Perfect is relative
by Kibibe
His arms wrapped around me, holding me against him, summer and winter. I felt like every nerve ending in my body was a live wire.
"Forever," he agreed, and then pulled us gently into deeper water (Meyer, S. 2008 Breaking Dawn p. 85), effortlessly floating on his back, while cradling me to his chest.
I was hyper aware of every contact his cold skin made with mine. Connecting in places that we'd never touched before. Places nobody had ever touched me before. I felt my body react and I wondered if he could tell. Surely he would hear my heart beating like a drum.
I glanced up to meet his gaze. He stared at me curiously. A nervous smile crept onto my face as I felt the heat rise in my cheeks.
"What are you thinking?" He asked cocking his head to the side.
"I … I was wondering if you could … sense the effect of … well?" I trailed of.
He nodded solemnly. And while I quickly lowered my eyes to his chest, I felt wild fire burning up my neck rising to my cheeks surely tinting my skin crimson in it's wake.
After a short moment of meaningful silence he carefully lifted my face with his finger, to make me look at him again.
"Though I love it when you blush like this," he lightly stroked my cheek with one hand, "there is no reason to be embarrassed."
Then at once his light smile turned into a sheepish grin. "In fact it would seriously hurt my ego if there was no reaction."
I sneered. "Right. Well if it's good for your ego ..." I pretended to pout. "And I thought this was about me having my human experience." He chuckled lightly, sprinkling water into my face.
I scuffed playfully and reached out to dip his head under water. To my immense delight he played along and his head vanished under the waves as if I could actually do that to him. But then he resurfaced shaking out his hair, effectively splashing water all over my face.
I cringed away, shrieking. He laughed wholeheartedly. Then he pulled me to his chest and planted a kiss on the top of my head.
"Take a deep breath." He warned me before he let himself fall back under the water, dragging me with him. He held me floating above him and everything seemed so still under the waves – like time had just stopped. There was nothing to hear but the beating of my own heart.
Then suddenly he turned us around, holding my arms tightly and pressing me farther down. My heart skipped a beat and my eyes flew open in shock.
That was when I saw him. Saw him like a vision. Floating under the surface smiling down at me. The moonlight illuminated him from behind and strangely reflected off his skin, creating something like a halo around his body. Truly otherworldly. I stared in awe and I totally forgot where I was until I felt the sharp sting of water filling my lungs and I panicked.
Edward pulled me to the surface immediately and as I coughed up water thick tears pooled in my eyes and ran down my cheeks.
"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Are you alright?" He asked alarmed.
I nodded hugging myself to him fiercely.
"Shhh. It's gonna be alright." He mumbled holding my head to his chest and soothingly rubbing my back while my coughs subsided and the stream of tears slowly dried out.
"You wanna go back to the house?" He asked. I nodded sniffling.
He held me tightly against his chest as he swam back to the beach. When we emerged from the water a light breeze stirred the air around us making me shiver. He ran all the way across the beach and into the house.
"Are you gonna carry me across the threshold every time we enter the house now?" I teased. Attempting to lighten the mood.
He stared into my eyes as he answered in a low and serious voice. "Every chance I get." He laughed and sat me down on a bar stool at the kitchen counter, vanishing. He came back with another one of those big fluffy towels in his hand and one around his waist. He swung the one in his hand over my head, wrapping me in it.
"I guess I kind of ruined the moment there, huh?" He offered a rueful smile.
"Nah, I was the one who forgot that we were under water." I stated. He stared at me dumbfounded. "What?" I shrugged.
"You're utterly absurd." He shook his head obviously amused.
"You keep saying that."
"Because it is true."
"I was distracted." I said as I stretched my hand out to touch his face. "So I forgot where I was. It was amazing." I said in awe as I remembered my vision.
"Amazing?" He asked doubtfully. Surely questioning my sanity.
"You looked amazing with that …halo-thing … positively dazzling." I grinned.
He chuckled before he leaned in to kiss me.
I broke the kiss to come up for air and slid off the stool. He had reflexively held his arms ready to catch me if I fell obviously. I raised my eyebrow but let it slide for now. Instead I grabbed his hand in mine.
"This reminds me of why we are here." I leaned in to peek a kiss on his lips and dragged him into the bedroom.
"Yeah well, you kind of killed my bravado back there. I had planned this a little differently. Like in the scene from this book of yours …" He trailed off.
It took me a moment to make the connection, but there was only one book with a scene like … Oh. My: God. My eyes grew wide. "When did you read that?" I shrieked mortified. "How did you even find it?" It was my guilty pleasure for the nights that Edward wasn't there. I kept it hidden in my underwear drawer.
"You didn't want me to read it?" He asked, alarmed.
"No." I stepped away from him as the anger took over. "Why do you think it was hidden? And what business did you have rummaging around in my underwear drawer anyway?"
"It's just that Alice had been thinking about it and I got curious. I assumed you just didn't want Charlie to find it. I never thought that you'd be hiding it from me. I'm sorry." His eyes pleaded with me.
