The Suicide Club

an original story by Evelette Monroe
aka Jenn T

Dedicated to all of those who have ever felt lost along the way.

Brendan

"Try and make some friends today sweetie?" Those are always the first thing that my mother says to me as I'm heading out the door for school. As if this day would be any different from the last. Nothing will ever change here at Cedar Grove. Not the people, the houses, nor the jerks that go to my school. There will always be a Jordan Hopper, picking on a Trinity Moore; and there will always be a Beth Richards cheering for the school football team; and most definitely there will always be a Dresden Cofax—the guy that everyone is afraid of.

You're probably wondering where I fit into all of these categories? Well I don't fit in anywhere. I'm just the Brendan Fox—the kid that takes up space. Nobody cares about me. Nobody even knows I exist. I don't have any friends, I have no one to talk to; not even the teachers wish to bother with me. Don't get me wrong, I've always tried to make friends. I'm shy, but once you get to know me, I'm a pretty sociable person. But no one takes the time. They just look at me, think, "what a loser" and don't bother themselves.

The walk to school is always so peaceful. Kind of like the calm before the storm. It's a nice walk from my house to the high school, and then all hell breaks loose. I remember in my first two years of high school I would think of different ways to meet new people. I thought about joining clubs, maybe a sports team...but then I think about all the weird things some of the clubs do; and all the initiations the sports teams do. I don't think my mother would approve of me coming home one day with my hair all shaved off and a marker tattoo of the word, "Bitch!" on my head. In permanent marker.

Of course eventually it would go away in a couple of weeks or so. But those were long weeks that I didn't want to withstand being someones "sports bitch".

So needless to say—I went against that plan. I started to think of other ways to get my name and face out there. Maybe if I joined up with the talent shows, perform some of my favorite songs for the other kids and then they would see how cool I really was. Then I realized—that made me sound like a dork just thinking about doing that, and two, I have the worst case of stage fright. All and all, I couldn't think of one thing to do to make new friends.

When I went into eleventh grade, I just started to give up. Every day just became steadily worse, and my life just became this routine. No one saw me, no one spoke to me, and no one cared about me. So by the end of it, I gave up completely, and just decided not to care. Or at least I tried not to care—but there is only so much silence a boy could take before he went insane.

Senior year—one more run before the end. Graduation, prom, senior week, the parties. All the things that I dream about going to when I saw my brother go through with it when he was a senior. Everything just seem so magical when you were a kid. But that soon all faded—and that little innocent dream I had, shattered to a million pieces. High school was nothing what I thought it would be; or how my brother explained it. But my brother had it easy. Everyone loved him, and I guess thats something my mom expected me to grow up to. She expected for me to come home on my first day and tell her about all the new great friends I made. Instead she gave me a disappointed smile, a pat on the head and a "Maybe tomorrow hunny!".

I had always hated when she said that. It drove me nuts! The more she said it each day the harder it was coming home to let her know that I let her down. I think it hurt more though, is when my brother comes to visit from college and he brags on and on about his stupid college buddies and old high school friends—then he asks me about my friends and the first thing that comes out of mom's mouth is, "He doesn't have any friends."

Like I was some kind of mutant that she was shameful of ever giving birth to. One day I wish I could just go crazy, and scream, rant, yell, and just tell her. "I'm sorry I'm not perfect." But that will never happen. So I just have to take it day by day I guess. Hope for the best—even when hoping just seems like a wish come true.

Beth

"No way! That's completely ridiculous!" Jordan, my best friend in the whole entire world exclaimed loudly after telling her about that Susy girl hitting on Ben Kepler. The most gorgeous guy in the whole entire school. "What did he do?" She asked, excited to hear more of my story.

"Well, apparently she asked him out while she was serving him food at the little dinner on 95, you know the one with the weird old folks home across the street. Anyway, she was giving him his order and she was all like, "Hey Ben, would you like to go to the movies?" and Ben was like, "Who are you?" I could have died from laughing when he was telling me about it!" I continued on, giggling with my best friend.

