This is my second fanfiction piece and I'd appreciate it if you would read and let me know what you think.
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Warnings: Slash, nothing major or explicit.
Summary: Harry and Draco are over, because of one simple choice that maybe was the wrong one. Their love doesn't fade though, and when Draco finds out that Harry is ill, he rushes to him, despite his status as a convicted criminal and Death-Eater. But Draco can't fix his Harry and when it's all over knows in his misery at least, he would have stayed up with Harry all night, had he known how to save a life...
Other: These boys and any other mentioned characters belong to J.K.Rowling and her associates, however the plot is all mine! The song lyrics used which are later shown in italics are from the song 'How to Save a Life' by The Fray, a song that makes me want to cry. If you have it on i-tunes or anything, put it on quietly on repeat while you read this, it just adds to it a bit.
AN: This is just a random idea that came out of nowhere, so be nice to it. ;o).
Luv, L-P-M-B, xxx
December 23rd 2005
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
"Harry, listen to me dammit, I need to talk to you" yelled Draco, blonde hair falling in front of his pleading grey eyes, a desperate look on his face,
"I have nothing further to say to you, leave me alone" replied the boy with an abundance of wild dark hair and empty green eyes, void of their familiar hope. The boy turned away and began to walk, every step taking him further from Draco.
"Harry, please, just sit and talk with me, please, if you ever…," Draco faltered, choking back a sob of utter despair, "…if you ever felt anything for me at all" he said finally, voice cracking, "Please Harry, just sit with me and talk."
Harry paused and the blonde saw his figure stiffen as his words sunk in. Harry turned to face him, face blank, a cold, empty mask, indifferent and polite.
"Fine Malfoy, we can talk, then you can leave this place" he said, voice cold and forbidding. Draco took the words in like a dagger to his heart. When had he lost the Harry that called him Draco? Held him close? Told him all his secrets? When had he lost the boy that had whispered 'I love you' in his ear and proceeded to kiss him for the first time, letting Draco have him for his own?
The two boys sat down on a window ledge, one bigger, taller, with sad grey eyes, shining loose blonde hair, tears threatening, heart beating erratically - as good as broken, wishing he knew the answers to the questions leaking from his bleeding heart, slumped and almost defeated; the other smaller, shorter, though only a little, vacant emerald orbs staring blankly ahead, a wild mop of raven tresses on his head, trying to hold his precious cold mask, heart breaking slowly at the sight of his beloved in such distress, wishing there was another way.
Draco looked up and composed himself.
"Don't be a fool Harry, don't follow him. He is leading you somewhere you'll never return from, you mustn't follow, you mustn't."
"I trust Dumbledore, Malfoy, don't bother me with your views, I know what I must do, he will keep me safe." Draco sighed slowly and continued trying to reason with Harry, failing at every turn.
Draco finally rose to his feet and looked down at his former lover and best friend.
"Harry, come with me. I'll keep you safe. I promise. I love you Harry, you've got to understand that. I love you and I will keep you safe no matter what, I'll always be there for you, I promise. Come with me Harry…?" Harry got to his feet and avoided Draco's probing mercury gaze.
"Goodbye" he murmured to the blonde and walked away from him and down the corridor, footsteps echoing hollowly off the stone walls.
Draco watched; a look on his face that was the very embodiment of loss. He let his eyes fall closed, blonde lashes catching the first tears like gleaming diamonds, but proving no barrier to the rest of them, falling bitter and warm down his pale cheeks, not marring his perfect aristocratic face, merely enhancing it. He was a picture many artists would have longed to paint, a broken angel, tears of grief giving him the aura of a haunted saint, the light from the window behind him giving him a golden halo around his bowed head.
Harry never saw this sight, he simply walked and walked, heart breaking further with every step. He would not hurt the blonde any more than this. He could live on and be happy without Harry. Harry let the concept spin around his head. Draco would be happy without him, find comfort with another in his arms, love another, smile like he had smiled at Harry at somebody else, belong to someone else.
Harry kept walking and let the mask fall finally, hot tears sliding down his cheeks. He couldn't stand thinking about the blonde boy, but knew that Draco's face would be the last he saw, he would see Draco's smile as he let go his last breath, he would hear Draco's laughter and words of love alone as he faded away into darkness. Draco was all he cared for, and so he would hold that boy in his mind's eye until his dying day, that he knew.
