AUTHOR'S NOTES: In the last fic I mentioned "klapaucius" as the money cheat
code. This was the cheat code for unpatched "The Sims" copies, "rosebud"
(no, not that sled from "Citizen Kane") is the new money cheat code with
the patch or Livin' Large.
As usual, you have been warned of swearing and the PG-13 rating.
DISCLAIMER: The Sims is copyrighted Maxis, EA, blah blah blah...Carmen is
copyrighted to Broderbund and all companies associated with Carmen, Tom
Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot appear without permission of Best
Brains, Inc.
Sim Style: Livin' Large
[Acme]
Ivy: Hey Zack. What are you up to?
Zack: Check out what I got!
Ivy: [holds up a box] "The Sims Livin' Large Expansion Pack." Oh no, don't
tell me you're ready to become addicted again.
Zack: I already am addicted. But look at it--Sims can now get abducted--
Ivy: Reminiscent of that time Carmen tried to contact aliens.
Zack: [not aware that Ivy is interrupting him] --they can experiment with
the Chemistry Set--
Ivy: I hear Sara Bellum calling.
Zack: --Plead with Death whenever a Sim dies--
Ivy: The Chief's going to have an aneurysm if Carmen dies in the game,
little bro.
Zack: --and more! Man, I'm in for another couple months of addiction...
Ivy: And should I say it's your bedtime, little bro.
[Ivy leaves]
Zack: Yeah, like I'm going to listen to you, sis.
[Zack continues playing The Sims until well past midnight, and by this time
he's getting really tired.]
Zack: Come on, Bob Newbie, get abducted...
[Bob Newbie, who's been looking into the telescope and gaining two logic
stats, finally looks up into the sky. Blue marks surround Bob and he's taken
up into the sky, but not without screaming.]
Zack: YES! [his head falls forward, hitting the pause key]
{START DREAM SEQUENCE...again}
Zack: Hey, our home!
Ivy: Sure. Doesn't look like it.
[both go inside]
Zack: Cool! We got new stuff! Let's see... an Egg Chair, a Red Matter Sofa,
two El Tomayo chairs and an El Tomayo table...Hey! A Meet Marco computer!
We didn't get one these babies last time!
Ivy: Right...and whose sick idea was to get some tacky heart-shaped
vibrating bed?
Zack: Huh, I don't recall buying that...
Ivy: I've heard that before.
Zack: But that was when I truly didn't know what I bought!
Ivy: Uh huh. So what are you going to do? Invite Tatiana over?
Zack: No way! Last time I invited Tatiana, Maria came along and they left a
mess last time they were here with all that fighting and stuff! I don't
wanna clean up another mess!
[Outside, the carpool for Zack and Ivy has arrived.]
Zack: "Dag dag."
Ivy: "Soom soom."
[Both Sim-siblings leave.]
[meanwhile, User exits out of Zack and Ivy's house and back into the
neighborhood screen]
User: This is where it gets fun.
[User heads into Carmen's workplace where Carmen now has a Horrowitz
"Star-Tracker" Back Yard Telescope, and she's looking in it right now]
Carmen: [tweaking the telescope] Uh huh...
[Suddenly a mysterious spacecraft appears, and Carmen looks up. She looks
back at herself and realizes she's been surrounded by blue bug-like swarms.
Seeing that she's trapped, Carmen screams as she is abducted by aliens.]
[Sara Bellum is too busy experimenting with the Chemistry Set in her
laboratory, so she doesn't notice.]
[Pearl Diver's too busy swimming laps in the indoor pool, so she doesn't
notice as well.]
[But Moe Skeeter and Lars Vegas are outside talking, and they DO notice
Carmen's abduction.]
Moe Skeeter: [running around and panicking] OH MY GOD CARMEN'S GETTING
ABDUCTED!!
Lars Vegas: [also running around and panicking] Help! Help!
[Their shouting attracts everyone's attention, and all of VILE are now
outside and start "mourning" Carmen's disappearance. Then they go back to
what they were doing before getting interrupted.]
User: You know, your boss just got kidnapped by aliens. Shouldn't you guys
be doing more than just "mourning" her disappearance and then going back
to work?
[12 Sim-Hours later]
[Carmen falls from the sky and lands on her back.]
Carmen: OW!
[All of VILE swarm her now that their leader is back.]
Moe Skeeter: Are you okay?
Lars Vegas: Were you hurt?
Paige Turner: What happened?
Sara Bellum: Just leave the boss alone, can't you see her energy bar's all
red?
Carmen: [gets up] I'm fine, people, I'm fine. I'm just tired.
[Carmen walks back inside Headquarters with a thought bubble of an alien as
she retires to her office.]
User: {imitating Mulder} The Truth is out there...Scully, it's a conspiracy,
I'm sure of that.
[User switches back to Zack and Ivy's house, where by then they've come home.]
[Ivy walks inside to their house...]
Ivy: Zack, I'm home!
[...and sees Zack tinkering with a robot...or someting robot-like.]
Zack: Check out what I got! [points to the robot]
Ivy: What the hell?
Zack: It's Servo, the new robotic butler!
[onboard the Satellite of Love]
Tom Servo: Hey! How dare Maxis and Electronic Arts steal my name!
