I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters in this story. Everything belongs to Hidekaz Himuraya and the respective owners. Shaq belongs to…erm…I guess himself, Big Black belongs to Ben and Ean, and all the other characters are either creations of my cousins or myself. Thanks. But none of the trademarked/copyrighted characters are mine. So yeah, that's about it.
This story was fo' my BCF Misa-chan! Sank you, enjoy da fwied wice, and keep enjoyin' yo' body like Estonia wants you to always! Just kidding don't enjoy yo' body and we both hate Estonia, but seriously do enjoy da fwied wice. It is fresh from da basement. Switzerland OUT.
This is sort of kind of a sequel to the first fanfiction, Estonia x Shaquille O'Neal. If you haven't read it, you may want to read it so you get the events of this story better.
Estonia was busy getting everything ready. You see, tomorrow was a world meeting at his place he shared with Latvia and Lithuania and he had pushed off cleaning his mess until the final days, or "day". He was busy cleaning with Latvia in the kitchen while Lithuania was on the phone with Poland in his room, which was already immaculate since he had been cleaning for nearly a week.
"E-excuse me, Estonia," Latvia said as he wiped the counter. Estonia watched him intensely and smirked. "Gotta wipe the counters or L-Lithuania'll kill us,"
'Us,' Estonia thought, 'what a good way to put that, young Latvia.'
Just as Estonia was really about to get his pervert on, Lithuania walked in and looked in the fridge. Estonia normally wasn't all over him since 1) Lithuania was older than him and would beat him off/throw him down and 2) the lazy sweatpants and "Segodnya Nochu" T-shirt Russia had bought him didn't make him all that appealing. Lithuania grabbed a salad before stopping to comment on the progress the other Baltics had made in the kitchen.
"Looks nice so far guys," Lithuania said as he leaned against the wall and began eating his salad.
"T-thanks L-L-Lithuania," Latvia said as he bundled up the washcloth to put under the sink in case they needed to use it again, "We've been working a long time! Well, not really Estonia so mu-" He paused midsentence when he saw Estonia glaring at him, "I-I mean, Estonia has re-really pitched in a lot and deserves a-a-a lot of credit as w-well."
"Ok, whatever you say…" Lithuania said as he halfheartedly ate his salad. "Man it sure is a shame Russia's little sister is sick. I was really looking forward to enjoying her bod-I mean company."
'Oh I'd like to enjoy yo' body, Latvia,' Estonia thought as he looked at the small Latvian boy, "I enjoy my body everyday…"
"What was that, Estonia?" Lithuania looked at Estonia since he had muttered the last part of the sentence nearly all out loud, "Did you say you like to party every day? I didn't know you liked parties that much…"
"Oh yeah, I was saying how much I love to party every day. You know, just enjoy myself as a nation. Party hard all by myself," Estonia said, thinking really of how he loved to party and 'enjoy himself'.
"Mr. Lithuania!" Latvia said as Lithuania was leaving, "Can you tell me what Estonia means when he says that he likes to enjoy his body? I like to enjoy my body by eating cakes with Sealand!"
"Gah!" Lithuania dropped the tin salad container and looked mortified at Estonia. "W-whaaa?"
"Shit." Estonia said as he glared at Latvia. The young child could be so sexy yet so revealing sometimes.
"What? Is something the matter?" Latvia said as his eyes pooled up with tears, "J-just don't get Mr. R-Russia over here and don't hit me!"
Latvia ran out of the room and went to go hide in the bathroom as Estonia and Lithuania continued staring at each other in horror.
"Wha-, what the-what the hell, Estonia?" Lithuania timidly tried to act frightful towards Estonia, "Don't you know better than bring up terms like that around kids like Latvia? I mean it's not my choice what you do but come on! Latvia doesn't know any better, what if he told Sealand or Finland or somebody what you said! We'd be in over our heads! Could you imagine what would happen if Denmark or Sweden or somebody scary came over here! What about Russia?!"
Lithuania began scolding Estonia for talking about dirty euphemisms when Latvia came out of the bathroom and huddled near Lithuania.
"Mr. Lithuania, what does it mean?" Latvia was still crying as he huddled near Lithuania and tried to hide himself from Estonia, who was staring him down like a hawk, "Is it bad?"
Lithuania glared up at Estonia and walked to Latvia's room where he and Latvia had an, er, 'coming of age' conversation. Estonia sat in the kitchen and after a while decided it was pointless just standing around and went to his room.
He decided that he wouldn't get a chance to use it while guests were over for the meeting so he decided to open THE Closet. This wasn't any old closet, but THE Closet housed his most important and prized possession, a Shaquille O'Neal blow-up doll. And it was upgraded now since he had illegally imported several voice-recordings of Shaq and put them in a tape recorder so that they would play back as he was, er, 'Shaqu-ifing himself.'
He locked the door and went in his en suite since he didn't want things to become even more awkward that day. He locked the bathroom door as well and turned on the shower for additional noise. This moment was just his. And Shaq's.
