Disclaimer: I own nothing. Fortunately, Diane Duane and J.K. Rowling will most likely never know I wrote this.

A/N: Don't hurt me. Please. You don't understand, it was late at night and I'd had too much chocolate and…I had to. Actually I wrote something with sort of the same premise a few months ago but it got deleted when my hard drive malfunctioned. So…here is the altogether more random version, featuring Nita the Mary Sue and an extremely jealous Kit. Enjoy.

Harry Potter and the Powers That Be

It was nearly midnight when the doorbell rang.

"Get the door, Kit!" called Mr. Rodriguez from the kitchen. "Tell whoever it is we're not buying any." He muttered, "People these days—this ungodly hour—what the…"

"Aw…" said Kit, annoyed. He looked up from the intense game of chess he was playing with Nita. More like losing to her, really… "C'mon, can't someone else—"

"No!" his father bellowed. "Get the door!"

"Fine," Kit muttered, pulling himself to his feet. Nita shot him a mock-sympathetic look as she took his last knight. "Not a word from you," he told her as he went to the door.

He pulled the door open, peering out into the dark. "Um, hello? What can I do for you?" he asked politely. "We're not buying any," he added as an afterthought.

"Er…" the person at the door said. "I seem to have taken the wrong Portkey, I'm sorry…Could you direct me to Ottery St. Catchpole, please?"

"Ottery-where?" Kit asked, ignoring Nita's barely audible snickers behind him.

The figure at the door stepped a little closer, into the light from the living room. "Sorry," he said again, his British accent more noticeable now. "I expect I've done something stupid again. Probably wound up in the wrong country…"

He was a boy about Kit's age, with untidy black hair, brilliant green eyes, and thick glasses. Kit looked at him a little suspiciously, wondering how someone could end up in the wrong country and not know it. And what in the world were Portkeys?

Kit suddenly had a thought. There was an odd feeling about this boy, almost a glow, almost like…

"Uh," he said uncertainly, "I'm on errantry and I greet you…?" He watched the other boy, waiting for a reaction.

The boy blinked. "Er, hi," he said slowly, eyeing Kit as though he thought he were slightly crazy. Obviously it was nothing more to him than an extremely odd salutation. "I'm Harry. Harry Potter."

There was a long silence. Kit stared. Finally he started to chuckle. "Okay," he said. "Right. –But seriously, what's your name?"

"I told you," the kid said with a small frown. "Harry Potter."

"Come on," Kit said derisively. He knew he was being a little rude, but it was the middle of the night. Whoever this lunatic was, he had no business banging on decent people's doors this late, and Kit felt he was entitled to a little snappishness. "Look, I don't know who you are, but—"

"What's going on?" Nita asked, appearing at Kit's elbow. "What is it?"

Kit rolled his eyes a little. "Kid says he's Harry Potter," he muttered to her, nodding at the boy. "I'm trying to get rid of him."

"I am Harry Potter!" the other boy said loudly. Kit heard the noise of running water from the kitchen stop and knew his father was listening. "And I would appreciate it if you'd stop staring at me like that!" Apparently his mood at the moment was no better than Kit's.

"All right," Kit said reasonably, trading resigned looks with Nita. "I respect that. Now, since Halloween isn't for four months, if you would kindly just drop this Harry Potter thing and tell us who you are and what you need, I'm sure we can help you." Help you find a psychiatrist, he thought irritably. You got all sorts of weird people these days…

A tiny doubt lurked in the back of his mind. There had been that odd feeling…Kit pushed the thought away. "Look, I don't know where you got this idea that you're Harry Potter, but I think we'd all be much happier if you just went away and left us in peace—"

"Kit!" Nita said reprovingly. But the boy was no longer listening to either of them. His green eyes were flashing with rage.

"So that's how it is," he snapped. "Think I'm crazy, do you? Well, JOIN THE CLUB!" He clenched his fists. "They all think I'm crazy. Nobody says anything, but I can see it in their eyes. And you're no different!"

Kit backed up a few steps. "Hey, I didn't mean—" He looked at Nita for help. "I mean, I was just a little, um, surprised…"

"You'll have to excuse him," Nita told the boy. "He hasn't taken his medicine yet." She patted Kit patronizingly on the top of his head.

"Hey!" Kit said indignantly. "Look who's talking!" He hated it when Nita was patronizing—it reminded him too much of Carmela.

Any further reflections on Nita's highly unsatisfactory behavior were driven out of Kit's head by what happened next. "You think I'm mad," the boy snarled, glaring at Kit. "Well, I've had enough of it, do you hear me, enough! I'll show you—"

"No, no, of course he believes you, of course you're not mad," Nita babbled frantically, trying to calm him down. She shot Kit a wide-eyed look. You know, now would be a real good time for you to come up with some kind of plan…

Kit didn't have time for a plan. In a heartbeat, the other boy had pulled out a thin piece of wood that resembled the rowan wand Kit had used for wizardries before. He pointed the thing straight at Kit, who tried instinctively and unsuccessfully to duck.

"Petrificus totalus!"

"Wow," Nita breathed, impressed, as Kit fell over sideways. She stared down at him, then up at Harry Potter—for there could be no doubt of his identity after that performance. She continued to stand there in the doorway and stare into space long after a highly embarrassed Harry had helped carry Kit inside to recover, apologizing abjectly for his temper. She was still staring thoughtfully out at the dark, empty street when a large owl swooped by and dropped an official-looking letter addressed to a Mr. H. Potter at her feet.

A/N: Er…it will get better, I promise…what more can I say? Have you ever had a great idea for a story and not had the first chapter come out quite like it should have? All I can do is promise the next chapter will be better. But hey, gimme a break, first Young Wizards fic. I had a few ideas before but they were all really stupid, as opposed to just kinda stupid. However, I do get some laughs at the thought of Nita smitten with Harry's good looks…and there really aren't enough humor stories around here. Hmm…maybe I could even bring in Dairine and Carmela to create romantic tension…you'll just have to wait and see, won't you? Review and I'll try to update soon!