The reasoning was ridiculous and I was about to really work myself up, but as usual I couldn't find the words. So I eventually threw my hands up in frustration. "Damn it, Edward! I don't want to fight on my wedding night."
"Yeah, this isn't going well so far." He observed regretfully. "I'm sorry I invaded your privacy, but for the record, I just wanted to make this special for you. Please forgive me."
He looked sincere enough and though I was still a little annoyed, I really didn't want to have this fight right now. So I reluctantly stepped up to him again, angling my face up. "All right, I'll let it slide … for now."
He smiled in relief and captured my lips in a kiss that made me dizzy. I was faintly aware that we were moving. Then he broke the kiss all to soon again and I found myself in front of the bed. We were finally there. And I didn`t know how to proceed. He immediately sensed my hesitation of cause.
"We don't have to do this now. If you're not ready …" Of course he would try to get out of this.
"That's not it." I interrupted him. Come to think of it, maybe the little slip about the book hadn't been as unintentional as I had thought either. "I wanna do this. We had an agreement. You can't …"
"Hey hey hey. Calm down. I'm not going back on my word. We will try, if you really want to."
"I want to."
"Alright then.", he chuckled, "you're gonna get what you want."
I nodded. Dumbfounded. I hadn't expected him to give in so easily. I had been all rolled up for a big discussion again. And I still didn't know what to do. The stage fright overwhelmed me again.
"Wow. Listen to that heart of yours. Are you nervous?" He asked cocking his head to the side. I avoided his gaze staring at his bellybutton instead.
"It's just that I've never done this before. I don't know what to do."
Then he lifted my face in his hands, to make me look at him."Me nether." He whispered.
"Well what if I suck at this?" I mumbled back.
He chuckled. "You won't suck."
"Well what if I do?"
"I'm sure you won't, but I would still love you. Stop thinking about it so much. Just do what we normally do."
"Well normally you cut our kisses short." I pointed out frowning.
"Well I won't do that now – unless it's necessary to stop this from turning into a bloodbath."
I knew I needed to stop this conversation now, before he could talk himself into bailing on me. So I tried to just turn my head off and I grabbed his frowning face in both my hands and kissed him. He was going with it his lips moving gently under mine, but I could tell that his mind was somewhere else. That he was still worrying about the maybe massacre. So I knotted my hands in his hair and crashed my body to his. The contact with the cold skin of his bare chest in the hot room made me gasp and send a shiver down my spine. And that's what did it. His mind was back on track. I had his undivided attention.
He grabbed my head in his hands an kissed me back. Without restraint. Finally. And when I had to come up for air his wild pitch black eyes bore into mine, sending another thrill down my spine.
He claimed my lips again and with only a slight tug of his hand the towel fell to the ground. And I was completely exposed. Under his gaze a wave of self conciseness washed over me. So I kissed him again and let myself sink down onto the soft mattress while grabbing his towel in my fist and finally getting rid of the last piece fabric separating us.
So fast that I didn't quite realize how it happened he maneuvered us both onto the bed pinning me down. I felt his hands roaming all over my body while he kissed me. Touching places he'd never touched before. Evicting sensations I'd never felt before in my life. My back arched pressing my chest against his. I couldn't get close enough.
His face was a vision. Dark eyes practically glowing. Boring into mine as he positioned himself between my tights. He kissed my lips fiercely before he moved his mouth to my ear. I for a moment there I thought he was gonna bite me, but by this point it seemed like I was beyond caring. I couldn't bring myself to fear him. I just wanted to get closer. For him to hold me tighter. No matter the cost.
"Last chance to change your mind, Bella." He whispered into my ear. His breath ragged. And instead of answering him I buckled my hips. He positively growled. Then with one inhumanly fast movement he slipped into me.
It hurt. It hurt a lot and I gasped. Tears sprung to my eyes and my mind sobered up like someone had just splashed a bucked of cold water over my head.
He didn't move. Hovering over me like a statue. His whole body frozen in the moment. Except for his face. Twisting with all the emotions. A strange mix of horror and pleasure. And while I was watching the emotions morph his features the pain subsided and the intimacy of the moment made me all woozy again. I still wanted him closer wanted him to hold me tighter. So I grabbed his shoulders and arched my hips again.
His eyes rolled back in his head as he made a deep rumbling noise and our bodies started to move together. I couldn't form a coherent thought in my head anymore. There were just sensations. Pleasure and pain and desire until his whole body started shaking and he was growling like a wild thing. Then it was over and he fell down next to me.
I snuggled up to him, while a slight burning sensation spread in my lower abdomen. All the times I'd imagined us doing it I'd put myself and him in the place of characters from my favourite novels. Romeo and Juliet or Heathcliff and Catherine. Reality was different. Sort of wild and animalistic. It was better, because it was real. Finally real, I mused as a strong wave of fatigue pulled me under.