AN: So this is a huge piece of crap, and I apologize to each and every one of you who is going to read it. It isn't horrible, per se, but I have no idea where it came from, and why it is so angsty, and all the sentimental pieces of shit in the middle. Anyways, please review, and tell me what you thought.
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.
He fell asleep to the feeling of fear and a body over his, warm and comforting and right, but everything was so wrong that he couldn't find the courage to feel happy.
He dreamed of soft chocolate curls, warm eyes, and the silky voice that threatened him in one sentence, and then comforted him moments later. He saw visions of white dresses, diamond rings, and children with brown waves and emerald eyes. He wished for the future to be like that, and hoped that someday it would come true.
He woke up to the feeling of confusion and wires everywhere, up his nose, poking out of his arm, and the thought of something missing, something warm and comforting and right. Out of the corner of his eye, he spied his boss resting his head in his hands, something suspiciously white and gauzy cocooning the gray hair. He blinked his eyes twice, wanting to make sure the sight of Gibbs was real. It was.
"Boss," he croaked, voice creaky from disuse. Gibbs' head snapped up, eyes wide with shock as he took in the sight of his very much awake agent.
"Took you long enough, DiNozzo," Gibbs quipped as he stood up, back cracking from sleeping in the plastic hospital chairs. He walked over to the younger man, eyes doing a quick once-over to check for any external signs of damage- other than the wires and bandages, the agent seemed to be fine.
"Where's Ziva," DiNozzo asked, worry seeping through the cracks in his voice. The boss visibly flinched, turning away from DiNozzo so that he wouldn't see the tears threatening to overflow. Especially him, Gibbs, who never cried, could not afford to do so in front of the man who would be heartbroken over the news.
"Boss," DiNozzo repeated, now more urgently. "Where's Ziva?"
He still doesn't answer, just rubs his face with his hand, exhausted, and in no condition to deal with DiNozzo when he hears.
"Boss," he's now yelling, tears seeping onto his cheeks, frustration and anger and anguish coloring his voice. "Where is Ziva?"
"She's gone," Gibbs whispers, preparing himself as he turns. "She threw her body over yours to protect it, and she paid the price. The ceiling crushed her spine. She was dead within minutes."
Tony is frozen, hand outstretched to Gibbs, eyes wide in shock, pain, and some other emotion that Gibbs cannot identify but has felt all too much in his lifetime.
"No," Tony murmurs, "No, this can't be true. She can't die. Ziva cannot die. Do you hear me," he is now yelling, screaming, crying. "She can't die. She's invincible. You're lying! You are lying to me! She's fine. She's just sitting outside that door, and any moment now, she's going to come back. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?"
Gibbs hugs Tony, something he has never been particularly adept at, and yet he feels is required all the same. If only Abby were here, she would be handling this much better. But Abby herself is in the lobby, crying for him to go away, for Ziva to come back, for McGee to be alright. Having defended her form the explosion, Gibbs is much worse than she is, but insisted on handling his team before being looked after.
The team. They will never be the same. Never- not ever. When Kate died, they recovered. She'd only been with them for two years, long but not long enough. Not like Ziva. She had been there for seven years. She had become part of the indescribable family that was the team. She was a daughter to Gibbs, a sister to McGee and Abby, a beloved niece of Ducky. And to Tony, she was everything. He couldn't function without her- that was proved when she was in Somalia. The entire team would take it impossibly hard, but Tony would die. Inside, and maybe out. Gibbs couldn't tell.
The younger man sat, sobs tearing out of his mouth, arms clutching around Gibbs, searching for something tangible in the midst of the pain. He was drowning in his own personal ocean of hell, and this time, Ziva wasn't there to drag him back to safety.
Gibbs let go of Tony when he had calmed down a bit, now weeping silently into his hands, instead of sobs racking his body. Having experienced this with Shannon and Kelly, and then Jenny, Gibbs knew that he would want some alone time. He backed out of the room quietly, shutting the door gently in his wake. Trudging back down to the lobby, back to Abby, he could only think of his lost loves.
He fell asleep with a warm, comforting presence hovering over him. He had dreams of that warm, comforting body being his. He woke up, and wanted nothing more than to fall into dreams so deep he would never come out.
Six Months Later
After the recovery of the entire team, they had been assigned a case in Afghanistan. Tony volunteered to go out there alone to do intelligence work. He sent back the evidence, and when there was a day of his stay left, he took it off from work.
Vance called Gibbs up to his office, and when they securely ensconced in the room, asked, "He's not coming back, is he?"
Gibbs sighed. They had already lost one agent, and the second death was inevitable. Tony was taking it even worse than when she was thought dead in Somalia. McGee had seen the havoc her death reeked on him every day, and even Abby and Ducky were wise to the fact that Tony wouldn't last much longer.
"Not a chance in hell," he finally replied.
1 Week Later
The entire team stood in front of the two adjacent graves, one named for Ziva Aliyah David and one for Anthony Daniel DiNozzo, Jr. The two were finally together, and although they would be missed greatly, and it was everyone's first choice for them to be alive and together, it was better than watching Tony mope around every day.
He woke up to hell and pain and loss so bad he couldn't bear it. When he fell, he fell into dreams and love and her. He was right where he belonged, with a warm, comforting presence that would never leave him.