Aragorn and the Missing Toenail- Chapter One.
AN...Be afraid, be very afraid. Readers with Heart Problems...or newly-fitted pacemakers should click away onto disney or something. And check all toenails before reading. Author does not take any responsibility for madness or increased bookings into mental hospitals after the reading of this. Please keep your hands at your sides and feet in your shoes for the duration of this...thing. Thank you.
It was early one morning, and Aragorn awoke.
"It's early and I am awake." He said to the empty room. He yawned and hobbled over to the mirror and put on his crown. "Yea Crowny, Yeah Kingy baby, work that crown!" He winked to his reflection. "Have a good day, you sexy king!"
He done a double take.
"Rewind to my first line...why was I speaking to an empty room, where is my Queen Arwen?? I must look for her."
He rushed back to the bed and looked under it. Something moved.
"Darling! Why are you under the bed!" He reached out a hand and retrieved a small white mouse.
"Aaaah, imposter! Aaaaa, why am I holding a mouse? I am the king. I can get someone else do do that...SOMEONE ELSE!!!" He yelled, and conveniently, someoneelse walked in.
Someone Else: "What, my Lord??"
"Hold this mouse."
And he did. Aragorn walked out into the garden and looked at all the flowers. Then he remembered Arwen. He wandered into the kitchen, where his wife was standing, filing her nails.
"Hey my Queen!" He said.
"Yo." she replied.
He was happy now he had found her.
"I am happy now. I am a happy, sexy King. Aren't I sexy??"
"Whatever." she said, and continued filing.
"Grrr." He grred.
He went back to the bedroom, where someoneelse was still standing quietly in the corner, with the mouse. He lay down on the bed, careful not to knock his crown. Bored, he lifted his legs and pretended to cycle in the air, but, he realised that was too much effort he didn't have to do...he was King, after all. But, shock horror, he realised something was HORRIBLY wrong!!!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SOMETHINGS HORRIBLY WRONG!!!" He observed.
He leapt up like a short leaping thing....a sexy kingly leaping thing of course. "aaaaAaAaAAAAAAAAARWEN!!!"
Arwen ran through pulling twigs from her hair. "What's up?! You made me so scared I jumped out the window!"
"No time for that. LOOK!" He pointed at his toe. The toenail was missing.
"I'VE NO TOENAIL. WHERE IS IT??!"
"Eeew, dude, that, like mings!"
"I can't be sexy with ten toes and nine toenails!!!! Middle Earth can't have a King with horrid feet...I'm not a hobbit for god's sake!!"
At that moment, five hobbits ran in, said "Oi!" and shook their little fists...then ran back out.
"We must find the toenail. Get me your father Arwen!!! I need Elrond!!" he stormed out and stormed right into Elrond's place, which was conveniently nearby.
"EEELROND!!!"
"Right at you!" Elrond shouted out and ran out to meet him, and kissed him passionatley.
"No, no, Elrond..." Aragorn said, pushing him off. "Not now...."
"Oh right. Ok" Elrond said. "Be right back." He returned with two beers and ushered Aragorn into the living room and turned on the tv (yes there was a tv...Elrond's magical.) And put on a football game, shoving a beer into his hand.
"No no, not that either." Aragorn said, getting irritated. "I need you to summon a council for me."
"OMG those Hobbits haven't got ANOTHER highly-dangerous-ridiculously-small item have they?? For gods sake, why didn't Gandalf just get the eagles to fly them from the start, jeez. I had to miss The Weakest Link to hold that council!"
"Elrond. Please! I have a very serious matter. I have lost a toenail." He said seriously, showing Elrond the offending toe.
"This is serious. Right. Council is tomorrow at 2. Free beer....and cheese."
"Sounds good."
THE NEXT DAY, 2PM.
"Right, now we're all here!" Elrond announced as the last Dwarf shuffled in, dressed in Drag.
"Hey, why's that guy in drag?!?!" Aragorn asked.
"That will be answered in the next chapter!" Elrond beamed. And they all done the macarena until you (the reader) click onto the next chapter...