The only downside to the voice box was that now he couldn't put the Shaq doll in the shower and Shaq-uify himself without chancing ruining the voice box, and that wasn't cheap in both money and effort. He couldn't risk having to sneak out and order one of those again, even if it was under France's name. Nearly every time he had to illegally import something that was either copyright banned, just plain creepy (Shaq doll), or something he just didn't want his name attached to he just ordered it under France's name or Denmark's since nobody really put anything past them. Once he ordered an Owl City doll under Switzerland's name, although Switzerland found out the next day (he was very very aware when it came to his purchases) and nearly murdered him with his rifle, and Estonia wasn't keen on reliving that little 'experience' any time soon.
Meanwhile Lithuania had just finished having the "magic of being a man" talk with Latvia. Even though Lithuania wasn't into 'enjoyin' his body' like Estonia, he still knew enough about it. He had lived with Russia, after all. And conversations with Russia could potentially lead to awkward situations. Well, nix that, conversations with Russia always led to awkward situations.
Latvia was laying lethargically on his bed after a new wave of tears. He didn't expect Lithuania to have such a troubled past and he suddenly respected Lithuania in a whole new light. In fact it was no secret that he only wanted Lithuania as an older brother, although in front of other people he had to act like he loved both of them when really he hated Estonia. Estonia was just an all around creepy guy. He might act all innocent around the others but living with Estonia was a nightmare.
Lithuania bid Latvia a good night before going to his own room and collapsing on his bed. It had been a long day, and the next day would be even longer.
****NEXT DAY****
Estonia woke up on the floor in his bathroom. Latvia was pounding on his bedroom door telling him to get up before Russia came to their house, and that made Estonia panic and hurriedly rush out of the en suite to THE Closet, hastily shove the Shaq doll in THE Closet, and throw on some nice clothes. True, they weren't his nicest clothes but yet they were still pretty presentable and he was sure the other Baltics would think so too.
Estonia ran out of his bedroom and went down the hall to where their meeting room was. A few countries were already there, Germany, Austria, and a few other guys. He saw Lithuania and Latvia standing in front of the table making sure everyone had all their stuff together. Russia was seated by Latvia and they had an interesting conversation. Lithuania reminded Latvia to shut up about what Estonia said last night, since even though Estonia was at fault he could get all of them in deep water.
Slowly the other nations began filling in the table until everyone was there. Lithuania opened the meeting and soon Germany took over and started briefing everyone on the stuff they were going to cover that day.
Estonia was in his seat and was thinking about his steamy shower with Shaq the previous night. Oh it felt so good, it really made him feel like he was a true Baltic. His balls just ticked and tingled with the thought of feeling up Shaq's handsome chocolate body again, oh the pleasure.
France and Finland were on either side of Estonia, unfortunately. Finland wished that he were across the table, like Sweden and Norway were, but he sighed and decided he'd better be grateful he was even a country at all.
As Germany was going over some important things the Nordics had to do for the economy, Finland decided he'd better take some notes so that he wouldn't forget once he got back to his house later that night. He grabbed a pen and it didn't write at first so he started writing on the paper trying to make it work when he dropped it. Beginning to get a bit frustrated he ducked under the table to get it when he saw Estonia.
Estonia had his hand down his pants and moving it all around, clearly jacking off. He was staring dreamily into Latvia's face. Finland squeaked and hurriedly sat back up, banging his head a bit in the process. He didn't even have his pen, and he really didn't care. Estonia looked over at Finland's look of shock and had this classic 'oh shit!' look on his face. Finland widened his eyes and looked over at Sweden before pulling out his cell phone and texting Sweden, "Oh Jesus Christ on a pogo stick Estonia's masturbating! HELP!"
Sweden felt his phone go off in his pocket and picked it out. He saw that he had a text message from Finny and unlocked it before going to his 'messages' section and seeing the complete message. He widened his eyes as well and looked at where Finland was sitting desperately wanting to get away from Estonia while he was 'cranking his shank'. Sweden text messaged back, "What? NOW?!"
Finland saw this and immediately responded with a definite "YES NOW!" and Sweden felt vomit going up his throat. He text messaged Finland, "Tell Germany." Finland glared at him and shook his head while responding, "Uh you know how embarrassing that'd be?"
Sweden shook his head and was about to respond when Denmark peered over his shoulder and started reading his messages, or the ones on his screen at least. He saw one about Estonia masturbating and chuckled lightly at it before 'dropping his pen' and looking under the table. Estonia went back to 'flogging the frog' and was continuing to jack off. Denmark came back up and began texting Norge.
"YO NORGE LOOK UNDER THE TABLE AT ESTONIA!" Denmark texted Norway, who looked at his phone and scowled. No way in hell was he looking under the table at Estonia's crotch-y area. That was just fucking gross. You probably would get STD's from just looking at it.