Mike Nelson: Servo, we jacked your name from a vending machine, or what Joel
told me.
Tom Servo: But it's still not fair!
Mike Nelson: Nothing's fair, Servo.
[back to the Sim world]
Zack: Just think about it, sis. He can cook, clean, garden, repair, we'll
never need another maid or gardener, and we'll never have to call the
mechanic to fix anything!
Ivy: Zack, how much did Servo cost?
Zack: 15,000 Simoleons.
Ivy: 15 GRAND?! Zack, what were you thinking?!
Zack: Ivy, it's a bargain!
Ivy: Right...let me get back to you on that one.
[Ivy leaves.]
[back on the Satellite of Love]
Tom Servo: CURSE YOU MAXIS!
Mike Nelson: Servo, cool it! It's just a name.
Crow T. Robot: Sure, Mike, it's just a name, but how many robots or humans do
you know that also has Servo in their name?
Mike Nelson: Look, it's just a name. Do I get mad when there are other Mikes
out there? No!
Tom Servo: Yeah, but that's because you're stuck up here with us! And
there's only one Servo and that's me!
Mike Nelson: Oh forget it. It's worthless trying to explain to you two
robots.
[Dinner time.]
Zack: So, is Servo worth our 15 grand?
Ivy: No. Assuming we repair our own stuff, the Maid and Gardener charges §10
per hour per day and every three days. At that rate, it'll take Servo 1127
days before he becomes cost efficient versus human help. Even if the Maid
and Gardener doubled their hourly rates to §20 per hour, per day, per three
days for the Gardener, it would take 563 days before he's worth it. And he
has that annoying drawback of one of us having to activate him each time
something need to be gardened, repaired, or cleaned. Personally, I'd rather
see Servo gone.
Zack: [getting whiny] But I like Servo!
Ivy: [sighes] Oh fine, you big baby. Keep him if you want. Don't blame me if
you can't fix Servo.
[Nighttime]
[onboard the Satellite of Love]
Tom Servo: Damn Maxis. I should send a burglar to Electronic Arts and to this
house with the robotic butler...
Crow T. Robot: Servo, what are you doing?
Tom Servo: Oh, I was just going to send a burglar to this household and the
Electronic Arts company. Watch.
[back to the Sim world]
[Zack and Ivy are asleep. A burglar comes, so now the buy and build modes are
greyed out, indicating that the User cannot cheat and buy the burglar alarms.
Tom Servo apparently removed the burglar alarms and turned Servo the butler
on. The burglar gains entry to the house and head straigt for Servo the
butler.]
[Ivy gets up to use the bathroom, and sees the burglar rewire Servo.]
Ivy: ZACK! GET UP!
Zack: [sleepily] Huh? What?
Ivy: THERE'S A BURGLAR IN OUR HOUSE, YOU IDIOT! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!
[Zack gets out of bed and runs to the kitchen/general room to see the
burglar make off with the Red Matter sofa, Meet Marco computer, and an
El Tomayo chair.]
Zack: HOLY SHIT!
Ivy: Zack, isn't there a way to debug Servo?!
[Ivy runs around the kitchen table, trying to avoid the now deranged
Servo.]
Zack: Hang on, Ivy! [he catches up with Servo and turns off Servo.] Whew.
Ivy: Zack, sell Servo.
Zack: IVY! WHY?!
Ivy: First of all, I don't want Servo to kill any of us when the burglar
comes. Second, when we sell Servo, we'll get some money to replace the
lost stuff we had.
Zack: [getting whiny again] Oh, but Servo could cook...
Ivy: Don't push it, Zackary.
[Zack sighes. User heads into Buy mode and sells the Servo. Afterwards,
User heads back to Carmen's place.]
[Carmen places her lamp she got from Afghanistan on the Modern Mission End
Table.]
User: Okay, I admit, it's actually the Antique Lamp. But hey, I can't use
the episodes as a reference, can I?
Carmen: Perfect. [She walks away]
[Meanwhile, a nameless henchman accidently brushes by the Lamp, releasing
a genie.]
Nameless Henchman 1: Huh? [he looks at the now floating genie, and rubs his
eyes] Okay, am I dreaming or what?
[A pop-up box appears]
User: "You called curious one? I sense a desire to improve thy physical
existence. Shall it be from the realm of fire? Or the realm of water?" There's
a choice of fire and water...
[User picks "Fire."]
[The genie draws his hands back as the henchman raises his arm to protect
himself. Then the genie zaps the henchman, nailing him in the arms and
chest. Unfortunately, instead of raising the Comfort and Social bar, the
Chimeway & Daughters piano go up in flames.]
Carmen: [rushing to the henchman] You idiot!
[Everyone drops what they were doing and they get as close to the enflamed
piano as they can while the User desparately tries to restore order among
the henchpeople.]
[While all this is going on, a second nameless henchman wanders into Sara
Bellum's laboratory outside of VILE Headquarters. He sees the purple potion
in the Chemistry Set and drinks it, not realizing the consequences. It's
too late for the poor henchman as he is transformed into a brain-dead,
Frankenstein-like monster. He goes off to watch TV, but breaks it.]
[Meanwhile, Carmen runs off to the phone and dials for the fire
department.]
