Disclaimer: I own nothing of the magical world that is Harry Potter-land.

"Draco Malfoy," said a husky voice.

Draco's cold gray eyes darted rapidly back and forth beneath his eyelids as he lay sleeping. "Who's there?" he demanded.

"I am your mother's cousin. We've never met, but I know who you are, and you know who I am."

"Obviously I DON'T know who you are," Draco said, frustrated. "Who are you?"

"I'm Sirius."

"Yes, of course, but who are you?"

"I'm Sirius!"

"Well, how serious can you be if you don't plan on telling me who you are?!"

"No, my NAME is Sirius. Sirius Black. Believe it or not, we're related." A face came into focus in Draco's mind, a sunken, bony face with sharp cheekbones and piercing eyes. "Come on, I know you've heard of me."

"Of course I've heard of you," said Draco angrily. "You're a blood traitor. You have no right to call yourself by my mother's name."

"Then what would you have me call myself?"

"Dead," Draco hissed.

"Dead Sirius?"

"Of course I'm serious!" Draco shouted, although he made no sound because he was fast asleep.

"Call me what you like, but just listen," said the man in Draco's head. "You're our family's last hope. Voldemort wants you to become a Death Eater so he can avenge what he sees as your father's betrayal. Make no mistake, he wants you dead. He does not care for you. He will not protect you or your family. He will have no mercy and he will never forgive. Turn away while you still can - for your own life, if for no other reason. Believe me, I know what happens to people who join the Dark Lord and then try to walk away. My dear little brother Regulus, my only sibling, of whom you must have heard glorious stories - met quite a grisly end that way. Don't be like my brother, Draco. Be like me."

"What - dead?" sneered Draco. "You died just a month ago. My father was there and told me all about it - "

"Right before he was shipped off to Azkaban?"

Draco swallowed hard. "A true Black is a Slytherin and a Slytherin is a survivor," he said firmly. "Voldemort will stay true to those who are loyal to him. He has sworn it."

"Like you? Since when has Voldemort ever kept his promises?" Sirius laughed drily. "Listen, kid, you might think your life is great right now, and that Voldemort will make it even better, but Dumbledore and the Order are stronger. We will win this war, and your entire family will have a one-way ticket to a lifetime of torture. Even from a purely selfish perspective, isn't a quick and painless death preferable to that?"

"I would die rather than betray my family," snarled Draco, catching even himself off guard.

To Draco's surprise, Sirius smiled. "Then I was right," he said softly. "We do have something in common, you and I. I love my friends, and you love your mommy. And we both know that that love runs deep, doesn't it, mama's boy?"

"How dare you insult my family," said Draco, getting angry again. "If you're so smart, then why is it that you spent twelve years in that hellhole without even TRYING to escape?"

"Look," said Sirius, "I'm telling you this because despite everything, I feel sorry for you. I truly do. There's so much wasted potential in you, Malfoy. Next year when you turn seventeen, you'll be held accountable for everything you do. I don't know how harshly they'll deal with the youngest Death Eaters, but if I were you, I wouldn't push my luck. I'd advise you to get Crabbe and Goyle and Parkinson and Zabini and get as far away from England as you can, because I doubt whether Slytherin House will still exist once this is over, or whether anyone will still want to join it with its reputation."

"You never understood the nobility of Slytherin House," Draco retorted. "You had the world handed to you on a silver platter and you threw it all away for your blood-traitor friends. I'm glad my Aunt Bellatrix killed you. The world is better off without ungrateful scum like you."

"Well, be that as it may," said Sirius with a smug grin, "my best friend is going to marry your cousin. So, y'know, score one for us."

"She's no cousin of mine," Draco said. "Her mother is a filthy Mudblood lover. Just like you."

"Your aunt 'Dromeda got out while she could and was infinitely happier for it," said Sirius. "I know you can do it too. Your parents' generation is screwed, Malfoy. They're a lost cause. It's your generation that isn't completely screwed... yet, anyway. But hey, if you keep going down this path, it's no sweat off my back. One for two isn't bad, is it?"

Draco woke up in a cold sweat. He didn't know how he had managed to conjure up such a clear mental image of his mother's cousin, seeing as he had last seen the 'Wanted' posters over two years ago. And yet, there he was. And in that moment, Draco knew he had to get back to Hogwarts as soon as possible. Because there was only one person who could help him at a time like this, when he was hearing ghosts in his head.

Moaning Myrtle.

A/N: I originally intended for this to be serious, but it just ended up being Sirius :) I couldn't resist all the bad puns.