Time. Our lives revolve around it. Time is miraculous. It heals wounds, old and new. It grasps old ways of thinking and presents new perspectives. Only through time can we grow, learn, become better people. But there's this thing with time, as wonderful as it may be, we never have enough.
Cristina listened silently as Derek mumbled suggestions quietly to himself, observing the X-Ray's of Burke's arms, trying to make out what seemed to be an internal dialogue externalized. A struggle to grasp the situation at hand and conquer it.
She moved her hand absently back and forth over Burke's muscular shoulder, his skin soft under her finger tips and she felt his eyes, cold and penetrating come upon her and she continued anyway.
"You're going to have to have another surgery." Derek finally spoke in a steady and even tone, his voice unwavering. "There's no way around it."
Burke rose to his feet, pulling away from Cristina and walked to the lightboard to observe his films, "Scar tissue compressing the nerve."
"Most likely formed during the wake-up test from one of the arterial clips." Derek interjected, "You're a big guy, Burke, and you were fairly hard to calm down."
Cristina suddenly wished that she had gone home in that moment as two sets of eyes fell upon her accusingly, and she looked away, jamming her hands in the pocket of her blue jeans.
What the hell was she supposed to do? He was trashing on the table, tied down like it was a torture device. Did they really expect her to lack that much emotion not to care if her boyfriend, the man she loved was in pain? Did they really think she would be able to stomach the bile that rose in the back of her throat as he gagged on the tube that was maintaining his airway, as he beautiful, deep brown eyes rolled back in his head from the pain that racked his body?
She parted her lips, finally finding her voice, "So surgery?" She came back to Burkes side, grabbing his arm, trying to enforce her words that she'd uttered only days ago. She was sticking.
Derek nodded, "You know the procedure, Burke. Just go in and scrape the scar tissue..."
"From the area compressing the nerve. The question is, Shepherd, can you do it without damaging the nerve." His words were razor sharp, in true form.
"It would involve another wake-up test to ensure that the nerve function was still intact, but after the conjoined twins, scar tissue compressing the nerve is simplicity defined." He replied, slightly wounded from his colleague's words.
"When?" Cristina managed to choke out after hearing the words wake-up test, "I need to put the Chief on notice."
Burke glanced down at her, his icy glare letting up momentarily and replaced with question in his eyes.
"So I can take time off."
A stunned silence overwhelmed the room for an uncomfortable period of time as their eyes came to rest on her a second time and she closed her eyes, letting out a long exhale, "Can you just give me a damn date for the surgery and quit looking at me like that?"
"I would have to confirm it on my schedule, but I think that I have a clear spot on Tuesday."
"Two days from now?" Cristina questioned.
"Yes, Cristina. Two days from now." Derek repeated calmly, "That is of course if it's okay with your...with Burke."
Burke clenched is jaw and Cristina could see the doubt in his eyes and heard the unusual amount of reservation in his voice when he finally spoke, "If that is what is necessary, I cannot argue."
"How long will he need to stay inpatient?" Cristina quickly followed up Burke's question, trying to draw his attention away from the doubt and blame that Burke was trying to place on Shepherd.
"Four days at most, provided there's no sign of infection. It's a much less complicated surgery."
Cristina nodded, "Okay. What about the recovery time afterward? How much physical therapy will he require? It won't take as long?"
"The physical therapy shouldn't be an issue, so long as you continues the exercises that were provided to him at home." He looked to Burke, "You could be back in the OR and on top of your game in three weeks, max. But with the recovery you've made, considering all facts, I could clear you in a week and a half."
"Considering all facts, you cleared me too early last time." Burke finally spoke, frustration raging within him that this was even happening, that he would require more surgery.
"I'm going to take that as my cue to leave, Cristina, Dr. Burke." Shepherd met eyes with Burke, and to Cristina it seemed for a moment that they may lurch at each other and throw punches, and unconsciously she tightened her grasp on Burke's arm.
But Shepherd disappeared from the room without event and he pulled his arm away from her hands silently, looking away from the pain that crossed her expression as he did so.
"So, I know, that you're not talking to me. And that we're not on the best of terms right now, but I need a ride home because Meredith is already gone, and I need to talk to the Chief to get time off, so if you could wait for me..." Her voice trailed off.
He pulled his shirt on, and began to work at the buttons slowly, his fine motor dexterity still greatly affected by the scar tissue, and she saw his hand tremor slightly as he worked at the buttons.
She'd ignored it every morning, letting him fight his own war with his own clothing, thinking if she'd just wait it would get better.
But Cristina knew better and crossed the room, taking the seams in her own hands, and worked the buttons into their holes as his hands came to rest gently on her arms. Her eyes stung with tears of frustration as they trailed up his chest button by button until she reached the top and her gaze met his.
"I can't take this anymore." She bit back the tears threatening to spill, "What do I have to do to make you talk to me? To make you forgive me?"
He didn't say anything as the first tear spilled from her expressive almond eyes, but instead reached up to brush it from her face with his thumb, then pulled her close so he didn't have to see her cry the tears that he caused.
With each tear that slipped from her eyes, each sob stifled, a little bit more of the angry resolve he'd spent a week building up began to slip away and he only held her tighter in her arms.
Silently he cursed himself. He'd lost a week hating her when it could've been a week more that he loved her.