User: {moaning} Oh man, I should've saved the game...
{User goes for the Options menu, but pauses.}
User: Nah, let's see how chaotic this can get.
Carmen: You fools! Get away from the fire!
[Sara Bellum returns to her lab and finds that her newly finished potion is
now gone.]
Sara Bellum: WHO DRANK THE POTION?! [she sees a monster in the cafeteria
getting himself some espresso.] What in the world? [She hears the sound of
the espresso machine broken.] Oh no...
[A third nameless henchman gets too close to the flames, and he catches fire
just as a fireman runs to put the inferno out, which by now has reduced the
piano to nothing but ashes.]
Nameless Henchman 3: HELP! HELP!
[Carmen grabs a fire extinguisher out of nowhere and starts spraying the
foam over the now-burning henchman, but it's too late. He ends up curled on
the floor, dead.]
Carmen: Dammit! And I just hired this guy two days ago!
[The door flings open, and everyone turn to look at the mystery guest. It
turns out to be the Grim Reaper, and everyone runs away at the sight of
him except Carmen and the fireman, who's still battling the blaze.]
Death: My name is thy Grim Reaper! Look at my works, ye pathetic mortals,
and despair! For I have come to take your departed henchman into the
otherworld!
[Carmen brazenly approaches the Grim Reaper.]
Carmen: Well, my name is Carmen Sandiego, and I want my henchman back!
User: And you were supposed to plead to the Grim Reaper, Carmen...
[The Grim Reaper and Carmen quickly engage in a round of
rock-paper-scissors. Carmen wins with scissors cutting into paper.]
Carmen: YES!
[With no other choice, the Grim Reaper is forced to resurrect Nameless
Henchman 3, to his chagrin. The henchman is restored to life, and he gets
up with no recollection of what happened. Death goes on his merry way, and
the fire has been put out.]
Carmen: [looking at the remains] Darn. I liked that piano. Oh well...
[A scream pierces through the air]
Dee Simz: OH MY GOD THERE'S A MONSTER IN THE REC ROOM!!
[Dee's screaming catches Carmen's attention and the master thief makes a mad
dash to the rec room, just to see the Frankenstein-like monster leave, but
not without destroying the Soma Plasma TV, the Meet Marco computer, the
Aristoscratch Pool Table, and the Strings Theory Stereo.]
Carmen: Holy shit...and I bought all this stuff thirty minutes ago!
Al Loy: Hey! Somebody's clogged up the bathroom!
[Carmen decides to ignore the mess for the time being and rush off to find
the Frankenstein exiting one of the bathrooms. There's water leaking under
the door. Carmen opens the doors and find out the bathroom's been flooded,
not to mention swarms of roaches have arrived.]
Carmen: Great, the toilet's clogged, the sink's broken, and there are swarms
and swarms of cockroaches...
[Carmen leaves and suddenly an explosion occurs, followed by flying wooden
chips of paint. Carmen holds up her arms to protect herself from the chips,
and when the shower stops, Carmen sees Sara Bellum runs out of a room when
more explosions--followed by more flying wooden paint chips--occur.]
Sara Bellum: It's raining in there! [She almost flees but Carmen grabs her.]
Carmen: What happened?
Sara Bellum: That Franken-monster kicked one of Tim Burr's gnomes from the
KraftKing Woodworking Table, and it set off a chain reaction!
Carmen: That can't be good. [She releases Sara Bellum, who immediately runs
off.]
[Carmen enters the room Sara Bellum ran out of and witnesses the monster
transform back to a regular henchman in front of her eyes. Once the
transformation's done, Carmen immediately rushes to the henchman amid the
mess of paint chips and smoke from the chain reaction.]
Carmen: Are you alright? What happened?
Nameless Henchman 2: I don't know. I don't remember anything.
Carmen: Well, can you at least remember something?
Nameless Henchman 2: Just wandering into Sara Bellum's lab and drinking
something from her chemistry set...that's all.
Carmen: Well, the main thing is you're alright.
[The Nameless Henchman leaves.]
Carmen: Great, now I've got to clean up the remains of these wooden gnomes.
And Tim Burr was going to take these to sell...
[Carmen starts to clean up the place, but Anne Tomo Foebia's screams pierce
the air.]
Anne Tomo Foebia: THERE ARE COCKROACHES IN THE RESTROOM! UGH!!
Carmen: [sighs] Just as everything's back to normal...
Janet Terr: Don't worry, boss, I've got it under control!
Les Mesirables: [talking with his thick French accent] Really, Anne, you
panic too much over such tiny, insignificant stuff like bugs...
Anne Tomo Foebia: What? I can't hear you through that thick accent of
yours!
[Carmen hears the sound of the bug spray going, and Carmen goes back to
cleaning up the remnants of the exploded gnomes from the KraftKing
Woodworking Table. While she's at it, User decides to switch back to
Zack and Ivy's house. Zack's still not happy about selling off Servo.]
Ivy: Zack, this is your third day at home. You've lost your job as a
Security Consultant. Get your butt off that Red Matter sofa and go get a
job!
User: You know, Zack, I'm not about to bring up the cheat console and
type in rosebud. Besides, rosebud is a sled, not a cheat.
