Chapter One: State Of Mind
Dedicated to: Invaders of belly buttons everywhere.
-Octavia x-
Where do I go from here
Or am I just like a clock spinning round
Everything seems unclear
Confusion is raising it's head
And I can't make a sound
I feel it tearing at my soul
While I'm asleep
I feel it driving me to something I'll regret.~ State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge
Walking alone hands tucked into her leather coat, shoulder hunched, hiding inside herself. A cold breathless sigh as she approached the ticket barrier, a nod to the guard, regular she was, regular as if she could ever be that. It was cold, it was some ungodly hour of the morning and she had been wondering club to club, street to street in search of what, happiness? No that was along way from here, the normally hot stifling weather of Australia got to her in the day but the weather of night, the silence on the train going to her 'home', it was bliss or as close to bliss as she could get.
For years she had been wandering, running from him, running from them.
She had seen them day to day in her mind, the victims and it haunted her. She felt it tearing at her, felt it hurting her. She wished for a night of normality but she hadn't been normal for years. Ever since her eleventh birthday, the day she emerged into reality. She had been a normal girl until then now she noticed every shadow, everything was so clear and in focus now it had made her isolated, her old world seemed so uninviting so sterile and this new world had hated her. So on her sixteenth birthday after the burning's she began to run. That had been eight years ago.
Paying the small fare to travel back up the mountains, she crossed another barrier boarding the train. It started with a train journey and ended with one, the magical world, a world she would never forget. She fingered something in her pocket, a sliver of wood, she never used it in case they traced her found her, dragged her back. She couldn't return, not now not ever. They hated her, it was too long, the war was over but they hated her. She was a coward, a traitor, once a brilliant bright jewel now a mere shadow of the thing once adored.
Another breathless sigh. Regrets, she had many. She could have gone back but she didn't, she didn't want to see them again, she didn't want to hear their voices, or smell them especially him. He had broken all her barriers, loved her, every part of her, every mistake but they could never be together. Rules forced them apart, age was never an issue just the ever presence of her guardians, her friends. They would never understand and so the night he had ended it, the night after the burning's, she had left. She didn't even know what had happened to them, she cared about them still but it was a mistake she could never rectify.
Time seemed to not exist on this train, it seemed forever before the train pulled out of the station, a dark haired man with some grey streaks in his hair sat down a few seats away from her. She looked back at him, he reminded her of him. But not to think of that, she had been careful and besides that nose was far to straight. She had always loved that nose of his, his hair, his mannerisms. She had loved him. The things we do for love. Leaving him had hurt her so much but he had ended it to protect her and she had run to protect him and herself from what she still wasn't sure.
She the student, he the teacher. The relationship was doomed from the start, they both knew it but they had continued it anyway, couldn't resist each other. Heated, passionate, deep. It had all made so much sense but confused her at the same time, she felt numb when he left her, the cold world surrounding her felt alienating so she left. Leaving on a train that took her away from her home, her school, her friends. And then from there out of the country, leaving her family, her life.
She was a new woman now, a new person. Catherine Bennett. Cathy Bennett. Taken from her two favourite heroines, Miss Elizabeth Bennett and Catherine Earnshaw/ Linton, Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice, wonderfully victorian novels they reflected her she thought her old self. She didn't even look like her old self, her hair now more of an ocher colour, her eyes amber feline like, her whole body had matured of course and she had changed her physical features so not to look like her old self. She was a new woman, a new broody elegant woman. Her colleagues at the library said she was a lithe woman who should show off her figure instead of covering it up with strange almost 'magical' clothes. She had scoffed. They would never know the truth. No one would.
Her stop. Grabbing her small bag, she passed the gentleman she had thought to look like him. He could pass for him at a distance but not remotely like him when close, in fact he seemed cheery. Something he had never been. Getting off the train, she rubbed her hands together, always colder up in the mountains. Leura station. So desolate and so grim. A recently converted tourist trap. She walked up towards the taxi rank. She was safe here, she felt safe, happy in a way.
Climbing into a taxi she breathed the address out, the driver noting her accent. They always noticed the English, she had kept the accent, her voice had changed a little but it was still her voice. As they pulled up to Davies street she walked up her tumble-down driveway, not many bushes, too dangerous here where funnel webs probably outnumbered humans.
She never noticed the snag of black material on the steps. Taking her key she went to put it into the blue housed door, but it was open. Her hand was automatically on the wood. Reassurance, she wouldn't use it. Moving stealthily into the house, the fire was lit in the fireplace, she hadn't seen the smoke or light, she had been too preoccupied. Her scream was stifled when a hand went round her waist and mouth.