"Wow! What a fuckin' freak!" Jordan giggled out even more, pulling her hair into a pony tail. "So are you still coming to the sop hock with Jimmy and I?"

"Ugh! I wish...but I have so many things I have to do." I groaned, leaning back against the tree we were sitting under.

"Oh c'mon!" Jordan whined, "You always have something to do. Live for yourself for a day would you girl?"

I smiled, scanning my eyes across the court yard, "Rain check I promise." Not finding who I was searching for, I pulled my bag up, looking for some gum in my front pocket, when suddenly I heard Jordan gasp then start to laugh hysterically. Looking up I tried to find what was so funny, before I looked at her like she was crazy. "What are you laughing at?"

"Oh my god! Look at that freak...look at what she's wearing today!" Jordan exclaimed through bursts of giggles. I looked around, trying to figure out who she was talking about until my eyes caught the form of Trinity Moore.

Now I really don't know what the whole story behind Jordan and Trinity, but they use to be best friends all through elementary school or something like that—but Trinity had to move away to a different country and they just grew apart. But then this whole thing broke out in ninth grade and ever since then Jordan has hated the girl. I don't know what happened, nor do I know Trinity personally, but she seemed like a good person. Although sometimes she did dress a little weird.

"She doesn't look that bad." I rolled my eyes, before searching through my bag again for that missing gum I was looking for. Damn—It's my favorite kind too.

"Not that ba--" Jordan started, "Are you kidding me?! She's a complete freak!"

"I don't know what your whole big deal is about the girl, can't you just let it go?" I asked seriously, pausing my searching momentarily to look at Jordan. She just huffed and ignored me, before cupping her mouth to shout at the girl.

"Hey freak! Did you rob a circus tent for your clothes?!" She laughed, along with most of the students in a courtyard. I just sat there, before cracking a smile. She did look like she robed a circus tent. But I just shook my head and went back to searching for my gum.

"Hey slut, did you rob the Halloween store, your mask is ugly and out dated, find a new one!" I heard Trinity yell back, successfully shutting up Jordan, before a sneer came to her face. She stood up and I finally looked up, wondering what was going on. Sighing I got up and started to walk with her, towards the girl. If I didn't go along, who knows what would have happened.

"Want to say that to my face?" Jordan snarled at the shorter girl.

"Which one?" Trinity snarled back, standing up from her table with her friends. They snickered and she smirked at us, her dark blue eyes adverting from Jordan to mine, then back to hers. "You can't fight your own battles alone?"

"Shut your face bitch!" Jordan leaned closer, placing her freshly manicured hands on each hip.

"Or what?" Trinity leaned across the table even more, looking like a feral wolf about to attack.

"I'll break that ugly face of yours!" Jordan threatened.

Trinity just starred at her a moment longer, before backing away, starting to laugh, like she found this whole situation funny. I quirked a brow, looking at her as though she were crazy too and grabbed onto Jordan's arm softly, "Let's just go, shes not worth your time, she's just a nobody freak."

"You better watch your back heifer." Jordan snarled and people all around us snickered, as Trinity became serious, her dark, dangerous eyes narrowing on Jordan.

"You better watch your back dirty whore." Trinity challenged back just as venomous.

"Is that a threat?" Jordan crossed her eyes, getting more annoyed by the freak.

"No...that's a promise." She paused, leaning forward and smirking viciously at her, "And I always keep my promises."

I grabbed for Jordan again, taking her back up to our tree and grabbing our stuff. The whole time she huffed and puffed and cursed under her breath. I rolled my eyes and walked her back into the school building just as the first bell rung. It was going to be a long day.

Dresden

"Get up you lazy shit!" My brother's gruff voice pushed through the haze of my sleep clouded mind. I groaned and rolled over, draping an arm over my eyes, blocking the bright light shining through. "Now!" He yelled, throwing something at me, successfully pissing me off even more.

