A/N This is my new story, which will be under ten chapters long. I posted this chapter on my Tumblr once but I decided to continue it on, this time, with more reasons and a bit more depth to it. If you're triggered by violence (both briefly described and in detail), perhaps a few mentions of blood, death (nobody's death that you know, don't worry), both strong and mild swearing, and of course, bullying, then please don't read on. Anyway, I'll stop going on and leave my ramblings here! Feel free to drop a review by, it's always appreciated to hear some feedback.

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"So stupid, so stupid..." Ethan hissed, repeating the words he'd heard today more times than his own name. Screwing his sore eyes closed, he scratched down his arm. He was stupid. He knew he was.

Otherwise, why would Jacob have kept saying it?

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Earlier in the day:

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Morning dew covered the grass, glistening brightly among the faded green. Ethan walked across it, eyes fixated on the hospital in front of him. He had to work a long shift due to many of the locums getting sick, so he had a tiring task ahead of him. That might've daunted some people, but it didn't daunt Ethan. He loved his job.

"Morning, Dr Hardy!" Noel greeted at the reception desk. "You alright?"

"Morning Noel. I'm okay, thank you." Ethan smiled. "Got a 48-hour shift ahead of me,"

"Blimey, good luck with that!" Noel scoffed, smiling at the registrar. They went their separate ways as more people queued up at the desk and rudely complained about 'doctors spending all their time chatting and not enough treating patients!' so Ethan took that as his cue to leave.

Ethan passed the desk and entered the locker room, briskly changing into his scrubs and looping his stethoscope around his neck. Leaving the room, he spotted Jacob.

"Morning," Ethan greeted in passing. Jacob just grunted, hand on his heart as if it was thumping too hard and blanked him, narrowly avoiding shoving past. Ethan shook his head, sighing, hoping it wouldn't ruin his happiness for today. He'd woken up strangely optimistic, he didn't want to have a bad shift, and he was determined to keep a smile on his face. So he did.

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Ethan hadn't had a bad start to the shift.

He'd had a horrible start to the shift.

Jacob was doing his best to blank Ethan rudely and he just didn't know why.

Ethan had got coffee spilt all down his scrubs by getting barged into by Jacob, causing his wrist to get burned. It had been so embarrassing, all eyes and attention turning onto him, and nobody saw Jacob do it, so they thought Ethan was just being clumsy and an idiot.

Still. He was only two hours into the shift. He could make it better.

"Dr Hardy?" Dylan called. "I've got a patient for you if you're quite finished spilling coffee down yourself."

"Yes, Dylan, thank you." Ethan sighed. He knew Dylan wasn't trying to be untactful, but the mention of coffee made his the burn on his wrist hurt. "Who's the patient?"

"Teenager, she's got-" Dylan was interrupted.

"Ethan!" Jacob shouted over. "We need you outside, there was an accident!"

"On my way, one second." Ethan thrust the notes back to Dylan. "Sorry,"

"Oh, for..." Dylan sighed, shaking his head in pure irritation. "I think I'm the only one who ever does any work around here."

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The sight alone was enough to give you nightmares for weeks. A young woman, splattered with blood, laid across the pavement. There was a man, presumably her husband, crying over her body and begging for help.

"Sir, you need to sit down, we can't treat her if you're in the way..." Ethan told him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"The car came out of nowhere!" the man sobbed. "Please, save them!"

"Of course, I'll do my-" Ethan paused. "What do you mean by 'them'?"

"My wife and my son!" the man replied, still crying his heart out.

"Right..." Ethan breathed. He knelt beside the woman, who Jacob was already treating, and begun quickly checking her vitals.

"Thought you'd be chatting with that man forever," Jacob spat suddenly. "We have a job to do, you know!"

"I was reassuring him, he was very distressed..." Ethan said in reply, nervous and doubting himself. Then, he remembered. Now he looked, he could see the bump of the woman's tummy, her shirt covered in blood over it. "She's pregnant, Jacob. The husband told me,"

"Right," Jacob said. "At least you're not totally stupid then if you found something out."

"Okay, her breathing is fine, a bit laboured-" Ethan ignored Jacob's harsh words, turning to the husband. "How many months pregnant is she?"

"Seven..." the man told him, sniffing. "My baby boy..."

"Seven weeks...Oh, lord." Ethan's voice was shaky. "Hello? Can you hear me?"

"She's unconscious," Jacob retorted.

"I'm aware..." Ethan couldn't look Jacob in the eye. "I'm going to start CPR."

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"Right, this is Mia Johnson, she's 23 years old, seven months pregnant. Pedestrian versus car only fifteen minutes ago. She was the pedestrian, and she's no longer unconscious, very much the opposite. She's extremely distressed." Ethan helped wheel the trolley through to resus.