Zack: But what about Servo?!
Ivy: What about him?
Zack: I dunno, I just wanted to ask that question.
Ivy: Zack, quit your whining and move that lazy ass off that sofa.
[Zack ignores Ivy and continues moping.]
Ivy: Here, take this stupid painting I bought at the used store.
[She gives Zack the Tragic Clown painting. Zack looks at the picture and
gets even more depressed.]
Ivy: [sighs] This obviously isn't helping you.
Zack: Of course not! I lost Servo thanks to some hapless moron burglar,
and I liked Servo!
Ivy: C'est la vie, Zackary. [Looks out the window and notices the Tragic
Clown.] Looks like the funny neighbors are moving in.
Zack: That's not one of the funny neighbors.
Ivy: How can you tell?
Zack: That's the Tragic Clown... [Looks at the painting Ivy gave him.]
Oh no...
Ivy: What's wrong?
Zack: It's the Tragic Clown! He's coming over to torture us!
[The Tragic Clown enters Zack and Ivy's house and starts to perform
tricks, notably the balloon animals, but they fail miserably. Ivy is
not pleased to have complete strangers in her house. She gets mad and
starts yelling at the Clown.]
Ivy: Get out of my house! I mean it!
[Ivy's anger only makes the Tragic Clown more depressed, as he sobs and
sniffles.]
Zack: You know, he'd be really great at cheering people up if he weren't
so...well...tragic.
Ivy: Shut up, Zack. [goes up to the Clown and "Insults" him] You know what
good you'd make? You'd be a good chorus for a Shakespearan tragedy, that's
for sure!
[The Tragic Clown continues to sniffle, sob, and sneeze occasionally. Ivy
gets mad enough to "Slap" the Clown, and she "Slaps" the Clown hard.]
Zack: Ivy, slapping him isn't going to make him leave.
Ivy: [turning to Zack] Alright, smarty pants, how do we get a clown like
him-- [points to the Tragic Clown, who makes a dove appear out of nowhere,
but the dove dies shortly after being released] --out of our house?
Zack: [sighs] Looks like one of us will have to cheer up...
User: Which would be you, you knucklehead.
Zack: ...or we can have the alternate mode.
[User heads into the Build Mode and places a Worchester Fireplace in the
living room. Then User places the Tragic Clown painting over the
fireplace.]
Zack: Ivy, keep the Clown occupied, I'll make the fire.
Ivy: Got it.
[User heads into the Buy mode and moves the SCTC Cordless Wall Phone
outside.]
[Zack goes and lights up the fireplace while Ivy continually "Insults" and
"Slaps" the Tragic Clown.]
Ivy: You're so depressed, when you attend funerals you bring a whole new
level of misery!
[Ivy "Slaps" the Tragic Clown again, causing more grief for the poor
Non-Playable Character, or NPC.]
Ivy: I bet when you were born, your mother literally fainted dead when she
saw you!
[Ivy "Slaps" the Clown again, and he breaks down, sobbing in his misery.]
Zack: Come on, Ivy, I've got the fire started.
[The two siblings leave while the Clown makes another balloon animal, which
immediately bursts. The Clown sobs, and just as Zack and Ivy step out of the
house, the clown painting above the Worchester Fireplace catches fire, and
so does the Tragic Clown himself.]
Ivy: Uh, Zack? Are you aware of what you've just done?
Zack: Yeah, I'm aware of it. [looks through the window] He's burning,
alright.
Ivy: I'm calling the fire department. [She heads for the phone.]
Zack: No, Ivy, wait.
Ivy: For how long?
Zack: Not much longer...
[The Tragic Clown eventually burns to death, but the fire is still going.]
Ivy: Okay, he's dead. I'm calling. [She picks up the phone and dials.]
[Zack and Ivy wait several hours while the lone fireman battles the
blazes.]
User: You know, I wonder why Will Wright didn't put in more firemen to keep
this firefigher from being lonely...
[After the fire has been put out and the firefighter has left, Zack and Ivy
inspect the damage.]
Ivy: Let's see...Amishim Bookcase was destroyed, the Egg Chair's gone, the
Schwa Carpet's damaged...Looks like plenty of stuff are going to be
replaced.
Zack: And that fire burned down the Meet Marco computer! Dammit!
[The next day, Ivy picks up the newspaper and reads it.]
Ivy: "Tragic Clown dies in mysterious fire." Oh brother...
[END DREAM SEQUENCE]
[Ivy walks into the computer room and finds the game paused.]
Ivy: [sighs] Zackary, Zackary, Zackary... [She walks up to Zack and puts
her mouth really close to Zack's ear] WAKE UP!!
[Zack immediately opens his eyes and bolts up]
Zack: ACK! Ivy, don't do that again! [rubs his ear] You could've left me
deaf!
Ivy: Then turn off the computer next time before you fall asleep! Otherwise
I might turn it off for you and lose your current position in the game.
Zack: Just leave my Sim game alone!
Ivy: Right, Zackary. Anyway, I've got to see about a tragic robot... [she
leaves]
Zack: A tragic robot? I've heard of a tragic clown...
