Disclaimer: Monty Python belongs to Monty Python, and LotR belongs to Tolkein and New Line Cinema (amung others). No money is made off this production, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's note: Yeah. Wow. Monty Python + Ringwraiths = Katarina's gone insane. I'm having fun writing this, but I'm still in shock at the absurdity of it all. The idea came while my best friends and I were walking down a nice dirt country rode. We figured out how to make wraith-like sounds (don't ask), and were practicing them. One of us let out a particularly loud and erie screech, which echoed through the hills. A short silence, and the wind began to rustle through the trees. One of us (I can't remember which) looked down the path and yelled "Get off the road!" Being the nutcases we were, we leapt (OK, more like stumbled) over the stone wall and hid, waiting for the ominous wind to pass. Then we all looked at each other and proclaimed our sillyness. After that it was only a short mental leap (stumble) onto the idea of tall, cloaked figures clopping coconuts as they pretended to ride. ::Takes a deep breath:: Anyway, please R&R!

P.S. Stay tuned an you'll get to see my demented twist on "The Knights of the Round Table."


Monty Sauron and the Quest for the One Ring
Prologue

In the deep shadow of the night, a scream as cold as the winter wind pierced the dark air. In the blue incandescent fog a black figure, trailing a long cloak, walked. The wretched thing let out another tortured scream, then cleared its throat and said in a British accent:
"Ahem. Dreadful case of the hiccups, this is."
Danny the Ringwraith fanned the fog away from his face and sat on a slimy stump of a tree. There he sat for good long time, feeling tortured and restless as all wraiths with nothing better to do should.
From somewhere off in the dismal depths of Danny's decrepit dungeon there was the sound of hoofbeats. Danny raised an eyebrow, and stopped feeling miserable for a moment. Silence. Then it came again, louder this time. Danny sighed... couldn't passing travellers leave him alone? He rather enjoyed being depressed.
"Ah well," he said, unsheating his poisonous, deadly, and all around unpleasant sword. He stood from the log and strode toward the intruder, whistling.
The "clop clopp"ing of hoofbeats drew nearer. Danny gave another hiccup, filing the air with the erie screech. The hoofbeats ceased a moment. Then another screech filled Danny's ears, but not from his own diaphragm. His eyes widened and he stopped. He clutched the hilt of his sword tighter and waited.
Clop clop, clop clop, came the hoofbeats now. Danny did not know what was coming, but he did not want to meet anything as unpleasant as himself.
"Is someone there?" came a raspy voice through the fog. Another screech, and Danny heard a muttered, "Darn these hiccups."
The hoofbeats started up again and Danny squinted through the fog, watching for the rider. Through the mists came two arms, holding two halves of... something round. It pressed them together, making a "clop" everytime they hit.
"Who goes there?" Danny yelled, and the thing stopped. The arms turned so they were facing him.
"Who are you?" Danny asked again.
"Do not harm me, fellow wraith," the voice said, moving the halves in its hands as it spoke. "For I bring no harm to you. You are alone and restless, are you not?"
"Of course I am," Danny grumbled. "Aren't you?"
"Oh no, brother wraith!" the voice said. "I was before... but you must be the Ninth! We have been searching for you!"
The arms moved slowly forward, the black figure emerging from the fog. The stirring of voilins could be heard, and a drum pounded ominously.
Danny turned off his stereo and sheathed his sword.
"So, you are a wraith like me?" he said, looking the black cloaked figure up and down.
In answer, the wraith screeched. "Yes. And it appears we both have the same problem."
"What is that?" Danny asked, then hiccup-screeched. "Ah yes, that."
"The hiccups have come to you slowly in the past few years, have they not? Only a few at first... but they now grow so thick it is hard to be miserable in peace."
"Indeed," Danny nodded.
"So it has been for me. And the seven others."
"Others?" Danny asked.
"Yes, the others. We are all Ringwraiths, just like you. Put on this earth for who-knows-what purpose. Created by the rings the great Lord Sauron gave us, just as he gave you."
Danny pulled up his sleeve, looking at his ring. "'Nine for mortal men doomed to die...' yes, I suppose that makes sense. But uh, what do you intend to do about these hiccups?"
"Go to see Lord Sauron himself, of course!" the wraith said and gave another particularly loud screech. "Excuse me. I introduce myself as Brett, the First Ringwraith."
Brett and Danny shook hands, and Brett smiled. "So, will you ride with us?"
Danny nodded, then stopped. "How can I ride with you? You haven't got any horses, have you?"
"Horses?" the Brett guffawed. "Who needs horses? They're a thing of the past, and far too expensive I'm afraid. But here..." he reached into his back pockets and pulled out two coconuts. "Take these."
Danny gave the coconuts a "clop clop" and felt himself jump forward. He and Brett rode out of the Nasty Place, onward to the other wraiths.