We meet with our hero, Harry Potter, as he is about to enter the room that determines whether or not he will get laid tonight. Suggestion: take sixth book, read up to that point, and fill this scene in.

He opened the portrait, and was met with a room full of drunk sixteen-year-olds, many of which were sprawled in embarrassing positions and situations throughout the room, passed out- Seamus seemed to be clutching a pink teddy. In other words, the usual celebration.

"Harry, we won! We won the cup!" Ginny had a blazing look on her face, and she approached him slowly, as if in a cheesy movie made to attract teenage girls with that sole scene.

Harry made to clap her on the back, or something, to congratulate her, but was deferred as she pounced upon his body. Nearly thrown off balance, he stumbled around for a second.

"I'm fine." he called out, "Nothing is wrong."

Finally, the room stopped spinning, his head stopped pounding, and the nausea worked its way down again. (What a weakling.)

He glanced uncomfortably at Ginny, whose arms were wrapped around his torso with the strength of a thousand ravenous sharks. Her lips were puckered in the semblance of a kiss, dark red lipstick drawn outside the edges of her still child-like lips.

Somewhere in the crowd that had assembled around them, a cough was heard. Silence echoed throughout the crowded room.

Ginny's lips smacked repeatedly as she tried to near his face. Harry, thinking on his feet, dodged her swiftly, throwing his head back not a moment too soon. Thrown off by the lack of lip contact, Ginny widened her eyes.

"We won the cup, Harry! Didn't you hear me?" she whispered in a voice she obviously thought was seductive.

"Are you choking?"

"No, stupid! This is a completely valid excuse to take me in your arms, snog me senseless, then take me out to a broom closet, and make wild, passionate-"

"Eh-hem." coughed Ron, the tips of his ears bright red.

Ginny jumped up and wrapped her robe-clad legs around Harry's legs. He looked about ready to throw her down on the ground, but stopped as she was a girl.

"Why are you doing this?" Harry's classic look of bewilderment was cast upon his face.

She scoffed, pulling him closer still, "I read your diary."

"You did what now?" Harry gaped at her, completely shocked. "Those were my private thoughts! The only place I could express myself without being judged!"

"I know about your chest monster. I thought that was sooo hot." she crooned. "So sweet."

Ginny smiled at him.

Harry looked at her, and blinked.

He let go of Ginny, making her land on her bottom on the floor. He shook with silent giggles, tumbling onto the ground, as a figure emerged from the crowd. Hermione stepped out into the small clearing, her smile impish as she helped up a blushing Ginny.

"What was that for, jackass?" she hissed, brushing at the seat of her robes, making most of the male population, and some females, stare at that particular muscle.

"A word of advice," Hermione brushed a lock behind her ear, bending over to examine Harry, "Don't mistake heartburn for the symptoms of love."