Mia suddenly yelled out in pain. "That really hurts!" A dampness flooded between her legs. Her face turned to horror and she burst into tears.

"Early labour," Ethan noted, desperately trying to stay calm. They quickly began to treat her, Duffy rushing in to help as it was a maternity call.

"Is...is she okay?" the man was getting agitated. "What's happening?"

"She's experiencing an early labour," Ethan told him. "We'll have to-"

"Less time chatting, more time working on the patient please, Dr Hardy." Jacob glared at him. Ethan shrunk under his glance. The others noticed momentarily but were distracted by a loud scream.

"It hurts!" Mia screeched.

"Alright, darling, we're going to give you some pain relief," Ethan soothed. Duffy smiled at him reassuringly and then turned her attention to Mia.

"Right, I need you to follow my instructions, okay?" Duffy asked, looking into Mia's eyes kindly.

"I can't!" Mia sobbed. "I'm so scared!"

"Hey, we're here to look after you," Ethan said. "There's no need to be scared. You'll be fine."

"Don't make false promises," Jacob grunted. Mia didn't hear Jacob, luckily, and smiled gratefully at Ethan. Then her face turned to pure agony.

"Right, we need to get this baby out!" Duffy ordered.

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The little baby boy was finally out. He was blood covered and tomato red, the tiniest thing you've ever seen. Eyes closed, body stiff in Duffy's arms.

But he wasn't crying.

"Where's my baby? I want my baby!" Mia sobbed. Her husband rushed over and comforted her, but she batted him away. "I don't want you!"

"Ethan, this isn't looking good..." Duffy whispered to him. "Come on, little baby, come on, breathe for me..." She kept pumping oxygen.

No response.

"Duffy..." Ethan muttered, desperately blinking to clear his eyes. The sight of the poor baby made his heart hurt. "He's gone, okay?"

"A few more," Duffy said, giving the baby more oxygen, waiting with bated breath. After a minute, the whole room went silent.

The baby was gone.

The sound of heartbreak seemed to echo around the room. Everybody hated to lose a baby, who hadn't even been out of the womb for a few seconds, to a cruel death.

"Mia, I'm so sorry-" Ethan told her, voice breaking. "We couldn't save the baby,"

"You promised!" she screeched. "You promised!" She sobbed into her husband's shirt, who was crying silently, desperately trying to keep a strong face. They all kept quiet while the couple had their moment, Ethan burning with guilt.

"I told you not to make false promises," Jacob hissed, shoving past him. "Didn't I?"

"I was trying to comfort her-"

"You failed. So stupid..." Jacob shook his head and left Ethan, who was trembling and tearful, on his own.

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"How's your shift going?" Cal asked, biting some burned toast. Cal had never quite got the hang of making toast, for some reason. It was either burned or barely done.

"Fine," Ethan muttered. "Just fine, thanks."

"Really?" Cal put his toast down and hesitantly placed a hand on Ethan's arm. "You can talk to me, you know."

"I know..." Ethan whispered, looking at the floor.

"Go on, then." Cal smiled. He lifted Ethan's chin for a second and looked into his brown eyes, scanning them. "Tell me."

"Right..." Ethan sighed, deciding to just come out with it. "I had this patient-"

"Awh," Jacob entered, a twisted smirk on his face. "Sweet! You're being all nice to each other! Wonder how long that'll last."

"Excuse me?" Cal retorted, eyes narrowing.

"You been crying, Ethan?" Jacob ignored Cal. "Can't go weeping to your big brother whenever stuff goes wrong, you know that, right?" Jacob laughed cruelly, muttering more words Ethan really didn't want to hear underneath his breath.

"What?" Cal gave Jacob daggers. "Is he bullying you, Ethan?"

"No..." Ethan whispered, hardly audible.

"Course I'm not!" Jacob looked offended. Ethan knew it was a front. "Ethan and I are close, right? Wouldn't want to hurt him, Cal. He's like a brother to me, and he knows I'm having a laugh." Jacob's eyes slanted. "I heard you were the same when you guys first started here. You weren't being a bully, just having a joke. Same as me!"

"Right..." Cal backed down a little. He remembered how Ethan and himselfhad been far from close when they first arrived, sighing. He'd be a hypocrite if he scolded Jacob anymore, he supposed. "I'll leave you two besties to it, then." his voice was vaguely sarcastic.

But he made no advance to question Ethan any further and dropped his glare at Jacob.

"Okay," Jacob smiled. Cal left them alone hesitantly, squeezing Ethan's shoulder kindly as he exited the room. Jacob immediately sneered at the young registrar when they were alone.

"Remember, Ethan..." Jacob smiled maliciously. "Don't ever forget that you're useless, alright?"

"Jacob-"

"It's a wonder Connie hired you! I thought she only hired the best?"

"Actually...Zoe hired me..."

