Disclaimer: All characters (c) Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and/or Fil Barlow. One character, though she appeared in the EGB episode "Eyes of a Dragon", has been named by the author, who has watched the episode twice in quick succession and scoured the internet and cannot find a name for her. If anyone out there knows any better, then do please let me know.
Extreme Ghostbusters: Eyes of a Lover
"Why does there have to be so much sitting around?" Garrett Miller complained, in the same low voice that everyone in the room was using to converse with each other.
"Yeah, well, it doesn't get any better after they show up," Eduardo Rivera said dryly. "When they actually get here you have to sit and listen to endless reams of just… crap."
"Eduardo." Roland Jackson had to lean forward to look at Eduardo, as he was sitting on Garrett's other side. "How old were you when your brother got married?"
"Five."
"Well, you're older and more mature now - maybe you'll enjoy this one more."
"Doubt it," muttered Eduardo.
"Yeah?" Kylie Griffin, sitting on the other side of Roland - therefore with two people between herself and Eduardo - somehow managed to hear that. "So why'd you come?"
"Because," said Eduardo, leaning across Garrett and Roland - he didn't want to be saying this too loudly - "you have to go to a wedding if you're invited. Everybody hates you if you admit to having better ways to spend your Saturday."
"Better ways to spend your Saturday than just sitting around? You?" Kylie raised her eyebrows. "You amaze me."
"Maybe you two should have stayed home," murmured Roland, addressing Garrett and Eduardo. "Egon and Janine would have been much better company."
The Ghostbusters' secretary, Janine Melnitz, and their boss Egon Spengler had not been invited to this particular wedding. Egon had helped a bit with the bride's enchanted dragon statue situation via a two-way radio, but that was all - and since they were having a relatively small ceremony at City Hall, the couple had said with practised ruefulness that they just couldn't fit in two people they'd never actually met.
"I don't get why they invited us in the first place," said Garrett. "They knew each other before - it's not like they never would have met if it hadn't been for us."
"Yeah, he was working undercover pretending to be one of the heavies hassling her dad," said Eduardo. "They probably knew each other for weeks."
"Well, we helped them out a lot," Roland said reasonably. "I think it was nice of them to invite us. It's great that they fell in love and decided to get married, isn't it? I thought maybe something was going on there while we were working on the case, but we didn't get to see it resolved - I'm glad they did something about it after we'd gone."
"Seems awful soon to get married, though," said Garrett.
"Shotgun wedding," Eduardo said knowingly.
Kylie rolled her eyes. "Eduardo…"
"Hey," said Eduardo, "what was her name again?"
Kylie let out a throaty noise of exasperation, and said, "Sooji. Sooji Sun, for the gazillionth time."
"She definitely didn't tell us that," said Eduardo.
"Oh, don't be ridiculous - of course she told us her name."
"She didn't."
"She - "
"So," Garrett interrupted, trying to think of something to say on the spur of the moment. They could have that argument - again - for hours, if left to themselves. "How come this wedding isn't, like, all Chinese and stuff?"
"Well," said Roland, "they're both very westernised, if you recall."
"Oh look, there's Michael," said Garrett as the groom, Michael Wu, and some guy - probably the best man - made their way self-consciously to the front of the room to have their backs stared at expectantly by twenty-odd impatient people. "Does this mean they're gonna start soon?"
Eduardo shook his head. "Beth showed up about half an hour after Carlos."
"Oh, you're exaggerating," said Roland.
"I wish I was."
However, considerably fewer than thirty minutes had passed when the room was suddenly filled with a very slow and oddly melancholy tune. There was a piano in the far corner, and Eduardo wondered vaguely how the pianist had known that this was the moment to start playing. Maybe somebody had subtly popped his or her head round the door and gone, "Psssst!"
Sooji walked in, wearing what looked like a fairly traditional oriental gown, on her father's arm. Eduardo's first thought was that he was pretty sure her father had never given them a name either. When the call came through to the firehouse, Egon had described him as "a Chinatown merchant", which was pretty impersonal really.
The wedding procession was relatively small. There was just one bridesmaid, whom none of the four Ghostbusters recognised, and the best man was in charge of the rings. It was all rather smaller and less elaborate than the wedding of Carl and Beth Rivera had been, all of thirteen years earlier, and Eduardo found himself hoping that the ceremony wouldn't take up quite as much time.
It did drag a bit, though. At one point Michael was called upon to read out something in Mandarin, which brought tears to the eyes of the bride's father.