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Draco heaved a deep breath and opened his eyes. He looked at the empty hall before him and blinked once, loosing a single tear, the last tear. He turned about face and walked with a determined stride in the opposite direction to the way his beloved had gone. He would not make Harry stay with him, but he would always love him, no matter what.
June 2006
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Draco had heard the news and he did not want to breathe, lest it should upset fate and she should take what Draco prized most in the world from him. Fear dogged him and shadowed his grey eyes as he made the perilous journey to Hogwarts.
His face was well known. The mark on his arm even more so. He dared to defy his Master and knew the risk he took, but it was one he was more than prepared to take, for Harry, and for that boy alone.
He stumbled through the Forbidden Forest, followed persistently by creatures determined to end his pitiful life. He ran like the devil was at his heels across the grounds and slipped in darkness through Hogwarts' great doors, stealthily crossed the marble entrance hall and desperately began to search for the dark haired hero he loved so still.
He turned down a corridor he remembered vaguely, though why exactly he knew not. He heard voices through a closed door and he recognised them instantly. Dumbledore and Snape were there, maybe a few others.
He walked up to the door and peered carefully through the keyhole. His heart twisted viciously as he caught sight of Harry's prone form on a bed. It was all he cared about.
He straightened up and swept into the room bearing no heed to its other occupants, rushing straight to Harry's side and leaning down to check his pulse, barely heartened by the shallow beating of the green eyed boy's heart and the soft warm breaths that he could feel ghosting over his face as he looked down over Harry.
"What is the meaning of this?" hissed Snape, "Who are you?" Draco recalled only then that his features were obscured from view by his long, black travelling cloak. He hesitated, afraid, before reaching up a hand enclosed by a leather glove to push back his hood. Startled gasps were emitted by the room's other occupants.
"We must arrest him!" snarled an individual Draco did not recognise. He turned his gaze back to his old headmaster and his godfather, he pleaded with his eyes. No-one but he and Harry had ever known about their relationship, so he doubted the two would do anything more than stun him and send him to Azkaban, but still he did it. He poured every ounce of his desperation into his eyes that he could muster, silently begging for a moment, just a moment.
Dumbledore frowned.
"Please," whispered Draco softly, voice catching. The room stayed silent. He took out his wand and placed it on the floor and repeated a word he would use for Harry and Harry alone. "Please, Sev, Professor Dumbledore, please."
Dumbledore did not understand the young Death-Eater's intentions, but he did know that he meant no harm. He wondered however, what his ex-student wanted with Harry and what exactly had caused that inane look of desperation to fill the eyes of a certain Draco Malfoy.
"Go ahead young Malfoy" Dumbledore said eventually, voice calm and firm. Draco's eyes filled with an unbidden rush of relief and he murmured a quick thanks to his old headmaster before turning to Harry.
He gently shook Harry's sleeping form and someone went to protest but Dumbledore silenced them, curious to see what would happen. Harry's eyed fluttered open and met with Draco's. Green and grey. Emerald and silver. Bright and dark. Joyful and sorrowful. Full of happy tears and full of bittersweet tears.
"Draco…" murmured the dark haired boy, voice gruff and yet soft.
"Hey" whispered the blonde boy gently; kneeling by Harry's low down bed and allowing the other to turn his head to face him again.
"Why did you come?" asked Harry.
"Why do you think Harry? I promised I'd always be there didn't I?" Harry smiled and Draco returned the smile gently, tenderly.
The other occupants of the room watched dumbstruck as You-Know-Who's right hand man, a convicted Death-Eater and wanted criminal, a Slytherin, a boy, a boy who was the enemy, a boy called Draco Malfoy, leant down and pressed his lips to Harry Potter's. The boy-who-lived almost made half of them faint in shock as he pressed back and returned the tender kiss.
Draco drew back and rubbed the pad of his thumb over Harry's cheek,
"I missed you" the blonde murmured, hardly believing what was happening. Harry's eyes misted over with tears and he smiled, leaning onto the warm palm cupping his cheek and turning briefly to bestow a feather light kiss on it before meeting Draco's grey eyes once more.
"Missed you too Dray, and, and I, I want you to know that when I walked away, it didn't mean I don't care." Draco's heart swelled in his chest, his eyes flaring with hope for a moment. Did Harry mean what Draco thought he was trying to say? Or was it just a misconception on the blonde's part?
"Do you mean that…well…you…?" Draco trailed off; unable to ask the question, voice the words he so hoped could be true. Harry shook his head at the blonde, a cute little lopsided smile on his face.
