Suni and me have had this idea for a while, but neither of us knew exactly how to get it off the ground. Every time we started to write this, it came off as weird, didn't mesh right, or was just downright stupid. I think I've found the answer. Details are detailed below. Also, you guys may be confused as to Word Girl's age.
-She was ten and a half when the show started.
-Within the first month- this may have even been the debut episode- Word Girl celebrated a birthday. Since she was already ten and a half, this makes her eleven. (This may not have happened in-series, but it did in this story. Also, since this is a Word Girl/Wild Kratts crossover, let's not let the other faction spoil anything for the other show's viewers, eh?)
-Recently, she celebrated another birthday in "Be Careful What You Wish For" (I think that was the title, but I can't remember). Since she turned eleven (like two years ago, "lol") already, this makes her twelve.
Just to clarify:
All the children in Word Girl of comparable age are twelve. Also:
-I've reverted Chris and Martin to their Kratt's Creatures ages of 25 (Chris) and 29 (Martin). Suni has them at 23 and 27 most of the time, but I think she did the math wrong (quite likely).
-I've always assumed Zach to be of comparable age to the Kratts. Given he was almost as tall as Martin was when they showed the childhood flashback in "Tazzy Chris", I'd put him at around 26-28. I have him at the happy medium of 27.
-Donita, I've always though, is a bit older, perhaps 30-35. Dabio; I can't really tell. He's too childish.
-Gourmand is clearly older, probably 45-55.
-Given the maturity and confidence levels displayed by the Wild Kratts crew, I'd say Jimmy is about 18-21, Aviva is 21-25, and Koki is around 25-30.
There are too many Word Girl characters for which to list ages; and the only really important ages are the ages of the children anyhow, since in Word Girl, those are the only ages given. (And only for Word Girl and Tobey at that.)
Also, Suni is from South Carolina, and she gave me some Southern grammar tips a few years back, so I hope nobody thinks I went too far with Gourmand. I'm just trying to make him as authentic as possible… also, she pointed out to me some stuff about Gourmand and Chris, and I took it and ran with it. Nothing gross, just Gourmand's usual style of creep and horror. Oh, and he's not supposed to be gay, just creepy. (Or maybe he is in the show, and they just can't say it out loud, who knows?)
Anyhow, I talk too much. I should let you guys read now.
"God, what an incompetent loser," Said the man whence he was hiding.
Once again, Word Girl had Amazing Rope Guy suspended, wrangled by his own rope. He groaned in disappointment while the heroin and her sidekick smiled and gave each other approving nods.
"So, Amazing Rope Guy, ready to go to jail? Again? For, like, the umpteenth time?"
Without waiting for an answer, she hauled him off herself. The figure in the shadows gave a cogitative hum.
"Hmmm. Kung fu monkey, eh?" He laughed to himself, already planning his next… plan.
Elsewhere, Word Girl and her "kung fu monkey", Captain Huggy Face, relaxed in their secret space ship hideout. She sipped at a boxed juice while he dug into a bowl of pretzels, barely attentive to the Pretty Princess rerun on the television.
"Well, that was easy," She said. Huggy squeaked in concurrence with his mouth full of pretzel mush. She giggled, snorting afterwards.
"Just enough action to keep us entertained, but easy enough so it's not a lot of work, ya know?" Huggy gave her a thumbs up, chewing on another handful of pretzels.
"Although, something didn't seem right." She put her hand to her chin thoughtfully. Huggy swallowed his pretzels and chirped quizzically.
"I don't know. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something seemed odd." Huggy chirruped three times.
"No, I don't think it was a set up… I can't really explain it. Oh well, must not be anything to worry about, then." The simian also shrugged as they turned back to the episode of PPMPPH.
"Oh, this just gets better and better," Said the same figure, now hiding in a tree, having followed them back to their hideout. He chuckled to himself lowly.
"That little girl doesn't know about the GPS transmitter tag I placed on her when she wasn't looking! What with that rope guy being so dumb, he had her standing still long enough that it was a breeze!"