After the service, guests were asked to make their way to the modest hotel where the reception was to be held.
"This oughtta be slightly less boring," Eduardo said dryly, as he took his seat in the back of Roland's car, next to Garrett.
"That service was a bit long, wasn't it?" said Garrett. "It's not even very interesting when you can understand the language they're talking in."
"I dare you to say all of this to Michael and Soo," said Kylie.
"I think the traditional Chinese stuff was to keep her father happy," said Roland. "He seemed to enjoy the Mandarin reading."
"Yeah, that was good of Michael to do that," said Garrett.
"Too good," Eduardo muttered audibly. "If you're gonna emigrate to America you can't expect your kids to behave like they're living back in the homeland - you can't have it both ways."
"Eduardo, honestly," said Kylie, sounding faintly shocked.
"He's allowed to say things like that," said Garrett, just as Roland pulled into a parking space in an area labelled "Parking for Function Room 2".
"It is Function Room Two, isn't it?" fretted Roland.
"Yes," said Kylie, "I'm absolutely sure it is - but if we're wrong, Roland, I'm sure they'll let you see your car alive again."
They all climbed out of the car, and Roland went to retrieve Garrett's wheelchair from the boot. While he waited for Garrett to be seated, Eduardo leaned casually against the side of the car and said, "You ever been to a wedding reception, Ky?"
"No," said Kylie.
"Well they're not gonna let us talk amongst ourselves much - it'll be all boring speeches that are probably mildly amusing if you've known Michael since he was in diapers."
"It might not be like that, Eduardo. You're hardly an expert - you've only ever been to one wedding… haven't you?"
"Yeah, but the way I understand it they're all pretty much the same."
Kylie didn't answer, but began making her way towards the flock of (predominately oriental) people making their way into the hotel. Eduardo followed; Roland and Garrett were already some way ahead of them.
"Come on, Kylie, admit it," Eduardo said in a low voice, as they took their seats at a round table that sat six - thankfully the seating plan wasn't one of those ones where everybody had to sit with total strangers. "You're not gonna tell me you enjoyed that service. You think this is lame too."
"Why would I think that?" Kylie said airily.
"You really don't seem the type who's into big lavish frilly weddings."
"Some people would say this was low-key," said Kylie. "And how do you know I'm not?"
"I don't," Eduardo said warily. "You're not, are you?"
"I might be."
There was a dismissive note in her voice, and Eduardo didn't say any more for the time being. He, Kylie, Roland and Garrett had time to discuss more or less everybody they knew in the time they had to wait for their food, which turned out to be another traditional oriental aspect of the occasion. Then, once everyone had more or less finished eating, the speeches started - and Eduardo was proved right about those. The best man's speech consisted largely a very long story about a young Michael's toy car collection that a few people found hilarious. Eduardo couldn't help noticing that even Sooji looked faintly glassy-eyed by the end of it. He then glanced at Kylie, whose expression was unreadable.
Then, at last, they were allowed to stretch their legs. Several people started bustling towards the toilets, while others went outside to smoke or just to enjoy the spring evening air. Eduardo was one of the ones in rather urgent need of the former, and when he was done there he went outside and found Kylie sitting on a low wall and perusing her copy of the order of service that had been on every seat at the ceremony.
"You're not, are you?" he said, sitting down next to her.
"Not what?" she asked, not looking up.
"Into all this wedding bull."
"Oh." She closed the order of the service and held it at her side. "Well, I may not seem the type, but the most surprising people can turn out to love all of this wedding baloney. I mean, Janine seems quite sensible and down to earth, doesn't she - and look what she's got planned."
"Oh, yeah - that'll be fun."
"It'll be fine," said Kylie. "At least we know them quite well, unlike these two. You were right about the speeches."
"Yeah, I know," said Eduardo.
"What I really don't get," Kylie went on, "is why people are prepared to spend quite a few hundred dollars on a dress they're gonna wear once. And not the kind of thing they'd normally wear either - that makes no sense to me. If I ever get married, I'll want to be myself while it's happening."
"Do you think Soo's herself?"
"Well, it's hard to say - I don't know her well enough. We talked about how westernised she is, but maybe she has ways of showing that she's also really proud of her roots. Sort of like you."
"So… it's like if I got married in a sombrero."
Kylie's mouth twitched slightly. "Sure, I guess. So how would you wanna do it, then?"