"Yes Dray, of course that's what I mean" Draco frowned,
"So you do…um…you do-". Harry cut in with a soft smile;
"-yes, of course I still love you Dray". Draco melted and placed a hard, overjoyed kiss on Harry's lips. Harry smiled up at him, eyes bright.
"What," Snape hissed, breaking the moment, "In the hell is going on?" Draco turned and caught sight of his godfather's face, his answer died on his lips. Dumbledore smiled sadly, eyes devoid of their usual twinkle.
"It's obvious isn't it Severus. They're in love" said the headmaster, eyes strangely sad in a way. Snape scowled.
"They can't be."
"We are" murmured Harry.
"Well Draco," said Snape, "I think we need to have a talk." Dumbledore hushed the others in the room as they went to protest and gave Harry a sleeping draught, then obliviated the other watchers before sending them on their way.
Draco spoke with his godfather for a long time, assuring the man of his devotion and love for the-boy-who-lived. It was when he had fully assured him that Snape realised it was up to him to tell Draco what was happening. Even though it would break the boy's heart, it had to be done.
"If you love him truly, then you should know this: he is dying Draco. His lifeline is fading away every moment that passes and there is no cure." Draco turned white and jumped to his feet.
"No, you're wrong!" he yelled, eyes burning with desperation, begging for Snape to laugh and say it was all some kind of cruel joke. His anger ebbed away quickly as Draco saw the look on his godfather's face. His strength failed him and he sank down to his knees before Snape, clutching the hem of the man's dark robes, "Please, Sev, please say it's not true" he said, voice hoarse and caught with the tears that spilt unbidden from wretched grey eyes.
Snape saw how much pain Draco was in and wished he could alleviate the blonde boy's suffering, but he knew that there was no cure for the pains that tore at Draco's heart and nor was there a cure for the boy that Draco adored so much. He whispered the words, wishing he did not have to say them.
"I can't young Draco, I can't and I am so sorry.
Draco howled his anger and pain in desperate yells that could be heard echoing throughout the entire castle. He fell into fitful sleep eventually and Snape fixed him up in Harry's room, knowing Draco would appreciate the gesture.
Draco awoke, a feeling of cold despair settling over him. He glanced around and caught sight of the sleeping raven haired boy. His heart twisted painfully and he curled up under his covers, hiding from the world and the pain, crying until he could cry no more.
He fell asleep again, eventually, dreaming, to his relief of nothing at all. He was woken much later on by his godfather, much to his annoyance.
"It is time you ate Draco." The blonde boy groaned and buried his face in the pillow. "Dumbledore has informed the ministry that he has you here but that they may not have you, so it is no matter if you wish to eat in the great hall with the rest of us." Draco looked up at Snape and then glanced over at Harry. Snape realised at once what made the young Malfoy hesitate. "Mr Potter will be fine while you have some dinner Draco; there is no need to panic." The blonde frowned but eventually dressed and agreed to follow his godfather.
They entered into the great hall and every child there turned to stare at Draco. He saw so many faces he recognised, most regarding him with disgust, the rest with fear. He ate enough, but did not linger in the great hall, returning quickly to Harry's side once he had finished.
It was a few days later when Draco found himself distraught by Harry. His lover was running a temperature that set his tanned skin on fire, too hot to really even touch, a feverish heat, boding ill.
Draco held Harry's hand regardless of the heat and held a cool cloth to his burning forehead as the Gryffindor fell into unconsciousness, tossing and turning in his bed, eyes flickering madly beneath their lids in crazy dreams where Draco could no longer help the dark haired boy.
It had been three days of constant fever when Dumbledore came to try and make Draco climb into a bed and get some much needed sleep,
"I do not think anything will change young Malfoy in the time it takes to catch up on a little lost sleep, fear not, he will be here when you wake. And besides, you can sit here all night Draco, and you will not be able to save him from Death's wide open arms, he would rather you slept, he would not be happy if you made yourself ill for his sake would he now?" Of course Draco listened to the voice of reason and fell asleep, dreaming of drowning in green pools of liquid emeralds and feeling no pain, only complete and utter bliss.
Draco did know he could do nothing for Harry and had always known, but somehow his heart hadn't accepted that quite yet.
Draco awoke to silence. He looked around and there were none of the professors in the room, so there was no need for noise, still, the silence was wrong, so wrong…his eyes drifted and landed on Harry's motionless form on the bed. He walked over, a sense of dread trickling through him.
