COSMIC GROIN PULL

As some of you may know I have been writing a serious, McFly fanfic. Well, I have grown a little bored with it, and I figure that some of you would like a funny one just for entertainment. So here, I offer you, Cosmic Groin Pull. The title of this piece is from George Carlin (RIP) and it is dedicated to him. (You are missed Georgie) Anyhow, this is the story. As usual, this work contains highly offensive material, concepts and remarks. This does not support my views in any way shape or form. It is only meant to be funny and I have nothing against other races, religions and or sexual orientations. So just relax and enjoy the show. I do not own Twinkies either peace and love Ryo Kyo

CHAPTER ONE

Tom: I like Twinkies.

Dougie: Me too.

Danny: I don't.

T: What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Da: Nothing.

Do: So what you are saying is, you don't like Twinkies?

Da: No. I hate them, but you love them.

Do: So? What's your goddamn point?

T: Isn't today your birthday?

Do: Yeah. Why?

-Danny sticks his head out of the window-

Da: Yo! Harry bring it out!

Da: Why is he bringing his dick out?

T:Who is bringing their dick out?

Da: NOBODY!

Do: HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT!! A TWINKIE MOBILE!

T: Goldenly goodness.

Do I can't wait to eat it.

Da: Don't be a dumbass!

Harry: You know that is hard for him. It's one that you can drive you know.

T:Awesome.

Do: My life goal is complete!

H: What?

Do: M life goal was to get and drive a Twinkie mobile.

Da: Good Lord.

T:It's a small world! That is my life goal too!

Do:Is that your life goal too, Danny?

Da: NO! I'm not a complete stupid asshole.

T:Oh, well. Your loss then.

-20 MINUTES LATER INSIDE THE TWINKIE MOBILE-

H: Slow the fuck down! You are going over the speed limit!

Do: Fuck the speed limit. It's my birthday and I am going to do what I want to do.

H: Try telling that to the cop.

Do: What fucking cop?

Da: That cop.

-Dougie looks in the rearview mirror-

Do: DAMN!

T: Damn what?

Do: Damn I look good!

H: We're screwed.

Da: Tell me about it.

T: We're screwed!!

Da: I didn't mean it literally!

T: This is great.

Da: Yeah. Speakding at 3 AM in a fuckin' giant Twinkie on wheels of all things!

Do: Shut it. Hi Officer! Like my Twinkie?

H: That's just dirty!

Cop: Shut the fuck up!

H: Okay.

C: What the fuck are you driving?

Da: A Twinkie mobile.

C: Damn you sweet young thing!

Da: Excuse me?

C: I have always dreamed of a woman like you sucking the cream filling out of my Twinkie.

- All three of them break into silent laughter-

H: That's gross!

C: Where are you guys headed?

T: Sex Jams. It's Dougie's birthday.

H: It's a convention.

C: Is that pretty thing going to be there? Does she have a name?

Do: Can we get a please escort?

C: Can I get a name?

Do: Her name is Dan...Danielle.

C: That is sexy! Of course I can give you fellas, and pretty lady an escort.

-Cop goes back to his car-

Da: WHAT A SICK FUCK!

-Dougie laughs-

Da: And all of you guys are sick fucks for going along with it.

H: Sorry, it was too hard not to go along with.

T: Yeah. Thanks to your delicate female features we are able to get to the convention early.

H: More time to fuck around.

Do: I got us VIP tickets.

Da: Hmm? How the fuck did you get those?

Do: I am a subscriber.

H: A subscriber?

T: Yeah. He subscribes to Hustler.

Do: Actually, I got these tickets from Shaved.

T: Shaved?

Da: Who got shaved? Where are they get shaved?

H: It is a magazine.

Do: Yeah. And I got the Christmas package from them for Christmas.

Da: Fuck me! I am going to subscribe.

H: Did you know that Dougie's sister is a Playboy bunny?

-Dougie crashes into the car in front of him. The cop stops next to them-

T: What the fuck?

Da: Where did you learn to drive, fuck stain?

H: Fuck stain?

T: Those are hard to get off your sheets!

-All of them quite down after Tom says this-

Do: We didn't need to know about your dirty laundry.

H: Though I have to agree with Tom. Those be some tough stains.

Da: Is that why they have disposable sheets at the convention?

T: Yeah.

Do: Oh…I thought that it was free stuff. I took a whole box of them.

Da: URGH! You stole sheets with someone else's pussy juice on them!

H: Maybe someone's used condom is stuck in the sheets!

T: STD SHEETS!!

Do: Pussy juice? Can you buy that at Food Mart?

Da: Yeah. You can buy that at Food Mart.

T: Maybe if you are lucky you can purchase someone else's used condoms there, too.

-Cop pulls up closer to them-

C: What the fuck are you doing? You stupid son of a bitch!

T: This guy hit your sweet young thing.

-Tom points at Dougie-

C: Did you hit my sex queen you low life piece of shit?!

Do: NO!

H: Don't get your ass hairs in a twist, Dougie.

C: Yeah. That is just what a lying prick with his ass hairs caught in a twist would say!

Da: You tell 'em!

C: Anything for you, my sex goddess.

-Dougie and Tom cough-

C: What the fuck was that for?

T: Allergies.

H: Yeah it must be Danny's aftershave.

C: Danny's aftershave?!

H: No! I mean perfume. Dani is Danielle's nickname.

C: Oh. Well, fuck you all. I think it's sexy. It makes me all wet.

H: Sweet gentle Jesus!

Do: I think that I am going to be sick!

H: Me too.

T: Me three.

Da: I was already sick. All over the back seat.

Do: Hey! You're paying for the dry cleaning of that motherfucker!

H: That's just sick. If anyone else is going to vomit, please do so out of the window.

C: Let's get a move on. If he hurts you again, my sex muffin, give me a call.

-Cop hands Danny a piece of paper with his number on it and then leaves-

T: I'm impressed.

Da: I'm not. What a sick fuckin' asshole! Giving ME his number and shit.

H: Well, just think, that if you get in any trouble you have someone who will bail your ass out.

Da: Ha. Ha. You fuck.

H: Hey Danny, remember that time when my mum thought that you were my wife? That was some funny-ass shit.

Da: I do not recall.

Do: How convenient that he doesn't remember when he is getting a new asshole grilled into him.

Da: You know, I wouldn't mind if it were a female cop.

T: What if she liked you because she thought that you were a girl?

H: Lesbians?
Da: Fuck, I'm down with that. Lesbians are hot!

H: You're a pig. A sick perverted pig.

Do: Were you slapping the ham to the cop's photo?
Da: What? Where would you get such a sick fucking idea from? Fucks wrong with you?!

T: Um…his number is on the back of his work photo.

-Danny passes out-

Do: I wonder if he is dreaming about his super cop.

H: Maybe we should just go.

T: Good idea.

THAT WAS PART ONE OF COSMIC GROIN PULL! I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT. THERE WILL BE NO UPDATE UNTIL I HAVE SUFFICAINT REVIEWS. AT LEAST 5. IT'S NOT THAT HARD PEOPLE! LOL