A Snake Without Fangs

"You should know that above all I hate the caging of live things, and I will not keep even such creatures as these caged beyond great need. A snake without fangs may crawl where he will." ~Treebeard

EDIT: Changed "The holidays" to "Chris's Birthday".

"An encouraged person will eventually get his drive from encouragement; he becomes more dependent. A person that never really receives encouragement learns to move out of spite; he becomes more independent." ~ Criss Jami

It had started with the Flu.

The Kratt brothers went home to see their family for Chris's birthday and brought it back with them. Both brothers caught it and thought they were over it by the time they got back, but apparently they weren't completely past the infectious stage. Koki fell to it next, followed by Jimmy. Both recovered in a couple of weeks and carried on as usual. Muscle aches, sniffles and coughing persisted all around but for the most part everyone dealt with it just fine.

Then Aviva caught it.

She seemed to be getting better. A week of the usual flu symptoms began to subside to near-health. She had even pulled an all-nighter programming pre-emptive features for the Creature Power Suits once the chills had stopped. That was probably not the best idea as her fever came back full force by noon the next day either due to the strain or a latent infection that might have healed on its own if she had continued resting like a sensible person. Less than twenty four hours later she was in the hospital with full-on pneumonia.

The non-negotiable order of bed rest for three weeks crippled the team. Aviva was entirely unable to do her usual duties and as a result couldn't maintain the Tortuga, the Creature Power Suits, make Creature Power Discs, analyze animal powers, or do absolutely anything else that the Kratt team needed to perform their daily tasks. In fact she wasn't even allowed to leave the hospital since her condition had deteriorated so severely. At any time she might have to be on oxygen and was barely allowed to get out of bed. This left her friends as utterly helpless as she was; they had all realized entirely too late that she had become irreplaceable and no fail-safes were set up to compensate for her loss; even a short-term one.

The Tortuga, Kratts, and all missions were on hold until she was available again. They were essentially dead in the water.

Unfortunately Donita hadn't waited out of courtesy. Given that they weren't actively going after things and Donita usually found her newest target by following them to it nobody quite understood where she had gotten the idea. But the moment she did, no Peacock Mantis Shrimp was safe. The Kratts only found out about the problem when some of their local Wild Kratts Kids in Thailand reported the poaching.

Martin and Chris went ahead to try and stop her and get the creatures back, but due to a surprisingly thorough amount of research Donita had an aquarium made to keep the glass-shattering mantis shrimp in that just wouldn't break. As usual the only way the Kratts would be able to save the creatures was to have Mantis Shrimp Power - specifically the smashing appendages that, on a human scale, would allow them to break open the aquarium.

Martin paced in the background while the others had Aviva on video conference. There was less than four hours until Donita's announced event date where her (admittedly gorgeous) Peacock Mantis Shrimp inspired clothing line would debut. Unfortunately she had not yet been able to figure out how to make the colorful little things an actual part of the ensemble without taking them out of the water.

Whether she would particularly mind them expiring just after the show wasn't clear, but they would definitely be living when they were frozen and mounted on the models before the catwalk run. 'Beauty is fleeting' after all.

Aviva couldn't speak without coughing so she had a messaging window open instead. At the speed she typed it didn't make much difference except that she now had to pause and wait for everyone to finish reading.

"Can't you do the programming from there?" Chris asked plaintively. "You're allowed to have your computer in the hospital."

[There is a HUGE difference between my laptop and my Station in the Tortuga. I can't make Discs from here and my mobile system is out of commission because I had to harvest it for parts to fix my station after the last power failure caused a surge.]

"What do we do?" Martin demanded in a mild panic. They had already been to see what they could do and been forced to go back, and thus Martin had named a little friend. Once he named them you just KNEW there was no way he was leaving them. "Donita's going to suffocate them! They can't breathe outside the water!"

"From a practicality standpoint I don't know why she would bother with Mantis Shrimp. She's famous for her living fashions and they're obviously not going to be living long after being sold," Koki said sadly. "I know they're not endangered, but it still sort of sucks."

