A/N: Holy crap, I'm writing something that's not a Sherlock story... What's gotten into me? :P Seriously, though, this is my first Cabin Pressure story, so I'd really like to know how I got the characters. Hopefully right, but one can never be entirely sure... This is also the first time I've ever tried a script format, but I don't know whether or not I'll do that again. Maybe. It's a lot of firsts for me with this one. And also, on the off chance that you're reading the Sherlock story I'm working on right now, I promise I haven't plummeted off the face of the earth, but I have plummeted straight into finals week. So bear with me, and I'll have that as soon as I can. For now, enjoy my feeble attempts at humor and if you review this you're awesome. ^-^

[Radio clicks on] [Martin] "ATC this is Golf Tango India requesting clearance to land."

[ATC] "Roger, Golf Tango India, clearance granted. Proceed to runway as usual."

[Martin] "Roger that, ATC." [Radio clicks off] "A train from Spain."

[Douglas] "No countries, Martin, remember?"

[Martin] "Ah, right… Okay then, a clock from Bangkok."

[Douglas] "Hm, very good… Pork from Cork."

[Martin] "Good one, yes." [Flight deck door opens]

[Arthur] "Hello chaps."

[Martin] "Hello Arthur; a tuba from Aruba."

[Douglas] "Very true."

[Arthur] "Oh, a new word game then? Mum wants to know when we'll be landing. The microwave's caught fire."

[Douglas] "We are about twenty minutes out and what have you done this time Arthur?"

[Arthur] "I… didn't… do anything!"

[Douglas] "Arthur, I've seen pictures that lie better than you."

[Arthur] "How do people do it? I'll never understand…"

[Martin] "Oh, there's nothing wrong with that Arthur, it's a good thing."

[Arthur] "Why's it good not being able to lie, Skip?"

[Martin] "Well, I don't know, it's just… good. People aren't supposed to lie all the time."

[Arthur] "Oh, right… Okay, then! I'll tell mum that we're landing in twenty minutes." [Flight deck door closes]

[Douglas] "That was very nice of you, Martin."

[Martin] "What was?"

[Douglas] "Telling that to Arthur; most people would consider being able to lie a skill, not a detriment."

[Martin] "Well, yes, I suppose you're right, but it's Arthur. Could you possibly imagine Arthur lying?"

[Douglas] "True, that's not an image that easily springs to mind."

[Martin] "That's not even an image that hardly springs to mind… Good Lord, I hope our passengers don't mind a bumpy landing!"

[Douglas] "My goodness… The runway looks like it's been blown up. Are you sure you don't want me to take the landing, Martin?"

[Martin] "No, no, I can handle it. I'll just give them a heads-up." [Over intercom] "This is Captain Crieff speaking, we're just outside of New Delhi and we should be landing in about five minutes. Just a warning, the runway is a little bumpy, so the landing might be a touch rough."

[Carolyn] [Over intercom] "'A little bumpy'? What do you mean by 'a little bumpy'?"

[Douglas] "Well, Carolyn, I mean that the runway looks as though it's been used by the Army for shelling practice. Don't worry, we can still land it, but it'll be a bit touchy."

[Arthur] "Thank you for flying MJN Air, goodbye… Goodbye, thank you for flying MJN Air… Thank yourself for flying MJN Air with ourselves… Wow, that landing was fun, Douglas! It was like being on a roller coaster. Where's Skip gone?"

[Douglas] "He's gone to do a post-flight check; with GERTI in the shape that she's in, that landing might well have knocked off a few more pieces of her."

[Muffled] "Ow!" [Pause]

[Arthur] "Douglas, was that Martin?"

[Douglas] "I do believe it was… Better go see what's wrong."

[Carolyn] "Douglas, was that you just now?"

[Douglas] "No, Carolyn, I believe that was the dulcet tones of our captain, and considering that there's not the muffled sound of swearing making its way through the fuselage, I suggest that we go and find out what's happened."

[Carolyn] "Very good idea."

[Douglas] "Martin? Martin? Are you out here?"

[Arthur] [Distantly] "I found Skip, Douglas; he hit his head on the cargo door."

[Douglas] "Carolyn, Arthur found him. He knocked himself out cold."

[Carolyn] "Well for goodness' sake, Douglas, wake him up! We can't just leave him here!" [To Martin] "Martin? Martin... Come on, my clumsy little pilot, it's time for you to wake up."

[Martin] "Ow…"

[Douglas] "Yes, you've already said that; quite spectacularly, in fact. Arthur and I heard you inside GERTI."

[Martin] "Ow… Am I bleeding?"

[Carolyn] "Quite a bit, I'm afraid. It looks like you'll need some stitches. I'll have Douglas take you to the hospital."

[Arthur] "Can I go along, mum?"

[Carolyn] "No, Arthur, I need you to help me finish cleaning GERTI before our passengers arrive for their flight back to England this evening."

[Arthur] "But… how are we going to fly if Skip's getting his head stitched up?"

[Carolyn] "Unless it takes eight hours to get some stitches I do believe we'll manage. Oh, for goodness sake, Douglas, pick him up, will you? He's just knocked himself senseless on a hard sheet of metal, I don't think he'll be getting up on his own."

[Douglas] "Come on, Martin, off to the hospital." [Picks Martin up off the ground]

[Martin] "Is it really that bad?"

[Douglas] "Martin, you look as though half your face has been consumed by your hair. Yes, it really is that bad." [Douglas catches Martin] "Steady on, captain, that way's down, not up."