____________________________________________________________________________
Credits go to Lio of the Acme Crimenet fanfic site
(http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Labyrinth/7817/) for the Servo suggestion.
code. This was the cheat code for unpatched "The Sims" copies, "rosebud"
(no, not that sled from "Citizen Kane") is the new money cheat code with
the patch or Livin' Large.
As usual, you have been warned of swearing and the PG-13 rating.
DISCLAIMER: The Sims is copyrighted Maxis, EA, blah blah blah...Carmen is
copyrighted to Broderbund and all companies associated with Carmen, Tom
Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot appear without permission of Best
Brains, Inc.
Sim Style: Livin' Large
[Acme]
Ivy: Hey Zack. What are you up to?
Zack: Check out what I got!
Ivy: [holds up a box] "The Sims Livin' Large Expansion Pack." Oh no, don't
tell me you're ready to become addicted again.
Zack: I already am addicted. But look at it--Sims can now get abducted--
Ivy: Reminiscent of that time Carmen tried to contact aliens.
Zack: [not aware that Ivy is interrupting him] --they can experiment with
the Chemistry Set--
Ivy: I hear Sara Bellum calling.
Zack: --Plead with Death whenever a Sim dies--
Ivy: The Chief's going to have an aneurysm if Carmen dies in the game,
little bro.
Zack: --and more! Man, I'm in for another couple months of addiction...
Ivy: And should I say it's your bedtime, little bro.
[Ivy leaves]
Zack: Yeah, like I'm going to listen to you, sis.
[Zack continues playing The Sims until well past midnight, and by this time
he's getting really tired.]
Zack: Come on, Bob Newbie, get abducted...
[Bob Newbie, who's been looking into the telescope and gaining two logic
stats, finally looks up into the sky. Blue marks surround Bob and he's taken
up into the sky, but not without screaming.]
Zack: YES! [his head falls forward, hitting the pause key]
{START DREAM SEQUENCE...again}
Zack: Hey, our home!
Ivy: Sure. Doesn't look like it.
[both go inside]
Zack: Cool! We got new stuff! Let's see... an Egg Chair, a Red Matter Sofa,
two El Tomayo chairs and an El Tomayo table...Hey! A Meet Marco computer!
We didn't get one these babies last time!
Ivy: Right...and whose sick idea was to get some tacky heart-shaped
vibrating bed?
Zack: Huh, I don't recall buying that...
Ivy: I've heard that before.
Zack: But that was when I truly didn't know what I bought!
Ivy: Uh huh. So what are you going to do? Invite Tatiana over?
Zack: No way! Last time I invited Tatiana, Maria came along and they left a
mess last time they were here with all that fighting and stuff! I don't
wanna clean up another mess!
[Outside, the carpool for Zack and Ivy has arrived.]
Zack: "Dag dag."
Ivy: "Soom soom."
[Both Sim-siblings leave.]
[meanwhile, User exits out of Zack and Ivy's house and back into the
neighborhood screen]
User: This is where it gets fun.
[User heads into Carmen's workplace where Carmen now has a Horrowitz
"Star-Tracker" Back Yard Telescope, and she's looking in it right now]
Carmen: [tweaking the telescope] Uh huh...
[Suddenly a mysterious spacecraft appears, and Carmen looks up. She looks
back at herself and realizes she's been surrounded by blue bug-like swarms.
Seeing that she's trapped, Carmen screams as she is abducted by aliens.]
[Sara Bellum is too busy experimenting with the Chemistry Set in her
laboratory, so she doesn't notice.]
[Pearl Diver's too busy swimming laps in the indoor pool, so she doesn't
notice as well.]
[But Moe Skeeter and Lars Vegas are outside talking, and they DO notice
Carmen's abduction.]
Moe Skeeter: [running around and panicking] OH MY GOD CARMEN'S GETTING
ABDUCTED!!
Lars Vegas: [also running around and panicking] Help! Help!
[Their shouting attracts everyone's attention, and all of VILE are now
outside and start "mourning" Carmen's disappearance. Then they go back to
what they were doing before getting interrupted.]
User: You know, your boss just got kidnapped by aliens. Shouldn't you guys
be doing more than just "mourning" her disappearance and then going back
to work?
[12 Sim-Hours later]
[Carmen falls from the sky and lands on her back.]
Carmen: OW!
[All of VILE swarm her now that their leader is back.]
Moe Skeeter: Are you okay?
Lars Vegas: Were you hurt?
Paige Turner: What happened?
Sara Bellum: Just leave the boss alone, can't you see her energy bar's all
red?
Carmen: [gets up] I'm fine, people, I'm fine. I'm just tired.
[Carmen walks back inside Headquarters with a thought bubble of an alien as
she retires to her office.]
User: {imitating Mulder} The Truth is out there...Scully, it's a conspiracy,
I'm sure of that.
[User switches back to Zack and Ivy's house, where by then they've come home.]
[Ivy walks inside to their house...]
Ivy: Zack, I'm home!
[...and sees Zack tinkering with a robot...or someting robot-like.]
Zack: Check out what I got! [points to the robot]
Ivy: What the hell?
Zack: It's Servo, the new robotic butler!
[onboard the Satellite of Love]
Tom Servo: Hey! How dare Maxis and Electronic Arts steal my name!