"Boo."
Dedicated to: Invaders of belly buttons everywhere.
-Octavia x-
Where do I go from here
Or am I just like a clock spinning round
Everything seems unclear
Confusion is raising it's head
And I can't make a sound
I feel it tearing at my soul
While I'm asleep
I feel it driving me to something I'll regret.~ State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge
Walking alone hands tucked into her leather coat, shoulder hunched, hiding inside herself. A cold breathless sigh as she approached the ticket barrier, a nod to the guard, regular she was, regular as if she could ever be that. It was cold, it was some ungodly hour of the morning and she had been wondering club to club, street to street in search of what, happiness? No that was along way from here, the normally hot stifling weather of Australia got to her in the day but the weather of night, the silence on the train going to her 'home', it was bliss or as close to bliss as she could get.
For years she had been wandering, running from him, running from them.
She had seen them day to day in her mind, the victims and it haunted her. She felt it tearing at her, felt it hurting her. She wished for a night of normality but she hadn't been normal for years. Ever since her eleventh birthday, the day she emerged into reality. She had been a normal girl until then now she noticed every shadow, everything was so clear and in focus now it had made her isolated, her old world seemed so uninviting so sterile and this new world had hated her. So on her sixteenth birthday after the burning's she began to run. That had been eight years ago.
Paying the small fare to travel back up the mountains, she crossed another barrier boarding the train. It started with a train journey and ended with one, the magical world, a world she would never forget. She fingered something in her pocket, a sliver of wood, she never used it in case they traced her found her, dragged her back. She couldn't return, not now not ever. They hated her, it was too long, the war was over but they hated her. She was a coward, a traitor, once a brilliant bright jewel now a mere shadow of the thing once adored.
Another breathless sigh. Regrets, she had many. She could have gone back but she didn't, she didn't want to see them again, she didn't want to hear their voices, or smell them especially him. He had broken all her barriers, loved her, every part of her, every mistake but they could never be together. Rules forced them apart, age was never an issue just the ever presence of her guardians, her friends. They would never understand and so the night he had ended it, the night after the burning's, she had left. She didn't even know what had happened to them, she cared about them still but it was a mistake she could never rectify.
Time seemed to not exist on this train, it seemed forever before the train pulled out of the station, a dark haired man with some grey streaks in his hair sat down a few seats away from her. She looked back at him, he reminded her of him. But not to think of that, she had been careful and besides that nose was far to straight. She had always loved that nose of his, his hair, his mannerisms. She had loved him. The things we do for love. Leaving him had hurt her so much but he had ended it to protect her and she had run to protect him and herself from what she still wasn't sure.
She the student, he the teacher. The relationship was doomed from the start, they both knew it but they had continued it anyway, couldn't resist each other. Heated, passionate, deep. It had all made so much sense but confused her at the same time, she felt numb when he left her, the cold world surrounding her felt alienating so she left. Leaving on a train that took her away from her home, her school, her friends. And then from there out of the country, leaving her family, her life.
She was a new woman now, a new person. Catherine Bennett. Cathy Bennett. Taken from her two favourite heroines, Miss Elizabeth Bennett and Catherine Earnshaw/ Linton, Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice, wonderfully victorian novels they reflected her she thought her old self. She didn't even look like her old self, her hair now more of an ocher colour, her eyes amber feline like, her whole body had matured of course and she had changed her physical features so not to look like her old self. She was a new woman, a new broody elegant woman. Her colleagues at the library said she was a lithe woman who should show off her figure instead of covering it up with strange almost 'magical' clothes. She had scoffed. They would never know the truth. No one would.
Her stop. Grabbing her small bag, she passed the gentleman she had thought to look like him. He could pass for him at a distance but not remotely like him when close, in fact he seemed cheery. Something he had never been. Getting off the train, she rubbed her hands together, always colder up in the mountains. Leura station. So desolate and so grim. A recently converted tourist trap. She walked up towards the taxi rank. She was safe here, she felt safe, happy in a way.
Climbing into a taxi she breathed the address out, the driver noting her accent. They always noticed the English, she had kept the accent, her voice had changed a little but it was still her voice. As they pulled up to Davies street she walked up her tumble-down driveway, not many bushes, too dangerous here where funnel webs probably outnumbered humans.
She never noticed the snag of black material on the steps. Taking her key she went to put it into the blue housed door, but it was open. Her hand was automatically on the wood. Reassurance, she wouldn't use it. Moving stealthily into the house, the fire was lit in the fireplace, she hadn't seen the smoke or light, she had been too preoccupied. Her scream was stifled when a hand went round her waist and mouth.
"Boo."