"Shut the fuck up!" I growled, throwing, what was a shoe, back at him. He grunted and I smirked. Satisfied that I had aimed well. I lay there for a few more minutes, before throwing the covers back and rolling out of bed. I reached up, running my fingers through my dark hair and groaned again. "Fuck..." I whispered, feeling the horrible side effects of the morning after the all night partying.

"You better be out of this fucking house in ten minutes." I heard my father's growl of a voice call down to the hall, probably from his crypt—what I like to call his room.

"You can suck my dick!" I yelled back, stretching and stumbling to my closet for some clothes.

"Dresden don't talk to your father that way." My mother screeched from the crypt next. I just sighed and gave them the finger.

"When he actually starts acting like one, then I won't talk to him that way." I hollered back, pulling on some pants, then a t-shirt over my chest.

"Boy you better shut your fucking mouth right now, or I'll come in there and do it for you!" Once again, my father tried to play his role. I rolled my eyes and smirked.

"Not if you can't catch me!" I yelled, before I heard some stumbling, then him getting out of bed. I ran to my door, shut and locked it, before grabbing my school bag, my keys, my wallet and everything else I needed. He banged on my door wildly, like an animal locked in a cage. I grabbed my shoes and dumped my shit out the window, and got the hell out of there.

Walking to the bus stop I put on my shoes and ignored the old lady starring at me like I had four heads, and shouldered my bag. I sat back and relaxed against the plastic of the bus booth and closed my eyes, waiting for the city bus to come and take me down town.

"Your shirt is on backwards." The lady suddenly announced. I quirked open an eye to look at her, backing away from the beady eyes starring, unblinking at me.

"Yeah, so?" I huffed, backing away from her even more, "Crazy old bat." I reached into my bag, pulling out my carton of cigarettes and lit one up, inhaling deeply, and successfully rotting out my lungs. Holding the cancer stick between my lips, I pulled my shirt off and righted it, placing it back on me and starting to exhale the smoke I was holding in my chest.

A few moments later the bus rolled up to the stop and I sighed, "Fuck..." I reached down and rubbed out the cigarette and placed it back in the carton for later use. Stepping onto the bus, I nodded to Charlie, and moved to the back of the bus. Usually my stop is last, and luckily if Charlie isn't on a tight schedule he drops me off right at the school.

But obviously today was not my lucky day. Charlie was running late apparently and that meant he had to drop me off at the stop four blocks from the school—which isn't too bad; but if you hadn't noticed, I'm pretty fucking lazy. Though you wouldn't ever tell from my sexy hot bod. I work out whenever I can. Most of the time I keep off the weight from fighting with my dad, or running away from my dad, or some crack head asshole that my dad sells too. He knows some fucking crazy ass people.

With a sigh I enter the gray building and go straight to the attendance office. "Late as usual Mr. Cofax."

"You know you're always glad to see me Marie." I smirk, filling out the dumb form we had to do every time we were late.

"Don't call me that Dresden." Mr. Marshal grunted. It was a little nick name I gave him, just to piss him off even more then just seeing my face. Smirking even more, I reached over and tapped his cheek.

"Sure thing Marie." I grabbed my stuff and left, not giving him a chance to rebuke.

Stepping into my third period class, Ms. Hawthorne looked up from her desk and shook her head at the sight of me. I just smirked and placed my slip onto her desk and sauntered over to my own desk right behind Beth Richards and flicked her long curly brown hair off my desk. "Stop diseasing my desk slut." I growled into her ear as I sat down.

"I don't have to, you already started that scum bag." She whispered harshly back at me.

"Is there a problem?" Ms. Hawthorne looked up at us over the rim of her glasses perched on her skinny white nose.

"No Ma'am." Beth called out with a smile.

