Bella Spends Eternity Reading Fan-Fiction About Herself
What does Bella Cullen do for all of eternity as a vampire? Read Fan-fiction, of course. She especially loves the ones about her and Edward. But she secretly loves the ones about Jacob. Shhhh don't tell Edward. Lets watch.
Note: Don't judge her. As if you wouldn't spend eternity reading Fan-fiction if you could?
Note 2: Also I hope none of the other authors mind me writing about their stories I only do it out of love. But if you do mind let me know and I will take it out quick, fast and in a hurry.
Note 3: For those of you that would like a clue about what's going on: This takes place post Breaking Dawn when things are all settled down and Bella is a mom and a wife and has nothing better to do - just like all moms and wives of course. So she is sitting around reading Fan-Fiction just like all moms and wives of course. (This is really just a joke I know moms work more than full time – they work total time, they're not off the clock for what 20 years? But thankfully they get coffee breaks or as I like to call them 'Fan-Fiction Breathers'.) Talk to me on twitter besks
Chap 1 SnatchEdward sat in a leather armchair by the fire in their cottage, watching Bella. She was dressed in a tight tank top and loose sateen pajama bottoms. She leaned forward reading the computer screen, her lip caught in her teeth and her dark long hair floating around her.
"What are you reading?" He asked putting the book he had been reading aside.
"Fan-Fiction, of course."
"You have read a lot of that lately." He observed.
"Yep. For hours and hours every day, Edward," she said shutting down the computer and crossing the room to him. She crawled into his lap. "I'm so in love with it." She told him wistfully.
"I thought you were in love with me," he said jealously.
"Oh baby, I am but Fan-fiction is the best of both worlds. I get you here in my bedroom and I get to read about us doing all these other things. Its like I can live vicariously thru…us."
"What kind of numerous other things?" he inquired.
"Well in the one I'm reading now Becoming Bella Swan I am in a loony bin. You see I think I'm Bella Flanagan a Twilight-saga-reading-housewife-and-mother-of-two from Canada. She (Bella Flanagan) thinks she read the series and now sees people from the books like you and Jacob. Because in her,..er…my head it makes more sense than being a teenage girl in love with a vampire who hides out under my bed and has a werewolf as a best friend."
"I'm confused." He stated.
"Yeah its confusing but seriously funny, lusty and sad all at the same time."
"Why would you be in a mental institution?"
"Because you left me."
His jaw tightened before he said, "I do not think you should read that insanity?"
"Oh Edward its just to good to put down." She said whining.
He gathered her up in his arms and took her to the bed. He laid her out on it letting his eyes rove over her body. She looked up at him admiring his naked chest and pajama bottoms that sat low on his hips. Wow he is just as hot as they describe in Fan-Fiction! She thought.He stretched out next to her. Then pulled her toward him. - Even now Edward and Bells like to spend entire nights just lying in bed softly talking. Sometimes Bella even pretends to sleep while Edward watches her.
"Edward?" Bella said as her wraps her body around his.
"Yes love?"
"Did you know that another name for a vagina is snatch?"
"What do you mean?" he asked confused.
"Its a slang word for vagina."
"Snatch? Use it in a sentence," he commanded.
"You should have pulled your penis out of my snatch before you came." She replies without hesitation.
He stares at her for a moment. "Why would he need to pull- No I am not sure I want to know. Was that the actual line from one of those stories?"
"More or less," she said.
"No wonder you have been so lustful as of late." He said nodding.
"Oh you don't know the half of it," she said. "BellaFlan is the Snatch Slang Queen."
They were silent for a long while just listening to each other inhale and exhale.
"Edward?"
"Yes Love."
"What are you thinking about?" Bella asked.
"I was daydreaming about your snatch."
She giggles.