'Nobody really knows how or why he works so hard
It seems like he's never got time
Because he writes every note and he writes every line'
"Mr Nitram?"
'And I've seen him at work when that light goes on in his mind
It's like a design is written in his head every time
Before he even touches a key or speaks in a rhyme'
"Tavros!" The small headphone was plucked out with a gentle 'pop'.
"Uh… I… What?"
"Doctor Firmer was asking you about your progress" The look on the tired mother's face was one that Tavros Nitram often received, that exasperated expression. He always played ignorance, but it was becoming harder to ignore the tremor in her hands whenever she was in the small room.
"Progress? Um… yeah... okay. Well I… uh… I can do this thing…" He began in his usual stutter.
"He has being doing the required exercises that you recommended and we have been working on getting in and out of the chair recently."
The 15 year old was getting used to his mother being his answering machine. It made his check-ups run smoother and saved them time.
"Good, good." The silver haired doctor looked over the edge of his clip board down at him and gave that reassuring half smile he did with most of his patients. "And have you been experiencing any stiffness in your abdominal muscles?"
"Sometimes I get this… this little… uh twinge…"
"He is a little tense in his stomach from the medication but other than that, nothing at all." Mrs Nitram tucked a strand of her mousy hair behind her ear before reaching her hand out open along the mattress. Her son didn't hesitate to take her palm in his and hold it against the sheets at his side. The two adults chattered away about dosage and new 'experimental' pain killers as Tavros reached across his arm and gathered up the headphone again. He slid it into his ear and leaned back on the pale mattress. He remained that way until his presence in the room was merely a tiny blip.
His attention was slowly drawn back out the window once more as the pulse of the music filled his head. The teenager had come to the conclusion that his participation in these weekly conversations never really made a difference to him because whatever they chose to do, all he could do was sit back and try to enjoy the ride. The view wasn't all spectacular; in fact, it was a rather dull outlook onto the hospital courtyard. He traced his eyes down the skeletal branches that of the unnecessary tree planted in the middle. The cold arms of the winter season had shaken the leaves from its body, letting them drift to the benches circled underneath it. From the large window he could make out the shapes of the top of people's heads as they passed below, their footsteps making their heads bobble like tiny clouds.
Tavros's gaze was drawn back to his mother as she shifted. He watched her shake hands with the doctor and lean forward over the bed's metal railing. She kissed him lightly on the forehead, gave a short smile and said something that was blurred out by the thrum of the music. It was probably the parting words she usually used like 'See you tomorrow, sweetheart' or 'Daddy will pop in later; I love you'.
"Love you," he said with a tight smile that he held until the chamber was clear. When the door clicked shut the entire room almost gave a sigh in relief. Whenever doctors or his family were around, Tavros Nitram put on a brave face.
Once he was alone however…
He slipped his nimble hand underneath the pillow supporting his back and fished around. With a bit of an awkward shuffle, Tavros managed to slip out something that was keeping him entertained during his, what seemed like eternity, stay at the Royal Darling Hospital. The Nintendo screen came to life in his finger tips and the display screen lit up every angle of the boy's slightly pudgy face. He tapped the stylus over the touch screen and soon entered the game. Even though he couldn't hear it, Tavros knew that the high strung notes of the Pokémon Pearl theme song were playing in the background. It wasn't the perfect escape but it was just what the accident-prone adolescent needed.
Tavros was no different from any other kid, besides his habitual uncertainty when he spoke, and finding a way to deal with every situation. A few months ago, on the day that the teenage boy had a sudden hit with reality, his instincts were there to tell him not to panic. The accident hit his entire family like a shock wave, sending all who stood near it into distress. It was strange how it was his loss, but everyone else's tragedy. Of course, Tavros wasn't one to break down. To him, it was just another situation to surpass and as they say in an awful current pop song: 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'.
The screen dulled for a few moments as the character entered a cave, allowing him to see his reflection on the touch screen. Brown eyes stared back at him on a tanned face and he pouted his lip forward, pulling a face. He scrunched up his nose and bloated his cheeks, giggling at the fish-like expression.
"One day the wind will change your face will stay like that." A very astute voice chimed over the harsh rapping pouring through his ears. Tavros dropped the expression, feeling a slight heat rise in his face when he noticed he had company. He dropped the game and yanked the headphones out.
"Oh… uh… hello Miss Maryam"
With a roll of her deep emerald eyes, the pale nurse slid the door wide open and rolled in Tavros's only way of self-mobility.
