HEAVEN
5 days. 5 days since she closed the curtain in the hospital room. 5days since the watched the love of her life take his final breathes.
She pressed the keys into the lock slowly opening the door to their apartment. Well her apartment now. She placed the keys down in the cup on the small desk next to the door as she stepped inside. The clank of the keys as they hit the bottom of the cup sent an echo throughout the apartment. "It's the silence that takes the longest to get used to" she remembered her friend Rachel saying. She knew all too well how it felt to lose someone you love. She continued in the room, only slightly lit by the evening sunset coming through the windows. She solemnly walked to the closet, pulling off her black pea-coat and scarf and hanging them up. Before closing the closet, her eyes got caught on a flash of red and yellow. Pushing all the coats to the side it revealed an old letterman's jacket with a big black capital M on the front, that was outlined in white, as well as a small pin with #20 under it. She looked at it for a second, remembering the first time she saw him wear it:
"Hey Kurt have you found any body cute at school yet?" Mercedes asked as she, Kurt and Tina sat on the bleachers. Kurt looked out as the football team ran onto the field, glancing at the quarterback Finn Hudson with a sigh. "No…not yet". Tina followed his line of sight and just shook her head. Mercedes looked out into the field as the last football player ran onto the field dramatically high fiving Finn Hudson. She could tell by his actions and the smirk on his face that he was cocky, self centered and probably a jack ass; but for some reason she was drawn to him."Hmmmm, well the guy with Mohawk is kinda cute". "who Puckerman? I heard he's a t-t-total man whore" Tina said with a disgusted look on her face. "Hey , I just said he was cute, I didn't say he was marriage material girl" Mercedes said with a slight chuckle . "hey did y'all hear about this new glee club thing?"…..
She smiled one last time before pushing the jacket back in its spot. She continued to make her way through the darkening house, walking down their hallway that led to their bedroom. It was lined with photos from through the years. From the first few days of glee club, to graduation, to when they got their first apartment in L.A, to the present. She stops at a particular photo from their first real date after they moved to L.A:
"I'm genuinely surprised that you asked me out." Mercedes said as she cut a piece of her baked chicken. "let alone took me to such a fancy restaurant." "Ouch, what's that supposed to mean" Puck said as he grabbed his chest feigning being injured. Mercedes chuckled "It's just that I thought you'd never see me as an option. I mean besides that week we dated sophomore year, you've never shown that much interest." " 'Cedes please, you're hot as hell with an ass for days; trust me, I was always interested. I just assumed you weren't interested because if you recall you broke up with me" Puck said with a mocking roll of the neck before spooning some of his mash potatoes in his mouth. "True…but you gotta admit you weren't the best 'boyfriend'" she said using air quotes. "And that's why I decided to try harder this time. See?" He gestured to the table and the surrounding restaurant. "I decided to take you out for a fancy dinner before we had sex." He was hit with a bread roll and looked over to see a glaring Mercedes. But she couldn't hold it and they both began to laugh. "I'm just kidding." "No you're not" Mercedes said as she continued to smile as she returned her attention to her food. "Fine, I'm mostly kidding". He reached across the table and lightly took Mercedes hands in his and looked her straight in the eye, gently caressing her hand with his thumb. "But seriously, I really want to try and make this work". Mercedes looked him in the eye and could tell that he was sincere. "I do too"….