"Actually, there is..." I spoke up, "She's getting her lice all over my desk." I smirked mischievously at Beth as she turned to glare at me.

"Mr. Cofax please refrain from opening your mouth for the rest of the class, nobody wants to hear your bullshit." Ms. Hawthorne glared at me, before turning her attention to the smirking brunette, "And you Ms. Richards, please tie your hair up in a bun or cut it off."

I heard Beth gasp, then bristle as she crossed her arms and cursed under her breath when she got scolded as well. I snickered and pulled out my Ipod, and my sketch pad, drowning out the rest of the class with my music and my art.

Trinity

After that little incident with Jordan Hopper this morning, I was more then peeved. I seriously want to cut that bitch. Who the hell does she think she is? I don't get what her deal is. I mean we use to be really close friends—we did everything together. But after I moved, she kinda changed...a lot. When I came back, she was this little preppy dumb bimbo that hated my guts for no apparent reason. She's the freak; not me.

"Aren't you suppose to be in class right now?" Mr. Hockessin asked, stepping into my line of vision. I just shrugged, playing with my bracelets decorating my wrists. "You alright kiddo?"

I watched out of the corner of my eye as he sat down near my feet on the bench below the window sill I was sitting on. I still didn't say anything, although I wanted to blurt out everything. Mr. Hockessin is one of the coolest teachers here at Cedar High—but not only that he's also my SAS (Student Assistance Services) teacher. Kind of like a guidance counselor but better. With him, I can tell him anything and everything and he actually cares. He's like my one true friend here.

"Did something happen with Jordan again?" He asked softly, titling his head to look at my face better. I just shrugged again. He knew me too well. "What did she say?"

"She said that I stole my clothes from a circus tent, and she called me a heifer." I replied softly, swirling my black rubber bracelet around my wrist.

Mr. Hockessin quirked a brow and looked over my outfit. "She obviously has no taste in style." He nudged me with his shoulder, "And you know you're not a heifer. She's just jealous that you're better looking then her."

"Can you even say that to me Mr. Hockessin?" I smirked, finally looking at him. He smiled at me and patted my leg softly.

"There's that little sly smirk..." He stood up and helped me off of the window sill. "Wanna help me fail some students?"

"You bet!" I laughed and followed him back up to his classroom.

Pushing my way into the empty classroom, I skipped over to the seat I normally sat at and dropped my practically empty bag on the floor. I grabbed a marker off of his desk and took a pile of papers from him and the score sheet and started to mark the tests. We sat in the silence for about five minutes before he cleared his throat, his tell tale sign that he wanted to talk about something.

"What is it?" I asked, opening the conversational box of doom. Anytime he did his throat clearing gig, it was something that I wasn't going to like hearing.

"I'm just going to get straight to the point, because you don't like beating around the bush..."

"And yet you are still doing it." I muttered, still marking the tests.

I could just feel the look he was giving me, and I smirked even more. "Anyways...answer me honestly." I just nodded. "Are you cutting again?"

I didn't even look up at him and shook my head, "Nope."

Okay, so I was lying; and it killed me to lie to Mr. Hockessin, but he didn't need to know. I promised him that I would do better. I tried, really I have...just sometimes it gets hard. No one understands that. Not even him.

"You sure you're not lying?" He asked, leaning over and putting a hand over mine to stop me from my grading. I looked up at him with a very serious and stoic expression.

"Mr. Hockessin it hurts me to think that you wouldn't know by now that I would tell you if I was or not." I frowned, showing my seriousness even more. Hoping that he would by it. He just starred at me for a long moment, before a smile tugged at his lips.

"Alright...sorry, I don't even know why I brought it up." He patted my hand once more before letting me get back to helping him grade the papers.

"Although...I would love to cut that stupid Jordan bitch." I smirked darkly, hearing him gasp before a soft chuckle left his lips.

"That never leaves this room." He muttered, sobering up.

"Of course." I smirked even more, my day feeling a bit better.