Aviva looked like she was either about to cough up another storm or vomit. She swallowed instead and a definite look of helpless defeat bled across her face.

[Call Zach.]

The reaction was instantaneous and unanimous. "ZACH?!"

"What could Varmitech possibly do to help us? He can't even build Zachbots that recognize the difference between a verbal command, a figure of speech, and sarcasm," Koki complained.

Aviva nodded sympathetically and began to type again.

[Yes, but those are his designs. There's a difference between designing something yourself and following someone else's instructions. Zach may not be the best inventor, but he IS one of the best mechanical technicians I know. If there's a plan in front of him he can build it, fix it, and probably improve it; no doubt in my mind. That's ALL you need him for until I'm able to come back guys. No new stuff, just repairs and maintenance.]

Jimmy balked. "But won't he just steal all your inventions while he's here?"

[I'll just have to trust you guys to keep him under control. We're pretty familiar with the way he operates by now.]

Chris ran a hand through his hair nervously. "What about the Creature Power Discs? You always say how complicated those are. Can he do it fast enough?"

[For the Discs there's a basic programming already installed. I used to create each one from scratch but it took a dangerously long time, and with more than two Creature Power suits I had to expedite the creation process. It's still really too complicated for you guys, no offense. Koki might be able to learn the system I've got set up but it will take a few weeks or maybe even months.

Zach should already be familiar with similar systems so it won't take him long at all to pick it up. Even the DNA sequencing for Metamorphosis and Amphibian Life Cycles are already available in a simplified template. Essentially, from a programming standpoint, all it needs is someone to fill in the blanks and push 'CREATE'; but you have to know the programming to begin with. It may not be the best reason in the world but he's hacked us before, remember? That means he already has experience with our systems and how they work. If anyone can help you guys in time to save those creatures its Zach. I'll be remotely available from here if he needs any further instruction or advice.]

There was a pause while they read through that. Martin winced. "But then he'll have all of your inventions and designs, if only because he worked on them. He won't even need to steal the plans. I don't like it."

Aviva took a slow breath and failed to do it delicately enough to avoid coughing completely. When her dangerously pale face came back up off the pillow she typed again.

[If we have to bring in help it should be someone I'm positive can do the job even if we don't get along personally. It's already my fault we're in this mess for not having a backup plan. My inventions are patented and Zach is honestly not very good without a plan, so as long as you guys don't let him take any with him when he leaves anything he attempts to build modeled after my things will be, at best, inspired. Sorry, guys. There's isn't any choice. Trust me on this one. It's the only way I can think to save those Mantis Shrimp.]

[I want you to call Zach.]

Martin grumbled. "I still don't like it."

"Neither do I, but what other options do we have?" Koki sighed. "Donita won't just give the Mantis Shrimp back to us if we ask really nicely. As much as I want to say this is just a delusional effect of her fever, I've got to agree with Aviva on this one. We need major tech support and now. I'm not sure if Zach is the best choice, but he's the one our inventor is recommending. I say we take her word for it."

Chris sighed. "Fine; we'll call Zach. He won't agree, though. There is no way he'll help us. Especially not for three weeks."

[Let me handle that.]

Aviva typed hard enough to make her screen shake.

[Conference Call.]

Aviva started the connection and, while it rang, a picture of Zach graced the window his video would display on once he picked up his end of the line.

Chris blinked. "Uh... where did we get that picture?"

"Why do I even have that picture?" Zach wondered aloud while he sipped his coffee. The last time he had gotten a call from the Kratts Team it hadn't occurred to him to wonder about the image since the call itself had surprised him so much. Now it just made him raise a brow. The phone rang several more times and he smiled to himself as he turned the newspaper over to read the other side of the page. "Can't hear you. La-la-la."

While he continued his breakfast a Zachbot went by and dusted the table. The phone stopped for a minute and it began to ring again.

"I am so not getting that," he mused aloud.

