"I failed her, I should have dared more. But the past, like so many things, is beyond my command."
Celene ignored the ache and emptiness in her heart as she spoke, like she did everytime the elven woman occupied her mind. She could have done so many things different. So much regret... She knew the young Inquisitor meant well, after all how could a Dalish, newly seperated from her clan know the workings of the dreaded Game. Inquisitor Lavellan's voice brought her right back from her thoughts to the Winter Palace.
"Maybe you kept it because you still care for Briala."
Of course she did, why else would she take such a risk? She wanted to tell her about the sleeples, tear-filled, lonely nights. She wanted to yell to all of the court how much she loved Briala, how sorry she was. Of course, this was nothing but a fantasy to help her get through nights like this. Besides, she had done what she had to do as a ruler, she never deserved the what Briala did. At least to that extent. She knew she was no saint, but who was in this Maker damned place?
She missed her lover, she missed her so much.
"Perhaps I do, but I cannot put her above all the people of my empire."
How much she wished to do just that. From time to time, she dreamt of getting away from everything, living a peaceful life with Briala. They could build a farmhouse in Ferelden, live with their chickens and cows. This would be however ignoring all the heartbreak, all the betrayal, all the injustices done to both of them. It would never be possible, it was too late now. Happiness was only a faint memory -if one could call what they had "happiness", it could very well be an illusion they desperately needed-.
Celene could feel herself getting tired now, years of lying and deceiving was taking it's toll over even the hightest power in Orlais. All she wanted was to end this cursed war tonight, retire to her chambers and try to feel like Briala was there with her like she did after every stressful day. When she realized where she was for the second time that night, she rushedly spoke the words that made her stomach swirl:
"Dispose of the locket however you like. It means nothing to me."
Being able to say those words with a straight face, Celene was once again proud of herself for being such a great player of The Game. It made The Empress of Orlais smile bitterly as she walked away from the Inquisitor.