He leant over Harry and stroked one cheek. He felt tears welling up in his eyes. He knew but refused to believe. He moved a hand and held it above Harry's mouth. He shook his head. It wasn't happening, it couldn't be, it was all some horrible dream. He pulled the covers down a little and placed his palm over Harry's heart. A choked sob escaped his throat.
He took a hurried step back, closing his eyes and stumbling backward, falling onto the cold stone floor.
"No" he groaned, "no, no, please, no, dammit, Merlin why? No, please, please, no…" he began to sob, the harsh noises and erratic breathing the only sounds in the room.
It all added up to one simple fact.
Harry's skin was cold as ice: cold as the ice Draco had put down Harry's jumper the winter before last, after Harry had made fun of his hair, Harry had only been messing though; cold as the lake in august which Harry had made Draco jump into fully clothed for a kiss, which had actually ended up being a lot more. Harry had always been so warm, in heart and body. Draco remembered holding Harry's warm body close one summer evening, a chill in the air, both content with relying on each other as protection from the fading heat of the day. That had been the night they said they loved each other, the first time Harry had let Draco kiss him. Draco groaned in pain as his heart broke a little for the second time.
Harry was not breathing. Draco knew the way Harry breathed: erratically and hoarsely when he had been running or straining himself; faintly whispery with happiness when he played Quidditch; even and soft when he slept by Draco's side; long, deep and satisfied when he and Harry had been together in the most intimate of ways; harsh and sharp when he was really angry; warm and gentle when Harry was in a mood to cuddle and nuzzle his head against Draco's neck; gasping and heaving when they had just been kissing. Draco remembered best the way Harry always sounded just a little breathless every time he told Draco he loved him. Harry's soft breathing was a sound Draco was so used to hearing, knew so well. Draco groaned again and curled up on the cold stone floor, his heart breaking just that bit more, tearing him apart.
Harry's heart wasn't beating. Harry had said his heart belonged to Draco, so many times he had uttered those words, and Draco had revelled in them. The fact that Harry said Draco made his heart rate go up when he smiled was something the blonde treasured. He remembered warm, contented nights when he and Harry had fallen asleep in each other's arms, when he had been lulled to sleep by Harry's steady heartbeat. Draco remembered the time Harry had made him watch numerous Muggle films and the pair had cuddled up watching up Dirty Dancing, they had giggled incessantly at Patrick Swayze's comments about how to do that dance and making the heartbeat sounds and tapping his fingers on his chest, the two of them had imitated that until they fell asleep, Draco's head over Harry's beating heart. Draco groaned yet again and whimpered softly in the burning pain of aching loss ripping through him as his heart finally broke.
He believed it now, he couldn't cope with it, but he accepted it.
Harry James Potter, the boy-who-lived, Dumbledore's favourite, Voldemort's enemy, the boy who gave hope to millions, changed lives for the better, fell in love with his school-yard rival, the boy who was Draco's love, was lying completely still on a bed, his carefree face and relaxed posture painting a picture as though he were asleep. But he was not. Harry Potter was dead.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Draco listened not to vague words offered to him in comfort. He wondered only what he had done wrong to lose Harry. What had he done to deserve it? Perhaps becoming a Death-Eater was not a wise move, he thought, but he had been torn, broken, sad, angry, he did not know nor care what he was doing at the time.
He knew that if he could have saved his Harry, he would not have closed his eyes for even a moment, he would have stayed by his side, morning till nigh, a constant vigil and watch over Harry. But Draco could not have saved him, Draco was the person Harry loved and the person who loved him most of all, and he let Harry die. He could not save him. The haunting knowledge did not let Draco sleep after that and it tore at his soul with ragged, sharp claws. Draco made no move to stop it.
July 30th 2006
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Draco stood by Harry's grave, tears slipping down his pale cheeks.
"I knew they wouldn't keep you safe Harry, I knew best, but you wouldn't listen to me, you wouldn't bloody listen…" Draco trailed off, closing his eyes and wishing he was with his Harry, wherever that was.
December 25th 2006
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Draco addressed Harry's marble headstone with dry eyes for once.
"I always loved you, you know Harry? Even when you doubted. I always admired you too, even when I hated you I admired you. You were so damn good at Quidditch and you had done so much so young." Draco paused. "I don't know what to do now Harry" he whispered softly, "I don't know who I am and where I'm going. I know one thing only Harry and that's that I love you."
He laid down a red rose in the cold snow on Harry's grave and walked away murmuring softly to himself it might have seemed, but that was not so, he whispered with a desperate and fervent pleading;
"God, if you are there, please take care of him for me, please let him know how much I love him, please, I pray to you. Please let him hear my words, let him hear how much I love him still."