[Martin] "Right… yes… Still not sure, but I'll go with that."

[Carolyn] "Best to keep a hand on him, Douglas. Call me when you're on your way back."

[Douglas] "Will do, Carolyn."

[Arthur] "So mum, what are we going to do when we're done cleaning GERTI?"

[Carolyn] "I don't know; but of course, it doesn't matter as long as GERTI isn't cleaned up. Get hoovering, Arthur."

[Arthur] "Yes mum."

[Arthur] "GERTI's all hoovered up, what are we going to do now?"

[Carolyn] "Hm, I don't know; Martin and Douglas still aren't back yet. What would you like to do, Arthur?"

[Arthur] "We should look for elephants!"

[Carolyn] "Look for what?"

[Arthur] "Elephants, mum; you know, the big gray ones."

[Carolyn] "Yes, Arthur, I know what an elephant is. But what makes you think they'll have any in New Delhi?"

[Arthur] "Well, haven't they got elephants all over the place here? There's even a whole group of elephants named after India. You said I could pick what we did while we were waiting for Martin and Douglas to get back, and I want to find an elephant."

[Carolyn][sighs] "Alright, alright, we'll go look for some elephants. Just make sure GERTI's locked up."

[Douglas] "Martin, believe me when I tell you that the floor is this way, not that."

[Martin] "Oh, okay, right… Um, which way are you pointing?"

[Douglas][mutters] "Carolyn was right, I really do need to keep a hand on you, don't I?"

[Martin] "I can hear you, you know."

[Douglas] "Yes, and if you could see me than we wouldn't be having this conversation at all."

[Martin] "It wasn't my fault."

[Douglas] "Well, far be it from me to correct you Martin, but then again, I'm not the one who decided to run headlong into GERTI's cargo door."

[Martin] "I didn't mean to, Douglas, it was that stupid hole. I tripped over it on my way around the back."

[Douglas] "Ah, the valiant captain, defeated by a crack in the pavement."

[Martin] "Oh, shut up, Douglas."

[Nurse] "Mr. Crieff, the doctor can see you now." [Douglas catches Martin]

[Douglas] "Easy there, Martin, we don't need you getting a concussion on top of those stitches."

[Martin] "Yes, thanks for catching me just now. I'm feeling a bit dizzy."

[Douglas] "Are you? I'd never have noticed..."

[Arthur] "Is that-? Oh, no it isn't. I thought that was an elephant."

[Carolyn] "Arthur, how on earth do you mistake a grey brick wall for an elephant?"

[Arthur] "I was excited, mum! You know, for a place with a whole type of elephant named after it, there aren't very many elephants in New Delhi."

[Carolyn] "Well, Arthur, the elephants aren't named after New Delhi, they're named after India, which is much, much larger. The elephants could be anywhere, not just in the city. My goodness, Martin and Douglas are taking their time."

[Arthur] "Well, Skip's got to get his head stitched up, I guess they don't want to go too fast."

[Carolyn] "True, better safe than sorry, I suppose." [Checks phone] "This is turned on, right?"

[Arthur] "Yep, I charged it right before we left. And the ringer's on too."

[Carolyn] "Good. Those two are taking a worryingly long time to get back."

[Arthur] "Don't worry, mum, Skip'll be alright, we'll just get him some ice to put on his head when he gets back and ELEPHANT! OVER THERE, ELEPHANT!"

[Carolyn] "Yes, I can see that, Arthur; do you want to take a closer look?"

[Arthur] "Absolutely! Elephants are brilliant, and we never get to see one in Fitton outside of the zoo."

[Carolyn] "Well, go on then. I'll stay back here; I can smell the elephant from this distance, and that's quite enough for me." [Arthur runs off][Phone rings] "Hello? Douglas, is that you?"

[Douglas] "Indeed it is, and you'll be happy to know that Martin is all back together now. We're on our way back to GERTI. Are our passengers done with their meeting yet?"

[Carolyn] "No, they won't be here for two more hours. Tell Martin that's how long he has to figure out where the floor is."

[Douglas] "Will do; what are you an Arthur doing?"

[Carolyn] "Arthur is obsessing over the elephant he spotted when we went for a walk and I am trying to avoid the smell of the elephant he spotted when we went for a walk."

[Douglas] "Have fun... Meet you back at GERTI."

[Arthur] "Hey Skip, how are you feeling?"

[Martin] "Much better, actually. I know which way is up and which way isn't, at the very least."

[Carolyn] "Yes, well, considering that you are about to be flying an aeroplane, knowing more than the very least is commendable idea, Martin. In my experience most people like their pilots to be able to stand."

[Martin] "That I can do." [Falls over again][Douglas catches him]

[Douglas] "Assuming our captain can walk, we're good to go."

[Martin] "Ah, but see, you don't need to be able to walk to fly an aeroplane. You're supposed to be sitting."

[Carolyn] "A most astute piece of observation, Martin, but you do also need to be conscious."

[Martin] "... Yes Carolyn." [On GERTI, preparing for takeoff] "Perhaps you'd better make the in-flight announcements, Douglas."

[Douglas] "Yes, probably. I'd hate for them to think we're not professional or anything like that..."

[Martin] "Very funny. By the way, thanks for taking me to the hospital."

[Douglas] "It was no problem; Carolyn would be rather upset with me if we'd left you on the runway back there and it's not easy to take off with only one pilot." [In the air, flying home] "So how about a new word game?"

[Martin is asleep]