"I have reminded you on numerous occasions, Tavros, address me as Kanaya. There is no obligation to be so formal." The wheels of the chair spun slowly as he pushed it along the carpeted floor, squeaking slightly as it came to a stop beside his bed.
"Sorry… Miss… uh… I mean… Kanaya" He gave the tall nurse an apologetic smile which she didn't receive. Her dark skirt drifted behind her as she fussed around the room. Unlike Tavros, the way she moved was graceful and she spoke like she had a PHD in Literature. A question Tavros often found himself thinking was how his brilliant nurse even ended up working in a hospital when she seemed more suited to writing great sonnets and epic poetry. Everything about the young woman screamed neat and tidy, her short cropped hair always bouncing perfectly around her neck and not a thread of her uniform out of place. She spun back sharply and strode towards his bed.
"I think it is needless to inform you of where you are desired," Kanaya said and stepped around the wheelchair to Tavros's bedside. She pulled the wheelchair close so it was bumping her knees and wrapped an arm around her charge's side.
"I can…uh…do it myself" Tavros chucked his iPod and hand held beside him and tried to brush her away. He shifted his hips, wiggling awkwardly to the side of the bed and reached out, grabbing both legs and dragging them back in line with his body as he prepared to lower himself down onto the chair.
"Please, Tavros. It is my responsibility to assist you in practises such as this." Kanaya slid her arms underneath Tavros's knees and then around his torso. His weight shifted from the bed and onto her and he clung to her neck. Gently, she sank him into the seat. He leaned back on the leather support as she placed his legs in front of him comfortably.
"Thanks Miss-"
"Kanaya."
"Yes…Miss." The conversation between the two dropped from there. Tavros folded his arms on his chest and looked down at his knees. Every time he sat in the chair he felt that everything from his waist down was useless; fragile. His thighs almost clung together through the cotton of his grey sweat pants and his knee caps bumped into one another when they went over a bump. He stroked his palm out over his left thigh, adding a slight pressure. No reaction as usual.
"Do I haftah… do the… um… work and all?" He angled his head back, looking up at her as she wheeled him down the hallway. They passed by other doors, the numbers printed on them going down gradually. His ward was filled with kids and teenagers in similar situations, some less serious, others not. He didn't really get much of a chance to socialise with anyone unless they visited him or he was being moved to another room so his friend count was at an all-time low.
"Of course. You want to be able to make use of yourself."
"But… everyone else uh, pushes me around…" he argued.
"Are you not familiar with the Chinese proverb: 'Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime'?" She kept her eyes straight ahead as they approached the elevator. Her slender finger pressed the button marked 'G' for ground floor and waited.
Tavros sighed heavily. "It's so much…work." He felt a warm hand pat his shoulder.
"Fear not. Once you have improved you are free to go back home with your family and resume your everyday life just as before." His nurse's choice of comforting words weren't really as uplifting as she had thought. Tavros leaned his head on his closed fist, supporting himself on his elbow. The elevator arrived with a cheerful 'ding' and the doors glided open.
Kanaya was right; she was always right. Tavros braced himself against the wind as they made their way outside and onto the smooth bricks that made the court yard floor. Tavros tilted his head up, tracing his gaze up the building walls and into the sky. Cloudy weather once again with little gaps of sunlight streaking through. He wouldn't be so unenthusiastic about learning how to work a wheel chair if it didn't take place in the Rehabilitation Centre. It was a small building he could see from his window with very few windows. It stretched out along the bottom floor, each room with a different purpose. The department he was heading for was built for patients with similar conditions. The floor was decked out with ramps and rails; not to mention other physio equipment.
The automatic doors buzzed open and they were swallowed up once again.
Kanaya wheeled him towards the receptionist. "Tavros Nitram booked in for the 12.45."
The blonde behind the high desk didn't need to look up from the computer screen. "Yes, down the hall to the right."
"Thank-you."
They were moving again, down the brightly lit hallway. Tavros noticed a few familiar faces and some new ones. The thing about hospitals was that no one stayed there forever; there was always someone coming and another going.
"The schedule requires that you work on the ramps today." Kanaya swiped her access card along the scanner and the door at the end of the hallway unlocked. She leaned forward and pushed through, wheeling Tavros into the Prosthetics and Wheelchair Unit. There was something about this department that made him feel uneasy. He had a theory that it had something to do with the intimidating ramps and downright gloomy atmosphere it always held.
