Beautiful Disaster

Chapter One

The Moment of Change pt. 1

It had been a typical, nothing-special day at Sacred Heart Hospital. Dr. Cox had ranted, Janitor had tormented, the Todd had offended, Dr. Kelso had yelled, Ted had contemplated suicide, Carla had lectured, and Turk…well, Turk had done several dances.

Nothing unusual.

JD gave his patient a final smile and handed her chart to the nearest nurse. "Well, I'm done for tonight, Ms. Lancing, but I'll be back to check on you bright and early tomorrow. And by then, I'm hoping these meds will start doing their job, and we can talk about when you're getting out of here. How's that sound?"

"Sounds great, Dr. Dorian. And thank you, you've been great."

JD gave her his understated, 'cool guy' nod. "Just doin' my job, ma'am."

He strutted out of the room, only to find Elliot outside the door, laughing at him.

"What, may I ask, is so funny?"

She put on a fake macho expression and said, in a mocking tone, "Just doin' my job, ma'am. You sound like a bad movie about…cops or firemen or something."

In his smuggest voice, JD replied, "Excuse me, Dr. Reid, but I was just accepting a compliment. Perhaps you're not used to it."

"Oh, very funny. You're hysterical."

He smiled at her. "You off work?"

"Yep. You?"

"Hells yeah I am. I feel like I haven't had a Friday night off in forever."

"Well, Turk and Carla are taking Izzie to see Turk's parents. You want to hang out? Grab a drink or something? We haven't done anything just us in forever."

They had begun walking away from the nurse's station. "That sounds awesome, but Kim's bringing Sammy over. In fact…" He glanced at his watch. "She's probably already waiting in the apartment."

Elliot gave the obligatory aw that happened anytime JD mentioned his son. Then she said, "We'll do it some other time, then. You have Sammy all weekend?"

"Yeah. I've got to leave him with a baby-sitter during my shift tomorrow, but I switched shifts so I could have all Sunday with him."

Elliot smiled up at JD as they came to the door and walked into the parking lot. "I think it's great that you make so much time to see Sammy."

"I just want to make sure I spend as much time with him as possible when I have a chance."

She instinctively put a hand on his arm and rubbed it lightly, almost automatically. "It must be hard, him being so far away…"

"Yeah, it is. But Kim's been great, making it work without having to go into custody battle or something." They walked in comfortable silence until JD reached the car his brother had given him, now with an un-cracked windshield. Elliot waved a little and started to continue to her own car, when JD had a thought. "Hey…why don't you come over?"

Elliot stopped walking and looked back at him. "Like…now?"

"Yeah! I mean, you haven't really hung out with Sam much, and I want him to get to know all my friends."

Elliot's face lit up. JD almost laughed; he could almost see her thinking Baby! over and over again. "That'd be great. I'll be over in a minute."

JD got into the drivers seat and waved at Elliot through the window.

Kim was parked outside his building when he got there. She got out of the car when she saw him pull into the parking space. JD raced over just as Kim was getting Sam out of his car seat in the back. "Here's daddy, Sammy, look!" She glanced over at him. "Hey, JD."

"Hi." He planted a quick kiss on Kim's cheek; he was proud of them: there was very little awkwardness between them. Maybe having a kid just made all that go away. JD reached out his arms for his son. "There's my big boy! Daddy missed you!" Sam gurgled happily up at his father.

Kim was handing over a diaper bag and the few things she always packed when Sam came to stay with JD; a lot of the baby stuff had been left at JDs apartment. When JD had all the equipment, Kim leaned down to kiss her son, speaking softly to him. "You be good for Daddy, now, okay? Mommy's gonna miss you, yes she is."

She smiled at JD before getting back in the car. "I'll be back for him Sunday night, okay?"

"Yeah, no problem."

"You boys be good now."

JD lifted Sam's tiny arm as Kim drove off. "Wave bye-bye to Mommy, Sam. It's just you and me this weekend."

Elliot had pulled into a parking space across the street just after JD, but she'd hung back, waiting until Kim left to get out and head across.