The Zachbot answered it.

"HEY! I didn't mean for YOU to get it either!" He put his coffee down and stomped over to the screen where five people were waiting impatiently for him.

"Oh. It's actually you this time."

"Yeah, and-" Chris started hurriedly.

Zach hung up. "And now it's not," he said pleasantly and went back to his waffles.

"THAT LITTLE ~GNNGHCTCSH~!" Koki bit out, just missing a PG-13 rating thanks to Jimmy shoving his newly opened ice cream sandwich into her mouth before she could finish. He smiled apologetically and raised his hands in surrender when she glared at him.

Aviva rolled her eyes and typed out a few things they couldn't see, then went back to the messaging window.

[Stand by.]

Zach glanced over to his phone with a bored expression when a text message came through from Aviva.

[Pick up, Zach.]

He rolled his eyes and typed out, [Why should I and why aren't you calling?]

[First because you wouldn't pick up if I just called again with no explanation. Second; I lost my voice. Pneumonia.]

[It probably says something about you that it took an army of billions to finally shut you up, microbes or not,] he plucked out while snickering quietly to himself.

[Creep. Pick up when the team calls you back.]

[I'm going to block all of you.]

[You'd miss me. Friendship can fade but rivals are forever.]

Zach took a moment trying to think of a rebuttal for that, but shrugged and conceded. [True, but you still haven't given me good reason to.]

[Martin is on the verge of a panic attack and Chris looks like he's about to explode. You can take screencaps.]

[Ha! Deal.]

Zach was recording his video feed before he even picked up.

Martin, determined to get in the full explanation before Zach hung up again, immediately put his hands on both sides of the screen and spoke so quickly that it all nearly came out as one huge word. "Donita and Dabio captured a lot of peacock mantis shrimp for their new fashion line and Aviva's too sick to come back here and make the Creature Power Discs and we need to save them because the aquariums they're in are too hard to break without the Claw Strike power and we have to save them or they'll suffocate when the show starts because they won't be in the water anymore so you've got to make the Creature Power Discs for us before it's too late and Flash-Smash is gone forever!" he pleaded, taking a huge gasping breath after that rant while everyone stared in wide-eyed shock behind him. "You've got to help us! We need a stand-in technician! Fast! Donita's show is in five hours!"

Zach stared blankly for a moment, dumbstruck. Then he arched a brow and utterly failed to speak fast enough to keep up with his suddenly frantic thoughts, which had all panicked in his head and started scattering like angry bees. "Wait. That's not… You can't… Why would… *beat * What!?" Zach growled in frustration and palmed his face in an effort to calm down. He took three deep breaths. At that point Logic and Sense gathered Greed, Vindication, Pride, and Curiosity and they caught up with Suspicion and Panic and made them sit down for a minute so they could all collaborate properly. He blinked a few times when his brain felt more organized and pointed at them accusingly. "Are you trying to hire me?" he asked shrilly.

"YES," the four vocal Kratt members said at once according to their various stages of emotion (i.e. Koki annoyed, Jimmy worried, Chris angry, and Martin frantic).

"NO!" Zach said on reflex, then put up a hand once he got over the initial shock. "Wait… let me think about it."

[We don't have time for that.] Aviva's window read.

"I don't even know what sort of contract would cover-" Zach seemed to consider this a moment. "Varmitech Industries isn't cheap, you know," he stated warily. "Especially if you need support that doesn't allow animals, and you're requesting Varmitech himself."

"You know I would never make a request like this if it wasn't important!" Aviva took a break to cough violently. Koki winced in her section of the screen out of sympathy, while Zach winced because it disgusted him. "I can give you all the instructions you'll need. Just help them, please."

"Yeah, do us all a favor and don't talk again." Zach thought a moment, running his fingers over his goetee. "You realize you'll have to let me into your systems, see your data, tell me how to work the Suits and make new Creature Power Discs?" he ventured.