"Ramps?" Tavros whimpered. Out of all the basic training he had to do, ramps were the hardest. It required all his upper body strength just to concur a minor slope, let alone the actual standard one.
"Ah, remember what I quoted earlier?"
"The guy with the… uh… fish?"
"Correct." Kanaya angled the chair towards the smallest ramp. It went on a 45 degree angle, flat and then back down to the ground. Simple enough at first glance. Tavros moved his hands down to grip the top of the wheels, his palms growing sweaty. He threw her one more desperate glance.
"Can't we… uh… do you know… finger stretches or something…"
"Do not be ridiculous. I have observed you do this before." Kanaya reached into her pocket for her smart phone.
"Yeah but… I kinda… uh… fell back last time." Tavros's eyes darted back and forth from Kanaya's calm face to the ramp.
"You did not fall back. I prevented that from happening." The screen buzzed to life at her finger tips and she opened up her email. She often took notes to email to the Dr Firmer during the three hours they had in the unit.
"B-but what if I do?"
"Then I will be right here to catch you." Kanaya's lips spread into a smile, exposing each and every one of her perfectly straight teeth. "Now proceed."
Tavros bit his lip. It seemed that almost every set of eyes was on him now. The other patients were mostly working with prosthetic limbs on the walking bars at the opposite end of the room and there was a young man finishing up his wheelchair course. There was never a crowd but there were always spectators, wondering when will be the day that little Tavros Nitram will conquer the ramp. Perhaps today would be that day.
He gripped the wheels and pushed forward. The wheelchair edged towards the slope and he felt his back begin to tilt. He pushed again, his arms burning from the strain and the chair started to climb. Little grunts tumbled from Tavros's lips as his muscles screamed in protest.
"That's it. Keep going," Kanaya's voice coaxed from not far behind him. Tavros pushed again, the chair jolting up towards the edge. Just one more push. The boy's frame slung forward as his hands slipped.
"KANAYA!" He let out a gasp as he felt the world rushing in his ears and his stomach leap. The fall was not a long one; Kanaya was already gripping onto the handle bars behind his head.
A shameful squeak escaped his lips as he struggled to catch his breath. "Be calm. Everything is under control". With much caution, Tavros felt his nurse guide him down the ramp and onto the floor. She let out a breath she seemed to be holding in for a long time.
"Easy now. Inhale and exhale." The nurse mumbled, mostly to herself, and released her iron grip on the bars. She stepped back and straightened up, brushing out the crinkles in her white blouse.
"I… Miss Maryam… I am really…"
She held up a hand. "Nonsense. There is still far more practice to be done. There is no shame in trying."
Tavros nodded. At that moment, he wanted to turn into the pet tortoise his family had back at home and just curl back up into his shell and never come out for days. The spectators in the room muffled chuckles behind their hands. The 15-year-old's cheeks turned a stunning red intense enough that he could feel it burn his skin. He swallowed dryly and ran a hand through his dark mohawk of hair. His bottom lip trembled dangerously. He didn't bother looking up when a shrill beep sliced through the silence.
Kanaya unclipped the pager attached to the hem of her skirt and held it up on her palm.
"Oh, marvellous," she groaned sarcastically. The good nurse knelt on one knee before Tavros, taking his cheek in her palm and directing him to look at her. Tavros's little teeth bit into his lip as he came face to face with the pretty young woman. "Now don't you acknowledge those who mock you, Tavros." Her voice was stern, absolutely serious. She cast a glare over her shoulder at the teen that was mimicking Tavros's squeal to one of his mates. "Are you alright?"
Tavros stared down at his sandals and nodded weakly, far too bashful to speak.
Kanaya offered him a pleasant smile. "I have just been alerted that my assistance is needed elsewhere. Mrs Harley has gotten herself stuck in her bathtub again." She stood, dropping her hand and placing it over his head. She stuck her fingers through his hair and ruffled it. "I won't be long."
Tavros raised his chin to watch her stride off elegantly down the hallway. Even when he could walk himself, he never moved like that. Kanaya didn't ever walk; her movements were far too exquisite for that. The way she moved resembled a dancer, turning and gliding around a stage. Tavros wasn't that type. He was awkward, clumsy and never confident. It was a trait his sisters would tease him about and his sporting coaches would look down upon and currently, the patients in the room were snickering to themselves about. He glared at the ramp. It was just a ramp, nothing more and nothing less and he couldn't even make it to the top. He couldn't even give Kanaya some hope that he wasn't completely incompetent.
"Not this time."