Mike Nelson: Servo, we jacked your name from a vending machine, or what Joel
told me.
Tom Servo: But it's still not fair!
Mike Nelson: Nothing's fair, Servo.
[back to the Sim world]
Zack: Just think about it, sis. He can cook, clean, garden, repair, we'll
never need another maid or gardener, and we'll never have to call the
mechanic to fix anything!
Ivy: Zack, how much did Servo cost?
Zack: 15,000 Simoleons.
Ivy: 15 GRAND?! Zack, what were you thinking?!
Zack: Ivy, it's a bargain!
Ivy: Right...let me get back to you on that one.
[Ivy leaves.]
[back on the Satellite of Love]
Tom Servo: CURSE YOU MAXIS!
Mike Nelson: Servo, cool it! It's just a name.
Crow T. Robot: Sure, Mike, it's just a name, but how many robots or humans do
you know that also has Servo in their name?
Mike Nelson: Look, it's just a name. Do I get mad when there are other Mikes
out there? No!
Tom Servo: Yeah, but that's because you're stuck up here with us! And
there's only one Servo and that's me!
Mike Nelson: Oh forget it. It's worthless trying to explain to you two
robots.
[Dinner time.]
Zack: So, is Servo worth our 15 grand?
Ivy: No. Assuming we repair our own stuff, the Maid and Gardener charges §10
per hour per day and every three days. At that rate, it'll take Servo 1127
days before he becomes cost efficient versus human help. Even if the Maid
and Gardener doubled their hourly rates to §20 per hour, per day, per three
days for the Gardener, it would take 563 days before he's worth it. And he
has that annoying drawback of one of us having to activate him each time
something need to be gardened, repaired, or cleaned. Personally, I'd rather
see Servo gone.
Zack: [getting whiny] But I like Servo!
Ivy: [sighes] Oh fine, you big baby. Keep him if you want. Don't blame me if
you can't fix Servo.
[Nighttime]
[onboard the Satellite of Love]
Tom Servo: Damn Maxis. I should send a burglar to Electronic Arts and to this
house with the robotic butler...
Crow T. Robot: Servo, what are you doing?
Tom Servo: Oh, I was just going to send a burglar to this household and the
Electronic Arts company. Watch.
[back to the Sim world]
[Zack and Ivy are asleep. A burglar comes, so now the buy and build modes are
greyed out, indicating that the User cannot cheat and buy the burglar alarms.
Tom Servo apparently removed the burglar alarms and turned Servo the butler
on. The burglar gains entry to the house and head straigt for Servo the
butler.]
[Ivy gets up to use the bathroom, and sees the burglar rewire Servo.]
Ivy: ZACK! GET UP!
Zack: [sleepily] Huh? What?
Ivy: THERE'S A BURGLAR IN OUR HOUSE, YOU IDIOT! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!
[Zack gets out of bed and runs to the kitchen/general room to see the
burglar make off with the Red Matter sofa, Meet Marco computer, and an
El Tomayo chair.]
Zack: HOLY SHIT!
Ivy: Zack, isn't there a way to debug Servo?!
[Ivy runs around the kitchen table, trying to avoid the now deranged
Servo.]
Zack: Hang on, Ivy! [he catches up with Servo and turns off Servo.] Whew.
Ivy: Zack, sell Servo.
Zack: IVY! WHY?!
Ivy: First of all, I don't want Servo to kill any of us when the burglar
comes. Second, when we sell Servo, we'll get some money to replace the
lost stuff we had.
Zack: [getting whiny again] Oh, but Servo could cook...
Ivy: Don't push it, Zackary.
[Zack sighes. User heads into Buy mode and sells the Servo. Afterwards,
User heads back to Carmen's place.]
[Carmen places her lamp she got from Afghanistan on the Modern Mission End
Table.]
User: Okay, I admit, it's actually the Antique Lamp. But hey, I can't use
the episodes as a reference, can I?
Carmen: Perfect. [She walks away]
[Meanwhile, a nameless henchman accidently brushes by the Lamp, releasing
a genie.]
Nameless Henchman 1: Huh? [he looks at the now floating genie, and rubs his
eyes] Okay, am I dreaming or what?
[A pop-up box appears]
User: "You called curious one? I sense a desire to improve thy physical
existence. Shall it be from the realm of fire? Or the realm of water?" There's
a choice of fire and water...
[User picks "Fire."]
[The genie draws his hands back as the henchman raises his arm to protect
himself. Then the genie zaps the henchman, nailing him in the arms and
chest. Unfortunately, instead of raising the Comfort and Social bar, the
Chimeway & Daughters piano go up in flames.]
Carmen: [rushing to the henchman] You idiot!
[Everyone drops what they were doing and they get as close to the enflamed
piano as they can while the User desparately tries to restore order among
the henchpeople.]
[While all this is going on, a second nameless henchman wanders into Sara
Bellum's laboratory outside of VILE Headquarters. He sees the purple potion
in the Chemistry Set and drinks it, not realizing the consequences. It's
too late for the poor henchman as he is transformed into a brain-dead,
Frankenstein-like monster. He goes off to watch TV, but breaks it.]
[Meanwhile, Carmen runs off to the phone and dials for the fire
department.]