JD was still talking to Sam when he spotted her. "Look, Sammy, it's Aunt Elliot. We talked about her, remember, she's the one who talks really fast that Daddy used to sleep with."

Elliot ignored him as soon as she got a good look at Sam. "Awwww. Oh my God, you are just the cutest thing in the entire world!"

"Well, thank you, Elliot, but you should really be paying attention to Sammy…"

She spared him a momentary Look before returning her attention to Sam. "He's adorable. Can I hold him? "

JD thought momentarily of Turk's 'ball catching drill', but shook it off. He trusted Elliot. "Sure." He shifted the diaper bag awkwardly to pass Sam to Elliot.

She took him gently, almost nervously, as though she, too, was thinking of Turk's refusal to let her hold Izzie, JD gave her a reassuring smile. Once she had Sam comfortably cradled in her arms, Elliot looked down at him with an almost awed expression. JD's expression softened as he watched her, a smile tugging at his lips.

"C 'mon, let's get inside."

She barely nodded, still seemingly mesmerized by the baby in her arms. JD held the door open and they headed up to his apartment.

Elliot sat on the couch, shifting Sammy to a more comfortable position in her laugh. He babbled happily up at her, causing Elliot to laugh delightedly.

"He likes you." JD told her.

"Yeah? " She sounds surprised.

" Of course he does. Hey, I'm going to get some stuff ready in his room, okay?"

" No problem."

JD disappeared out of the living, and Elliot leaned forward, tickling Sam's nose with the edge of his blanket, making funny faces at him.

Sam reached out with his tiny hand and curled his fingers around Elliot's finger. She stared, marveling at how small every fingernail on Sammy's finger was. "You've got a good grip, buddy. You must get your strength from your mommy." Elliot chuckled to herself at the joke, and Sam's big blue eyes, identical to his father's, seemed to smile up at her. "You're a little macho man." She started to sing. "Macho, macho, macho man. I've got to be a macho-"

Sam's eyes crinkled a little and he laughed.

Elliot froze, staring at him, surprised. It was small, awkward, and hiccupy, but that had definitely been a laugh, a real laugh. Sam looked almost surprised himself that such a sound had come from him.

" JD! "

He appeared in the doorway to Sam's nursery, eyebrows raised. "Something wrong? "

" No, just...he laughed, JD! A real, like, person laugh! "

JD 's eyes widened. " He's never done that before! "

" I was just sitting here, singing to him and he started laughing! Watch. . ." Elliot started singing again. "Macho, macho, macho man!" Sam giggle, louder this time. Elliot looked up, delighted, at JD.

JD broke into a huge grin. " That's incredible. Hold on, I'll be right back. . ." He disappeared into the bedroom again.

He returned to the doorway, his video camera out, directed at where Elliot and Sam sat on the couch. Elliot was looking at Sam, laughing, and didn't see him standing there.

Just before JD spoke, the view from the tiny screen sticking out of the video camera stopped him. He didn't know if it was the difference in the view, or just because he was really paying attention, but the sight of Elliot, holding his son, smiling and playing with him so naturally, tugged at his heart suddenly, and made breathing a momentary struggle.

He stood there silently, his camera trained on them, zooming in as close as it let him, just watching. He often felt warm and fuzzy around Sammy, but this was beyond this. This was something. . .he didn't have a name (or a cliché) for this.

Elliot glanced up and caught sight of him. She broke into laughter at the sight of the video camera. "Oh, man, you're one of those dads, aren't you? Recording every little moment."

JD's smile was clumsy as he fought to shake himself out of the daze. He found his voice, and retorted with, "Shut up. I may not get a lot of the firsts. This is a point for me." He walked closer, sitting next to them on the couch, just far enough away to keep filming. "Now make him laugh again. . ."

He was dying to say it, but he waited until they'd spent the first few minutes with pleasantries and talking to Sam. Then, JD couldn't wait any longer, "He's laughing! He laughed on Friday night, for the first time."

He had been half afraid that she would report that he'd already been doing it, but could tell instantly by the look on Kim's face that he hadn't. "Seriously? He laughed?"