He leaned back as he guffawed to himself, but went back too far and flailed for a moment as he lost his balance, falling out of the tree. He quickly stood and dusted himself off, looking around to make sure no one saw him.
"I'm alright… Uh, you guys didn't see that. Come on…"
He simply led his trio of cohorts away as he walked back to whence he came.
At the next villain convention, a mere week later, she waited for them to get started. Nothing like a fashionably late entrance to spice things up! The plan was to get in with them all and put a stop to those Wild Kratts for good.
"Just think of it, Dabio, with all those villains in there outnumbering those Kratts by almost 6:1, we're sure not to fail. Then, we're all free to do what we want- including all of them!" Donita cackled to herself, but stopped when Dabio just stood there.
"Well?"
"Well what, Donita?"
"Don't you think the plan is ingenious?"
"Uh… okay."
She only smacked her forehead.
"Oh forget it, let's just crash this party."
"Okay."
He pushed the door open roughly, attracting all the attention on themselves.
"Hey! Who do you two think you are?" yelled the old woman standing at the podium, shaking her gavel.
Donita only strutted in with her usual cat-like grace, hands on her hips seductively.
"No one gave you permission to come in here!"
"Can it, granny, Donita Donata has just taken over this dump!"
She looked around.
"Seriously, this place is so drab; who decorated it?"
"Um, excuse me?" Said a white haired, but fairly young, gentleman as he stood.
"No one talks to Granny May like that!"
He crossed his arms as Donita approached. With her heels on, they were face to face. She looked him up and down, to which he raised an eyebrow.
"Very nice. Belt, shoes, and pants match; and the shirt contrasts nicely. Although the tie is a bit much, but shows off an eccentric flair."
"Buttering me up, eh? Well, it's not going to work, lady."
"Spunky, and he can spot a real lady when he sees one. Oh, I like him, Dabio! What's your name, darling?"
"You, madam, can call me Doctor Two Brains."
She raised an eyebrow.
"And why are you called that?"
He dropped the confrontational demeanor and proudly showed off the organ protruding from his left frontal lobe. She recoiled a bit, pointing at it with her hand drawn up to her shoulder.
"That… looks like a brain."
"It is a brain! That's Squeaky, my mouse brain."
"Oh, a mouse brain, that's so cool!" Dabio said, excitedly. He carefully extended his finger.
"Go ahead, touch it!"
"Dabio!" Donita yelled, before he could get close enough. He jerked his hand back and straightened up. That was just disgusting! She wasn't going to let him touch that thing!
"Do I want to know?" She asked.
"Well, see, I was-"
"That was a rhetorical question."
He crossed his arms again, picking up his initial defensive stance.
"Oh. And why, exactly, are you interrupting our convention? We don't have all day here!"
"Hmph!" She crossed her arms.
"Well, if you must know, we have a bit of a… goody two shoes situation on our hands, and with a bunch of zesty and well dressed- well, most of you…" She noted the Whammer, dressed in a leotard on top of a wrestling outfit, wearing a lucha mask and a Viking helmet, "…we could outnumber those Wild Kratts and stop them once and for all."
"Yeah, and what's in it for us? We got our own problems! It takes all of us to handle Word Girl, and she's barely out of breath when she's done with the entire Association! And we're like… like… a lot!" He flung his arms out to the side to indicate the entire room, which was nodding in agreement.
"We don't have time to help you with your wildekratts!" He said, merging "wildebeests" and "Wild Kratts".
"Word Girl, huh? And who is that?"
"Hello, she's the local superhero! Little girl, red outfit with a giant yellow shield on the front? There's a star shape in the middle of the shield? She flies around with a monkey on her back, how could you have missed her? What, you been living under a rock or something?"
"Uh, excuse me, Tobey McCallister III here, but Word Girl is not a 'little girl'. I'll have you know she's twelve years old, same as me, which no longer qualifies us as 'little children'."
Two Brains didn't even turn in his direction.
"Oh, please, you're just saying that because if she's a little girl, that makes you a little boy, and you wanna pretend to be more grown than you are!"
Donita began examining her nails.
"Excuse me, we are preteens! We have our own category! Ergo, not… little!"
