Disclaimer: Not mine. JK Rowling owns it all.
It still makes me cry when I think back. A long time after it happened I avoided thinking about it. It hurted too much. I made myself believe that he was only gone for a little while, but were to be expected home every moment now. Now, afterwards I realise how stupid that sounded. It made no sense at all. But I guess that's what happens when you loose the most precious person in the world to you. It didn't make sense in itself. It didn't make sense the way Sirius fell. That he was just...gone. If there were a body I might had been able to face the facts a little earlier. Realise faster that he's really gone. Cause now there is nothing to cling too. No grave to grief by. There is nothing. Nothing at all. It is as if he was nothing but a dream. The best dream I've ever had. And the dream I wish I was still dreaming. But I'm not, and it will never come back. Cause even though it's hard to believe my Sirius is gone. Forever and ever gone.
Molly said it would help talking about it. Molly might not be the person that loved Sirius the most, but she has a big heart, and she understood how I felt. She just couldn't sit there and watch me go under without fighting back. So I've tried.
Harry's better too now. At least he has his friends around him. Ron and Hermione spend a lot of time with him, and I think that helps him a lot. But I...I don't have any of my close friends left. Sirius was the last close friend I had left. The last one I wanted to tell everything too.
If I could have one wish come through, only one, I would wish that I were back at school as one of the marauders. The time we spent at that school together, the four of us. I would even want Wormtail back. Because back in the schooldays, he wasn't all that bad. It was afterwards when we left Hogwarts that all of our troubles started. Yes, I would definitely wanted to go back to Hogwarts with the marauders. And we would still be the four of us. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.