User: {moaning} Oh man, I should've saved the game...
{User goes for the Options menu, but pauses.}
User: Nah, let's see how chaotic this can get.
Carmen: You fools! Get away from the fire!
[Sara Bellum returns to her lab and finds that her newly finished potion is
now gone.]
Sara Bellum: WHO DRANK THE POTION?! [she sees a monster in the cafeteria
getting himself some espresso.] What in the world? [She hears the sound of
the espresso machine broken.] Oh no...
[A third nameless henchman gets too close to the flames, and he catches fire
just as a fireman runs to put the inferno out, which by now has reduced the
piano to nothing but ashes.]
Nameless Henchman 3: HELP! HELP!
[Carmen grabs a fire extinguisher out of nowhere and starts spraying the
foam over the now-burning henchman, but it's too late. He ends up curled on
the floor, dead.]
Carmen: Dammit! And I just hired this guy two days ago!
[The door flings open, and everyone turn to look at the mystery guest. It
turns out to be the Grim Reaper, and everyone runs away at the sight of
him except Carmen and the fireman, who's still battling the blaze.]
Death: My name is thy Grim Reaper! Look at my works, ye pathetic mortals,
and despair! For I have come to take your departed henchman into the
otherworld!
[Carmen brazenly approaches the Grim Reaper.]
Carmen: Well, my name is Carmen Sandiego, and I want my henchman back!
User: And you were supposed to plead to the Grim Reaper, Carmen...
[The Grim Reaper and Carmen quickly engage in a round of
rock-paper-scissors. Carmen wins with scissors cutting into paper.]
Carmen: YES!
[With no other choice, the Grim Reaper is forced to resurrect Nameless
Henchman 3, to his chagrin. The henchman is restored to life, and he gets
up with no recollection of what happened. Death goes on his merry way, and
the fire has been put out.]
Carmen: [looking at the remains] Darn. I liked that piano. Oh well...
[A scream pierces through the air]
Dee Simz: OH MY GOD THERE'S A MONSTER IN THE REC ROOM!!
[Dee's screaming catches Carmen's attention and the master thief makes a mad
dash to the rec room, just to see the Frankenstein-like monster leave, but
not without destroying the Soma Plasma TV, the Meet Marco computer, the
Aristoscratch Pool Table, and the Strings Theory Stereo.]
Carmen: Holy shit...and I bought all this stuff thirty minutes ago!
Al Loy: Hey! Somebody's clogged up the bathroom!
[Carmen decides to ignore the mess for the time being and rush off to find
the Frankenstein exiting one of the bathrooms. There's water leaking under
the door. Carmen opens the doors and find out the bathroom's been flooded,
not to mention swarms of roaches have arrived.]
Carmen: Great, the toilet's clogged, the sink's broken, and there are swarms
and swarms of cockroaches...
[Carmen leaves and suddenly an explosion occurs, followed by flying wooden
chips of paint. Carmen holds up her arms to protect herself from the chips,
and when the shower stops, Carmen sees Sara Bellum runs out of a room when
more explosions--followed by more flying wooden paint chips--occur.]
Sara Bellum: It's raining in there! [She almost flees but Carmen grabs her.]
Carmen: What happened?
Sara Bellum: That Franken-monster kicked one of Tim Burr's gnomes from the
KraftKing Woodworking Table, and it set off a chain reaction!
Carmen: That can't be good. [She releases Sara Bellum, who immediately runs
off.]
[Carmen enters the room Sara Bellum ran out of and witnesses the monster
transform back to a regular henchman in front of her eyes. Once the
transformation's done, Carmen immediately rushes to the henchman amid the
mess of paint chips and smoke from the chain reaction.]
Carmen: Are you alright? What happened?
Nameless Henchman 2: I don't know. I don't remember anything.
Carmen: Well, can you at least remember something?
Nameless Henchman 2: Just wandering into Sara Bellum's lab and drinking
something from her chemistry set...that's all.
Carmen: Well, the main thing is you're alright.
[The Nameless Henchman leaves.]
Carmen: Great, now I've got to clean up the remains of these wooden gnomes.
And Tim Burr was going to take these to sell...
[Carmen starts to clean up the place, but Anne Tomo Foebia's screams pierce
the air.]
Anne Tomo Foebia: THERE ARE COCKROACHES IN THE RESTROOM! UGH!!
Carmen: [sighs] Just as everything's back to normal...
Janet Terr: Don't worry, boss, I've got it under control!
Les Mesirables: [talking with his thick French accent] Really, Anne, you
panic too much over such tiny, insignificant stuff like bugs...
Anne Tomo Foebia: What? I can't hear you through that thick accent of
yours!
[Carmen hears the sound of the bug spray going, and Carmen goes back to
cleaning up the remnants of the exploded gnomes from the KraftKing
Woodworking Table. While she's at it, User decides to switch back to
Zack and Ivy's house. Zack's still not happy about selling off Servo.]
Ivy: Zack, this is your third day at home. You've lost your job as a
Security Consultant. Get your butt off that Red Matter sofa and go get a
job!
User: You know, Zack, I'm not about to bring up the cheat console and
type in rosebud. Besides, rosebud is a sled, not a cheat.
Zack: But what about Servo?!