"Well," said Eduardo, "it doesn't matter what I want, does it - the woman always decides how the wedding's gonna go."
"Oh, don't be ridiculous - you're supposed to plan your wedding together."
Eduardo laughed slightly. "Ky, come on - what planet are you on? Oh." He stood up as Michael and Sooji approached. "Hi."
"The party's started, if you're ready to come back in," said Michael.
"Thank you so much for coming," Sooji abruptly changed the subject, hugging Eduardo and then catching Kylie as she too got her feet.
"Oh, it's our pleasure," said Kylie. "It was a really lovely service. That reading was beautiful, Michael."
"Was it?" asked Michael, sounding faintly surprised. "That was Soo's father's idea, and I didn't want to be making an enemy of him. He wasn't sure about me, you know, after I smashed up some of his stuff with a baseball bat."
"You know - when he was working undercover pretending to hassle us," Sooji hastened to explain. "I keep reminding him that Michael was working to stop those thugs and trying to protect people like us, but… well, he did threaten Dad with a bike chain once."
"Only a little," Michael said defensively. "Oh God, here he comes… I might just go back inside and see how the other guests are doing. Hi, Mr. Sun!" he added cheerfully, as Sooji's father approached. "Are you… having a good time?"
"Most enjoyable," Sooji's father said agreeably. Then, turning to Eduardo and Kylie, "Ah, Ghostbusters. I never forget how you save my life."
"Oh, it was nothing, really," Kylie said bashfully.
"Yeah, we do it all the time," added Eduardo.
"Doesn't Sooji look radiant?" the old man beamed.
"Oh, yes," Kylie nodded enthusiastically. "Radiant."
"I am so proud of her. Come, Sooji," and he turned once again to his daughter. "The guests are expecting you and Michael to lead the dancing."
"He doesn't seem so anti-Michael to me," remarked Kylie, as Sooji and her father disappeared back into the building. "Hey - what are you looking at me like that for?"
"I had no idea you were such a shameless liar," said Eduardo.
Kylie blinked. "What?"
" 'It was a really lovely service. That reading was beautiful, Michael.'"
"Oh." Kylie looked away, smiling ever so slightly. "Well, you have to be like that at weddings. You can't really say, 'I'm hating this entire thing.'"
"Are you hating it?"
"No, I'm not hating it. But it doesn't matter what I think - it's their wedding, and Soo's dad's obviously loving it. I think it's sweet. I never had that kind of a relationship with my father."
Eduardo didn't quite know what to say. Kylie kept herself to herself a lot of the time, but now and then she didn't seem to mind wearing her heart on her sleeve. She talked a lot about her dead great-grandmother, the person in her life she had been closest to, and now apparently she wanted to talk about some kind of lack of a strong father figure in her life - which, actually, might explain a few things about the way she conducted herself around men in their late thirties and forties…
"So anyway," she went on hastily, "it may all be a bit… y'know… but that's no reason not to be happy for them."
"Well I'm happy for them," Eduardo said defensively. "I never said I wasn't happy for them."
"I never said you weren't either," Kylie said irritably.
"Yeah, well… good."
"I'm going inside - it'd be rude to stay out here too long."
"Are you gonna dance?" Eduardo asked, with an air of mild interest.
"Dance?" Kylie looked at him scornfully. "I don't dance."
"Yeah?" Eduardo began following her towards the door leading back into the hotel function room. "Not even at your own wedding?"
"Well that hardly seems relevant now, it may never happen," said Kylie. "But don't you think it's just another stupid wedding tradition?"
"Well actually," said Eduardo, "I think that's kind of an ok one, as wedding traditions go."
"You think so, do you?"
"Yeah, well, it's better than stuff like… like the bouquet and stuff."
"Oh, yeah - thank goodness these guys didn't bother with that. Superstitions like that are just stupid."
"No scientific evidence, huh?"
"Well of course there isn't," said Kylie. "Who caught the bouquet at your brother's wedding?"
"The girlfriend of some cousin of Beth's," said Eduardo. "She was all like, 'Oooh, Jim, this means we're gonna get married next!' It was absolutely stomach-churning."
"Sounds it."
"Are… you sure you don't wanna dance?"
"Quite sure, thank you. But don't let me stop you."
"Me?" Eduardo looked at the dance floor on which most of the guests had assembled, including Garrett and Roland and a whole gang of Chinese people they'd picked up, and then back at Kylie. "I don't think so. I… don't dance either."
THE END