"We have a contract written up already," Koki said proudly, and Zach's fax machine (in a Zachbot, of course) buzzed to life as it began to print it out. "It's the same one Aviva signed, with a few changes to add her as the owner of anything she's invented for us."

"Of course you do..." he drawled in mild disappointment.

He started to flip for it and scan for key phrases while they kept begging him, which was an entirely nice experience all around since his blatant disregard for their urgency only seemed to make it worse.

"So basically," Zach huffed while looking over the frustratingly well-written contract, "there's nothing in it for me besides a normal job? I take over Aviva's role on the Kratts team while she's in quarantine and generally trying not to die-"

"Aviva is NOT going to die!" Jimmy shouted fiercely.

"- and actively work against my evil compatriots in the process; which will cause me a lot of trouble in the long run and isn't even worth the commission fee." He crossed his arms and glared at them all. "Why did you bother calling me again?"

Aviva nearly pouted, but hid it remarkably well as a pained groan. [Because you get to rub it in my face later that I didn't plan for this sort of thing, like you always do?]

Zach snickered and bit his lip. "Seriously, what kind of stooge doesn't plan for a periodic absence? Don't you psychos ever go on vacation?'

"No," all Kratts members snapped simultaneously.

Zach sighed as if it physically hurt him to consider this. "Give me a few hours to review the contract-"

"We don't have time for that!" Martin ventured in a panic. "Flash-Smash won't last long outside the water!"

Zach gave the blonde a look that clearly illustrated he didn't care. "Flash-Smash?"

"Peacock Mantis Shrimp," Koki said quickly, displaying a picture of one on her section of the screen. "We've only said it about a dozen times! They're native to the Indo-Pacific along the coasts between Guam and East Africa. Donita took-"

Zach raised a brow. "I'm not surprised. It is kind of pretty-"

"ZACH!" four voices chorused at him urgently.

He shrieked, startled, and dropped the contract which spread out all over the floor. "Okay, okay!" he conceded. "I'll make the stupid discs for the rainbow bug-thingie! But if there's a loophole in the contract anywhere I'm taking whatever I can! You guys have to sign a waiver saying I offered a proper review and you refused it, too." he warned. "It's the principle of the thing," he said benignly, as if to convey he meant no personal offense and even examining his nails for show. "You understand."

"Unfortunately; yes. We do," Chris said flatly.

Zach clapped his hands together in triumph and grinned. "Alright, go back to bed Aviva; I'll rescue your Wild Rats and keep them in tech until you're all better. Now, since we are on a time crunch... where are you?"

"Thailand. Sending coordinates now," Koki said.

Zach raised a brow. "My jet's top speed is Mach 2. It'll take me at least three hours to get there. You'd better have absolutely everything ready for me to start working the instant I arrive if you want to make Donita's show."

"Done," Koki said and got up to start gathering things.

Martin sighed in mild relief. "Thanks, Zach."

"And HURRY," Chris added.

One thing that could be said about Zach, he had reflexes the likes of which nobody had seen outside Aviva at her most determined. He was typing at a speed that made the Tortuga echo as if it had several woodpeckers attacking the walls. Another thing that could be said was that he never missed an opportunity to complain.

"You realize that this is the programming equivalent of weaving a room-sized tapestry out of a single long thread? Everything loops back into everything else! I mean, coding the eyes alone-"

"Can you do it, though?" Martin asked urgently.

Zach snorted. "I'm doing it now, calm down. If Aviva hadn't put up all these guides and things in it would have taken me days to work it out. At least she has that amount of foresight in her favor." As he continued to type his phone rang and he reached up casually to put it on speaker. "Varmitech Industries; Turning varmints into robotic solutions. Varmitech speaking," he recited in a practiced and pleasant tone.

"Zach, Darling, I'm hosting a fashion show tonight in Thailand featuring a beautiful new line! Would you be a Dear and help me a while?"

Everyone froze behind Zach and kept quiet, wondering what he would do.

"Sorry, Donita. I'm already under contract for the time being. I'll have to send someone else to help you," he said casually, never pausing in his work.

