A/N: Okidoki, this is my sucky attempt at a humourous Pandora (Arkana, if you must) story. This chapter was written at 3:30 a.m. Yesh, it's weird. The rating is just in case... and also because Pandora's a pottymouth. The full title is "The Trials and Tribulations of a Couple of Animals." It's lame, I know. The bad pun comes from a Pegasus being an animal, and the fact that Pandora can be shortened to Panda, making them both have animal names. Dumb, huh? Anyway, on with the fic! Oh, and P.S., I need ideas to continue!

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Ouch.

Wait... I get tricked into being controlled by an evil Egyptian madman and become even more delusional then normal, to the point of thinking a mannequin was my sweet Catherine and that the key to a leg-slicer headed towards me had disappeared into thin air, and all I can say is ouch?

Dammit, I'm supposed to be the illusionist here.

Well, anyway, I was conscious, and I was free. But... wait, I was still delusional.

Which is why I decided to try again to get Catherine.

Now, it had just so happened that when I got to her apartment, I found she had changed the stupid lock. No matter, I always had the window.

Well, that's locked too.

And here I go, smash through the glass.

Again... ouch.

So I look up, expecting to see Catherine.

No such luck.

I came face to face with a man who looked like he was falling apart at the seams. His top hung open, and his hair was frazzled. Both eyes were different; one bloodshot, and one... glass? He looked like he had one hell of a headache, and the room stank of red wine, among other drinks.

I blinked.

He just stared.

I winced.

And then I wondered, what the hell is Pegasus J. Crawford doing here?

Anyway, he helped me up and sat me on a sofa. He sat beside me. Well, I thought, at least he's sober.

He chuckled and asked me if it was crash-through-people's-windows day. I told him the whole story. I don't know why, but I did.

He gave me this odd sort of smile and said that we were both in the same pickle jar.

Pickle jar? Okay... umm... yeah.

Letting out a deep sigh, he told me his story. I listened to every bit of it and realized... he was right. And it sure did explain a lot... but not everything.

"Now," I asked him, "if you're so rich, why are you in this dump?"

He shook his head and said he needed a little off time.

We sat in silence for a little while. Then, out of nowhere, he got an idea. No, I swear, I could practically see a cartoon lightbulb pop up over that man's head.

He asked to confirm if I was a magician, and I nodded. I asked what that had to do with anything.

"It's quite easy," he said. "Magicians are very clever, and two brilliant minds are better than one. And, of course, I have quite a bit of experience in wooing. So, you can help me find a way to resurrect Cynthia, and I shall assist you in finding and winning back Catherine!" A crazy grin was plastered on his face, and he waited for my approval. I was scared that he would explode if I declined, so I said yes.

Besides, we were both desperate.

And, dammit, it just sounded crazy enough to work.