Draco left Harry's grave and walked away a little, whispering softly;
"Merry Christmas Harry, wherever you are…"
July 31st 2007
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Draco sat alone on Harry's Birthday. He'd laid the roses he had bought his love on his grave already, a huge bouquet, unlike the normal single rose. He thought of the beautiful boy and cried a little, praying that Harry knew that he really would have stayed awake all night if he could have saved him.
December 25th 2007
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
What if Draco had known how to save Harry's life? What if he had stayed up with him all night and all had been well? What if…
Draco had pondered that one question and all its answers so many times before and always he was never satisfied.
'What if' was so vague alone but with a few more words it often sent the blonde's head reeling.
The one that tortured him most of all? That was simple: What if Harry had never known how much Draco loved him?
It haunted him and confused him and gave him nights where sleep never came. He began to fade away, insomnia dulling the brightness that had just about lingered in his grey eyes after Harry's death.
One night he wandered down to Harry's grave and stood before it. "What if…" he murmured into the freezing night, snow falling on the hard ground.
What if he sat down and let the cold lull him to sleep and he never woke up? Would anyone care at all? Would anyone notice his absence? He doubted it.
He longed to be with Harry, more so than anything else in the world and he knew that well. He sat down in the snow, and curled up against Harry's marble headstone, a rose clutched in his slender, pale fingers.
He closed his eyes and felt the cold seep into him, stealing his warmth and life with each breath of icy wind. He clutched tightly at the rose and saw Harry in his mind's eye. Saw green eyes full of laughter, pink lips stretched in a wide smile, a face he knew better than his own, he heard a voice, soft and so faraway.
Dray, you coming yet? I've missed you so much…
"I'm coming love, just hang on…" Draco whispered through lips blue from cold. He let himself relax and let the darkness wash over him, wrapping cool dark folds around him.
Draco opened his eyes and got to his feet. Harry was there in front of him, standing, smiling. "Hey..." Draco whispered softly.
"Draco…" murmured the dark haired boy, voice warm and soft.
"I promised I'd always be there didn't I?" Harry smiled and Draco returned the smile gently, tenderly. "I missed you" the blonde murmured. Harry's eyes misted over with sweet tears and he smiled.
"Harry, you know that if there was anything I could have done, I'd have done it…" Draco asked hesitantly. Harry stepped forward and breached the divide, leaning into Draco's taller form and resting his head over Draco's heart. Draco enveloped the dark haired boy in his arms and held him tightly.
Harry gently disentangled himself and took a few steps back.
"Of course you would have Dray…" he said gently in reply to the blonde's words, "It's too late now anyway, come with me?" he asked softly, extending a hand. Draco grinned and took it, following Harry until their faint forms were no longer visible in the land of the living.
December 26th 2007
Hundreds stood before a grave. It was marked by a white marble stone, carved in the shape on two guardian angels, one taller with a soft smile, one a little smaller with a shy grin, their hands were entwined.
Dumbledore stood next to it, gazing at the blank space waiting for inscription.
"Sonorus" he muttered. "Witches and wizards!" he boomed, "Why many of you have come, I do not know. This is in remembrance and a farewell to one who has already departed long ago and one much more recently. Their names were Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Young master Malfoy, though he chose the path of a Death-Eater, did his utmost to protect Harry until his dying day." Shocked mutters rippled through the assembled crowd. "The two, though they told no-one, fell in love it seems at the age of fourteen." The crowd stood silent, dumbstruck in disbelief. "Draco found out by some means that Harry was ill and got inside Hogwarts right to him. The pair had separated ways just half a year before but they were still very much in love, which was clear to all who saw them. Harry died and Draco was left alone. It seems he gave up two days ago, as we found him early this morning, frozen to death on this very spot, smiling for the first time since Harry died."
"I ask you to bow your heads as I etch the inscription," all obeyed and Dumbledore muttered the necessary charm.
"Here lie Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy
Let it be known that they were in love, the kind that surpasses all else
Harry Potter died aged 17 on June the 27th 2006
Draco Malfoy died aged 18 on December 25th 2007
Draco said in grief these words which sum up their love for each other:
'And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life'
May these fated lovers rest in peace forevermore"
All were silent and drifted away eventually, black cloaks billowing in the cold wind. All heard the words but none would believe.
Only the fated lovers knew their truth.
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life...
Okay, now please review and let me know what you think!