JD nodded. "It 's incredible. . ."

Kim reached out for Sam. "Hey, big boy. Will you laugh for Mommy? Hmmm?"

" He really likes it when you sing."

"Uh, okay. " Kim paused, looking a little awkward, then began to sing, " I 've got sunshine. . .on a cloudy day. When it 's cold outside, I got the month of May. I guess you'd say- " She stopped abruptly, disappointed. "He 's not laughing for me."

"Here let me try. . ." JD moved a little closer and began singing "Land down under". He was barely into the second line when Sam giggle. He had gotten much better at it over the weekend.

Kim gave an amazed gasp. "Oh. . .my God! That was amazing. . .I wish he'd laugh for me, though."

"Don 't feel bad, it took me awhile to get him to laugh, too." JD took Sam back, planting a kiss on top of his son's head, already disappointed that he'd be leaving soon.

" Who made him laugh the first time? "

"Elliot. She was hanging out on Friday." He remembered something. "Hey, I 've got a tape. Not of the first time, but at least the second, if you want to see."

"Of course, that'd be great."

He went over to the VCR and pulled out the video tape; he hadn't watched it yet.

The image that had made JD pause for so long on Friday filled the screen. He instantly smiled, his eyes glued to the TV. The camera seemed to close in on Elliot and Sam as he had zoomed in. The only sound on screen was the quiet murmur of Elliot 's voice; the sound quality wasn't good enough to make out what she was saying from the distance.

JD barely noticed how long he'd lingered on that image.

Then Elliot was looking at the camera and laughing. "Oh, man, you're one of those dads, aren't you? Recording every little moment."

Then it was his own voice, louder since it was coming from behind the camera." Shut up. I may not get a lot of the firsts. This is a point for me." Kim gave him an amused look, but he barely noticed. He really was getting closer to them now, as the picture shook a little, obviously as he'd sat down on the couch. "Now make him laugh again. . ."

"Okay. Before I was singing Macho Man, but let 's see if something else will work." She seemed to be thinking, then said. "Okay, here goes. . ." Facing Sammy again, Elliot began to sing. "That's the way, Uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh. . ." The camera slid down just to Sam, who was giggling.

" That is so awesome.", came JD's voice. "Here. . ." Two fingers momentarily obscured the lens as JD handed the camera over. "Let me try. . ." There JD was onscreen, placing Sam in his lap, facing him. "She's just a small town girl. Living in a lonely world. . ." He continued all the way through that verse. "He 's not laughing."

Now it was Elliot's voice that was behind the camera. "Maybe he'll only laugh for me! "

" Maybe my singing is great, while yours is so bad it 's hilarious."

"Oh, right, Elliot can't sing. . .what an original joke, Mr. Theatre Camp."

On the screen, JD looked up, somewhere above the camera. "I 'll have you know I am not at all ashamed of theatre camp. I made great memories there, and I honed a great talent."

"Right, and how was your performance as a tree? "

"Okay, I was a tree, but it was in the Wizard of Oz. It's not like. . . 'oh, ha ha ha, JD was just a piece of scenery'. The tree was a character. I had to throw an apple at Dorothy."

"And you missed Dorothy and hit a member of the audience."

There was a pause. Then, JD said stiffly. "I was not aware I 'd told you that story."

Elliot started laughing, and suddenly the only thing the camera was showing was the pattern of JDs couch; he smiled a little, remembering Elliot practically laying down, she had been laughing so hard. Gradually, he joined in, and his voice was still full of laughter as he said, "Give me that!" The normal image returned, and suddenly JD was trying to focus a view from in front of the couch; he put the camera on a stack of medical books.

Then he was falling down on the couch next to Elliot, who had Sam again. "Okay, I'm going to try to sing like you. In other words, bad."

"Oh, shut up, JD, I doubt babies have any idea is something is exactly one hundred percent on pitch! "

" Fine, well let's sing something together and then I can do it by myself. Like a transition."