"Uh yeah, you are! The preteen demographic spans from eight to twelve, which includes the ages of eight and ten, which are little children! By extension, you are little children!"
"And by extension, you're a doodyhead, so there!" Tobey crossed his arms and turned away.
"Ooh, I'm so hurt! What am I gonna do now? Hah!"
She waited a moment.
"Are you two finished?"
"Yeah, go ahead." Two Brains said, waving her on.
"I believe I can solve your 'Word Girl' problem, and rather quickly."
To her surprise, nearly the entire room burst into laughter.
"You? Stop Word Girl? That's a good one!" Tobey said, wiping a tear off his face. He was actually laughing so hard he was crying.
"She doesn't know who she's dealing with!" The old woman cackled.
"You gonna wham her with your looks?" the Whammer said (or "whammed", as he liked to interject) between rounds of laughter.
"Listen, lady, if an entire room full of super powered villains can't stop Word Girl, what makes you think you can?" Two Brains asked, attempting to straighten up.
Donita was visibly perturbed, scowling with her fists by her sides and her shoulders drawn up to her ears.
"Give me your best shot!" She demanded.
"Oh yeah guys, the tiny, angry lady's gonna get us good!" He set the room off again.
"You're nothing but skin and bones, look at you!" He started giving her light, playful pinches.
"Pinch, pinch, pinch!"
She growled.
"I outweigh you by about 100 pounds, I bet!"
"Dabio, freeze him!"
"Okay."
Dabio pressed the button and the hovering disco ball positioned itself over the man, casting its pink light over him. Two Brains found himself unable to move anything but his face.
"Hey, wait a minute! What'd you do?"
"Fancy yourself a comedian, huh? How funny is being put in suspended animation?"
"It's not funny, and I think you're confused about what 'suspended animation' actually entails. I'm paralyzed. If I were in suspended animation, I wouldn't be conscious, and my heart rate would be about 5 beats per minute. Will you let me go now?"
"Will you help me get rid of those Wild Kratts?"
"Well, I'm not the person to be asking. Granny May's the leader here."
The senior cackled, directing Donita's attention to the stand.
"You got yourself a deal, baby. Super strength won't help Word Girl get out of that mess!"
Donita grinned.
"You lot help me stop those Wild Kratts, and I'll suspend your Word Girl so fast, she won't know what hit her."
The only one that didn't welcome her afterwards was Tobey, who gave her a questioning frown.
Donita was back at her jet and on the phone with the other two villains immediately.
"Guys, I'm in. The only thing left for you two to do is help us wrangle up all these do gooders."
"Ooh, I wanna join, can I join too? I wanna be in the Association, it sounds so cool!" Zach said a little too excited for Donita's taste.
"If you can convince them. I got laughed at twice before they let me in, and it took me showing off my suspended animation trick to do it."
"I don't care about no Villain's Association. I just wanna get rid of those Kratt boys once and for all," Gourmand said.
"Although Green Grape has provided me with excellent competition. I might just miss him. I might just keep him in suspended animation as a reminder…" He then cackled to himself. Zach and Donita shared the same look.
"That's stalker-y! You're gross!" Zach objected. Gourmand ignored him.
"First, we have to attract Martino and Chrisangelo's attention."
"I have just the plan." Zach said, grinning and rubbing his hands together.
"You guys let me handle this part."
They all cut transmission. Donita thought for a moment.
"Gourmand may have a point, Dabio. It would be a shame not to see Martino anymore… but at least I'd have a use for him."
"What's that?"
"He would be my male model, of course."
"Oh, like last time!"
"But what is Gourmand going to do with Chrisangelo? Stare at him all day?"
The thought made even her shudder.
End of Chapter 1
Do you guys want to hear something odd? Suni started calling Chris "Chrisangelo" about six months ago. Not consistently; as a matter of fact, she'd do that, and then yell, "WHY AM I CALLING HIM THAT?", but it's still weird. Heh, when you're creeping out the other villains, you're being creepy. Although, that was pretty much what I had in mind when I wrote Gourmand like that. Just a little gift for Suni…