"Why aren't you on screen?" she asked. "I like to see who I'm talking to."

Zach rolled his eyes. "So do I, but I'm in a secure area and video is prohibited," he said smoothly. After seeing the surprised looks he was getting he looked back at them and whispered, "Didn't think I could memorize the contract that fast, did you?"

"Fine," she said tersely. "You know I can pay up, Zach. I'll double whatever your current clients are offering. Dabio is good for the heavy lifting, but you know he's helpless when it comes to electronics. I've already watched him try and fail once and I won't do it again. He simply can't wire the lights and sound system without your guidance. I only need you for the evening. And maybe we could have some coffee after if you'd like to stay a while," she added with a more alluring tone at the end.

Zach frowned and his typing slowed. "Sadly that isn't an option. I can send another technician to fill in for me, but I'm not personally available at the moment. Maybe next time."

There was a frustrated scoff. "Oh, alright. I suppose it is a bit short notice. I can't exactly control when inspiration strikes me, though, you know that."

"None of us can," Zach said cordially, but there was flatness to his tone. "I'm working right now but call me in a few days if you want to reschedule that coffee."

Even through the phone they could hear Donita's boredom. "It's just not the same if we haven't spent the whole evening together. But I'll call you if I need help with another show. Ciao!"

Zach's typing picked up again after the line went dead. He sent a verbal message to his secretary letting her know to send Donita a technician and went right back to making the Disc programming.

"You're actually sending someone to set up her show!?" Chris demanded.

"Why not?" Zach asked.

"Because you're helping us right now, remember?" Jimmy said.

"Yes, I am. I, Zach Varmitech, am under contract with you at the moment. That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to run the rest of my company in the meantime," he said flatly. "The fact that two of my current clients are feuding isn't really my concern. Two different technicians were hired to do two different jobs and both contracts will be fulfilled. What do the lights and stage have to do with your critters anyway? If you were paying attention you'd have noticed I'm not running Security this time, so your planned break-in won't interfere with either job. Even if there's no show the setup will still work. Besides, wouldn't it look suspicious if I refused work from Donita? She doesn't know I'm helping you."

Koki grumbled. "You just want to get paid by both sides of this fight, don't you?"

"That's business, Wild Ratts. I can't be stingy about employment opportunities. You don't like it; make your own Creature Power Discs."

The collective glares did nothing to dissuade him and he simply continued working.

Koki crossed her arms in fury but decided to change the subject. "What was that coffee thing about? Are you two…?"

"No; she was just doing that to get her way," he said blankly. "She doesn't actually mean it." The only sign of his upset was an increase in pressure on the keys and slight posture change but it was still clearly there.

Martin seemed to be the only one who had an iota of sympathy. "Sorry."

"Whatever. Here." He took the Discs out of the casing and handed them to Martin and Chris.

"Less than an hour and a half," Jimmy said in slight awe.

"Don't you want to check your work?" Chris asked suspiciously.

"Don't you want to get there before the show?" Zach countered in the same tone. "It won't take my technician long to set up, believe me, and you've got a ways to go. If there's a big enough crowd Donita might even start start early."

"How do we know you didn't make a mistake on purpose?" Chris accused.

Zach shrugged. "I'm going to be here for the next three weeks; why would I want to give you more reason than usual to make me miserable?"

Martin put his disc in his suit and grabbed Chris's arm. "Come on! We have to save Flash-Smash!"

Chris sighed. "Alright, Bro. Let's go."

Zach sat back in the chair and examined his nails. "I gotta warn you; those rainbow bug thingies are mean. You might get a little crazy if you aren't careful."

"Aviva always manages to compensate for things like that," Martin said.

Zach shook his head. "No she doesn't. A surprising amount of the instinct control is left up to you two. Deactivate if you start getting the urge to do anything the Incredible Hulk would. And that Claw Smash feature? Don't aim it at anything you want intact. I mean anything."

