible.

"… and that's what we're going to do. Any questions?"

"Woman, you can't seriousl-"

"ANY QUESTIONS?" Momo cut off Bakugou sharply. "None? Good."

"I wasn't expecting you to help us out like this." Todoroki remarked.

"Look," she leaned forward, "I want you two out of here just as much as you guys want to leave."

"I see, we're working towards a mutual goal."

"Take it as you will." She glanced at her watch. "There are another two bodies scheduled to come in now, so you two better be quiet while the officers are here. If I hear even a squeak out of you…" She narrowed her eyes. "Armpits."

Not even waiting for their responses, she pushed them back into their cold chambers and closed the doors.

AN: It's August, which means I have time, so I should be updating this again within the next two-three days, as well as updating my other stories in the course of the next week.

I appreciate each and every review, so please leave one :)

~Emi