I do not own the female Jedi in this fic. I do not own Exar Kun (again; sigh, sniff) I do not own anybody else mentioned in this fic. To put it simply, I do not own Star Wars. (Aargh! I am starting to get very sick of disclaimers!)

Shadows of Moonlight

 I once told my old master, 'Only I know my heart.' Now it feels like even I don't know that any more.

 There is a Jedi, and…I can't explain how she makes me feel. It's just that…when I'm near her, my head clears, and I ask myself why? Why did I go to the Dark Side? What made me turn to that path? And then I remember. Freedon Nadd. He was about to kill me. If I hadn't agreed…I don't want to think about that time.

 It's only when she's not there that I forget about these things, and I really don't think of them…a kind of shadow falls over my mind. But I don't even know her properly. I do know her name, though. Her name is Nomi Sunrider.

 She makes me stop and think, and when I think, I don't belong in the Dark Side. Maybe it would be better if she weren't there. But everything is so much clearer when she is there. If only I could go back to being a normal, pure Jedi. But my fate is decided. I can't.

This Jedi… She is young, and I think she has a child, a daughter, named Vima. She is not a fighter; she meditates in battle, clearing her mind. Like me, when I think of her.

 I also think she loves, or loved, a Jedi called Ulic Qel-Droma. It seems like I already know him though, yet I've never seen her before, and they seem to go everywhere together.

She brings my real life back. That's how I think of it. She makes me want to be a young Jedi again, with no double-bladed lightsabre, no scar, nothing. And that scar… I think that scar marks the beginning of my Dark life. Sylvar was my childhood friend. I've known her ever since we started training as Jedi. We trained together, with Crado. I've never made fun of her in my life. I don't know what made me then. Maybe that was the Dark Side first cloaking my mind.

 But this girl… lifts the cloak. She sees, and makes me see, what's underneath. My other life. But it's more than that.

When I think of her, all dark thoughts disappear.

When I think of her, the light returns.