Martin and Chris shared a worried look and gave Zach a nod as they headed out.

The awkward silence when the new, and unusual, HQ team was left alone was positively stifling.

"Uh... what now?" Jimmy asked.

"Have you broken anything since I got here?" Zach asked.

"No," Koki snapped.

"Then I suppose I'm free to work on my own things until I'm needed," he shrugged, and pulled out his laptop from the briefcase he'd come in with.

Koki bristled. "Hang on-"

"I have my own secure network, so I won't be using yours. All I need is a free outlet to charge it," he said sourly. "Unless you'd prefer I go work in my jet? Alone, where you can't keep an eye on me..."

Koki pointed to a free outlet and leaned in so close that Zach shrank back in his chair. "You behave."

"Or?" Zach prompted.

"There are some very interesting 'varmints' native to this area of the world. Do you want to know what a Megabat is?" Koki asked sweetly, then smiled when green eyes widened nervously. "Then behave yourself."

Thankfully, he did. For a while. They settled into a semi-comfortable arrangement by not talking and doing their own things while Zach stayed well within sight of at least one team member at all times.

Koki tiredly kept flipping through the images of animals in the area doing general research. Beside her Zach was fiddling with his laptop, which was on an empty area of Koki's station, while he worked on something for another client. Behind them Jimmy was alternately sweeping the floor and taking bites out of pizza that was sitting nearby. It was the peaceful, bored atmosphere that usually pervaded the Tortuga when waiting for something interesting to happen and Zach's presence didn't seem to be disrupting it since he was doing his work quietly.

Suddenly something bulbous, tentacled and generally disturbing appeared on Kiki's screen as she flipped through the images. All at once Koki recoiled away from the screen with a startled cry, Jimmy's full mouth betrayed him and he ran to the bathroom to empty his stomach of pizza, and Zach screamed and leapt behind his chair. The scrawl underneath the image said "Scotoplanes", and the picture might have been less horrifying if it was actually underwater and not on a cutting board, or even if it took up less of the screen.

"What is THAT thing!?" Zach demanded. "Eew! I can't even look at it!" He grabbed the back of her chair and shook it urgently. "Change it! Change it!"

"Okay! Okay!" Koki mashed buttons until the picture was replaced with something a lot more fuzzy and much less creepy. She and Zach shared an unnerved look. "I think it was a type of Sea Cucumber," she said quietly.

"That even sounds gross!" Zach complained. "I may never eat real cucumbers again."

Jimmy came back and leaned wearily on Koki's chair. "Hate to say it but I'm with Zach."

"I think they actually do eat Sea Cucumbers in Japan," Koki began thoughtfully, which prompted Jimmy to run off again and retch in the background. "Ooh… Sorry, Jimmy!" she called after him.

Zach leaned his forehead on the back of his chair and groaned. "So much for Sushi, too…"

Koki shook her head and kept searching. "Don't be like that, Zach. The sea is full of great creatures with amazing abilities. Not all of them look weird-"

As if on cue, a 'Panopea generosa' appeared on the screen.

Zach gave her a suspicious look. "You have to be doing this on purpose."

"Do not blame me for the anatomy of Mollusks," Koki put her face in her palms and sighed loudly.

"So, those rainbow bug thingies-"

"Peacock mantis shrimp," she corrected tightly.

"Are they, like, tiny lobsters?"

"Oh, come on! You keep calling mantis shrimp 'bug-thingies' but 'lobster' rolls right off your tongue?"

"I know what lobsters are!" Zach said defensively.

Koki crossed her arms. "And what are they?"

"They're delicious," he teased.

"Oh, you-!" she snarled and leapt at him. Zach's screech only encouraged her.

Jimmy grabbed her arms and pulled backward, toothbrush sticking out of his mouth as he had rushed over the instant he heard the noise. "Don't hurt him! We still need him to fix stuff!"

Zach was just subjected to seeing a baby Cthulhu and a hilariously suggestive clam for those who were too lazy to image search.