" Fine." They went through verses of "All Star ", " We Are the Champions " and "Tubthumping ", almost losing sight of why they were singing, when Elliot suddenly stopped.

"Hey. . .I think somebody's tired out."

"Well, I am a little tired, but I'm good for another few-"

"Not you." She indicated Sam, falling asleep in her arms.

"Oh. . . JD watched as, onscreen, he moved closer. Elliot was smiling gently down at Sam.

JD was surprised, watching the video, with the expression he was looking at Elliot with. The depth of tenderness in his face was something he'd thought only Sam could inspire. But his eyes were clearly on her.

He was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was watching this with Kim. For awhile there, he'd forgotten the reason for turning the video on. He cleared his throat loudly and pointed the remote at the TV. The image onscreen disappeared into blackness.

He turned to look at Kim. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"Mmmm." JD couldn't really read her expression.

To fill the silence, he told her, "Sam didn't laugh for me until Saturday, so you know. . .don't give up hope."

She smiled, finally. "I won't. So, you never mentioned you and Elliot are together."

"Huh?" He stared at her. "We, um. . .we aren't."

"JD." Kim's voice seemed half-exasperated, half-amused. "Look, you don't have to lie. I want you to be happy with someone, I-"

"I'm serious. She just wanted to hang out with Sam a little."

"Oh." For some, Kim still looked unconvinced. Had she noticed the way he was looking at Elliot on that video? "Okay." Kim cast a deliberate look at her watch. "I'm sorry, JD, but we really need to go."

"Alright." Planting one last kiss on the top of Sam's head, he reluctantly handed him over. "I'll see you next time, buddy. Daddy loves you, okay?"

"I'll call you about next weekend, okay?"

"No problem." JD waved at his son as Kim closed the door.

He turned and sighed. He'd begun to get used to saying goodbye to Sam, but it didn't make it easier.

He sat on the couch, smiling to himself as he thought of Sam laughing. He'd missed the first smile. He was glad he'd have this memory with his son.

And with Elliot.

JD couldn't help but contemplate everything: the unnamed feeling he'd gotten the other night while watching her, the look he'd given her, caught on camera, and Kim's question, along with her obvious doubt even when he'd told the truth.

He impulsively grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned the TV back on, pressing play.

He had forgotten, at first, that the video camera had been on. So he hadn't shut it off when they realized Sam was sleeping.

With the push of the button, they appeared onscreen again. He was still giving her that look.

"Wow." Elliot breathed, her eyes still on Sam, cradled in her arms. "He looks just like you, JD."

Onscreen, JD smiled. "I hope that's a good thing."

"It is." She looked up at him, smiling. "He's beautiful."

His voice was soft. "Thank you."

"What's it like?" They were both using hushed, whispery voices, because of Sam. "Being a parent?"

"It's. . .incredible. It's terrifying as hell, but. . .amazing. I never thought I could love anything this much, you know? Sometimes I just look at him and it scares the crap out of me. Because I just want to protect him, from every thing. From every paper cut and every broken heart and every disappointment. . .but I know I can't. So I'm just enjoying this part, when it feels like I can. So, yeah. . . being a parent is amazing. It's like nothing else."

Elliot smiled at him, and though the camera couldn't capture, JD remembered the slight sadness in her eyes. Then he was saying, "You'd be great at it. You will be great at it."

Then her eyes had smiled. "Thanks."

JD watched as, on the TV screen, Elliot lay her head on his shoulder. This wasn't anything unusual; they were best friends, and they thought nothing of hugging, or putting an arm around each others shoulders. But somehow, the image suddenly gave JD an understanding of what that feeling had been.

He paused the image at just the right moment; his onscreen counterpart was giving Elliot that Look again, the one full of tenderness and (now he could see it) love.

JD stared, transfixed, at his TV: Sam asleep in Elliot's arms, her head on his shoulder, him looking down at her.

They looked like a family.

His heart was pounding faster even as he looked at it. Because suddenly JD understood.

He hadn't been lying to Kim; he and Elliot were not together.

But in that moment, he knew, without any amount of doubt, that he wanted them to be.