Tavros swayed his hips from side to side, building enough momentum to align himself with the slope. He bit down hard on his lip, enough to taste little spurts of copper. He gripped both wheels and gave a mighty yank. The wheelchair sped forward and he held his breath as his back began to tilt. Again, he shoved the chair on, making sure to do it in time. He pressed aside the burning sensation tearing up his muscles and his lungs screaming for air. The teen's stomach flipped when he almost lost his grip but he didn't let go. Come on, one more. One more is all it takes.
His frame rocked forward and his arms feel lank against him. The edge of the wheelchair drifted into a halt at the top of the ramp. Tavros breathed in and out rapidly, his heart racing like a startled rabbit's. He looked around him, staring back at the bewildered faces and then, a smile built up over his lip.
"Yes!" He threw both arms up in triumph. With a lick of his lips, Tavros punched the air again, laughing giddily to himself. "Haha! Yes!" He didn't care if that the others rolled their eyes at his celebration. All he cared about was the fact that he tried and for once, he had actually done it.
But the celebration didn't last for long.
The back of the chair dipped and Tavros barely had enough time to grab hold of the arm rests before the chair came rocketing backwards down the slant. The air bit at the back of his neck and he clamped his eyes shut, praying to whatever mighty being was up there to not let his chair overturn.
The air rushed out of his lungs as the chair came crashing back onto the floor. For a moment he felt weightless when it bounced and clattered, skidding along the lino and towards the door. Tavros was surprised to find that the thing to stop him wasn't a wall. There was a short squeak and this time, it didn't come from him.
"You fucking jackass!" squealed a female voice, high and scratchy. Defiantly not Kanaya's. "You little prick!" The chair was kicked around; Tavros spinning back to come dead on with a very angered bandaged face. His little heart thudded in his chest and pumped through his ears. The girl didn't leave him any time to apologise when she lashed out, kicking the wheel of the chair and sending him back. Tavros gripped onto the wheels, preventing the chair from ramming into the equipment.
Tavros gazed up fearfully at the patient. He hadn't seen her around before and he definitely would have remembered if he had. Her spiky dark locks hung over half of her face, doing nothing to conceal the pale bandage wrapping around her head. Her pretty features twisted into a snarl as her hand clenched up into a tight fist. The most striking feature of this girl was the fact that she only had one arm. The elbow on the opposite side of her body ended in a fleshy nub that was draped with bindings.
"I… I am so… uh…" Tavros's tongue felt like a heavy flap, churning uselessly in his mouth. He flinched when she stepped closer, balling a fist up of his shirt.
"Say that again," she dared him, locking her sharp blue eye with his.
"Please… don't hurt me…" His voice came out as a whimper. She blinked, something in her gaze becoming soft. However, whatever emotion she suddenly felt passed quickly because she was soon shoving him back. Tavros curled his arms over his head, shutting his eyes and waiting for the first hit. There were a few seconds where Tavros felt his entire body tense. A few more and he didn't know what to expect. He was sure that the girl, whoever she was, wasn't done with him.
"Time to step back, motherfucker."
The voice sent a chill down Tavros's spine. A set of footsteps could be heard stepping in front of him but he dared not come out of from beneath his arms.
"What are you doing here?" the girl snapped back. The way she spoke wasn't so confident; the sharp edge to her tone had gone blunt. Tavros slowly opened his eyes. Timidly, he let his arms drop back. He stared up at a tall figure dressed in a dark hood and strange spotted pants. He peered around at the teenager. Her expression was anxious and her eyes showed no sign of looking away at whoever was standing between them.
"Leave him."
It wasn't a request. The husky tone was not threatening ,and yet, at the same time, was utterly and completely forceful. And just as he asked it, the one eyed girl took a step back. Her final persuasion was one word.
"Vriska."
Tavros caught her eye for a second and she gave him a dirty look before turning on her heel with a huff and storming out of the room. Tavros tilted his chin up at the boy. The hood of his jacket covered his head and concealed his skin and face. Tavros wasn't sure whether he had been saved, or he was in deeper shit than he was before. He gulped loudly and placed his hands over his thighs, drumming his fingers anxiously.
Tavros finally built up enough courage to murmur. "Uh… Thank-you… for that."
The boy didn't move at first. Tavros was starting to think that he hadn't heard him until the teenager slowly turned his head. Tavros's jaw dropped and his fingers clasped tightly over his skin. Now he knew why the girl had backed down.
A clown face smirked back at him through dark hair.
"Welcome to the dark carnival brother."