She continued down the hallway until she made it to their room, "well I guess my room" she thought. She kicked off her black heels and made her way to her dresser. She slowly took off each article of jewelry, looked in the mirror and took in the sight. There were heavy bags under her still bloodshot eyes and the pathways of the now dried tears were evident down her cheeks. The curls in her hair that were once tight in the morning now hung loosely about her shoulders. Her eyes wandered down to a picture on the far end of the dresser. The image was one that they had taken in the bathroom with her making a kissing face towards the camera while he held his iPhone sporting his best "tough" face:
Mercedes was walking down the hall when she heard the buzzing of a razor. Curious, she slowly pushed the bathroom door open and gasped at the sight. Puck was roughly shaving his head with a stone faced expression; on that looked the mix of anger and sadness. "Puck what they hell are you doing!" She yelled as she ran up and took the razor from his hand. "Mercedes give it back" he said through gritted teeth as he reached for the razor in Mercedes' hand; but Mercedes quickly moved back. "No! Not until you tell me what you're doing". Puck threw his hands up in a display of pure anger" FUCK! Mercedes you heard what the doctor said! After they start running all these test and shit it's just gonna fall out anyway. So I figured fuck it, I might as well beat it to the punch." Mercedes face instantly softened as she realized what this was all about. She closed her eyes and sigh. "You don't know it will get that bad…." He also softened as well and let out a deep breath. "The doctor said that it's already stage 3 'Cedes and its only gonna get worse. I just…" Mercedes looked up to see Puck whipping away a tear from his eyes. "I just don't think I can beat this….I…I don't want to leave you." Mercedes ran over to him and hugged him tightly as tears streamed down his face as he let out small sobs. Tears began to flow out of her eyes as well but she willed them away. She grabbed his face and made him look at her. "Look baby, you are strong. You're the strongest person I know; other than maybe Santana" that earned a small chuckle from him. "I love you so much and we are gonna get through this. No matter what happens I'm going to be right by your side." She leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on his lips. "Hey and I think you'll look crazy sexy with no hair" a sly smile painted on her face. Puck smiled back and leaned in for another kiss. They just sat there with their foreheads pressed together, just enjoying the comfort of each other's presence, until Mercedes finally pulled away. "Alright enough of this pity party, lets finish the rest of your head because I am not having my fiancé out here lookin' a mess" she said as ruffled what little hair he had left on his head; earning a genuine laugh. One that she hadn't heard since they first got the news….
Mercedes shook the memory away and continued undressing. She slipped off her black dress and carefully laid it on the back of her chair. She grabbed one of her night gowns and put it on and sat on her bed. Her phoned flashed and vibrated on the night stand but she chose to ignore it. She knew it was just another condolence text and she had had enough of those for today. She laid down and rolled on to her side. She outstretched her arm and rubbed the now empty space in her bed. She reached over and grabbed the pillow from the other side. She could still smell him on the pillow and closed her eyes and took a deep inhale wondering how long it would take before like him, the scent would leave her. She opened her eyes and saw another picture on the nightstand opposite to her. It was from one of the last days in the hospital. She was sitting in a chair right by his side, holding his hand, while he lay in the hospital bed. While they were smiling you could tell that it was forced. You could tell her eyes were glossy with unshed tears and his drastically thinner frame and sunken eyes told the truth:
The doctor had just left and they sat in silence, only the sound of the heart monitor was heard in the room. "Mercedes..." he finally said weakly breaking the silence. Mercedes looked up from where she was staring at the floor tiles. "Yes baby". "Gove me your hand" he said as he reached out. She quickly yet delicately took his hand making sure not to touch the I.V. "you know I love you?" She nodded slowly. "I want you to promise me, that when I'm gone that you won't let your life go with me". "Noah please don't talk like that. It's all gon-" "Mercedes , stop. Hear me out". She just nodded her head again. "I don't want you to throw away your life because I'm gone. I want you to go and become the super star we all know you're meant to be. Grammys, Oscars, Nobel Prizes, whatever, because I know you can do it all. And if a guy comes along and is even close to as badass as I am; I want you to go for it." He reached over and cupped her face. He brushed a stray tear that fell from her eye. "Look at me. You are one of the most loving people I know and you deserve to be loved. If I'm not here to give it to, I want you to find someone who will. Understand?" She nodded "I'm not ready for you to leave me" she whispered as tears flowed from her eyes. He couldn't find any words to comfort her as he knew he wasn't ready to leave her either. He just stroked her head as she cried into his hand…
It finally hit her. He was gone. The love of her life. The man she planned to marry was gone. She'd never be able to see his smile again. The sweetness of his voice or the warmth of his touch. She was alone. Left only with memories. It was then that she was over come. Her body was wracked with sobs as she clutched his pillow for dear life. "Why?" she gasped out between sobs. "I need you so much Noah". She shook and cried harder than she had ever before that night. And when there was no more tears left, she just hugged the pillow repeating phrases like "I need you" and "please come back" "I can't do this without you"; in a sort of mantra until she drifted off to sleep, unsure of what the morning would bring
"Heaven couldn't wait for you, so go on, go home…"