"Ah, right." Jacob sneered. "I bet she regretted it. You're a disgrace."

"Don't say that!"

"It's true!" Jacob hissed. "Mia's baby died because of you!"

Ouch. That hit a nerve.

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"Dr Hardy!" shouted Duffy from Resus. Ethan rushed over. "It's Mia, she's arrested!"

"Right, now coming." Ethan rushed through, quickly hurrying to Mia's side. He began CPR, pumping with all his energy. He was determined to save her, he had to.

"Are you sure you trust him, Duffy?" Jacob muttered after a several rounds. "He's been a-"

"I don't know what you have against that poor doctor, but stop!" Duffy replied, shaking her head. "Make yourself useful!"

"This whole hospital is pathetic," Jacob muttered. He sidled next to Ethan. "You're weakening. I'll take over, I'm stronger."

"I'm perfectly capable, thank you!" Ethan said with a shaky voice. Mia's lips were white and her face was chalky. She wasn't responding.

"Ethan-"

"No."

"Ethan-"

"NO!"

"She's gone, okay?"

"I can...I can save her!"

The sound of a flatline was filling the room. Mia had been down for too long. Beads of sweat were on Ethan's brow from the amount of CPR he'd done, his throat tight and tears were threatening to fall as each second passed. Duffy placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, honey." she lifted his hands from Mia's chest. "She's gone."

"I..." Ethan sniffed, allowing his hands to be moved. Looking at the ground, he admitted defeat. "Time of death, 14:54."

"Mia..." her husband was in pieces, holding her hand and doing his best to stop himself from breaking down. "My baby and my wife, gone..."

"I am so, so sorry for your loss... if there's anything we can do-" Ethan was cut off.

"You...you can tell me it'll all be okay." the man looked up at him with teary eyes.

"It'll...it'll all be okay." Ethan whispered. The grieving husband nodded gratefully.

"Thank you," the man sniffed. "I know it's a lie but I have to hear it."

"I get it," Ethan whispered. "I'm sorry we couldn't save them." he turned and left resus, Jacob following him.

They arrived at reception and Ethan tried to concentrate on the paperwork in front of him, knowing that he'd need to write all the details down just in case the two deaths were brought up at a mortality meeting in the near future, but Jacob was insistent on being horrible.

"Jesus..." Jacob sighed. "If you'd have let me take over, I could've done CPR better than you."

"It was a devastating death, I'm not at fault," Ethan replied, trying to convince himself of that fact. The medical side of things showed that it hadn't been his fault, not at all, but Jacob seemed to want Ethan to feel awful.

"Wow, you're really that delusional?" Jacob laughed. "Just for one second, you should learn to be a decent doctor!" he hissed these words, but it still attracted attention. His colleagues turned to look.

"I'm...I'm a good..." Ethan couldn't finish the sentence.

"Useless!" Jacob suddenly shouted. Everyone turned to stare. Ethan's eyes flooded with tears and a lump formed in his throat.

"No, you...you're w-"

"I'm right! You know I'm right, I always am!" Jacob screeched. "They both died because of you!"

People gasped and watched the conversation unfold.

"It wasn't my fault!" Ethan yelled back, his voice breaking. Everyone was shocked as the usually mild-mannered doctor shouted. "You're wrong!"

"You know, it's a good thing Connie's not here, she's upstairs," Jacob glared. "Because you'd lose your job for being unprofessional and you'd get sued for negligence!"

"Woah, what's going on here?" Charlie intervened. "Ethan?"

"I...he's right..." Ethan whispered, his temper bubbling down. All he felt was burning hatred inside of him, and it wasn't directed at Jacob, it was directed at himself. "I'm useless, I don't deserve this job." He left the reception desk.

"Ethan, wait!" Cal shouted. His brother didn't look back. Jacob's mouth twisted into a cruel, cruel, cruel smirk before he left as well.

"Jacob's been bullying Ethan all day..." Duffy muttered. "Poor mite..."

"He didn't tell me," Cal whispered.

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Back to present time:

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Tears rolled down his cheeks as he entered the bathrooms, beginning to hyperventilate.

Stupid.

Useless.

All his fault.

Bad doctor.

Failure.

Ethan screamed.

It was painful to do and the lump in his throat just got greater. Hot tears streamed down his face and he knew Jacob was correct.

"So stupid, so stupid..." Ethan hissed, repeating the words he'd heard today more times than his own name. Screwing his sore eyes closed, he scratched down his arm. He was stupid. He knew he was. Otherwise, why would Jacob have kept saying it?

He didn't love his job like he did earlier. He didn't feel like he'd ever enjoy it ever again.

He didn't deserve to.

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A/N Any good? Feel free to let me know! (Also, I made my own cool line breaks, I thought they looked interesting rather than just 'XXX's which I've always used!). Thanks for reading, and I'll update soon, promise!