When Norway didn't respond Denmark decided to text it to Iceland. Mr. Puffin was laying on Iceland's leg when the text came through and slid the phone out with his leg. He could read the English and saw that it said, "YO ICY LOOK UNDER THE TABLE AT ESTONIA!" Mr. Puffin wasn't stupid and knew this would end up dirty somehow and decided he was a dirty little puffin anyways and peered under the table.
'Goddamn which one is Estonia?' Mr. Puffin wondered. 'Isn't he a fucking blonde or something?'
He looked above the table and saw Finland, France, Hungary, Austria, and a blonde man with glasses. 'Ha that's probably Estonia!' Mr. Puffin thought.
Mr. Puffin looked under the table and squawked loudly when he saw Estonia beating his meat. Iceland though Mr. Puffin was just having indigestion or something and just patted his back.
"Did my phone go off or was that just you?" Iceland said as he pulled up his phone off his leg where Mr. Puffin left it. He checked his messages and saw the text message. "God what does that stupid Dane want now?"
He looked under the table and blushed profusely. He glanced over at Denmark who was a seat to his right by one and when Denmark saw the look on his face he knew Iceland had seen.
The Nordics (except Norway, who refused to participate) continued exchanging text messages for the next hour or so until the one message that made a difference. Denmark was texting Norway a new message (he tried erasing the previous conversation to save space so he could create longer, more annoying text messages) when he accidentally hit "North Italy". He texted "Wow that fucking wanker Estonia has been jacking it for like two hours now. He hasn't even jizzed yet, what a pussy."
Italy was happily doodling pictures of pasta when his phone went off. His innocent little hands picked up his phone and saw he had a text from Denmark.
'Well I don't really have many text messages from Denmark normally, but I get new friends! Ve~!' Italy thought as he hit the messages section of his phone. 'I wonder what Mr. Denmark wants to talk about!'
Italy gasped as he read the message. W-what was this? Italy texted back Denmark, "Um Mr. Denmark…what is this?"
Denmark thought he was getting a response from Norway and practically jumped out of his chair in joy. He instead saw that he had a message from North Italy, not quite Norway. Denmark felt his face go red as he noticed his mistake and saw Italy's response.
"Italy…don't repeat that. It was an accident." was all Denmark could put. It was too late, though, since Italy had already texted it to Germany in alarm.
Germany got the message and blushed a great deal. True, jacking off was no new concept to him but really in a meeting? That just crossed the line of crossing the line. He decided to just cut the crap and stood up to see if it was true. He wasn't going to forward the shit to anyone else because that would be kinda weird.
"ESTONIA!" Germany yelled, slamming his hand on the table. Estonia sighed since he felt his Shaqtastical release coming on but was startled nonetheless. 'Please don't let him know about me enjoyin' my body…' Estonia thought as he focused on the still blushing German at the head of the table. "STAND UP AND GIVE US YOUR TOURISM REPORT! NOW!"
Estonia had a huge boner and tried to cover it up by putting his coat over it, but when he stood up everyone else still saw he had a huge boner. Hungary, who was on the other side of France, scooted her chair away and just looked at Estonia in disgust, Switzerland covered Liechtenstein's eyes (as did Sweden to Sealand), Mr. Puffin began cursing Estonia out in Icelandic, Canada politely looked away and pretended not to notice, and America began taking 'incognito' pictures of it to put online. Estonia was giving his report and finally sat down after Germany told him to.
A few minutes later Estonia felt a jizz storm coming on. He began breathing heavier and finally shakily chanted, "Oh yeah Shaq…I'mma suck your anaconda…oh yeah Shaq stick it in there….oh yeah make me feel like a real man Shaq…liberate me Shaq…oh YEAH SHAQ RIDE ME LIKE A DOLPHIN! RIDE ME SHAQ! RIDE OHHHHHHHHH YEEAH SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQQQ!"
Estonia finally jizzed and Latvia began crying silently. Russia looked over at Estonia and began thinking, 'Kol kol kol kol kol kol kol kol kol kol kol kol kol…" All the countries were staring at Estonia in disgust and Finland leapt out of his seat as fast as he could.
*****AFTER THE MEETING*****
Estonia went to his room after the meeting, not wanting to stick around and talk about the meeting. All the countries really were talking about was him jacking off during a meeting.
Estonia went in his en-suite and opened THE closet to find something awful. His Shaq doll…his Shaqy Shaq…was missing! He looked all around before finally opening the en-suite to find a horrible sight.
His Shaq doll was ripped up in millions of pieces all over the floor (ok maybe not millions but to a pervert like Estonia it sure seemed like it) and the voice box he treasured oh so much was all crushed up in the toilet. In the middle of the wreckage was a note that said 'Hello Estonia…I told you never take me for stupid. I know. With love from Russia.'
Estonia sunk to the floor before finding another note on the toilet's base. It was from France.
'You dirty douche need to stop ordering perverted shit like this under my name! This'll be the last time you pull shit like this on me!'
Estonia fell asleep in the en suite after crying for six hours over the Shaq doll.
Shaq is love. Shaq is life.
Keep enjoyin' yo' body. Never stop enjoyin' yo' body.