Ivy: What about him?
Zack: I dunno, I just wanted to ask that question.
Ivy: Zack, quit your whining and move that lazy ass off that sofa.
[Zack ignores Ivy and continues moping.]
Ivy: Here, take this stupid painting I bought at the used store.
[She gives Zack the Tragic Clown painting. Zack looks at the picture and
gets even more depressed.]
Ivy: [sighs] This obviously isn't helping you.
Zack: Of course not! I lost Servo thanks to some hapless moron burglar,
and I liked Servo!
Ivy: C'est la vie, Zackary. [Looks out the window and notices the Tragic
Clown.] Looks like the funny neighbors are moving in.
Zack: That's not one of the funny neighbors.
Ivy: How can you tell?
Zack: That's the Tragic Clown... [Looks at the painting Ivy gave him.]
Oh no...
Ivy: What's wrong?
Zack: It's the Tragic Clown! He's coming over to torture us!
[The Tragic Clown enters Zack and Ivy's house and starts to perform
tricks, notably the balloon animals, but they fail miserably. Ivy is
not pleased to have complete strangers in her house. She gets mad and
starts yelling at the Clown.]
Ivy: Get out of my house! I mean it!
[Ivy's anger only makes the Tragic Clown more depressed, as he sobs and
sniffles.]
Zack: You know, he'd be really great at cheering people up if he weren't
so...well...tragic.
Ivy: Shut up, Zack. [goes up to the Clown and "Insults" him] You know what
good you'd make? You'd be a good chorus for a Shakespearan tragedy, that's
for sure!
[The Tragic Clown continues to sniffle, sob, and sneeze occasionally. Ivy
gets mad enough to "Slap" the Clown, and she "Slaps" the Clown hard.]
Zack: Ivy, slapping him isn't going to make him leave.
Ivy: [turning to Zack] Alright, smarty pants, how do we get a clown like
him-- [points to the Tragic Clown, who makes a dove appear out of nowhere,
but the dove dies shortly after being released] --out of our house?
Zack: [sighs] Looks like one of us will have to cheer up...
User: Which would be you, you knucklehead.
Zack: ...or we can have the alternate mode.
[User heads into the Build Mode and places a Worchester Fireplace in the
living room. Then User places the Tragic Clown painting over the
fireplace.]
Zack: Ivy, keep the Clown occupied, I'll make the fire.
Ivy: Got it.
[User heads into the Buy mode and moves the SCTC Cordless Wall Phone
outside.]
[Zack goes and lights up the fireplace while Ivy continually "Insults" and
"Slaps" the Tragic Clown.]
Ivy: You're so depressed, when you attend funerals you bring a whole new
level of misery!
[Ivy "Slaps" the Tragic Clown again, causing more grief for the poor
Non-Playable Character, or NPC.]
Ivy: I bet when you were born, your mother literally fainted dead when she
saw you!
[Ivy "Slaps" the Clown again, and he breaks down, sobbing in his misery.]
Zack: Come on, Ivy, I've got the fire started.
[The two siblings leave while the Clown makes another balloon animal, which
immediately bursts. The Clown sobs, and just as Zack and Ivy step out of the
house, the clown painting above the Worchester Fireplace catches fire, and
so does the Tragic Clown himself.]
Ivy: Uh, Zack? Are you aware of what you've just done?
Zack: Yeah, I'm aware of it. [looks through the window] He's burning,
alright.
Ivy: I'm calling the fire department. [She heads for the phone.]
Zack: No, Ivy, wait.
Ivy: For how long?
Zack: Not much longer...
[The Tragic Clown eventually burns to death, but the fire is still going.]
Ivy: Okay, he's dead. I'm calling. [She picks up the phone and dials.]
[Zack and Ivy wait several hours while the lone fireman battles the
blazes.]
User: You know, I wonder why Will Wright didn't put in more firemen to keep
this firefigher from being lonely...
[After the fire has been put out and the firefighter has left, Zack and Ivy
inspect the damage.]
Ivy: Let's see...Amishim Bookcase was destroyed, the Egg Chair's gone, the
Schwa Carpet's damaged...Looks like plenty of stuff are going to be
replaced.
Zack: And that fire burned down the Meet Marco computer! Dammit!
[The next day, Ivy picks up the newspaper and reads it.]
Ivy: "Tragic Clown dies in mysterious fire." Oh brother...
[END DREAM SEQUENCE]
[Ivy walks into the computer room and finds the game paused.]
Ivy: [sighs] Zackary, Zackary, Zackary... [She walks up to Zack and puts
her mouth really close to Zack's ear] WAKE UP!!
[Zack immediately opens his eyes and bolts up]
Zack: ACK! Ivy, don't do that again! [rubs his ear] You could've left me
deaf!
Ivy: Then turn off the computer next time before you fall asleep! Otherwise
I might turn it off for you and lose your current position in the game.
Zack: Just leave my Sim game alone!
Ivy: Right, Zackary. Anyway, I've got to see about a tragic robot... [she
leaves]
Zack: A tragic robot? I've heard of a tragic clown...
____________________________________________________________________________
Credits go to Lio of the Acme Crimenet fanfic site
(http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Labyrinth/7817/) for the Servo suggestion.