-1Dear Diary
As my life goes by, I sometimes wonder whether I truly belong.; if my life is worth living. Scientists telling us that we are destroying the world, slowly eradicating species off the planet like a checklist, one by one. Diary, are humans worth this paradise we call Earth? Or are we just pawns in an ever-growing losing game of chess? Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. Take for example today, staring at the shapeless blob in the mirror, imitating my movements. Breathing upon the glass with heated breathe, crystallising the glass with frost crystals, searching upon my hideous face for the imperfections that lay upon it. My reflection pointing and laughing upon the thing I have to look out into the weird world, that I call my life.
Jeff
Dear Diary
I regret what I said yesterday. A new boy came to school today and I think I'm in love! Me! Of all people, the depressing shadow that lingers in the corners of the school hallway, dodging the waves of intruders of the world, hiding when a "unpleasant" one appears. Diary, why does everything weird happen to me? It seems that you are the only thing I can tell lately how I feel, and my deepest feelings. Why can't things be more simple, like the equation E=mc^2. Simplistic so much that anyone can see.
Jeff
Dear Diary
I am slowly building a profile of the new boy. The more I learn, the more irresistible he becomes. Foreign, an accent, slim build, blonde hair. Why couldn't God make me like that? Me? A semi-fat ugly know-it-all bisexual brat. Could I be faulty? Could I need fixing? Diary, sometimes I wish you could take back. Well, at least you are proof that I actually exist. It's just, I want one thing everyone drives for. Even birds, magpies with their feathered hands in the black and white pockets get "it", but not me. What am I doing wrong Diary? Is it like what I said before? Am I faulty? Or just another misguided teen the media stereotypes about? Soon hopefully, I will know.
Jeff
Dear Diary
Dear friend, I am sorry that I didn't write to you yesterday, but something miraculous happened! Frank, the foreign boy I am in love with became my friend. Maybe the fates are playing a game with me, just like Calypso in Greek Mythology, being punished for what I am. But I don't care, something is finally going my way for once. Though, ever since yesterday, I've had this funny feeling inside me. It's something I've never felt before. Oh God! What a cliché! Ha-ha!. My heart races out like a bullet from its barrel, trying to rip free of the padded cell that is my chest, protecting it from the cruelty of the world. A sweet sorrow that plays upon my heart. Now, just now, I might show the world who I am, who I want to be. Just maybe.
Jeff
Dear Diary
Diary, today I found a new way to describe mine and Franks non-exist but present at the same time "relationship". An amalgamation of parallel stories. See Diary? I do pay attention once in a while in English. Though I do find his use of jargon quite absurd and sexist at times. Meh! No body is perfect! Re reminds me sometimes of a ghetto boy trapped within a porcelain body. Sometimes I wish I could tell him how I feel but other times I don't. Its like a constant battle between heart and mind, each fighting for their say in ever growing predicament that is foreboding. Which one of these shall prevail?
Jeff
Dear Diary
Today I am determined to tell him! He told me about his life. His upbringing in the cold, harsh conditions of Russia. Always in fear of the Mafia. Escaping the country before his father could find him. His father, from what I learnt is a horrible man. Abusing Frank. Abusing his mother. I don't know how they did it. Staying with that unforgivable arse. I would have run away if it was me, long before they decided to leave. Today I shall inform him of my life. The truth. My upbringing. The torment. The Quacks. I really do hope, that this doesn't backfire. Wish me luck, ha-ha. More like give me a four leaf clover!
Jeff
Dear Diary
I come to you with a heavy and bleeding heart. He told me to "leave me alone" then started calling me names like "stalker" and "fag-boy". I let my heart roam free from the imprisonment. Its like I'm a judge, that sent a murderer free and he killed again. My heart, trampled upon like a cockroach. My tears, slowly sliding down my slick face, cast beautiful rainbows across my bleak room. Just like my life. Beautiful rainbows hidden within the walls of alienation. Tomorrow, I will do the unthinkable. Tomorrow will be the final diary entry for Jeff Crows.
Jeff
My Dearest, and most loyal friend
Today, I say goodbye to you. Today I will leap off the gorge. Today will be the last time I ever think, ever do anything. My life, an ever-flowing stream of thought without meaning. Today is my last. I've informed Frank by message of what I intent to do. He didn't seem to care, all he said was "So? You'll make the world a better place!" and left. Today. Now. I say my final goodbye upon this darkened world without any regrets. A single rainbow which fades into the background once more.
Your most humble of friend
Jeff.